Want Me to Tell You How I Think You Could Do Better With Your Lens?
Quick Note: My Very 1st Rating Was a 1 Star Rating? LOL! Someone has a lens they're ashamed of!
Welcome Lensmaster!
I get a lot (and I mean a lot) of emails from my Social Networking on Squidoo eBook customers or Build My Lens customers who are now trying to create their own lenses.
They want me to take a quick peek at their lens and see how they can improve it. I recently did an uninvited critique of someone's (a well-known marketer's) lens and some loved it - taking the advice and applying it to their own efforts.
Others thought I was mean and heartless - a true Cruella DeVille! My intention is never to hurt anyone's feelings, so I figured, "Why not start a Lens Critique lens where people can ask for a critique and I'll get to it and post the advice here in the lens for others to see?"
This way, instead of the information being kept secret - we can all learn from the tips. Plus, you get some extra traffic as people visit your lens from here to see what I'm advising and it spurs you to make the changes I recommend (if you want to, of course).
Want your lens critiqued? Add it to the list below. One at a time, please. Don't post 20 of your lenses at one time. Once I do one of yours, get back in line for another if you want, but let some others have a turn.
Note: My critiques are meant to be fun and informative, not mean. I may have fun with it - so don't take it personal. I'm a nice girl - really!
P.S. Cute - verrrry cute - one of you joksters has put a lens we created for you through BuildMyLens.com on my list to critique! LOL! I'll do it for you - as more of a "What can I add now?" critique, since it's already mahvelous in its current glory! ;)
P.P.S. I said not to vote your lens up in rank (this was so I could keep them in order), but a few people did, so I apologize to those who were technically before the other lens critique.
I didn't catch it in time. I have a solution, though. Today and every day forward I'll bookmark the lenses in order of when they're submitted so that I go by my bookmark list and not the Plexo module. This way nobody will jump in line :)
Squidoo Lensmaster Tutorials on YouTube
Do You Have the Guts to Let Me Be Paula Abdul for a Day and Critique You?
I Promise It'll Just Hurt a Little - Nah, I'm Just Teasing - It'll Be Painless!
Post your Squidoo lens URL (1 at a time and then get back in line after your critique is finished). I'll critique it and post the critique in its own module for others to learn by, complete with links to your lens for you!
Note: Since critiques will be done in order, voting will not help in this case. When you submit your lens, I bookmark it separately so I know which order they were submitted in.
2
How To Take Proper Care of Bonsai Trees - These Living Types of Art
Bonsai is as Asian term for a tree in a pot. The a more...1 point
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Tattooing Your Pet
While searching for new content to add to my month more...1 point
4
Catch and Keep Him
Hi There, Let me asking you some questions: Do you more...1 point
5
Stop Hillary Now!
Hillary Clinton was part of the most corrupt Presi more...1 point
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http://www.squidoo.com/ironkey
IronKey Hardware Encrypted Flash Drive0 points
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http://squidoo.com/slippers-bunny/
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How to Create a Resume
How to Create a Resume is essential for anyone loo more...0 points
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How To Quickly And Naturally End Your Acid Reflux
Acid reflux can be a painful affliction. The heart more...0 points
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Verizon Voyager LG Vx10000
The Verizon Voyager was unveiled yesterday to a li more...0 points
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http://www.squidoo.com/natural-remedies-for-anxiety
Natural Remedies for Anxiety0 points
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Cleveland Browns Football
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Health Concerns
With all of the health problems, illnesses and dis more...0 points
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Finacial Help for New Students
If you're getting ready for school and need some h more...0 points
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Improving Your Health By Looking At The Alternatives That Help So Many
With the side effect of the medicines prescribed t more...0 points
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Getting Paid Online
Why not put your spare time to good use and actual more...0 points
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http://squidoo.com/guitarhero3review
Tap into your desire to be a rock star. Have you e more...0 points
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Yoga Meditation: DVD, books, music, information, links and more....
Yoga Meditation techniques can enhance you both ph more...0 points
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Affiliate Marketing With A Twist...
Step #1 - Set A Land Mine, Step #2 - Receive A Com more...0 points
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How To Get Rich Online
Can you really get rich online? The answer to that more...0 points
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Tantric Sex and Kama Sutra
Tantric lovemaking involves breathing exercises, m more...0 points
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Homemade Gifts for Christmas
You're insanely busy with shopping, decorating and more...0 points
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Christmas Recipes
It's that time of the year again. If you'll be coo more...0 points
25
Eliminate Acne forever
Acne no more is the # 1 best selling acne ebook in more...0 points
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Breaking Up Without Breaking Down
A lens about break up survival.0 points
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Free Website Link Building Tips, Tools, Tutorials and Resources : "The Link Kitchen"
A place to learn NEW link building strategies and more...0 points
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What is Alzheimers Disease?
