How To Get Over A Divorce

There are five stages to the recovery process when trying to understand how to get over a divorce: denial, anger, bargaining, depression and acceptance. There are times when the cycles intermingle and overlap or even seem absent. It is unusual though for any one phase to be missed completely.

During the denial phase, you may try to convince yourself that your marriage is not really over, that somehow everything will work out. Or, your denial may be denying that you even feel any grief. If you find yourself saying to people early on in your divorce that you are over it, then you may be setting yourself up for depression.

Next comes the anger. There may be a number of factors helping to fuel this. Some things may involve Infidelity, abandonment, being left with the responsibility of the home and/or the children or feeling like you have been cut out of your family's lives. These among other things can all work together to fuel that anger.

When the anger starts to fade, often people find themselves bargaining with their ex husband or wife as if by settling something, the pain will go away.

Depression is that feeling of deep sadness and is more than likely still mixed with a little anger. At this stage the severely affected often seek help before finally settling into the acceptance stage. But by the time you finally reach a healthy acceptance, it is time to pick up the pieces and rebuild your new life.

Visit How To Get Over A Divorce For Women or How To Get Over A Divorce For Men to learn more about how to rebuild your life after a divorce.

Dr. Phil suggests giving your previous relationships an autopsy to understand what happened and help you move on. He recommends:

1. Identify what your problems and frustrations were with your relationship.
   
2. Write down the problems your partner had with you. Be honest here.
   
3. Write down 10 key statements about the pain you still feel and the open wounds you still have.
   
4. Reconcile each of the statements you wrote down. Ask yourself: What was my role in each of these? Own what you are responsible for.
   
5. Look at the choices you made that led to the results you got in your last relationship.
   
6. Figure out what you have to change to get over your last relationship. How do you need to heal?
   
7. Figure out what you want to leave behind from your last relationship. Only when you acknowledge it, can you take the steps to prevent repetition.
   
8. Give yourself emotional closure. To get that, Dr. Phil says you need to figure out what you can do to get the closure. It may be yelling and screaming, writing your thoughts down, or actually talking to your ex. If you need to take steps to feel like you've stood up for yourself, do it.
   

You will recover but it will take some time. Allow yourself that time and do not try to do it alone. I have discovered incredible guides for both women and men to help educate you and guide you through this process. You will get your self esteem back and rebuild your self confidence. Lay out a plan for the life you want. It may seem like a long journey, but take that first step. Start healing today!