Welcome friends! Allow me to introduce myself. I am 45 and I have Fibromyalgia,Chronic Fatique,Anxiety and Panic disorder along with a long list of other ailments. Let's go back a bit now in time to 1996. I was working at a local tavern full time 48+ hours a week as a bartender. I was 33 years old, at the top of my game and making good money and working hard. I was single and had no children so I...

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Welcome friends! Allow me to introduce myself. I am 45 and I have Fibromyalgia,Chronic Fatique,Anxiety and Panic disorder along with a long list of other ailments. Let's go back a bit now in time to 1996. I was working at a local tavern full time 48+ hours a week as a bartender. I was 33 years old, at the top of my game and making good money and working hard. I was single and had no children so I was always the "yes" girl. I was always working 12+hour shifts and grabbing 2 cases of longneck bottled beer at a time to fill the coolers! Not such a good idea, but I could do it just fine.. I was always strong, and a hard worker and reliable!
Then things took a turn, and fast! I started waking up every morning and I was so tired, and I just hurt all over. If you just touched me you could send me to the ceiling! I went to see my Doctor, same one I had as a kid and he was perplexed! He ran the gamut of tests.. Lupus? No. MS? No. Rhumatoid arthritis? No. X-Rays? Negative!
So why am I in so much pain? Then he sent me to see a Neurologist, who at first consult asked me a myrid of questions and asked me to do a few things. Then he asked me to stand up. The Doctor took his thumbs and pressed lightly on my upper chest, and I almost hit him because It felt like he punched me! He repeated this "pressing thumbs" on a number of specific spots on my body with the same result. It hurt! He looked at me and said ... you have Fibromyalgia. At last .. ah ha! I have a diagnosis! I asked him how do we get rid of it? The doctor told me there are some medications that can "help" control the pain, Pysical Therapy, and suggested that I join a support group right away. I didn't understand. I asked him "How did I get this? Then he told me "well there is no specific known cause, only theories, and there is no known cure. I felt like my whole life was pulled out from underneath me and from that time on my life would never..ever..be the same again. I was in the hospital so much! I would wake up in the middle of the night with hives and felt like I couldn't breath and so I would go to the ER and they treated me for an anxiety attack and every time I went they always kept me for a couple of weeks at a time if not more. I would have reactions to "new" meds they would want me to try, and go into Anaphylactic shock. So they pushed the steroids thru the IV and this pattern continued. I kept having mysterious reactions to some unknown causes, was it meds? Well that was the year from Hell! I was at about 140lbs not a real skinny girl but I was always just a bit chubby. Well the steroids made me gain weight and I am not talking a couple of pounds. I gained almost 100lbs and I couldn't even hardly walk! My face was round and cheeks. After taking massive amounts of steroids you get what's called "Cushings Syndrome". From the hips up you look like a huge ball big and round. Then the depression came, along with the side effects of the steroids which makes you feel crazy in itself..not a fan. So, I started an antidepressant and well, I went back to the doctor and told him I felt like I came out of a dark closet.. things just didn't seem so dire anymore! Thank God!
What about my job? Well, everytime I got out of the hospital I would go right back to work. Finally the last time I was hospitalized my boss told me I can't come back untill I get a note from my Doctor saying I can come back to work. These people were dear friends to me, and really cared about me as well as all the patrons and my friends and family.
I went and asked the doctor for a note to go back to work and he got out his prescription pad and wrote and handed it to me.. it read "Unable to return to work indefinately". I was devastated! I could not believe it. Here I am, so hard headed and I can hardly walk or move but I did not want to QUIT! Well that was "the end" for me.