What is Alzheimers Disease? With Alzheimers diseas more...0 points
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Tattoo Primer
Welcome to my lens on the wonderful and colorful w more...0 points
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How To Be A Pickup Artist
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Civil War Ironclads
The battle between the USS Monitor and the CSS Vir more...0 points
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World Of Warcraft Farm Gold
There are two different races-Alliance and Horde. more...0 points
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Become an Elite Affiliate Marketer With Affiliate Elite: The Greatest Tool For Internet Marketers
Affiliate Elite is the new software from Brad Call more...0 points
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http://squidoo.com/craveenergydrink
Hi Tiffany, I think want you are doing is great! I more...0 points
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http://www.squidoo.com/best-online-dating-service-tips
Best Online Dating Service Tips0 points
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A MapleStory Guide For MapleStory Fans
Are you a Mapler? Are you tired of never having en more...0 points
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How To Barbeque
I love everything barbeque. No matter if you spell more...0 points
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Menu Planning Central
Why Menu Planning? Not being the most organized pe more...0 points
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Want Mp3 Downloads Free? Amazon Mp3 Downloads, Free
Whether you are on the road, in the air, on the slopes more...0 points
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You know how hard it is to find a college.
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All about Verizon Wireless
Verizon Wireless owns and operates the second larg more...0 points
What Do You Think About This Lens Critiquing Idea?
Lens Critique #1: Dublin Ohio Golf Instruction
First of all, congratulations - as a golfer, I know if I lived there, I would type Dublin Ohio golf instruction into Google if I needed to find a coach for myself or my kid. Guess whose lensmaster profile comes up #1 in Google for that phrase? You rock!
Back to the lens - Here's what you need to do in my humble opinion (take it or leave it):
1.) I see no way to contact you. What if I didn't know Squidoo's layout - the bio box? You need a blog if you don't have your own website and in that introduction, link to it.
Right now, you're admirably linking to a charity foundation, which is great - but extract that tidbit and put it in its own, "Did You Know?" text/write module as an extra fun fact about Paul and who he is.
2.) Lengthen that introduction a bit - whatever your main phrase that you want to rank for is - use it quite a bit. I would write 250-300 words in my intro here focusing on Dublin, Ohio golf instruction.
3.) Whenever you have a great idea like the, "Did You Make the Team?" module, always try to add your keyword phrase to that title - such as, "Junior Golfer: Did You Fail to Make the Team?"
That way, you have the keyword in there and the spider crawling your lens doesn't see that phrase and think it's about basketball - or the math whiz quiz group.
4.) In your text modules, break up the text a bit. In your golf goals module (all of your text modules are nicely written, fyi - and inspiring), in the first paragraph, break it up where it says, "Looking to shoot a particular score..."
Long paragraphs are more difficult for some people who aren't avid readers. I try to keep mine to about 3 lines (not sentences, but lines) if possible.
5.) Also regarding keywords: If Dublin Ohio Golf Instruction is what you're ranking for, make sure you use it more throughout. Your content is great, as I said - like the inspiring youth golf spiel and the golf goals module.
But how does that tie in with Dublin, Ohio? I assume you're using Squidoo to brand yourself for golf instruction business, so add some more of that phrase throughout.
For instance - you did it in the beginning of the junior golf module, mentioning Dublin, Ohio - but how about something more in there like, "Dublin, Ohio golf instruction is a popular pastime for junior golfers who want to cut to the chase and ensure they make the team next season." Try (if possible) to use that exact phrase you're shooting for.
6.) News from the Golf World is link leakage - where's your own blog? Slap up a freebie at WordPress.com and call it Dublin, Ohio Golf Instruction.
Give tips on that blog about where to play, specific tips about the layout of each course or a particular infamous hole on it (you know how every course has at least 1 monster?), or places you recommend in Dublin to buy golf equipment, ranges to go to, etc.
Replace the current module with an RSS feed to your OWN blog, with your contact information.
7.) Alternate your text modules (including the intro) with other types of modules, such as on your lens, I'd have the following: Introduction, Required Reading, Text/Write, Golfsmith Clubs, Text/Write, Required Reading, Text/Write (or a Wikipedia), Guestbook (always at the end).
