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Do You or Someone You Know Date Liars, Cheaters, or Jerks?

From the lens Why You SHOULD Take Back a Liar, Cheater, or Jerk.




  • Keeah Mar 15, 2012 @ 10:51 pm | delete
    Yes cheaters can and do reform (depending on personality type) but often with a completely different person in an entirely new relationship. Because the one they cheated in has been established as disposable. But if you insist on trying to win her back, then this should not be attempted without a GOOD therapist for the two of you. A therapist will tell you if your motives are legit or if you are just one of those guys who is afraid to be alone. They will also establish ground rules. For example that you have no right to get mad if she asks for further clarification of a past event or even a questionable present one. Or if she asks to do spot checks on your cell phone for the next 2 years. A therapist will tell each of you what is realistic and what is reasonable in whatever amount of time. Your ex will decide from there if it is even worth her time and energy. After that it is out of your hands.
  • Chris Mar 12, 2012 @ 12:37 am | delete
    I am that guy. I cheated on my ex by going to a massage parlor, and had inappropriate conversations with a girl I used to work with. There it is. The ugly truth. It's horrible. I used sex as a weapon as her own past took center stage- having been molested by her older brother as a teen, and also cheating on me. I became selfish and as result the cheating came. No, it wasn't the first. It was the last. That was 1.5 years and a lot of therapy ago. I've realized that I'm still in love with this girl (we're both in our 30's) and am in the process of *attempting* to get her back. This, is and will be- no easy feat, and I'm actively seeking advice as to WHAT I can do, to work on earning her trust back. She already met me for dinner 5 weeks ago, and I've been working on getting date No 2. Clearly she still has (rightly so) huge amounts of doubt and fear. How does she face her family? Her friends? Her DAUGHTER? Could she even do this??? SHOULD she even do this? I've read all the comments about 'once a cheater ...' and I'd say then why even bother with relationships? Why bother with people like us? Should we just rid ourselves from society? I say NO. People can change. They absolutely can. The question is DO THEY WANT TO? I wanted to. I want to. I work everyday to be a better human being. And when people make mistakes, even huge ones to have COMPASSION for them. So I'm here. There. Everywhere trying to gain insight and work at earning her trust. I'm not going away, and will not live life in fear of losing some pride to get the girl I want to be with for the rest of my life. I've never been one to listen to the masses when people say "can't" or "shouldn't". The risk is huge, the payoff; true love, happiness- is worth it. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks. -C
  • joycecity Mar 15, 2012 @ 10:13 am | delete
    The only way to get her back is through talking to your girl, explaining her the causes and the consequences of your past behaviour. Unless you perusade her that you've changed, there is no other way to get her back. oh, actually there is: buy her mSpy to spy on you=)) lol
  • macy grey Jun 23, 2011 @ 1:26 pm | delete
    Im soo lost my boyfriend is a BIG liar about everything and a cheater, but he treats me like a angel really apart from the BIG lies and the few cheats that keep happening, our life is almost perfect, now can i give that up?
  • dating-a-liar-no-more Jun 26, 2011 @ 10:25 pm | delete
    Dear Macy,

    How a man treats you is just one of the components of a truly loving and healthy relationship. It sounds like his true character is really revealed through his dishonesty and infidelity. Please do not let however kind and "loving" he may act rationalize and overshadow his lack of integrity. He has a lot of growing up to do and you do not have to be by his side as he learns the definitions of selflessness and self- discipline.

    You have been given multiple warning signs about him and continuing a relationship with him could culminate to a point where the deception is too great or too painful.

    I hope this helps, Macy.
  • Keeah Oct 29, 2011 @ 4:51 pm | delete
    Macy, I had to get rid of a two-timer a number of years ago and my only regret was that I did not do it sooner. Keep in mind there is one other emotion you experience in a break-up along with grief, it's RELIEF. Relief that where he is and what he is doing is no longer your problem.
  • Stephaniew Apr 30, 2011 @ 12:05 pm | delete
    Yes, I date a liar, cheater and jerk. I think I need to order the book! I really need to wake up and smell the coffee, right? He says he's not a cheater because he only got caught once and that it was all my fault. That's what he told me..... I love him at times and I hate him at times. I guess that's why I'm still with him. I need to find the strength to move on but, I can't seem to find it....
  • dating-a-liar-no-more May 6, 2011 @ 10:27 am | delete
    Hello Stephanie,

    You will find the strength you are looking for through confidence and faith. Feel confident that your instincts are right about everything you feel is wrong in the relationship. Have faith that once you have moved on you most certainly will be well and you will be opening the doors to finding someone who will have the qualities you are looking for and provide a much more gratifying relationship.