The people I worked for had redone an apartment for ME upstairs from the Bar and now I had no job, and no income, nothing. The manager at the bar went around with a card to the loyal patrons and friends and it was filled with money, and it was just enough to pay the rent.. for a month at least! Had to go and get on assistance, I got food stamps and Medicaid, and finally State Disability. State disability benefit amount was around $124.00 a month. That's not going to pay the rent! My dear father.. God Bless him, called me up and told me he was going to give me $200.00 a month for 6 months. I cried so hard..with that I was able to stay where I was at for 6 months but what am I going to do after that? I ended up having to move into a Senior Citizen "High Rise" apartment, because you can live there if you are "disabled" also. It's not the most ideal place to live but I made the best of it! The rent was based on your income and since I only recieved $124. a month I think my rent was around $25.00 or so..
The move: Oh that was great...not really! I had everything packed up and my apartment was 27 steps up! I used to run up and down those like nothing and then I could hardly get to the top. My friends from Great Lakes Fabrics came to my rescue along with my former manager of the bar and helped me move out. I made one trip down with one box and on the way back up I was just about at the top of the stairs and all of a sudden my whole body just froze.. I couldn't move, then I started having a panic attack, and I would have an asthma attack with the panic attacks and I thought I would die right then and there. Kim told me get your medicine NOW.. I had to take Ativan..for the attacks..
I took it and was ordered to sit and stay put.
When it came time to go to my new apartment I was driving in my car and I was so "out of it" that I started to drive to where I used to live a long time ago.. good grief! They were beeping at me wondering where I was going and they got me to the new place.. wow..I cannot express how bad I felt. I was helpless, useless, I had to depend on someone for everything!
After being at the new place I decided to make the best of it.. and I put on and organized parties and activities for the Senior Citizens and they were always a big hit. I realized at that time that I had a choice to make. Either I allow Fibromyalgia to run me.. and be angry and depressed, and give up, or I can make the best of things. That is what I did and I continue to do to this very day. I do not allow Fibromyalgia to "define me" ! My spirit defines me and no matter what I can find something to be grateful for! It's a whole lot easier to be happy with what you do have, than be angry and resentfull for what you do not have. I have chosen the path of eternal gratefulness. I have been truely humbled and material things.. they are just things.. We come into the world with nothing and that's the way we go out.
Had it not been for my best friend Monica who never gave up on me! Ever! She made me walk.. one step at a time.. and bit by bit I started to loose weight.. but I didn't give up, she wouldn't let me and her strengh was my strength.. "laws of attraction".
Eventually, I was contacted by an Attorney from Chicago who was "hired" by the hospital that I owed about $70.000 to. The bills! There was no way I could have EVER paid them! This attorney came to an appeal with me before the Administrative Law Judge and the secretary at the meeting asked me "Is your name Linda Marie LaDouceur? I sat right there and had a panic attack.. they had to get me out of the room and my lawyer got my ativan and made me take it and got me to relax and breath..all they did is ask my name! The end result, after the meeting the Law Judge approved me for Social Security Disability. Things were looking up. Got my SS and back pay, and then I got approved for Section 8 housing which pays a portion of your rent, that was a blessing! Now I could move anywhere, if they accepted section 8 anyway which most private landlords would, and some apartment complexes.
I moved out of the Senior Citizen apartment and into a nice little apt..I have moved a couple of times since then and now I live in a very beautiful apartment in a brand new complex. I love it! I am not moving from here! Things do get better but I still suffer from the chronic pain, and anxiety, but I pace myself to the best of my ability and as long as I stay positive, and keep moving and walking, I do OK. It takes quite some time to "adjust", when you are handed something like what I was, but since I could not "work" I was able to be there for my family and my nieces and nephews. Then my father was in bad shape, he had a TIA and then I found out he had dementia.. I was able to do many things for him and I did. I paced myself, and got his bills paid and his checkbook balanced and did his shopping, and got him to his doctor, and made sure he took his medicine. He also survived colon cancer! And I was able to be there for him thru that and we are so lucky to still have him!
I have good days and bad days as does most people with fibromyalgia. My goal here is to share my story in the spirit of those who wish to be informed and to help others who are suffering or who have been recently diagnosed, and to provide usefull links and information and good old plain support!
Thanks for taking the time to stop by! Come on back too and look for more updated content from time to time.
Gentle Hugs and Wishing you a good Day!
Linda