Why You SHOULD Take Back a Liar, Cheater, or Jerk

So stop making excuses for the man who has lied to you over and over again.

He's not going to change and you can't take him back and expect him to be truthful. That guy who's cheated on you with one or even several other women is also someone that doesn't deserve your affection.

And finally, there's the jerk that doesn't care about your feelings, doesn't make you feel good about yourself, and doesn't even want to try. That guy doesn't deserve you either.

It's time to stop taking them back and start looking for the right man.

Do you have a girlfriend who must keeps making the same mistake over and over?

There's either one guy that seems to have some sort of magnetic hold over her. He's lied, he's cheated, and he's just no good but she can't seem to say goodbye. Perhaps you even have a girlfriend who has a pattern of entering relationships with this kind of guy.

If you've tried talking to your friend about leaving that jerk behind and getting on with her life, you probably know how frustrating it can be. She can give you reason after reason for why she should take him back and stay together.

When you get tired of talking about it and you want to get the point across, you need to reach no further than Wiederholt's book. Hand your friend a copy of Dating a Liar, a Cheater, and a Jerk: 100 Reasons Why You Should Take Him Back wrapped up in a pretty bow and let the book do the talking for you.

After she opens the book looking for reasons, she'll find that there really aren't any. This is a great object lesson for someone who needs to see something in black and white (well, white blank pages anyway).

Chances are you know at least one woman who needs a copy of this book - and there are probably several women in your life who are settling for someone who doesn't deserve their forgiveness. Help your friends to dump those liars, cheaters, and jerks by giving them a gift that will improve their lives in an instant.

It's so sad to see women settling for less over and over again. The truth is that there are really good men out there. But sometimes they're harder to find because you're just not looking in the right places.

If you find yourself in relationships with the wrong guy over and over again, maybe you need to take a look at your requirements. Many women are attracted to the liars, cheaters, and jerks because they don't feel good about themselves. This type of man is a master manipulator and can make you feel really low about yourself without having to try very hard.

Before you know it, you feel like you can't find someone who's any better, so you settle for less. But Kim Wiederholt wants you to stop making excuses and start living a life that's free from liars, cheaters, and jerks. Put a copy of her book on your coffee table, nightstand, or wherever you'll see it often to remind yourself that there's no good reason to settle for less.

Try looking for a guy who treats you with kindness and respect. Believe it or not they exist. But often they're pretty lonely because "nice guys finish last." Give that nice guy a chance and say goodbye to the liars, cheaters, and jerks!

Kim Wiederholt wants you to know that there is absolutely no reason to take back a liar, cheater, or jerk. She is known as an "expert girlfriend" to her pals. She's spent a lot of time listening to women complain about men who lie, cheat, or are just generally jerks only to take them back.

Wiederholt wants women to be empowered to take control of their lives and stop settling for less than they deserve. There is no good reason to stay in a relationship that isn't healthy and her book is a concrete reminder of that fact. Her goal is to help women realize their potential and lead happy and healthy lives with her book Dating a Liar, a Cheater, and a Jerk: 100 Reasons Why You Should Take Him Back

She wants you to know that by making sure you take care of your spirit and soul, you can have a healthy, meaningful life. Becoming a strong person who is whole on her own can lead you down the path to finding a man who is right for you - and treats you as you ought to be treated. Don't get her wrong - Kim believes that there are great men out there. Not all men are liars, cheaters, or jerks.

Kim Wiederholt lives in Indiana and has been married to her husband for 11 years. He is not a liar, cheater, or jerk.

One of the challenges that can come during the dating process is concern about a man's questionable past. No matter how wonderful he may be and insistent that his past actions are behind him, it can still be difficult to let go of any lingering feelings of doubt you may have. Through such uncertainty it is important to remember that someone's past is more than just a reference in time, it is also about learning from past choices.

Although using "the past" as a reference in time can ease some uncertainty, it is important not to be completely wrapped around the notion. Something that took place a few weeks, months, and even years ago, may not be enough to establish that the habit or temptation is definitely in the past.

