How To Rebuild Your Life After Divorce - A Self Help Guide For Women

There is no greater emotional pain that can be inflicted on someone than the announcement by your partner that they want a divorce.
Even if both of you have "seen it coming" for some time, and the idea of it comes as no big surprise, the actual words still hit like a bomb exploding in head. It's really over . . . .

When it's "out-in-the-open" that the person you held hands with so many years ago, and promised to love - honor - and obey - to be supportive of, to stand beside in good times and bad -through sickness and health - for richer or poorer - no longer wants you or your love. You have been rejected, and it's just about the most damaging thing you'll ever face in your lifetime.

Whatever your circumstances, it is of the utmost importance that when the pain of divorce descends upon you, you realize that you can recover -that you will recover - and that this is in reality, however bad it may seem right now, is an opportunity for you to attain real and total happiness.

Life After Divorce - For Women

In How To Rebuild Your Life After Divorce - A Self Help Guide For Women, you will discover:

Our self help guide for women explore with you your current feelings and help you work your way through the gloom into the light at the other side of the tunnel.

You'll read about the basic steps required in recovering from divorce, how to accept your circumstances, recover from the hurt and grow as a person.

You'll discover how to win back your self esteem after divorce, how to just let go of the guilt and depression and start your journey to a better life.

This guide will help you regain your self confidence, and be the kind of person you want to be - to set your sights on becoming and attaining all your ambitions - and to do what's really necessary to fulfil your dreams.

You will also learn how to take stock of your present situation; lay out a "game plan" for what kind of life you want; and start moving in a positive direction even if you have to force yourself and it will give you back the ability to make new friends and enjoy yourself.

Life After Divorce - For Women

"The house was listed for sale and we were looking for a new place, when he sent me an email telling me he wanted a divorce. Can you imagine? An email!"

"She was 30. Beautiful, smart, skinny, hip and "only his business assistant."

I've always been suspicious of the relationship. A woman always knows. I was 50. Just a little overweight - but what do you expect after six children and catching food on the fly as I drove the kids to all their activities in the suburbs? A typical hockey mom who needed a hair cut and who did not have "manicure and pedicure please" in her vocabulary.

We had been married 25 years and I had gone through all the bad times with him. Now, he was at the top of his game. Powerful, rich and still very attractive. He was out of town. I called him immediately to see if this was some kind of a crazy joke. He said he still loved me but he was not "in love" with me anymore. I still don't know what that means. And he "needed a change."

Obviously, the only antidote for this news is suicide. NO. We have no time for that kind of thinking. No one is worth your health or your life. No one. And if you think this will bring him back - you are wrong. He has probably already made up his mind. It also gives him a wonderful excuse. Who could stay with such a "crazy lady?" You are not a crazy lady.

Your strength at this point is he knows you very well and will underestimate your capability of playing hardball. But you must. In spite of the SHOCK - there must be a stronger word but it will have to do - you have to act immediately. Speed is important. No more Mrs. Nice Girl. If a miracle happens and he changes his mind later, you can always apologize.

Here is your initial plan. You go to the bank. Go to your broker. Get certified checks - not cashiers - for half of any liquid assets available that include your name and have them made out to you. If anyone questions you, tell them it is for a real estate closing. Then, you go to a different bank, open a new account in your name alone and deposit the checks. Why are you doing this? Because men use money to control. And you don't want to have start begging for money for groceries and your kid's school trip. I know you think your husband would never do this to you, but they do. If he has already drained the accounts, you need to get an attorney immediately. But you may be beating him to it because he doesn't think you would do this. Just do it.

Next you go into his home office. He did not get where he is today by being disorganized so all his IRS, bank statements, stock market statements will probably be neatly stored. Remember, he does not give you credit for being so clever so they are probably there. Put all the records into a garbage bag and go to Kinko's. Have everything copied. Every piece of financial paper you can find. Information on pensions, contracts with his employer. Take these copies to your mother's house or your best friend's and put them in their basement. Return his records to his files. Sure, you can get these later but your having these records will save time and money later because your attorney will not have to subpoena for them. Attorneys charge you by the minute not the case. You are not allowed the luxury of having a nervous breakdown yet. There is more to do.

Look at your credit cards. Are they in your name or are you a signature on your husband's account? If you don't know, call the credit card companies and ask. You want them to issue cards in your individual name. Tell them it is easier for you when a store asks for an ID. Pay extra for FEDEX to get the cards immediately. Next. Stay with me. I know this is hard. You have several friends who have been divorced. Call them up. You don't have to tell them this is for you. You want the names of the top divorce attorneys in the city - maybe for a good friend of yours. They may have been the lawyers who represented their former husbands. Gather three or four names and call their offices and make an appointment to see them. Right away. Divorce attorneys do not usually charge for an initial visit.When you get there, it is time for you to listen to your intuitive gut. You will get a feeling of who you can work with in the future if you need to. This could be a long, drawn out process so you want someone you like - someone you feel is capable of protecting you and your children financially. You don't have to hire anyone just yet but make a preliminary decision. It will make you feel more powerful and you need this now.

