Why don't abused women just LEAVE?! a debate run by XP

1 - I can do better 2 - Jury's out 3 - Pretty darn good 4 - Splendiferous 5 - Awesometastic (by 8 people)   Your rating: 1 - I can do better 2 - Jury's out 3 - Pretty darn good 4 - Splendiferous 5 - Awesometastic

I've heard it so many times.

 

It is a common question, and a good one to consider:

If a woman (or a man) is being abused by a loved one, why do they not just head for the door?

Take a look at the cycle of abuse to understand why many women become entwined in the cycle and often can't see the seemingly obvious answer to ending abuse.

I believe the abused ...

* are afraid of the abuser following through on threats if they leave

* may feel financially or physically unable to make it on their own

* hope their abuser will change and abuse will end, IF they [________]

* may be brainwashed into believing they deserve the abuse

* may feel morally/spiritually obligated to remain married, no matter what

YOUR TURN! 

Why don't abused women leave?

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For some reason, they don't believe they can do it.

JigsawForte says:

Sometimes they think trying to BREAK the cycle is worse than just staying in it. From experience... it hurts, but when they're gone, they are GONE, baby!

GrowWear says:

It's a process. The abuse is designed to create what amounts to be a spouse or girlfriend turned hostage. For those who say they would "leave the first time he hits me," that is definitely what you should do. That will probably be your only chance to escape without harm to yourself and devastating psychological damage to your children.

Rajsheda says:

I've been in an abusive situation and I was sooo insecure that I took abuse b/c I thought that was love. Abusers make you feel like scum and make you feel as if they are the only one's who will ever love you until eventually you finally believe it. I finally left when he almost killed me. Then I realized it wasn't love lol.

BABYKITTY says:

I agree with a lot of what's been said here. Each person must decide for theirselves just how much they can take and wheither it will be better or worse on their own.

Mellowd says:

Coming from an abusive marriage I can tell you it's not always that easy. The abuser makes you feel like you can't make it on your own if you leave. Not to mention with the laws if you press charges they won't spend any length of time in jail so when they get out they are that much more pissed off. Then you have to fear for your life. I finally (after years) got the courage to leave with the help of my parents. Now I live 2,000 miles away from my ex and life couldn't be better.

lisadh says:

Women living in domestic violence are often systematically cut off from their support systems by the abuser, so they often feel alone and helpless.

spirituality says:

Because they are so stressed that even imagining leaving is hard.

carrieokier says:

Been there, done that, wrote the lens! Want to know why? www.squidoo.com/abusive

guynoir56 says:

Men can also be abused. It took years for me to get out of a marriage that involved being physically assaulted (I have epilepsy and was once kicked repeatedly while I was having a seizure). So based on my experience, I believe all abuse victims who remain feel they cannot make the break.

XP says:

Considering the statistics that show many abused women who leave ultimately end up in another abusive relationship -- maybe some women do not leave because they think the next guy might be worse than the one they're with.

A sad thought; but when you're beaten down, that may seem logical.

freelief says:

The five reasons stated above sum it up for my opinion ... there are many excuses to NOT leave. Staying can seem so much safer and easier. I've heard so many stories of women who left going back to their abuser ... it is so sad.

green92 says:

their are afraid, no confide

riff999 says:

Every case is unique. And without a good support network the cycle continues.
~Jane

SplendidAromas says:

This is a great topic and one that is near and dear to my heart. I have watched a loved one go through this and it is one of the most helpless things to have to witness and not be able to do anything about. There are so many different reasons why they stay but I feel like the main one is because they have an illness. It is called battered women's syndrome.
No one deserves to be abused!

clouda9 says:

Why woman stay is so personal. Today I know my mom stayed because she had 4 young children and no viable means for income, plus she always had it in her mind that it was going to change...get better. It is weird to think of now because abuse is no way tolerated today...reminds me of a time my dad freaked, the cops came, he was buddy buddy and they left. Scared and shaken we got into the car and spent the night at my aunt's house. All that happened and nothing changed until my mom had enough, ended the marriage after 25+ years! Whew, I just got a load off.

cameronnat says:

What if they don't know they ARE being abused? There's not just physical abuse but also mental and I believe there are many of us dealing with it everyday!!

lesleyk1 says:

Why should the VICTIM have to leave? Let the abuser go through having to find a place to live and deal with the financial issues. I know of one case here where the victim was able to get the abuser removed from the house by the police!!

girlyred says:

Money, embarrassment, low self esteem are just a few reasons. No one likes abuse and every situation is different.

freelief says:

The threat of what will happen to them, or their children or family or even pets, will keep many abused women stuck in the cycle. We hear of women being beaten and killed by ex-boyfriends and estranged husbands daily... that's why the threats work.

They like the abuse. They deserve it.

Shuttermeshort says:

for me one shame on you.... fool me twice shame on you.

Amanda says:

they may not see it because their spouse or significant other may be telling them the love them and wont do it again. Always a repetative cycle. hurt you and get back into your good graces.

freelief says:

Do you believe that I have heard people say, "IF SHE STAYS WITH HIM, SHE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED AGAIN"? Why do we blame the victim when a crime occurs?

If you suspect someone is being abused, reach out to them. One person offering encouragement may be all it takes to help someone break the cycle.

 
 
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Domestic Abuse Awareness

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Why women don't leave

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Why Don't Men Get Help?

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VERBAL ABUSE 

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