Recently I came across a question a woman posed to others about her current boyfriend who had just left an "open marriage." Although he did not particularly agree with his "wife's idea" of an open marriage, he did not leave the marriage until after he had met this new girlfriend. Though the boyfriend had not given her any indication that she could not trust him, her question to readers was "how could she know for sure?"

To my surprise, the overwhelming response from readers was that she should not be concerned about his past since her description of him otherwise made him sound like a great guy and he did indeed finally leave the marriage to be with her.

Were the readers missing a critical point?

Though I do believe "the past is the past", as one responder rationalized in support of the boyfriend's favor, there did not seem to be much of one here. The only thing that is now in his past is his ex-wife and marriage- there is more to the story.

The mere fact that this new girlfriend had a relationship with this man during his open marriage indicates that she accepted the arrangement and in so doing, she too became a part of the open arrangement.

Even if the boyfriend has no interest in an open relationship with this woman, she will always struggle with having complete trust in him because the bottom-line is he was with another woman when they began their relationship. When it comes to faithfulness he has proven nothing.

Women want more than just words to establish that something is in the past...we want proof. And if we accept anything less than that, not only will we struggle with feelings of uncertainty but we also become the testing ground for proving the truth. Both are uncomfortable so we can either accept the risk and uneasiness or conclude that he is not worth it.

While people do change and learn from their mistakes, if we choose to give someone the benefit of the doubt and let the past be the past then we should be wise in our conclusion. Let's not just take his word for it but rather discuss what he learned from the past and make sure there are no signs that he is interested in anything that resembles the habit or behavior in question.

There are many people that know that a particular choice is wrong but some do not have the will power to control their actions. An adulterer knows his actions are immoral but still continues the affair.

Unfortunately, just because someone does not agree with a certain lifestyle does not always mean they are not guilty of it. Their belief is only in word, not action. The boyfriend in the open marriage scenario did not agree with his wife's idea but he still went along with it.

If you know a boyfriend has a questionable past do not be afraid to ask questions! Especially about why he wanted to change and would never make that choice again.

How many times have we heard a woman say "I should have asked more questions" only after she has felt betrayed and the relationship is on the brink of disaster? If he doesn't give an answer that suffices then don't be afraid to ask more questions.

If he no longer wants anything to do with his past he should also make choices that keep him distant from those things that resemble it. Whether that includes friends and/or activities, he should steer clear of anything that might draw him back into a wrong choice.

If a man's past includes cheating, it would make little sense to trust that person if they view pornography or attend adult clubs. If he considers infidelity a mistake, then it would be wise for him not to feed the sexual appetite. Otherwise, he could be a ticking time bomb displaying little ability to completely control his sexual desires.

A great example of someone taking the right steps to overcome the past is a recovering alcoholic. Not only does a recovering alcoholic stop buying alcohol but they also stay away from those places that could lead to temptation. Likewise, the same efforts apply to anyone trying to overcome a bad habit or choice.

The critical point about evaluating a man's past is that he needs to have resolved it and stay firm in his resolution. If he can sincerely explain why he believes his choice was wrong and why he will not do it again, that is a good indication that he understands the consequences of his choice. When someone fully understands the repercussions they would be more likely to remain resolute in their conviction to avoid the same mistake.

In addition, when a man surrounds himself in a better environment and avoids the temptation all together he is showing great determination, discipline, and most importantly, a lack of interest in the wrong choice.

Read a man's actions and activities and discuss why he has changed. Referring to one's "past" is more than a place in time; it is also a matter of learning from it. The revealing answer to his past is demonstrated through his current perspective and behavior.

Relationship red flags come in different forms. These warning signs can be revealed through intuitive feelings and by revealing attributes of a boyfriend's character. If red flags are overlooked the one person we hurt most is ourselves.

The following is a list of seven red flags you should not ignore in a relationship. Recognizing relationship red flags can prevent disappointment and heartache.

1. Dishonesty- There can be a fine line between being blatantly dishonest and trying not to hurt your feelings. The dating process is the critical time for boyfriend and girlfriend to get to know one another and honesty is essential.
It is important for him to be completely honest about his feelings and views if you are truly going to get to know him.