8.) Get rid of your YouTube or switch it to: a.) a video you produce or b.) just ONE video, because when you have several on a module, the user has to click away from your lens to view it.
If you showcase just 1, they stay put on your lens. I don't mind about mine on this lens because all the videos are mine and all have my URL in the description.
9.) Change Reader Feedback to say, "Are You Seeking Golf Instructions in the Dublin, Ohio Area?" Add a way to contact you in the description part of this module.
10.) I like what you have as the description in the last module, but remember those keyword phrases! "Here's what I have when I hit the links on the Dublin, Ohio golf courses."
11.) Other ideas for Text Module Articles: "Where to play golf in Dublin, Ohio" ... one for each major course, such as, "Golf Instruction Tip for the 17th Hole at Tartan Fields Golf Club" (is it a dog-leg to the right with a water hazard right around the bend?
Should they cut over the trees to avoid the water or play it safe and hit it straight down the fairway?) "What Does It Cost for Golf Instruction in Dublin, Ohio?" (Talk about your rates, play up your qualifications). Or... "The Best Dublin, Ohio Golf Instructor (brand yourself, baby - don't be afraid to say you're #1!)
12.) Add a poll module for something about Dublin, Ohio golf - like "Which Dublin, Ohio Course Is the Best?"
13.) I notice you only have a few tags - none of which are Dublin, Ohio golf - the title of your lens! Use this free keyword tool here that shows DAILY searches, not monthly, and find keywords you can add to your lens - you want your #1 phrase plus 40 more.
Trying to rank well in Google for "golf" is going to be hard. Ranking well for "golf coach Dublin, Ohio" will be easy.
14.) Go to www.ClickBank.com and consider replacing some Amazon books with golf instruction manuals on ClickBank where your commission will be MUCH higher.
15.) Add images to those text modules. Take some digital snapshots of Dublin golf courses, or have someone take them of you in mid-swing. Or of you training someone.
Draw attention to the image and tell people, "That's me to the left teaching young Jonathan Doe how to slice a ball when he wants to - a concept where you make intentional "mistakes" to guide your ball and shave points off your game."
That's about all I can see off the top of my head! Now see? That was painless, wasn't it? Also, everyone else is welcome to leave their comments in the guestbook here to give you more tips if they want to!
Lens Critique #2: Apple iPhone Review - Everything You Wanted to Know About the New Apple iPhone
I see that it's a well-established lens, ranking #1 in its category of Computers, Gadgets, and Tech. Congrats! It has a good star rating, too. AND, it's earned Lens of the Day - which makes me wonder why you want a critique, but even the best lenses can be polished, right?
Let's see if there's anything I feel you could do to make it that much better!
1.) You've got a great title. Many people will search "Apple iPhone Review" and it's right up front before the "Everything you wanted to know about the new apple iPhone" part. Great job there.
2.) Your introduction module title is the same as your main lens title - I'd alter it. By doing a quick Keyword Dig search, I see that iPhone reviews gets about 363 searches a day, so maybe make your introduction title say something along the lines of, "iPhone Reviews Can Help You Make a Savvy Consumer Purchase" or something - just so it's not repetitive.
3.) The intro module text turns me off as a regular consumer. I really don't care where and when it was introduced, or the tiny technical details like 2.5G quad blah blah (but yes - some people will). Don't delete this important information!
Instead, take it and make it module #1 - right after the introduction - with a title such as, "The Conception of Today's iPhones" (iPhones is searched 354 times a day, but most people target the word iPhone (singular).
In your new blank introduction, write something to me, the consumer, who is trying to find some good iPhone reviews to see if it's worth the money. Talk to my needs, what issues I might have with past cell phones, and why this review page is going to give me all the answers I need to be confident in my decision on whether or not to splurge.
Be personable - and get those keywords in there at the same time. Your intro is the most important module in your lens! I'm going to bold the keyword phrases I'd use here in this example:
"I own an iPhone. It's a hot piece of technology and there's a reason there's a scramble for people to learn how to unlock iPhone technology - because everyone wants to use it!
The Apple iPhone is more than a cell - it's a piece of technology that's like having a miniature computer in your pocket. Once you get yours, you'll be snapping up iPhone accessories like iPhone cases, iPhone ringtones, iPhone speakers and more. It's okay - feed your obsession - everyone's doing it!"
Make your intro longer than this - this is just an example. Be witty and fun and talk about the things they regularly think about with cell phones.