This is not a good time for you to move - so if your house or condo is for sale, cancel the listing immediately. Don't worry if you have signed an exclusive listing with an agent for six months. You can still cancel. It has happened to the agent before, so don't worry about hurting anyone's feelings. According to the rules in most states, you are not liable to pay a commission to that agent unless you sell the house during the period of the agreement - either by owner or with another broker. Things are too unsettled right now to consider or even make a good decision on where you might want to live in the future. Keep things status quo for you and your children at this time. You need to maintain a stable environment. Everything else in your life feels like it is going up in flames.

OK. You can fall apart for now. You have done some tough work. Work out of your comfort zone. The fireworks are about to begin. At some point, there will be a meeting. Perhaps he will have second thoughts. Maybe even agree to marriage counseling. And, who knows? Maybe even a reconciliation. For a moment or a while. Do the best you can with what is for now. Even if the counseling doesn't work, the therapist could act as a mediator in an eventual divorce and help you and your family to adjust to this radical new situation. In addition to a couples therapist, get one of your own. You need someone to talk to besides your mother, sister or friends.

In any event, don't back off from the actions you have taken financially until you have a bullet proof legal agreement. One cardinal rule. Do not bad mouth this man to your children. It is tempting but it will hurt them. And it will not help you. They will have their own angry feelings, maybe even blame you, and you don't want to add to that by tearing them apart by choosing sides. He is their father and hopefully, will continue to act as such.

Now, stop. Let time pass. Your inclination is to sit in your chair and stare at the ceiling. And that is okay for a while. You feel as though your life has ended and although it has not, no one will be able to convince you of that just now.

Try to force yourself to get up and do something. Even if it is just walking to the corner to mail a letter. It doesn't have to be a lot right away. But, be kind to yourself. You have post traumatic stress disorder. Fortunately, you have to take care of your family which will force you into some semblance of activity. You have to shop, feed them and do the laundry.

Elizabeth Kubler Ross, in her many books, talks about the five stages of grief. They don't always happen in this order but you can plan on all of them to happen to you.

They are:

Denial. "This can't be happening to me." Not accepting or even acknowledging the loss.

Anger. "Why me?" Wanting to attack or get even. Lots of blame.Bargaining. Trying to make deals with the spouse who is leaving. Making deals with God. Begging. Wishing. Praying that he will come home.

Depression. We've already mentioned this one. Feelings of hopelessness. Mourning the future you will not have now.

Acceptance. Not resignation. Just realizing that it has happened.

You need help with all these stages with your own therapist. Get it. It not seem possible but you will survive. Healing will come in its own time. Don't let anyone tell you when it will happen. You have your own time frame. You will survive.

A published writer, but only three months old as a blogger. Loving it! When I tell you I did not know the difference between a webpage and a blog only a few months ago, I would not be lying! Now I do and as they say in Brooklyn, where I originated, "Who knew?" I picked personal growth as my topic because I not only have been a self help junkie for years but I had a TV show on national cable for eleven years and interviewed over 400 authors in that time. Including all the most famous ones you see on Oprah! Since book sales on numbering in the billions in the personal growth field, I thought there would be great interest in this niche. Also, because I am a lady of a "certain age," I have been around the block a few times, made many mistakes and have achieved some success. I am hoping to share my good wisdom with my readers.

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If you are really considering starting divorce proceedings then it is essential that you are well prepared before actually commencing them. By doing this it will make the whole process go a lot more smoothly and cause you less stress and pain as well. Also be well prepared will ensure that you can make more sound and informed decisions about your future life. When it comes to getting divorced there are many pitfalls associated with the whole process but if you keep the following divorce tips for women in mind, you will be able to cope with any eventuality.

Tip 1 - The first that you should be doing when it comes to thinking about filing for divorce is to get together all essential paperwork. You need to get together everything relating to your and your partner since you have been married. So arrange to collect details of all bank accounts, credit cards, investments and mortgage details along with any other asset or debts that you have both as a couple and as individuals. Finally if you can also make sure that you have information relating to your last 3 years tax returns, along with information relating to your what your employment situation is and what your salary is if you are working.

Tip 2 - When getting ready to start divorce proceedings it is a good idea to have a clear understanding of what your financial situation is. The best way of doing this is by looking at the debts you and your partner owe against what assets you may have. When we talk about assets we mean investments, savings along with any equity that you have in the property that you jointly own. Once you know the assets you have then you subtract the debts that you and your partner jointly have and this will tell you just how much the marital estate is worth and which is often divided equally between the couple.

