LEADERSHIP THE EASY WAY

WHAT IT TAKES TO BE "TOP DOG"!

Being "Head of the Pack" or "Top Dog" is a whole lot better than being "in the doghouse", wouldn't you agree?

So, whether you're a carefree canine, a hungry hound, or a pesky pooch, you've come to the right spot.

Our Motto: If you're gonna pee on someone's parade, practice first on a friendly fire hydrant.

TEAMWORK IS ESSENTIAL, IT ALLOWS YOU TO BLAME SOMEONE ELSE!

RIPSNORTING RESOURCES FOR WANNABE WUNDERKINS!

Fast-track your way to the top of the heap!

If you're pressed for time, and you need some tried-and-true tips or techniques on how to make you the "Bees Knees" or "Macho Nacho" pronto, take a peek!

DILBERT's - do it yourself guide: Dilbert will show you how to stay one step ahead of being "downsized", "rightsized" or "flattened"!
LEADERS...not losers!: The best demotivation doodads available in the mirth market for your odd organization!
Big Cheese Coaching: Wanna find out who moved your cheese, and what you can do about it?
Jest-in-time technology: Zippy zappers at your fingertips!
Your future employees?: Careers build confidence...but only for some of us.
A word about pointy-heads: Not all managers have pointy-heads or pointy-hair to match.
Frequent Flyers: All you'll ever need to know about living in airports and planes without even flying!
The Uncyclopedia: Your best source for faux-fiction!
Order of the Oddfellows?: "Don't Be Needy - Be Succeedy" -- an off-the-wall Fringe Report.
Leaders With a Sense of Humor?: Find out what this pedantic poll has to say.
Distinguish Yourself!: How to avoid standing out like a sore thumb.
How to Have Fun & Enjoy Creative Paradoxes: For those who need to learn how to play with problems rather than smashing them to smithereens or steadfastly stomping on them.
Moneybag of Mirth: Who says a "retired" millionaire doesn't know how to have fun!
Follow Me!: "Follow Me"...famous last words of former Canadian Prime Minister, John Diefenbaker, and also the opening line for a leadership lens by John W. McKenna!
Tattoo You!: Every Titan knows that a temporary tattoo can go a long way to leaping to the head of the line anywhere!
Leaders Come In Different Flavors!: Leaders are not cut from the same cloth, they come in different colors or flavorful fashions.
Even Titans Need T-Shirts!: Sensational shrink-proof shirts for high-flyers!
The Art of Demotivation: No self-respecting CEO should be without this book of timely tokens of demotivation..."The golden key to the Executive Washroom is just in the cards for you my friend."

Every Head Honcho Deserves A Ripsnorting Red Ribet!

HOW TO BE A LEADER?

Are you really sure you want the answers?

1. Sing in the key of Q, that way you'll have no competition!

2. Learn how to mind your p's and q's, cross your t's and dot your i's, and play a smashing game of tiddlywinks ... and you'll be a scintillating somebody in no time flat!

3. Dance to your own music, even if you have two left feet!

4. Keep snakes, sharks, and sabre-toothed tigers as pets, they may come in handy when it comes to offing the odd obstacle or two.

5. Decline the offer of a free-lunch, it's a gift that you could gag upon; besides, you're allergic to rubber chicken and wishbones!

6. Stay away from unhappy, unlucky and unearthly folk in life, not to mention unidentified flying objects (unless you have Merlin the Magician and Obi Wan Kenobi on your team).

7. If you're going to play numbskull to outwit your opponent, be sure she isn't a ninnyhead or he's a nincompoop, it would be a cheap if not hollow victory for you-know-who.

8. Don't fly by the seat of your pants...there are no reward points for doing that!

9. Don't count your chicken eggs before they hatch, unless you can make a good rum egg nog.

10. And, last but not least, be sure you get a crown that fits, a throne that can accommodate you, and some real estate you can claim as your own -- after all, every successful somebody needs a classy castle!

THERE IS NO "I" IN TEAM! (Image Credit: Joe Alterio@flickr.com)

HOW TO SUCCEED IN BUSINESS WITHOUT REALLY TRYING

How to suceed in business without really trying is an age-old dream.

Actually, it's rather simple:

1. Be yourself -- if you aren't, someone will think you're suffering from multiple personality disorder and put you away in a padded room somewhere (not to mention throw away the golden key to the executive washroom)!

2. Never be a fish out of water; attach yourself to the biggest kahuna or tuna you can find in your pond, (or else blow the biggest bubbles around and look useful)!

3. It also helps to wear a spandex superman suit beneath your shirt and tie, so you can be ready to save a damsel-in-distress (without too much emotional baggage), or slay an alligator (to show off to you family, friends and foes who try to tell you it's fun swimming in the swamp of life).

If you need more hints...perhaps you're not destined for the big tent or big time just yet. In the meantime, pick up some new karma points and try again in another lifetime!

A WORD ABOUT LAY-LEADERSHIP

Of course I believe in lay-leadership ...so lay down and shut-up!

__________

Image Credit: Coghill Cartooning@flickr.com

Leadership by the book!

How to be a leader in 12,500 words or less.

What every "Leadership Library" needs on the shelf.

Brag!: The Art of Tooting Your Own Horn without Blowing It

by: Peggy Klaus

Horatio Hornblower ...here we come!

Amazon Price: $10.04 (as of 11/07/2009)

Fierce Creatures

by: Iain Johnstone, John Cleese

How to run the most cost-effective entertaining zoo in the whole wide world!

Amazon Price: (as of 11/07/2009)

Swashbuckling: A Step-by-Step Guide to the Art of Stage Combat and Theatrical Swordplay - Revised and Updated Editi

by: Richard Lane

No leader should be without a sword to do a drag in of course!

Amazon Price: (as of 11/07/2009)

Orbiting the Giant Hairball: A Corporate Fool's Guide to Surviving with Grace

by: Gordon MacKenzie

There's something to be said for hair-brained ideas...as long as you know the furry critters who came up with them.

Amazon Price: $14.30 (as of 11/07/2009)

LAUGHLINES ON LEADERSHIP

-- "Never forget that only dead fish swim with the stream." Malcolm Muggeridge, 1903-1990, British author, journalist, and satirist.

-- "Always drink upstream from the herd.", Will Rogers, 1879-1935, cowboy, comedian, humorist, social commentator, vaudeville performer and actor.

-- "The next time something pisses you off at the office, always keep in mind that the difference between tragedy and comedy is about three months and five margaritas." -- Karen Salmansohn from "How to Succeed in Business Without a Penis - Secrets and Strategies for the Working Woman".

-- "The secret to success is knowing who to blame for your failures!" -- Demotivators

-- "I never climbed any ladder: I have achieved eminence by sheer gravitation." George Bernard Shaw, 1856-1950, British playwright and Nobel Laureate in Literature.

BIG WIGS WANTED

A bulletin board for Big Wigs, Head-Honchos, and Iron Ladies.

CEO: San Carlos Chamber of Commerce - San Carlos, CA
to city officials, public agencies, organizations and to the public. The CEO is responsible for setting and maintaining the image of and perception of the... ...
CEO: PeopleConnect - San Jose, CA
this summer 2009, and have a plan to deploy on a large scale in summer 2010. As CEO for our client, your charter will be to set strategy, goals and direction;... ...
CEO Assistant: The Arboretum - Arcadia, CA
is seeking a qualified candidate for the position of CEO Assistant. This position requires an energetic... reports directly to the CEO. To apply for this job... ...