4.) I just realized as I got to the end of it that it's not your writing - it's a Wiki text and you've now got link leakage out to the source. Don't do it! Rewrite it yourself - all those tech details that will go in module #1 after the introduction. Then you don't have to link anywhere and lose customers in the very beginning of your lens.
5.) Is iPhone Nova your site? I hope so - that's cool! If not, find an affiliate program instead where you're getting paid. I'm assuming it's yours. Put the iPhone Nova in the title at the end. Start the title with iPhone Downloads: Movies, TV Shows, and Music Videos at iPhone-Nova.com.
This module is a little sales-pitchy. Can you rewrite it like a regular John Doe giving your opinion of it? Tell a little story about how you were out with your daughter and she was getting fussy and you were able to instantly log into iPhone-Nova, download Rugrats, and she was content while you were getting the oil changed in your SUV. Something personal that shows why this is a great site.
This is a review site - they want someone's personal reviews and so far I have a Wiki entry and a sales pitch. (Ouch! Did I just say that? Don't take it personal).
6.) Now IF you've made the above changes, then it'll be okay to leave your Buy Your New iPhone module where it is. They will have already gotten some reviews from you.
But if you don't heed my advice, here's what will happen: Jane Doe has landed on your iPhone review page hoping for someone who really owns it to tell her what they love and hate about it. She hasn't read any real reviews yet - you're a pitch page, nothing more. She's clicking out - maybe on the sidebar to one of the other lenses on Squidoo that claims it offers iPhone reviews!
And that FREE Shipping is an important aspect - change that title to: "Free Shipping When You Buy Your New iPhone Direct from Apple!"
7.) AppleCare Protection Plan For The iPhone - This was the same mistake that other guy made on the freegolfingtips lens. He claimed it would have free golfing tips, but he had one. So far, I'm pretty far down your page and I'm not seeing a personal review from you. I see more sales information about a protection plan.
Don't use phrases like, "Mac users know how taxing.." Instead, use, "If you're a Mac user, then you might worry about..." Either talk about you the reader or I the creator of this lens - don't use third party references like you learned in school.
For this module, turn it into a personal part of your review: "My #1 MUST-Have iPhone Purchase: AppleCare Protection Plan" Then go on to tell why you feel it's important, why you have it, and why they need it. Give them your review of it on your review lens.
8.) I don't like the YouTube video. It doesn't contribute to your iPhone review theme. Try this one instead: http://youtube.com/watch?v=vp1T5HI4Zrc - the title is, "iPhone Review from Phone Scoop." And - they didn't add their URL to their description, so it's safe to include it in your lens.
9.) Get rid of iPhone Advertising - has nothing to do with iPhone reviews and it includes link leakage to some other source.
10.) Love the How to Commercial. Add a description to that module using some keywords and your affiliate link to buy it as a hyperlink.
11.) Rewrite that Apple iPhone Pricing module because you've taken it from a source and have more link leakage - make it your own and add your affiliate link to buy. Make it a review - was it worth the price?
12.) Never Been an iPod - good module - do the same as above and add a description with your hyperlink to sell it.
13.) The History - isn't this almost the same as your intro? Really, it's not interesting to most consumers. They're WIIFM people - "What's In It For Me?" I'd take this out or add it to the history module above rewritten so you don't have MORE link leakage!
14.) Okay, wait a minute - I scroll down and see two more iPhone commercials. If I were you, I'd pick about 2 and leave it at that. I don't think you need this many. But if you leave them, add those descriptions and links!
15.) YouTube Live on the Apple iPhone! Okay, turn this module into your review - it's too removed, meaning it's not personal. Insert your own stories about accessing YouTube on your Apple.
16.) iPhone specs are good, but can you rewrite it without having more link leakage?
17.) Geez - two more commercials? How many are on this thing? LOL! The consumer can watch YouTube on their own - they wanted the opinion of a real person, not what Apple's gonna shove down their throat (obviously biased).
18.) That RSS feed is link leakage again - unless it's your site, get rid of it.
19.) Aimersoft - give a personal review - this is another consumer-unfriendly pitch portion of your lens. Write it as if, "How I Convert DVDs to My iPhone" with a review of the software and real life insight into how you use it.
20.) Blog posts - LINK LEAKAGE. Get rid of it.
21.) Apple iPhones on eBay - it's not loading for me. Rewrite this module. It talks about the week 1 release. Instead, write the module about "How to Find a Cheap iPhone on eBay" and make it for used iPhones.