    You have much to look forward to.
  • CeliaB Sep 27, 2011 @ 4:05 pm | delete
    Stephanie,

    You'll eventually give up on him. I'm going through a break up with one right now. I always took him back after his lies. This last time I found out he had an online dating profile up and was texting a girl from there, even asked if he could go over to her house, to play scrabble I'm sure. I told him that the only way I would stay is if he let me see his phone anytime I want until I can trust him again. He said no, so I moved out. You will one day realize that you're the only one fighting for the relationship, and if that's so, then what are you fighting for? I know you're still in love with him but do you want to live like that for the rest of your life? You are of value and you should know that.
  • JewelRiver Aug 10, 2010 @ 6:33 pm | delete
    Great article! Loved it!!!!
  • HelenInburgh Oct 23, 2009 @ 2:59 pm | delete
    This is a great lens, I am sure I know a few women that could benefit from the book. There is no reason to stay with someone who disrespects you.

    Great lens, I gave it five stars!

    Best wishes,

    Helen
  • Oct 14, 2009 @ 12:40 pm | delete
    Nice work.
    You're squid is full of good information and can see you've put a lot of work and thought into producing a great lens.
    Love the book, I agree with all 100 reasons, very clever.

    Regards Stacey :0)
  • AndyTanner Oct 4, 2009 @ 9:56 am | delete
    Hey Kim, Thats a pretty cool lens. Lots of helpful stuff in there.
    Sounds like you and I have a few things in common!
    Drop by my lens some time
  • KityTatu Apr 2, 2009 @ 9:08 am | delete
    I found your lens because I am a firm believer in 'once a cheater, always a cheater'. I would like to think that people can change, or there is something about a person that would make a cheater change and not do it to them, but I know that's just not the case. I am a bit torn over someone who I know has cheated in the past, but I would never think that I was so special that he wouldn't do it to me, so I know we can never be together. It hurts knowing that, but I would never put myself in a position where I know that I'm the next victim. I think your idea for your book is awesome!! There really is NO good reason to take back a cheater. I have in the past and I've learned my lesson. Great lens!!
  • Jeff Mar 16, 2009 @ 1:25 pm | delete
    It has been 5 years and 7 months since my wife was caught with another. I thought I was a fool, but realize I still am. I am with her only because of the kids.

    When I caught her in the back room of her work in the arms of her lover it was all denial. "I was just congratulating him for his singing keroke". Half truths continued to come out during the next 36 hours along with some of the worsst things that I could have ever heard, " I married you to get back at my parent's, and No matter what happens, he will always be a friend". I had to take my 2 daughters and leave her which was the best thing I could have done. The lies continued to follow not only to me but her family and a judge. Which resulted in them coming to take my children right out of my arms. That was the toughest day of my life. I can still recall carrying a nightshirt and fall jacket of their's where ever I went for the longest time after that.

    She had convinced me though that they had
  • someone to listen Jan 21, 2009 @ 1:59 pm | in reply to all upset angie | delete
    i think you need to have the strength to say i don't need him i went through the same thing my boyfriend cheated and got another girl pregnant and left me six months pregnant but o had to have the stegnth to say i am a woman and a damn good one and i have better things to do
  • dating-a-liar-no-more Nov 23, 2008 @ 8:03 pm | delete
    While keeping families together is extremely important, just as important, if not more so, is your well-being and the well-being of your children. Never feel that you are being selfish when you chose to do that which is spiritually and emotionally best for you and your children. You do not deserve, and your young family does not deserve the presence of someone who has proven to show no remorse for his actions and does not remain faithful to you.

    Your children do not need his example and influence in their lives. You do not deserve the constant pain and hurt that comes from his routine of betrayal and disloyalty.
  • all upset angie Nov 23, 2008 @ 7:44 am | delete
    yes for the past 4 years i've been put up with my boyfriend lying to me about in sex invol with other women's online now he is in jail.i also have a baby girl with him and a nither one on the way what should i do.
  • RickBasset Oct 20, 2008 @ 2:15 pm | delete
    Nicely Done! Welcome to the "Books On Squidoo!"group.

    Peace! :~)
  • tdove Sep 14, 2008 @ 10:12 pm | delete
    Thanks for joining G Rated Lense Factory!
  • Emily Aug 20, 2008 @ 4:11 pm | delete
    There are so many liars, cheaters, and jerks out there and too many women putting up with them! This book is a great wake up call and the most practical relationship book out there!
  • Karl Stevens Aug 19, 2008 @ 9:39 pm | delete
    Over the years I have met women who complain over and over again about bad relationships only to do nothing about it. This book offers the perfect advice. It is the perfect gift idea!"
  • Kathleen Bass Relationship Coach Aug 19, 2008 @ 9:06 am | delete
    Wow what a great lens, thanks for the invite.
  • Freda Meister Aug 16, 2008 @ 4:11 pm | delete
    What a great idea!

    My first reaction in seeing the blank pages was "How funny! What a great idea!"
    - then immediately, "Wow, --Not funny!

    Good Job!
    Your website is amazing!
    Will we be seeng more books by you?
    Thank you for addressing such a serious subject so simply.
    Bless you.

by

dating-a-liar-no-more

Nicknamed the "Expert Girlfriend", Kim enjoys helping others and is deeply interested in the well-being of women and families. more »

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