If all-too-often his excuse for not being straight with you is he "did not want to hurt your feelings" then:

a. There may be a communication barrier in the relationship.
b. There may be too many differences between the two of you.

Communication and unity are not only important in the dating process but critical in a long-term, successful relationship. The two of you need to be comfortable with expressing yourselves.

If he is blatantly dishonest then there really is no justification. Lying during courtship is a sign of disrespect toward you and can be an indication of his true character. Dishonesty is a quality of someone who has something to hide and lacks integrity.


2. Other People Know Your Business- Whether it is personal information about you or information personal to the relationship, under most circumstances it is inappropriate for others outside the relationship to be made aware of anything that is or should be kept private. If private matters of your relationship are made known to or discussed with others this is a sign that there is a communication problem in the relationship. Also, it can be an indication of one's level of maturity in dealing and coping with problems.

Problems within the relationship need to be resolved within it. If there is a need to discuss a problem with others, that displays a lack of ability to resolve concerns between the two of you. This is not a good characteristic of a healthy relationship.

Any rationalization to justify seeking third party advice- from family, friends, and perhaps, even professional help- all come down to one bottom-line: weak communication exists in connection with a lack of ability to resolve differences in the relationship. Rationalizations like "he doesn't listen to my side of the story", "he is hard to talk to", and "he gets defensive", etc. all come back to that bottom-line.

If it is your personal business that is being shared with others, that is sign of disrespect toward you. A good man knows he should be respectful of your private matters which includes keeping private conversations confidential and being sensitive to your needs and feelings.

3. Something About Him Bothers You- "Bothersome" can come in two forms: He leaves you with a sense of distrust or uneasiness, or something about him is a nuisance.

Whether it is a single characteristic or multiple qualities about a boyfriend that bug you, you should not ignore those feelings. Why? Because if it bothers you enough to notice it and you have to consciously decide not to let it bother you, you are compromising yourself. Do not force yourself to accept something you do not like and are not comfortable with.

Do not succumb to making a "pro's and con's list" to decide that maybe there are other good qualities about him that make him tolerable. Again, if you have to consciously decide not to let it- or him- bother you then ultimately you are sacrificing your own standards and contentment.

4. You Feel Unappreciated - In a romantic relationship a key part to your happiness is feeling appreciated and cherished. You would not expect anything less and you shouldn't. If he blows you off, is insulting or rude, and you are not a major priority in his life, do not accept what little he has to offer. No one like's feeling unappreciated and he should be the first person to make sure you do not feel that way.



5. Mistrust or Doubt On Your Part- Instincts are a girl's best friend. Sometimes all we have to let us know that a relationship is not right is our instinct. If you have feelings of mistrust or doubt toward him or the relationship, it is important to follow your intuition. The reason why we have this sixth sense is to make us aware of what we could not otherwise see or understand. Trust your gut!

6. He Rubs Your Family or Friends the Wrong Way- Our family's and friend's instincts can also signal a red flag in a relationship. We all have heard the cliché "love is blind". And if you have become blinded by love, family and friends can help to see the truth. It can be easy to become caught up in a whirlwind romance and they have the ability to see more objectively.

If it is uncharacteristic for family or friends to be vocal about their dislike or questioning of a boyfriend's character, then there is probably reason for you too to be concerned. They may be catching on to something that you are not.

There is a difference between family and friends being overly-protective and that of being reasonably concerned. Do not automatically dismiss one's apprehension for the first; especially if it is possible there is some truth and reason to their uneasiness.

7. What Matters To You Doesn't Matter To Him- Just as important as how he treats you is sharing common beliefs and goals.

You are only going to be happy living by those principles and following aspirations that bring you joy. He needs to help you live by those principles and support you in your dreams. A relationship will only be a happy, healthy one if you too feel happy, spiritually healthy and enriched by it. Never change who you are to make a relationship work. Rather, be a part of a relationship that is in harmony with you.