22.) Say Hello to iPhone doesn't appear to be using your affiliate ID - if not, nix it! Change it to a "Where Can You Buy an iPhone?" Talk about local availability, but stress how easy and convenient it is to order (from your link) and get free shipping.
23.) eBay - not loading for me.
24.) Amazon - create a text link to the search results page on Amazon with your Associates ID embedded in it. Bold the link and have it say, "Click Here to View ALL Apple iPhone Items for Sale," and post it in the description area. If they go and buy anything - from the phone to the accessories, you get paid. There's a video about adding text associate links to your lens in my YouTube module above.
25.) Delicious - nix it. Link leakage. It almost appears as if you just grabbed everything you could find and put it on here. You want everything highly targeted to be based on iPhone reviews AND to make sure nothing links out where you're not making a sale.
26.) Will Apple Sell iPhone Ringtones? This module would be great with some review information from you about iPhone ringtones.
The rest of the mile-long lens (too long in my opinion) is just YouTube videos sandwiched in between Source content that you didn't write. This isn't what a lens should do, but you DID do a good job and finding everything there is to find on the 'net about Apple iPhone!
It's just not what you said it would be - a review. It's mostly sales pitches and commercials and source content that tells a very "PC" boring fact about the iPhone - no real nitty gritty - what's the good, what's the bad stuff. And it's OKAY to say something bad about what you wish iPhone would do.
Add images to your text modules. It can be pictures of people talking, or like for the ringtones module, it can even be a music note - just something to make the lens more attractive.
Lens Critique #3: The Flower Garden and Gardening Tips
1.) Both your URL and lens title are great for your keyword targets. All of your current modules also target the keywords effectively in the titles. I would focus the lens one way or another - in this case, you already have flower garden in there, so now don't start talking about herbs. Instead, focus the lens to flower gardens and the gardening tips you give - tie them into flowers at all times.
2.) Lengthen your introduction. This is the space first made available to Googlebots and you want to fill their tummies full with lots of great, relevant content. Add something that speaks to why the reader is there, such as, "Starting a new flower garden is a very fulfilling hobby, but some avid gardeners create flower gardens for competitions or even to sell their results to local flower shops. If you're new to gardening, you'll love being able to bookmark this lens and pop in from time to time for some new flower garden tips to help your petals bloom and your flower garden flourish each Spring!" Also, hyperlink to your site here!
3.) Your other text/write modules need images - BAD. A flower garden lens should be a place of beauty. Close-up images of a rose in bloom or even pictures of a woman kneeling in here flower garden planting something would be great. Look how Lewis did it on a lens we built for a BuildMyLens.com customer here: http://www.Squidoo.com/japanesemapletree. Don't just add images in the "upload an image" box. Host some images and make sure there are more than one. One using the Squidoo upload option, and another further down.
Here's the code to add images to your lens and hyperlink it somewhere (like to a gardening book using your Amazon affiliate ID):
[a href="http://www.hyperlinkurl.com" title="flower garden"][img src="http://www.urloftheimage.com/images.jpg" alt="flower garden" align="center"/][/a]
Note: Instead of the brackets throughout that code [] use the arrows <>. I had to replace it so that it would show up.
4.) Your content is beautiful - I love it.
5.) Nix the Plexo module - it's link leakage. Other gardening sites will be stealing your traffic here. Do a link list module (not plexo) to your own site areas, like the main site, the flower gift area, etc.
6.) Consider hyperlinking your poll answers AND adding images to them. Have an image of a water garden, and hyperlink it to a book that sells "How to Build a Water Garden" information.
7.) Is that RSS feed going to your own blog? If not, cut it loose - link leakage. If you don't have a blog, get one. I just read The BOA Method and it's hands-down the best blogging guide I've ever seen - with membership perks added in.
8.) There's no guestbook? People like to leave comments and many SquidAngels won't bless a lens (give it a boost in LensRank) if there's no guestbook.
9.) Add more text modules that focus on each type of flower garden. i.e.: Rose Garden Tips, water garden, botanical garden, butterfly garden - use a keyword tool to dig in and find out what type of keywords people are using and create modules with each one having a focus that is second-tier to the flower garden theme.
10.) Why are you unmaxed? Squidoo's never fully explained this, but there could be perks in using a maxed version. But some people prefer the two-lane layout. Your choice.
11.) Add an image for your bio profile. Doesn't have to be of you - can be a flower or garden.
12.) Fill up the 40 spaces you have available for tags (keywords). You only have about 6-7 now.