Tip 3 - Even during the early stages of when you are considering to divorce your partner you should seek legal advice as soon as possible. A good family lawyer will be able to help you better understand the procedures relating to all divorce matters. A good lawyer will be able to help you not only understand the procedures relating to divorce but also will clearly spell out what options are available to you.

Tip 4 - It is extremely vital that when you are preparing to file for divorce that you ensure that all your finances are in order especially your tax return. The last thing you want to be faced with just as the divorce is about to be finalized is problems concerning your tax returns as a married couple. If you are in any way worried that your partner has not filed tax returns correctly, then why not arrange to file your own as a married person but with the note that you have chosen to file yours separately from your partners.

Tip 5 - Something else you will need to make sure that you have sorted out before you file for divorce is if you have sufficient life, medical and health insurance coverage. Most people once they get married choose to take out insurance policies together rather than separately simply because it will save them money. Therefore, as soon as you are ready to file for divorce you need to get all the right sorts of insurance coverage in place. Along with medical, health and life insurance coverage for you and any children you may have you need to make sure you have insurance coverage for your home and any vehicles you use.

By being well prepared before filing for your divorce you will find that you are better able to cope with any situations that may arise. Also it is vital that you take into consideration all aspects of your divorce especially if there are children involved. Although you may be under some considerable stress yourself just imagine what your children are going through as well. By having everything prepared hopefully your and your partner can carry out the divorce in the most amicable way possible.

In order for you to avoid the pitfalls that many women before have faced when it comes to divorce is to be well prepared. If you remember the above divorce tips for women that we have mentioned above then you may find yourself better to cope with the stresses and strains that this situation can put on you.

Above we have provided some helpful divorce tips for women. But in order to help make sure that your divorce proceedings go more smoothly then click on this link DivorceTipsForHer.com to find out more.

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Generally speaking, when it comes to women and divorce, financial preparedness is the key to an easy divorce%u2026 or at least as close to it as you can get. It may be true that men may find themselves set back, financially, after a divorce. This is why there are attorneys who specifically offer services pertaining to divorce for men.

However, more often than not, women find themselves in dire need of divorce help due to the fact that their male counterparts generally make more money and have more financial power than they do. This can be quite unfair, particularly when women usually gain custody of the children and naturally incur higher expenses.

After a divorce, a woman's cost of living can increase dramatically, hence the reason why court-ordered alimony and child support payments most often go to women; even so, experts report that the average woman experiences a 45% decrease in her standard of living after going through a divorce. Meanwhile, the average man experiences a 15% improvement in his standard of living (Long Island University's National Center for Women & Retirement Research).

Given these eye-opening statistics, it is no wonder that women are scouring the Internet for divorce information and divorce help. By learning how to get a divorce and by seeking divorce help, spouses who find themselves on the short end of the financial stick are finding ways to protect their assets and to live a reasonable life after divorce.

Nathan Dawson writes for http://www.lifeaftermarriage.com a great online source for finance information.

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If you or your spouse is now considering a divorce, you must know the different types of Texas Divorces. There are many different types of divorce; you just need to find out what will be the right type for you and your family. All of the types of divorce can be with or without children depending on what your situation might be.

The first type of divorce is an uncontested divorce. This type of divorce is where both parties are in full agreement of all of the details of the divorce and they both agree to sign all of the paperwork. One benefit of getting an uncontested divorce is that it will be over quick and painlessly. The lawyers will draw up the paperwork, make sure that both of you agree with the terms, and you will both pay a small fee to each of your lawyers and it will be finished. When you and your spouse are looking for a peaceful inexpensive divorce this would be the route to take. If you have children, it would also put a lot less stress on the children which would lower your overall stress level.

The next type of divorce is a default divorce. The papers for this type of divorce are just like all the other types of divorce but the process for going about getting the divorce is different. You will draw up the set of Texas divorce papers with your lawyer with all of the correct information. At the end of it you will sign the papers. Your spouse will then be served with the final paperwork and will have to sign it. After you have the signature, you will work with your lawyer to draw up the final papers and will go to court for your official hearing. This type can be helpful for most people looking to file for a divorce.

The last type of divorce is called a Missing Spouse Divorce. The title of this divorce pretty much explains what type it is. If you are looking to get a divorce and don't where your spouse is at the present time, you can file for this type of divorce. They have a process that they will go through in filing the papers to make sure that everything is done by Texas state law. No matter what state your spouse is in, you can use this type of divorce.

For more information, contact Denton Divorce Lawyers of Alexander and Associates at 972-420-6560.

Joseph Devine

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