About Me

My biological was in the Vietnam War when I was born. I was adopted as an infant- into a loving family, yet still I always wondered who my biological father was, as my adopted family had no information. I met my bio dad 3 years ago, after years of trying to find him. You see he was in VA Hospitals and group homes off and on since 1970, he has struggled with mental illness since the war. There are laws that protect one's privacy and I being his daughter felt it was his right to know I existed and that I was looking for him.

But the laws that sent him off to war years ago, before I was born- seemed to still be conspiring to keep us apart still. I spent days on the phone calling every VA Hospital and local mental hospital I could find ---having to repeat my whole story each time....but it was the repitition in telling his part of the story that caused me the most pain...and though we have finally had our reunion the pain of the story still hits me now even as I write this.

The story goes like this, "my biological father was a 23 when he went to fight in Vietnam, before I was born...my biological mother never heard from him again....I was placed in a state run foster home waiting for adoption. I have never met my biological father, but have his identifying information from my biological mother( who I reunited with in 1993) I have reason to believe that my birth father came home from Vietnam ill and disabled- he has spent years in your VA medical system. I am trying to find him - so that if he is able to understand that I am his daughter then maybe I can bring some joy and peace to his life." 

Some would be most sympathetic, but always repeat the privacy laws  for mental health issues. Then I started calling all kinds of local Vet Centers and although they could not break through the red-tape for me, talking to them always made me feel less hopeless and alone....they were some of the most supportive and kindest people I spoke with...I urge anyone who is able to give to community vet centers and charities in any way you can, I found out most are able to even stay in existence as a support center for local VETS by selling used goods in their thrift stores....surely our veterans deserve better than this.

When I was very young I would see military Army convoys on the highway going to a nearby military base, I recall the feelings and thoughts that stuck me on those day.....my biological father was in the Vietnam War. Neither I nor my family had any way of knowing this...but still my little self just 'knew it". We all have a knowing and we do deep down know what is right. He told me that he wants me to write a song called the bird of peace......I brought him a guitar to play....but after years of being neglected in most every way, he hardly remembered how to play. But he is brave and so he gave it a try....a few chords and his soft voice singing a song, in which he made up the words on the spot- about a bird of peace. i'm working on recording that song for him.

Bird of Peace is important to him, After 3 years of serving his country it seems he may have been asked to do things he did not feel were honorable. He told me this two Christmas Eve's ago: "They told me I was a bad man for refusing to do that last mission." - then he said his life turned to a living hell, of which he can't recall the details.....luckily, upon our reunion he was able to start to put his thoughts together more clearly and in time opened up to me about his life in the Army in the late 60's and having someone to listen and be supportive has made big difference in his illness and symptoms. He has healed some by having my love and support....and he finally gets lots of Chistmas gifts, gifts that no matter how small mean a lot to him as they come from me, his daughter....his long lost daughter....yet, it was really he who was lost long ago- in Vietnam. 

For years, as I was trying to find him..... he was given no gifts other than items such as socks from the Salvation Army, no support, no assistance to play any instruments, though being the son of music teacher- before Vietnam he could play a number of instruments quite well.....no art therapy, hardly any talk therapy.....quite medicated and alone for years wandering the large hospital halls....This Christmas as I brought his gifts to be shipped at the post office, the clerk asked me if I would be willing to donate money to send "phone card to the troops?" In my aggravation at not even having enough money to go visit him and knowing he would no visits on Christmas and had no phone calls on holiday either for years I blurted out," This package is for a veteran, I wish that people would do something to help the veterans that are here now and get nothing"... there is still much more healing and quality of life that he and all veterans deserve. I donate clothing to my local VA and the Vietnam Veterans of America come and pick up donations to fund their support and outreach. I wonder how we are going to take care of the new young soldiers ill when they get home, if we can't take care of the Veterans we have in our care now? 

