by 21 people |
I've heard it so many times.
If a woman (or a man) is being abused by a loved one, why do they not just head for the door?
Take a look at the cycle of abuse to understand why many women become entwined in the cycle and often can't see the seemingly obvious answer to ending abuse.
I believe the abused ...
Are afraid of the abuser following through on threats if they leave
May feel financially or physically unable to make it on their own
Hope their abuser will change and abuse will end, IF they [_______]
May be brainwashed into believing they deserve the abuse
May feel morally/spiritually obligated to remain married, no matter what
YOUR TURN!
Why don't abused women leave?
Fetching blurbs now... please stand byFor some reason, they don't believe they can do it.
Samreen says:
they think they love the person and cant live without them. they have tied their happiness around the significant other only and have been isolated from friends and family
Posted December 01, 2009
ImportEyedeas says:
an interesting point i don't think i saw here was that sometimes its so hard to look yourself in the mirror and say "i'm being abused". i was stunned when i found myself in that type of relationship. and i put up with a lot of things i always told myself i never would, bc i was afraid ppl would judge me as a weak victim. please don't judge these women, they've been through enough already
Posted November 19, 2009
verbal-abuse-marriage says:
I think they are scared to live indipendantly..., cuz they are too dependant on man
Posted November 10, 2009
Wendy says:
they are afraid of what other people will think.
Posted October 20, 2009
crosscreations says:
Walk a mile in the shoes of the victims, folks. The nasty comments here indicate nothing but ignorance. Many DO leave, then are found murdered. Their fears are real and so is the very undeserved abuse.
Posted October 19, 2009
dirrrty says:
your ass all of you
Posted September 12, 2009
vicky says:
the hope that the man they met and feel in love with will change and will be that loving person again,
Posted September 10, 2009
Q says:
It's really insulting when people say "why don't they just leave." If it was that easy they would. Abusers are often charming and are always manipulative, and convince the abused they have a special connection that she will never find with any other human or god, and thus will always feel depressed and alone without him. Abusers often can seem nice sometimes and tease the abused with moments of being nice or charming, convincing the abuser the relationship still has potential. Combine these things plus the fact that the abused often has neglected outside relationships and unhealthily relies on the abuser as her only companionship, it is so easy to see why it is hard to leave.
Abusers don't appear as 100% evil bad guys like in some movies. If they did of course it would be easy to leave! But just as it is be easier to reject a second date with someone who was rude versus someone who was nice but whom you simply didn't "click" with, it's easier to leave a 100% obvious evil villain than a manipulative abuser who seems good sometimes. Abusers rarely look like total bad guys.
Even when they do, that is usually at the point that they threaten to kill the abused or themselves if she leaves, so she is often afraid at that point.
It is simply brainwashing on the part of the abuser towards someone with low self esteem and little outside perspective that causes her to stay. It is insulting to the intelligence of women everywhere to shame them further for people with no experience in the matter to ask "why don't you just leave your abuser?" It adds to this idea that the victim's low self esteem is a sign of inferiority and her choice to be in the relationship is an embarrassing failure, thus making her less likely to leave and more likely to prove she has good judgement by trying to "make it work" with the abuser. We need to stop asking asinine questions like this and instead see what we can do to increase awareness of what a healthy relationship is. We also need to destroy the myth that people from dysfunctional families or with a history of being abused are destined to be abused again--this *can* be true SOMETIMES, but ONLY if the person never once examines their own patterns and refuses to learn about healthy relationships. Otherwise we will find more and more people feeling they are doomed to attract abusers and thus not even TRYING to find someone healthy; and we will have more and more people embarrassed to get help due to the shame and scorn of the question, "why don't you just LEAVE?"
Posted August 21, 2009
DAnnieB says:
*Self confidence has been beat down - emotional abuse
*Fear of being able to support themselves and/or children
*Fear of losing children (threats from abuser about this)
*Fear of the unknown - being on their own
I speak from experience... only 18 months but it was long enough!
Posted July 23, 2009
zzamm says:
Those they trust for guidance are too weak or ignorant to give them the social support they need to make such a strong transition. It takes a huge amount of courage to make a life change that severs not only that wicked tie, but also many many other ones as well in the process. Their own confidence is already gone, they need strength from their advisors.
