How To Rebuild Your Life After Divorce - A Self Help Guide For Men

There is no greater emotional pain that can be inflicted on someone than the announcement by your partner that they want a divorce.
Even if both of you have "seen it coming" for some time, and the idea of it comes as no big surprise, the actual words still hit like a bomb exploding in head. It's really over . . . .

When it's "out-in-the-open" that the person you held hands with so many years ago, and promised to love - honor - and obey - to be supportive of, to stand beside in good times and bad -through sickness and health - for richer or poorer - no longer wants you or your love. You have been rejected, and it's just about the most damaging thing you'll ever face in your lifetime.

Whatever your circumstances, it is of the utmost importance that when the pain of divorce descends upon you, you realize that you can recover -that you will recover - and that this is in reality, however bad it may seem right now, is an opportunity for you to attain real and total happiness.

Life After Divorce - For Men

In How To Rebuild Your Life After Divorce - A Self Help Guide For Men, you will discover:

Our self help guide for men explore with you your current feelings and help you work your way through the gloom into the light at the other side of the tunnel.

You'll read about the basic steps required in recovering from divorce, how to accept your circumstances, recover from the hurt and grow as a person.

You'll discover how to win back your self esteem after divorce, how to just let go of the guilt and depression and start your journey to a better life.

This guide will help you regain your self confidence, and be the kind of person you want to be - to set your sights on becoming and attaining all your ambitions - and to do what's really necessary to fulfil your dreams.

You will also learn how to take stock of your present situation; lay out a "game plan" for what kind of life you want; and start moving in a positive direction even if you have to force yourself and it will give you back the ability to make new friends and enjoy yourself.

Life After Divorce - For Men

With the statistics showing that divorce is at an all time high the level of support for divorcees has skyrocketed to help people get through this very difficult time in their lives and find a way to move on. Unfortunately that level of support is extremely skewed to help women, not men dealing with divorce! So with divorce support for men so low what does a man after divorce do? Or perhaps more importantly what should they not do!

The first problem most guys face is coping with the reality of being a divorcee. This can sometimes take some time to sink in and before the realization settles men can go through a wide range of emotions and actions. Many can refuse to believe they are really divorced, in their hearts they are still married even if they do not feel in love and others feel in love but feel separated. To cope with these things men will usually do one of two things: Nothing or Everything! When they do nothing they can become deeply depressed and a recent statistic shows they are much more likely than the woman to commit suicide, whether this stems from the lack of support for men compared to women or just that men are more susceptible to these things is unclear but since men are usually creatures of action doing the opposite can be very detrimental to their mental health. The opposite effect is that the man tries to cope with this new situation by doing as much as he can with his life so he does not have to focus on his emotions. A great focus on work or on socializing or some other activity to keep himself busy becomes the main goal in the mans life. While this can be better than the lethargy of depression men often do things they regret during this period such as; sleeping around to fill the void of intimacy, alcoholism, getting into fights, and of course not resolving their emotional conflict.

To compound these issues women are more likely to have a social network of friends they can rely on to help them emotionally whereas the man will not have the relationships with his friends to talk about such things and the man himself may not feel comfortable looking for help from other men even professionals.

So where is a divorced man suppose to go for help? There may be no perfect advice for men after divorce and while we can generalize on the character of males we are all different enough that we all need different solutions. The best advice I have heard however that man is is a natural problem solver, give a man the information and tools he needs to solve a problem and he will eventually build something that works. Divorce support for men may simply be giving a man as much easily accessed information so he can occupy himself with solving his own problems. Men dealing with divorce and separation may always be seen as lesser problem than the women but thanks to the internet it is much easier for men to access the help they need without the social stigma and embarrassment they might feel in real life.

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There are very few times in a man's life that he will actually seek help or advice for his own need. There may be a plumbing job he doesn't mind asking about but rarely will he ask for help with his feelings. Getting divorced is probably the only time he will and should get all the help he needs.

Having gone through the whole process myself and seen the light out of the other side I can tell you this much. It takes longer than you think it will to become emotionally stable following the break up of a marriage whereby you are the one who gets left for someone else. Its not that you find it hard to get over the fact that your ex wife is now with someone new. More the fact that your life has changed by so much that you may find it hard to get used to it.

The whole process of divorce for men is a long and sometimes tedious one, with lots of letters going backwards and forwards from your respective lawyers, when all the time you will be expected to still work well for your job, be a good father to your children and keep a roof over your head in time of massive upheaval.

These points I think may be of some help to anyone going through a divorce but particularly men, as divorce for men can be much harder on your emotional state than you would otherwise think.

1 Choose a lawyer on recommendation, if this is not possible interview three

2 Communicate with your lawyer exactly what you want them to do and what you do not want them to do on your behalf. They will assume that it will be up to them to do all of the mediating work on your behalf and at your exspense.

3 Keep communication going with your wife. If this stops you will end up fighting about something you agree upon because your lawyers are fighting each other.

4 Draw up between you and your wife what you want and expect from the split and come to agreement over this. Otherwise you will be paying your lawyers to fight over a microwave. This will cost you much more than n new one.

5 Keep all correspondence.

6 Do not bad mouth your wife. Especially if you have children.

7 Do not get into any tit for tat situation. Meet up and calmly agree, back down if you have too.

8 Take up a new hobby or sport. A fitness plan may help you in two ways, one to vent steam and another to help you look your best for when you may wish to start dating again.

9 Lean on your family and friends, its vital you talk about how you feel and get out your frustration. They will understand and they will help you get better by just listening.

10 Remember if you have children. They come first and you will always be their Father and your wife will always be their Mother. Divorce for men is hard but you can get over it.

We have a site up and almost running, it is for information only and can be found at divorceformen.co.uk

I have gone through my divorce and come out the other side a better more rounded person. Not bitter or resentful but happy for the time I was married. I made some mistakes during my divorce that cost me money that did not need to be spent on lawyers arguing. This is such a waste of your money and your emotional well being. http://divorceformen.blog.com/

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