I've heard it so many times.
It is a common question, and a good one to consider:
If a woman (or a man) is being abused by a loved one, why do they not just head for the door?
Take a look at the cycle of abuse to understand why many women become entwined in the cycle and often can't see the seemingly obvious answer to ending abuse.
I believe the abused ...
* are afraid of the abuser following through on threats if they leave
* may feel financially or physically unable to make it on their own
* hope their abuser will change and abuse will end, IF they [________]
* may be brainwashed into believing they deserve the abuse
* may feel morally/spiritually obligated to remain married, no matter what
YOUR TURN!
Why don't abused women leave?
Fetching blurbs now... please stand byFor some reason, they don't believe they can do it.
JigsawForte says:
Sometimes they think trying to BREAK the cycle is worse than just staying in it. From experience... it hurts, but when they're gone, they are GONE, baby!
Posted June 11, 2008
GrowWear says:
It's a process. The abuse is designed to create what amounts to be a spouse or girlfriend turned hostage. For those who say they would "leave the first time he hits me," that is definitely what you should do. That will probably be your only chance to escape without harm to yourself and devastating psychological damage to your children.
Posted June 04, 2008
Rajsheda says:
I've been in an abusive situation and I was sooo insecure that I took abuse b/c I thought that was love. Abusers make you feel like scum and make you feel as if they are the only one's who will ever love you until eventually you finally believe it. I finally left when he almost killed me. Then I realized it wasn't love lol.
Posted May 23, 2008
BABYKITTY says:
I agree with a lot of what's been said here. Each person must decide for theirselves just how much they can take and wheither it will be better or worse on their own.
Posted May 19, 2008
Mellowd says:
Coming from an abusive marriage I can tell you it's not always that easy. The abuser makes you feel like you can't make it on your own if you leave. Not to mention with the laws if you press charges they won't spend any length of time in jail so when they get out they are that much more pissed off. Then you have to fear for your life. I finally (after years) got the courage to leave with the help of my parents. Now I live 2,000 miles away from my ex and life couldn't be better.
Posted May 19, 2008
lisadh says:
Women living in domestic violence are often systematically cut off from their support systems by the abuser, so they often feel alone and helpless.
Posted May 16, 2008
spirituality says:
Because they are so stressed that even imagining leaving is hard.
Posted May 15, 2008
carrieokier says:
Been there, done that, wrote the lens! Want to know why? www.squidoo.com/abusive
Posted April 20, 2008
guynoir56 says:
Men can also be abused. It took years for me to get out of a marriage that involved being physically assaulted (I have epilepsy and was once kicked repeatedly while I was having a seizure). So based on my experience, I believe all abuse victims who remain feel they cannot make the break.
Posted April 19, 2008
XP says:
Considering the statistics that show many abused women who leave ultimately end up in another abusive relationship -- maybe some women do not leave because they think the next guy might be worse than the one they're with.
A sad thought; but when you're beaten down, that may seem logical.
Posted April 17, 2008
freelief says:
The five reasons stated above sum it up for my opinion ... there are many excuses to NOT leave. Staying can seem so much safer and easier. I've heard so many stories of women who left going back to their abuser ... it is so sad.
Posted April 09, 2008
riff999 says:
Every case is unique. And without a good support network the cycle continues.
~Jane
Posted March 28, 2008
SplendidAromas says:
This is a great topic and one that is near and dear to my heart. I have watched a loved one go through this and it is one of the most helpless things to have to witness and not be able to do anything about. There are so many different reasons why they stay but I feel like the main one is because they have an illness. It is called battered women's syndrome.
No one deserves to be abused!
Posted March 10, 2008
clouda9 says:
Why woman stay is so personal. Today I know my mom stayed because she had 4 young children and no viable means for income, plus she always had it in her mind that it was going to change...get better. It is weird to think of now because abuse is no way tolerated today...reminds me of a time my dad freaked, the cops came, he was buddy buddy and they left. Scared and shaken we got into the car and spent the night at my aunt's house. All that happened and nothing changed until my mom had enough, ended the marriage after 25+ years! Whew, I just got a load off.