Posted July 09, 2009
Kathy says:
LEAVE. You can't make someone love you by staying with them. They're never going to love you the way you want them to love you. You can not change them. If anything, it gets worse. They have to change what is going on inside them first before they can truly love anyone. He is not worth you dying for, and the only one I know who did was Jesus. You are not Jesus, aand even Jesus wouldn't want you to die for him. Love is kind, not harsh. It's being respectful, not demeaning. Love is understanding, not threatening. It's setting someone free to express themselves in a positive way, not shutting them up with a fist. Love is giving and receiving; forgiving and believing, not giving and giving and never receiving anything back, but someones abuse. So please leave your abuser. You don't deserve his so called love. It's not worth dying for.
Posted July 05, 2009
TishDee says:
I've left two abusers in the past and I will say, when I left, I stayed gone and never returned. Women who stay, I believe, just don't feel like their life is worth saving. It's a control issue with abusers.
Posted June 23, 2009
TishDee says:
I was always afraid of retaliation against me if I left. I've been a victim of abuse and finally, one day, I got up the courage to leave. I stayed with the abuser because of low self-esteem. Plus, I had nobody to help me at the time I was being abused. Then, miracously, a friend stepped in and helped me. I left the man that was abusing me.
Posted June 23, 2009
danielle says:
I say, i've been abused. I can recognize that he will never change and if i stay with him, no matter what i do to meet his standards. No matter how much sense i make to myself, i will never be on his level. I feel strong, with my bruises and cuts. I feel compelled to leave him for good. Which i do, then 6months down the line..when i let my guard down, there he is again. Lurking around every corner of my life. He is the father of my son, maybe that's why i give him this. The pain felt at the moment of abuse goes away..i just wish the feelings would stay to remind me when i'm feeling vulnerable. I think i need to stop making excuses, i am no a victim. It is my choice to put myself back in his arms, i knowly go back (feeling as comfortable as before) then when some thing comes up, a new guys number in my phone...maybe the way i look at someone, it snowballs. His name should be Boulder, not Jesus. Yes i am white, yes he is cuban... so is it in his blood? The law favors me, but why? Like i said...it was my choice. I always forget the feeling of his hands around my neck, begging me to stay. Screaming he loves me, and why must i make him do this? Who knows..i need help, but ive always said that and look..ive gone back to him for 6 years now. Promises get forgotten, words are spoken, and we are back around the abuse circle. Why do i stay? Because its all i know, its the way my brain functions. It's what i have been around since i was a child. Why should things change now?
I an meant to die by his hands...nothing will stop that.
Posted May 20, 2009
I left today! says:
Women are precious,they give love to a man, have a child, & run a family. They cook, clean, work, get degrees, & most of all give love. A woman is very precious, it is in their blood, genes, & nature to do protect & give. They eventually leave when faced with the last disappointment. They do leave and always with the children. Somehow they find the strength to one day decide to get out. Do not abuse what you came from and what you can not live without. A woman!
Posted May 14, 2009
Ashley says:
I say that those who are going to say abused spouses are "stupid " need to quickly close their mouths. Every situation and circumstance is different, just as every person on this earth is different. Do not judge these people; you're not in their shoes. It's hard enough for them already, and people who say their stupid only increase the feeling of not being able to escape for fear of mockery. Seriously, consider your words before you decide to voice them.
Posted May 11, 2009
john says:
because their stupid and they don't want to leave their guy because they think they love hiand they love them.
Posted April 06, 2009
Mona says:
I have been one of these women I know how it feels to be slapped and belittled. You are not sure where to go or who to talk to. You don't want your friends and family involved for fear they will get hurt. If you have children as I did they see and hear this you only want to get them out of the situation and be able to take care of them.
Posted March 27, 2009
Mona says:
To the person that said they are dumb and stupid, until you have walked in their shoes don't think you know. I have been there and I do know. It had nothing to do with being stupid, it is all fear.
Posted March 27, 2009
Mona says:
Because they are afraid, they are not sure how they will survive, they don't want to tell other people for reasons of not causing problems and hurt to others. Depending on the abuser they may think they will hurt their loved ones.
