Surviving the empty nest

I am a retired Navy Senior Chief and long-term single parent of 3 grown children with my first grandson on the way! I have just recently retired from the 9-5 rat race and running my own business from home. This is the year that I will spread my wings and see how many eagles I can soar with....how many different types of eagles there are....and which I shall aspire to be.

My last tour in the Navy brought me to New York as a recruiter. I retired from the Navy in January 2001 and my nearly grown children and I started our new life without suitcases. We soon settled into a 4-bedroom, expanded cape with a huge fenced yard and an unfinished but full size basement! Immediately thereafter, we welcomed 2 new additions to our family, Princess (a german shepard) & Thumper (a pomeranian). In the military, it wasn't practical to have animals since we were always on the move but now that we could actually begin to lay down roots, they were an exciting addition!

it was here the kids learned a multitude of lessons about public school (that's another chapter) and I was given the opportunity to learn about PTAs, Booster Clubs and social networking of a whole new language. They say you experience culture shock when you visit a foreign country, but I must beg to differ. My oldest daughter was in High School and my youngest son was just finishing Grade School. Our evenings were spent on homework or sporting events (or as in most cases both), our weekends spent decorating and filling our "home".

Social networking is certainly not a new concept. Obviously learning who was in the "know" was something we all learned early on in parenting if we hadn't already learned it as a child! (Sorry, digressed....thats another chapter)

For the next several years we celebrated many a happy holiday and cried over many spilt glasses of milk, but overall they were great years! I managed to survive the driver's lessons, the extension of curfews, and the laborous job of filling out tons of college applications, Even as we passed through milestones of birthdays, it never really dawned on me that my comfy nest was soon to be destroyed!

Stephanie soon graduated from High School and thats when the dark cloud began to form.....Now fortunately, she was attending a local college and only going part time, so in my eyes the future had been indefinetly extended!

My youngest, Bobby, was never a fan of books. Every school year, I braced myself for the nightly arguements over homework and counted the days until the next school break. But, the one break I wasn't prepared for, was the ultimate break....Bobby's graduation! How did time get away from me so fast that I wasn't prepared for this day??? Yes, I was thrilled that we had made it to that day but couldn't we do it without turning 18?

It was at this point, my son announced he was going to go live with his dad.....now that I certainly didn't see coming! Ok, so at 18, they don't always have to take NO for an answer but this certainly wasn't the year to be running away....not that running away hadn't crossed my mind on a number of occasions while preparing for the wedding.

So off the baby went into the wild blue yonder of North Carolina.

So the wedding is over and the newlyweds are off on their honeymoon and now looming ahead of me is that empty nest! Such an erie silence falls upon me as I enter the apartment. I head for the shower, my favorite hiding place, then off to bed to catch up on some much needed sleep.

Morning comes and that silence still weighs heavily in the air. I venture to the kitchen and as I make the coffee, I realize there is no one to share breakfast with, no one to share the memories of yesterday with, no one's mess glaring at me in the kitchen sink! When all else fails, start cleaning! That always distracts my mind from wandering. The apartment is now clean from top to bottom, all the reminents of preparing for the wedding packed away. After several timeouts to go cry again and again, I head for the great outdoors! Surely, the lawn needs cut or the flowers watered...

For several days the pattern repeated itself, chores until I couldn't stand and tears until I would fall into a deep sleep. Next day, I ventured to the grocery store...seemingly simple task. I grabbed my cart and started my zombie walk that I had perfected over the years through the store. Up and down the aisles, filling the basket with it's usual treasures. Once in line at the checkout counter, it hit me! What was I thinking!!!!! Who was going to eat all this???? Yes, I left the cart where it stood and raced to my car to dump even more buckets of tears!

There is no greater feeling than the one you get when you are able to be there when your children, no matter how old they get, still need MOM! It's hard to watch them go out on their own and it's hard to not interfere when you think they are headed in the wrong direction, but it is so rewarding when they "seek" your input and guidance and even a greater feeling as you watch them succeed!