Who is David Letterman

This was funny, because for a long time on his show, he did a bit about trying to get on the Oprah show. When he finally made it, he was gracious, but still funny.

Top 10 Reasons I Love Oprah:

10. She smells great.
9. Without her, we would never have known that quack, Dr. Phil.
8. She helped me start my wildly popular "D" magazine.
7. We're yoga buddies.
6. Oprah's incredibly busy, yet she still finds time to ignore my calls.
5. She agreed to validate my parking.
4. Taught me how to launder money in the Cayman Islands.
3. Any time I'm in Chicago she lets me crash on her couch.
2. Oprah gave me my first post-surgery sponge bath.
1. She's giving everybody in today's audience a new house.

10. That cute gap between his front teeth.
9. It's fun to say "Wahoo, Nebraska."
8. Great variety of musical guests.
7. I like it when he throws that blue card at the fake window and you hear the glass shattering sound effect.
6. The Hello Deli.
5. Paul Shaffer's huge collection of sunglasses.
4. Sink or Float.
3. Stupid pet tricks.
2. Stupid human tricks.
1. Top Ten Lists!

10. "Doing these lousy Top Ten lists in an easy way to make quick dough"
9. "Bacon makes everything delicious"
8. "I'm the only woman on my block who can dead-lift 200 pounds"
7. "Waiting four days in line for an iPhone was totally worth it"
6. "Always split aces and eights"
5. "It's possible for your son to be successful and a disappointment at the same time"
4. "In a bar fight go for the legs -- man can't walk, man can't fight"
3. "No matter how many times I change my phone number, Dave finds me"
2. "The key to a long, healthy life: Dr. Pepper and Cool Ranch Doritos"
1. "If you want a good table in a restaurant, tell them you're Pat Sajak's mom"

From the Home Office in Wahoo, Nebraska...
An Exclusive Un-Aired Top Ten List
Edited From the 10/8/07 Broadcast

Top Ten New Fall Shows On Al-Jazeera

10. "The Love Goat"
9. "Third Rock From The Sunni"
8. "Jihadin' With The Stars"
7. "Bionic Camel"
6. "Two And A Half Mullahs"
5. "Betty Who May Or May Not Be Ugly As She's Concealed By A Burqa"
4. "Wings"
3. "The Abdul Van Dyke Show"
2. "Let's Rob Cat Stevens"
1. "Pimp My Turban"

"Richard Simmons is here. Richard is America's favorite diet guru. He's done wonders for me because every time I see him, I lose my appetite. Richard Simmons -- the man who's embraced more overweight women than BIll Clinton."