This war that goes on and on.... in Iraq, which is on the TV news all the time, really disturbs him and makes him pretty upset to see the troops in situations similiar to what he was in as a young man. He keeps track of the deaths and tries to figure out how the VA Hospitals will be able to care for the ones who make it back home....home yes, many will come home, injured or mentally ill with PTSD or a variety of other illness that treatments are underfunded for.

He does not know what PTSD is and that this is one of his many illness he lives with everyday. He just knows that the when the troops come home, after living in wars like this many will need help, and he wishes they would come home before even one more needs help. Maybe some will come home ill and get the help and support that he, like so many Vietnam Veterans never got...maybe our country can come up with a way to give them funding and volunteer support for better care, respect, and attention.....maybe if they come home soon they won't miss out on 33 years of their child's life? This reason is why I wrote the poem, Soldier's Poem. Not a day goes by in a phone conversation with him, that is on 'lucky days' when the staff has time to help him get to the phone to receive my calls, he asks me, "Do you know when the troops are coming home?"

He also told me that the "wars that movies often try to show 'how bad it is'- but he goes on to say, "movies never can seem to get it right, for how can they show hell on a movie screen?" I hope in some small way my story, his story, my poetry and lenses motivate people to help in any way they can...to bring them back home...."home soon" is what he hopes. He will be feeling better when they are home.

Noone would know he thinks about these things or feels this way...nobody seems to have time, and no believes that if you've been institutionalized for 30 years that you have anything to say that makes sense, has validity, or has value. But it seems to me that most of what he says make more sense than the news headlines.

I hope to find a way to move my bio-dad closer to me - so I can visit him more often, my son (his grandson) can visit him more frequently too. I believe also that he can get better medical and psychiatric care in Boston and that  then I can help to advocate for him and his needs.

Finally I must note: that on the last election night I was in Boston Copley Center, when the news came in that Ohio was red and that we most likely in for another 4 years....I knew I was in for  4 years of my bio dad being sad, concerned and helpless to help the troops. I cried and cried right there in the middle of all the reporters, the parties upstairs, and in the beautiful hotel lobby, that just hours before was brimming with hope for changes to come.....in my tears a voice of kindness came to comfort me.
Of all people someone who I had always looked up to since I was very young, appreciated his music, gained strength from his life story and songs, and also respect for his efforts in the rock the vote concerts, James Taylor is the one who took time to listen and I will never forget that kindness. 

 He wanted to help and see why i was so sad. I tried to explain why this news made me so sad- but the story just made me sadder....I mentioned my bio-dad and how he was a Vietnam veteran. I knew I had no time to tell him the whole story, he asked if he is 'ok' now? I guess he is 'ok', maybe ok since I finally found him.... Yet, I can't help but think how fine he may have been if 40 years ago we brought the troops back home sooner. I know that in the active 60's and early 70's many musicians and activists helped to bring the troops back home and end the war.....maybe not soon enough to change to 'our story'...but I do know that those efforts saved many a father and daughter from living this story of ours.

I share my story here to let you into my world and why I have my lenses about  "no war" and "peace poet" "stop the war" etc.... I am sharing resources in these lenses for anyone who want to learn more about these topics. I am donating some proceed to vet and peace charities and any other funds from clicks I hope to use to move him closer to me.

Anti-War Poetry- Bring The Troops Home Poem- Stop The Iraq War Poems Veterans Poems & Music.Help For Iraq War Veterans PTSD- Veterans Rights

A resource of hand-picked poems, links, and resources: stop the iraq war poems, anti-war poetry, Iraq War veteran's issues,  & anti-war activism to stop the escalation and the latest news and links on how w...

Stop The Iraq War-Veterans Rights- Bring The Troops Home- March 2008 Stop The War March

Visit to find: Stop The War information, websites, videos, and links.  Featuring information and petitions to help the troops, get funding for veterans health care, veterans rights, veterans advocacy groups, stop the war protests and i...