Posted March 03, 2008
cameronnat says:
What if they don't know they ARE being abused? There's not just physical abuse but also mental and I believe there are many of us dealing with it everyday!!
Posted February 22, 2008
lesleyk1 says:
Why should the VICTIM have to leave? Let the abuser go through having to find a place to live and deal with the financial issues. I know of one case here where the victim was able to get the abuser removed from the house by the police!!
Posted February 21, 2008
girlyred says:
Money, embarrassment, low self esteem are just a few reasons. No one likes abuse and every situation is different.
Posted February 18, 2008
freelief says:
The threat of what will happen to them, or their children or family or even pets, will keep many abused women stuck in the cycle. We hear of women being beaten and killed by ex-boyfriends and estranged husbands daily... that's why the threats work.
Posted February 14, 2008
They like the abuse. They deserve it.
Amanda says:
they may not see it because their spouse or significant other may be telling them the love them and wont do it again. Always a repetative cycle. hurt you and get back into your good graces.
Posted March 07, 2008
freelief says:
Do you believe that I have heard people say, "IF SHE STAYS WITH HIM, SHE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED AGAIN"? Why do we blame the victim when a crime occurs?
If you suspect someone is being abused, reach out to them. One person offering encouragement may be all it takes to help someone break the cycle.
Posted February 27, 2008
HELP ME PROVE MY POINT
If you agree, add links (proof!) that help me make my case
Add a link that makes my case.
Barriers to Leaving
1 point
Domestic Abuse Awareness
Resources and information for battered women and t more...1 point
Why Women Stay
0 points
startle the echoes ยป why abused women go back
Take me out of that little box you're gonna put me more...0 points
Why Don't They Just Leave?
0 points
Why do women stay? Why don't they leave?
There are many reasons women stay in abusive relat more...0 points
Why Do We Stay?
0 points
Why women don't leave
Stop Domestic Violence. A site on abusive and viol more...0 points
Why Don't Men Get Help?
Battered men - Why don't men get help? A therapist more...0 points
"Why doesn't she leave?"
0 points
You should read this.
-
The Cycle of Abuse ~ what it is, how to break it
-
Although professionals may disagree on the titles and exactly what each phase looks like, the Cycle of Abuse remains largely the same ... the main components being calm, tension, explosion and reconciliation ... with a pattern that often starts ou...
DISPROVE MY POINT (fine, be that way)
Disagree? Put your money where your mouth is and show us why.
Post links that point out why you think I'm wrong.
Why does abuse happen?
Social attitudes play a big role in allowing abuse more...0 points
Take a look at these too.
VERBAL ABUSE
Defend a woman's right to be free from verbal abuse.
Verbal Abuse Awareness: Proceeds from the sale of items in this shop are donated to a local battered women's shelter. If you are being abused, there is help. Stop verbal, mental and emotional abuse!
More opinions to agree or disagree with
-
HMB: Is ADHD real? Or a made-up disorder?
-
Many critics of the overmedication of our children contend that there is no such thing as ADHD. Doctors claim that schools convince parents of a need to drug their active child when none really exists. Weigh in on this controversial topic.
-
HMB: Princess Bride is the best movie EVER!
-
There is absolutely nothing wrong with it. Pure genious. Drama. Suspense. True love. Pirates. Revenge. Death. Miracles. Shrieking eels.
-
Should helmets be required for equestrians?
-
English riders have almost always worn helmets for cross-country, fox hunting and jumping, while Western riders rarely wore helmets until recently. Now, many open and 4-H horse shows require helmets for young riders, and those participating in gymkhan...
Please, take another moment to rate this lens (top of the page):
(4-5 is the best!) 
