Life Insurance Application

You want to know about life insurance application, right? Let's jump right in.

Remove the applicator from its plastic sleeve. Make sure there's no hair on it from the factory or from the last time you used it. Then select a patch of skin that nobody will see. Apply some life insurance liberally and wait a few hours to ensure that there's no allergic reaction. Wipe away the insurance, and if your skin is its normal color, then you can proceed with your life insurance application. Apply to any areas you wish to insure.

WARNING: Do NOT apply to sensitive areas. If life insurance comes in contact with eyes or orifices, flush immediately with water. If burning persists, call Poison Control Center.

For external use only. If swallowed, use activated charcoal and call Poison Control Center. Do not attempt to treat with ipecac.

Thanks to incurable_hippie for the image

• Dale Westenra of Ann Arbor, Michigan tried cleaning his ears with the life insurance applicator, which resulted in permanent hearing damage. What's more, the next time he tried applying life insurance to his underarms, they became inflamed, and now he has to flap his arms everywhere he goes, just to keep from scabbing up.
• Avery FitzPatrick of Ventura, California applied life insurance to someone he was contracted to kill. As a result of the insurance, not only were all of Avery's bullets stopped midair, but an investigation of the attempted murder was pursued, with the result that Avery is now a prison bride to a 300-lb hunk of brawn named Muffy.
• Selma H. Budd of Vancouver, Canada broke the chain and suffered five years' bad luck... all in a single day. She went bald, got an STD from a public toilet seat, and her chi hua hua ate her left foot while she was in a diabetic coma.

For best results, bathe your skin with soap and water at least yearly. Reapply as necessary.

Life insurance application is known to be habit-forming. If you begin to feel an unwarranted desire to apply for life insurance, it's because you're going through withdrawals. The only solution is more life insurance application.

Possible long-term effects of life insurance application include dizziness, nausea, disorientation, memory loss, and lack of sex.

Suicide is a reasonable alternative to continued life insurance application; however it is not advised unless your policy has outlived its contestable period. State laws differ on this point. In some states, you need to wait two years. In some states you need to wait one year. After your insurance has been in force that long, it's okay to go ahead and kill yourself.

But what's the best way to do yourself in? By overdosing on life insurance application, of course! (Oh, did I forget to mention that it's possible to overdose? Yeah, well, it is.)

For a Squidoo lens on life insurance quotes, see Insurance Life Quotes.

To speak with a competent life insurance advisor, contact an agency. Need a place to start? Try www.wholesaleinsurance.net.