13.) Encourage people to bookmark and lensroll you.
That's about it! I suggest with your writing skills that you go here and learn about how I think you ought to market offline with your articles: Best PLR Site Ever. However, don't use PLR - with your writing skills, use this same method - and same resource - and start putting your expertise into overdrive!
By the way, just yesterday someone posted this: If It Wasn't for Tiffany Dow... showing what happened when he took my advice listed above.
Thanks for sharing, Sandra!
Lens Critique #4: What to Read After Harry Potter
1.) I would add the word Books after your existing title because many people search for Harry Potter Books and your title could capitalize on that.
2.) You did well with your tags and used all of the allotted space. But I didn't see J. K. Rowling's name in there! People reading Harry Potter and loving it may not know her backstory and may be looking for MORE that she's written.
3.) Update your intro - it's outdated because it says the Harry Potter book is being released in July 2007...talk more about how now that the story has unfolded and everyone's caught up, it's time to indulge in something new. Then introduce your new story.
4.) The intro paragraph that starts with, "Well, this is what this lens is about..." is good in that it starts to inject some of your personal qualities in it, but bad in that it isn't written for the "findability factor." Remember, these visitors are wondering what you can do for them, so maybe word it about their experience, such as, "J. K. Rowling can only write so fast, and now that she's wrapped up the Harry Potter series, you might be wondering what to read next? As a fan of Harry Potter myself, you're going to like the following recommendations because.." (then talk about what the books you're recommending have in common with Harry Potter).
5.) If you start out talking about how the first one you're recommending is yours, then you lose that unbiased credibility. No need to do that. In fact, if I were you, I'd change my username and promote this lens (or transfer it to another account) as a third party, not the author. Again, the intro is outdated because it's past Dec 8th. Instead of, "If you like Harry Potter..." being hyperlinked, hyperlink in bigger letters, "Download a FREE Sneak Peek of Persephane Pendrake and the Cimaruta Right Now!" Sneak peek makes it sound elusive.
6.) Put your prices in US dollars. Most of your visitors will be from the US.
7.) Guestbook - to the bottom! Don't let your visitors sign it and leave - let them get through the rest of the lens. Edit your guestbook to show all entries on the page. Put something like 50,000 - social proof that people are into your lens and ideas!
8.) Put the Poll under your intro and THEN, hyperlink your poll answers to listings of those authors on Amazon with your associates ID and to your own domain. Take that set date off of your poll option and just emphasize the free download)
9.) I would remove the Plexo and instead use a Text list with no plexo and recommend specific books.
10.) RSS feed isn't working. Don't allow link leakage! If it's not to your blog, nix it!
11.) On YouTube, only 1 video per module - otherwise, they're clicking out TO YouTube and not staying on your lens.
Overall, it's a great self-promotional lens, but reduce a little of the blatant self promotion with authentic recommendations Create some text modules where you talk about what people like ABOUT the Harry Potter books - I'm not a personal fan, but my family is, so something like, "Harry Potter-like books the whole family will enjoy," and hyperlink the Harry Potter-like books part to your website.
Create several modules about this topic - and then tie the Harry Potter fan favorite into how it compares to other books (like your own). i.e.: the Evil Character - in Harry Potter it was "He who shall never be named" or whatever it was. LOL. I forget. Then talk about that same type of character in other similar books - and weave yours in naturally, not as the only one.
In every module possible, have magic pictures - including some Harry Potter ones! All in all, great job!
Tiff :)
Lens Critique #5: One Step 4 Income - A Multiple-Business-Building Concept
On your bio box, it's too long - making the reader click the More link. Shorten it and add a hyperlink to one of your sites.
Remember that your intro is what you'll be indexed for - and yours is not really maximized. The first sentence is. I'd lengthen the intro at the very beginning using some start your own home-based business keywords. Maybe a little too much bold scattered here - it's distracting.
You presented a solution before you discussed the problem. Your introduction should reach out to your reader, let them know that the lens is about their exact problem, and THEN present the solution. You're jumping too far ahead, too fast.
Before you leave - this is right after the intro!! Why so soon? Is it because you feel people are already on their way out of the lens? This looks desperate - move it to the bottom, right above the guestbook.
FAQ section should answer some FAQs on the lens - don't make them click away to find out more.
Testimonials - this lens feels like a sales page, not a social networking page.
Okay, listen - there are LOTS of MLMers and IMers on Squidoo. Those with the most success don't pitch on the lens. They write good content - in your case, write 3 solid articles about starting a home-based business. Scrap the testimonials, the hard-sell pitch for One step income - and give them some good tips.