Posted March 27, 2009
They like the abuse. They deserve it.
spells says:
most of them desevre what they get they know that thats why they stay they need t respect the man and stop running off at the bi mouth sometimes
Posted November 04, 2009
sdb93 says:
They believe that they deserve everything that they get.
along with the physical problems it causes, it also really is a mental sickness.
Posted July 12, 2009
dbouy says:
they're dumb n stupid
Posted February 27, 2009
you love it says:
some women get wet at the thought of getting dominated , but it goes to far ,and unlike sado masochism there is no safe word to make things stop , the feminist religion will keep this truth away from you , but iv seen battered women get out of one dysfunctional relationship only to choose another
Posted January 21, 2009
Amanda says:
they may not see it because their spouse or significant other may be telling them the love them and wont do it again. Always a repetative cycle. hurt you and get back into your good graces.
Posted March 07, 2008
My opinion
I've heard so many stories of women who left going back to their abuser ... it is so sad. The threat of what will happen to them, or their children or family or even pets, will keep many abused women stuck in the cycle. In the news, we hear of women being beaten and killed by ex-boyfriends and estranged husbands ... that's why the threats work.
Considering the statistics that show many abused women who leave ultimately end up in another abusive relationship -- maybe some women do not leave because they think the next guy might be worse than the one they're with.
A sad thought; but when you're beaten down, that may seem logical.
You can only see clearly from the outside.
Do you believe that I have heard people say, "IF SHE STAYS WITH HIM, SHE DESERVES TO BE ABUSED AGAIN"? Why do we blame the victim when a crime occurs?
If you suspect someone is being abused, reach out to them. One person offering encouragement may be all it takes to help someone break the cycle.
You have no idea what a truly abusive relationship is like if you haven't been in one; it is nearly impossible to describe how literally TRAPPED even smart, strong women become.
You believe you DESERVE every "blow" -- whether mental, verbal, physical, emotional or spiritual.
You'll ignore the good advice of dozens of people who care and try to help. You'll make excuses.
Worse, you'll BELIEVE things will change... as if you have ANY power to control that.
You can only see clearly from the outside.
HELP ME PROVE MY POINT
If you agree, add links (proof!) that help me make my case
Add a link that makes my case.
Barriers to Leaving
1 point
Why Do We Stay?
1 point
Domestic Abuse Awareness
Resources and information for battered women and t more...1 point
Why Women Stay
0 points
startle the echoes » why abused women go back
Take me out of that little box you're gonna put me more...0 points
Why Don't They Just Leave?
0 points
Why do women stay? Why don't they leave?
There are many reasons women stay in abusive relat more...0 points
Why women don't leave
Stop Domestic Violence. A site on abusive and viol more...0 points
Why Don't Men Get Help?
Battered men - Why don't men get help? A therapist more...0 points
"Why doesn't she leave?"
0 points
You should read this.
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Recognizing and breaking the Cycle of Abuse
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Although professionals may disagree on the titles and exactly what each phase looks like, the Cycle of Abuse remains largely the same ... the main components being calm, tension, explosion and reconciliation ... with a pattern that often starts ou...
DISPROVE MY POINT (fine, be that way)
Disagree? Put your money where your mouth is and show us why.
Post links that point out why you think I'm wrong.
Why does abuse happen?
Social attitudes play a big role in allowing abuse more...1 point
Take a look at these too.
VERBAL ABUSE
Defend a woman's right to be free from verbal abuse.
Verbal Abuse Awareness: Proceeds from the sale of items in this shop are donated to a local battered women's shelter. If you are being abused, there is help. Stop verbal, mental and emotional abuse!
VAA Jr. Jersey T-Shirt
Verbal Abuse Awareness: Proceeds from the sale of items in this shop are donated to a local battered women's shelter. If you are being abused, there is help. Stop verbal, mental and emotional abuse!
Price: 31.29
VAA Hooded Sweatshirt
Verbal Abuse Awareness: Proceeds from the sale of items in this shop are donated to a local battered women's shelter. If you are being abused, there is help. Stop verbal, mental and emotional abuse!
Price: 51.19
VAA Sticker (Rectangular)
Verbal Abuse Awareness: Proceeds from the sale of items in this shop are donated to a local battered women's shelter. If you are being abused, there is help. Stop verbal, mental and emotional abuse!
Price: 4.59
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