Such as: How to set up a home office; how much money does it take to start a home based business, how to find legitimate home-based business opportunities.
THEN, you casually weave links to your one step income in there as if it's a natural recommendation. Right now, I feel like it's being forced on me.
This is a pretty good module: A Word From the Wise About One Step 4 Income and Running an Online Business - see the difference? You're teaching people about the work at home dilemmas (wanting too much money, too fast, etc.)
I like the poll module. Works well!
Take off the article directory article - link leakage
I like your Plexo module
Listen, keep your lens up and then create a separate lens about working at home or home based business tips. Follow my advice on the second lens and then compare the results. Squidoo isn't the place for a sales pitch - it's where you go ahead and give the reader the goods, and right now, what they're getting from your lens is a pitch to buy to get the valuable information they want. You haven't built trust with them yet.
Tiff ;)
Lens Critique #6: IronKey Encrypted Flash Drive
First of all, I have to admit I know nothing about this topic, but I'm going to dive right into the critique anyway!
1.) I'm personally against all the linking up front in the introduction module. I know how to scroll, and the links, even though they're just taking the reader to another part of the page, appear as if you're selling to me.
2.) GREAT introduction - good use of keyword terms, good image, proper bolding - not too much.
3.) Love the next close-up module of the gadget. Not too sure which module you're using, but I'd hyperlink that image to your product.
4.) Add 2 text links to the module called Strong Encryption - not just the Buy Now button. In fact, I'd split test that buy now button. For a week, do text links only, removing it, and for another week, add it back in.
5.) Your poll's kind of boring. Yes and no aren't very interesting. How about a poll that asks why they're considering (or using) encryption or something else.
6.) Add 2 text links to the module called Internet Authentication. Maybe also another image right-aligned halfway down to break up the monotony of the text.
7.) Again, your poll's kind of boring.
8.) Add 2 text links and an image halfway down, right aligned to the module titled Private Surfing with High-Speed Tor Technology.
9.) Add 2 text links to the next 2 text modules.
Not a lot of improvements to make - you did a GREAT job with content and images. That's why you have a high star rating. Everyone reading this, go visit his or her lens and see how it's done - good content, great layout - it's all 5 stars from me!
Tiff ;)
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NuWaveOvenReviews
Nov 22, 2011 @ 10:56 am | delete
- Thanks Tiffany....I'm just getting started..trying to get it figured out
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kishangiri
Jul 25, 2011 @ 3:49 am | delete
- Good techniques !!! thnx for the advice :)
Mathematics Olympiad
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Richard
Jul 22, 2011 @ 3:43 am | delete
- Fascinating...
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mysticmama
May 9, 2009 @ 12:41 pm | delete
- very interesting
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Jewelsofawe
Sep 26, 2008 @ 5:46 pm | delete
- I am not sure what to think about this lens. I submitted a lens of mine and I guess I will see.
Great lens on the other hand.
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kidswealth
Aug 11, 2008 @ 2:28 pm | delete
- What is the current waiting time for a lens critique? Should I even bother submitting?
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Tony
May 20, 2008 @ 9:40 am | delete
- Hey Tiffany great lens, a lot of interesting information, and very helpful. Thanks.
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May 3, 2008 @ 3:59 am | delete
- This is a great idea! I loved your squidoo book by the way. I learned alot from it.
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Jump-Start-Your-Finances
Mar 28, 2008 @ 8:11 pm | delete
- I think it's awesome that you're willing to critique other's lenses. Can't wait to see how I can improve my lens. Thank you Tiff!!!
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driewe
Feb 23, 2008 @ 12:25 am | delete
- Tiff, your lens is an incredible find. I have so much to learn. I think I should go by your book!
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Joe_B
Feb 13, 2008 @ 8:16 pm | delete
- Hi Lady Tiffany, I really appreciate your advice. It seems I was much too nervous for no reason at all as I thought the critique would be a mile long. I think my other lens on OSI 'MAY' have garnered a better review, but we won't know that until the year 2012, considering the long line. Love Ya, Joe
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writertiff Feb 13, 2008 @ 8:41 am | delete
- Jackie, I disagree - you can switch out tags if you see one if performing above all others, but if you leave them blank, that's a waste IMO. Tiff ;)
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thomasz
Feb 13, 2008 @ 2:48 am | delete
- Cool lens. Interesting info.
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JackieLee
Feb 9, 2008 @ 8:33 am | delete
- Hi Tiffany,
You tell people to fill up all their keyword spaces. I have heard you should leave them open so you can add one or two on a regular basis to update your lens. What do you think about this? Thanks,
Jackie Lee
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DogWhisperWoman
Feb 6, 2008 @ 11:43 pm | delete
- Who are you to judge lens? You are a known squidoo expert. People pay a lot of money for your information. I would be an honor for you to give feedback on any of my lenses. Anyone who says what makes you the judge really needs to think twice. I thank you so much for putting this together it is a great help.
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Gatsby
Feb 6, 2008 @ 8:39 pm | delete
- I think this is a great idea. Personally I always want to know how I can do better. One who thinks he is finished learning needs his head examined. You are welcome to construct me on any of my lens that you would like too. 5*
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Lady Ellen
Jan 28, 2008 @ 11:05 am | delete
- Hi Tiff: Thanks for the critique..been away for a while and just getting caught up. Great ideas and suggestions. Will make the changes.
Thanks again for your time
Lady Ellen
What to Read After Harry Potter
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daoine
Jan 2, 2008 @ 9:43 pm | delete
- ~o~ Great idea Tiff! And you've given good solid advice.
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SandraWilson
Dec 17, 2007 @ 5:26 pm | delete
- Thank you, Tiffany. You told me some things I hadn't realized you could do these days on squidoo. Your critique will be a big help. Thanks again.
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mulberry
Dec 13, 2007 @ 7:07 am | delete
- Great stuff. I watched most of the video tutorials, guess I need to make some changes. Thanks!!
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dnuttall
Dec 9, 2007 @ 2:18 pm | delete
- WOW! BOA is a little too expensive for my blood. Looks great but way out of my price range. I do like what you are doing on the lens critiques. Learning a lot from your responses.
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writertiff Dec 6, 2007 @ 2:33 pm | delete
- Thanks, northsite - yours was more of an "I'm confused about this," comment and not a formal critique, but I'm glad it was helpful!
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northsite
Dec 6, 2007 @ 2:16 pm | delete
- Hi Tiffany ,
Yeah , I was lucky and had a lens[i.e.Einstorm Guide To Home Base Business Ideas] critiqued my you...
BeFore the line for your critiques started growin'.
Just want to tell everyone..'Your Wait Will Be Worth It!'
My lens is clearer & More to the point Now.
Thanks Tiffany.
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Frankster
Dec 6, 2007 @ 1:01 pm | delete
- Excellent idea and execution. Your advice is wonderful and will allow more lensmasters to have great lenses, benefiting everyone at Squidoo. 5 stars, of course! Bear hugs, Frankie
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Dec 6, 2007 @ 6:25 am | delete
- Wow, great idea Tiff! Thank you so much for offering your time and expertise like this. I look forward to your critique :)
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sonia_simone Dec 5, 2007 @ 3:35 pm | delete
- Great critique, Tiffany--concrete and useful. Smart promotion too!
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gamejunkie
Dec 5, 2007 @ 12:40 pm | delete
- I'm looking forward to seeing the results of your critiques. Two heads are better than one ;)
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Dec 5, 2007 @ 8:24 am | delete
- Hi Tiff, This is a Great Lens!I have just downloaded your updated eBook. It's very helpful and thanks for the tutorial videos.
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Knowles
Dec 5, 2007 @ 8:24 am | delete
- cheers to a bravado lens!
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Donna
Dec 5, 2007 @ 12:12 am | delete
- Wow Tiff, this is so cool! What an opportunity you're giving us. The tough part for me is going to be which lens to put on your list 1st. :)
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jayah
Dec 4, 2007 @ 11:03 pm | delete
- I'm sure this is going to help us improve our lenses no-end. Fantastic concept Tiffany! I'd better go and meditate some more so I can handle your critique calmly ;) Just kidding.
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clouda9
Dec 4, 2007 @ 9:39 pm | delete
- This is sooo unique! Great how our brains tick and make us do good things! I look forward to my 'Tattooing Your Pets' critique :)
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Aika
Dec 4, 2007 @ 7:04 pm | delete
- Hi Tiff, thanks for the tutorials. It is very helpful.
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dnuttall
Dec 4, 2007 @ 4:35 pm | delete
- Tiff, this is a Great idea! I am sure you will be flooded with lenses in no time. Thanks for the e-book update also. Now to decide which lens to have you critigue. I'll be back!
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by writertiff
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