1) Does everyone around you seem happier, more successful and richer?
2) Do you lack energy and focus in your life?
3) Are you grumpy and bad tempered with those you love most?
4) Have you read ALL the Self Help books and still have no answer?
5) Is it hard just getting through the day?
6) Do you feel that the good things in life are passing you by?
7) Are you stuck in your life, work, relationship?
8) Do you have difficulty building and maintaining relationships?
9) Do you have self belief or self esteem issues?
10) Do you REALLY want to change something in your life?

What is stress?

Stress comes from within, it is a reaction to an external situation over which you may feel you have no control. We are the creators of our stress. If we believe this, then it means that we have the power to do something about it. Stress comes from many different sources:

Everyday life
Unexpected events
Build up of various situations
Stress from being a perfectionist or insecure, having poor self belief, low self esteem etc

Recognising stress.

Firstly, know that your stress is completely unique to you. Hence what stresses you, is a walk in the park to someone else. The first step towards managing your stress is to become aware of how you behave when under stress, your symptoms so to speak.
These could include :

Disturbed sleep pattern
Anxiety
Depression
Mood Swings
Overeating/undereating
Self destructive behaviour
Headaches
Stomach problems
Skin rashes
Low self esteem

Managing your stress.

Secondly, become aware of the situations and circumstances that trigger these stressful behaviours in you. Ask yourself some direct questions! What is your quality of life?

Do something about it!

Thirdly, and this is crucial, make a commitment to yourself, to change the way you deal with stress.
Recognise that it is up to you to do something about it.

There are many things you can do to help create a more stress free environment. A Life Coach can be a vital tool in helping you to explore how you are currently living your life and how you can make the changes to create a more balanced lifestyle.

Daily pressures and the stress of trying to balance a modern life can leave us feeling that we are chasing our own tails with little visible result. The most important person in the equation of life is often forgotten. But, YOU are important and the negative results of ignoring your personal desires long term, can be reflected in many areas of your life. Stress, depression, weight and health issues, can all be linked to a dissatisfaction with life.

Lack of time, is often a core issue in peoples unhappiness with their lives. Without knowing it other peoples priorities have suddenly become more important than our own.

The first step to addressing time management issues, is to identify your priorities and to look honestly at what you are actually doing with the time you have. Where are you wasting time for example. End procrastination and act! Often the refrain 'I don't have time' is just another delay tactic.

The second step is an attitude turnaround. If you can't change the situation, change the way you think about your situation to a positive.

If time management issues are a problem for you, then they usually permeate all areas of life. Once you have identified that this is where you need help, you are half way there. There are many useful tools you can use to help the situation. A life coach is invaluable in supporting you at this time and helping you to identify and implement realistic changes in your life.

I first picked this book up by chance and it has since become my bible. I find it so full of simple and clear wisdom. Of all the books in this genre that I have read, it is the only one that has inspired and enabled me to make instant and lasting changes in my life! Its very simple, embrace the four agreements whole heartedly. If you 'get' what Don Miguel is saying on a gut level then you cannot ignore his message.

Be Impeccable with your word - I interpreted this directly as 'do not gossip '. At the time of first reading, my life was full of it ! Everyone's life is full of it ! In the media, in the office, even in the playground! I was tired and bored of the gossip game and I learned a valuable lesson , in that gossip nearly cost me a valued friendship. I learnt that talking ill of people only really harms the bearer of the message.

We are lucky enough to be able to speak , we should not use this precious gift to contaminate our lives and the lives of others. We should use it for love. I am so aware now, that when someone starts to speak without kindness, I feel very uncomfortable and usually try to change the subject or stand up for the victim. I know that to some people I am now an unrewarding conversationalist!

This does not mean that we cannot talk about people at all, it means that we should look closely at the intention behind what we say. Is there love there ? Is there genuine respect and empathy or are we reveling in someone's misfortune and pain ? Magazines such as Now, Reveal and Heat are all about pain and making so called celebrities seem ugly or unhappy or ill. Why ? to make the reader feel better, that even rich and famous people have problems! This is what Don Miguel calls ' the emotional poison' no-one truly can feel better after reading this poison .. and it is a diet on which even young children are now being raised. Help!

Don't Take Anything Personally - I had been thinking about this concept, in an abstract way for sometime, but the book put into words what I believed. By not taking anything personally you become free. Yet you retain your own awareness and responsibility. You do not allow someone else's behavior to impact on you. How someone else behaves or feels is not your responsibility. I cannot make someone feel anger or happiness. These feelings are within them and they have a choice. Some people I have discussed this book with, seem to feel that this attitude means not taking responsibility for the impact of our actions on others and that it is selfish to behave in this manner . I think they are taking this agreement out of context. Living the Four Agreements means that you are impeccable and therefore unable to spread poison!

Don't make Assumptions - This and the above agreement are one in the same I feel. Often one leads directly to the other. I found that if I stopped 'taking things personally' I also stopped 'making assumptions' and vice versa. So often, we feel that we know what someone else is feeling, but we cannot truly know any one else's frame of reference, only our own. This agreement is also about speaking up, being brave and seeking clarity through questioning. Avoiding drama, we all know people or have ourselves created drama merely because we have assumed and then taken personally whatever we have assumed. My friend showed me this wordplay "when you assume an ass-u make-of me"

Always Do Your Best - This is one of the kindest agreements to yourself , basically as long as you do your best at all times and in all things then you do not need to be The Best. Some days you might feel less able but you still do your best we are all human and this agreement I feel recognizes our frailty and stops us from beating up on ourselves because we do less well some days than others.

I have lost count of how many copies of this book I have given away. I just want everyone to own a copy ! I have even kept copies for my children for when they are older.

The 7 Habits is a great book for parents. For me it has certainly changed the way I think and deal with conflict within the family.

The Emotional Bank Account is about building trust. We are all unique - one persons belief or perception is no better or truer than another's, it is just different. We need to respect our differences and learn to enjoy them. 'We see the world not as it is but as we are ' This links into the 4 Agreements 'Don't make assumptions 'Coveys example of the man with the rowdy kids, who's wife has just died is very powerful. How many of us have judged without knowing the full story ?

Finding solutions that suit everybody is a difficult one, young children are not good at compromise! They want what they want, NOW! but the win/win attitude, clearly explained and put into practice, teaches us and them a valuable lesson for the future.

I have learned and sincerely believe that listening deeply is the one most significant change you can make in your life, Covey says :

'listening involves patience, openness and the desire to understand - highly developed qualities of character. It is so much easier to operate from a low emotional level and to give high level advice'

Only if you truly listen can you hope to understand another point of view and to listen first, without judgment, to another is one of the hardest things to do. In order to implement Habit 5' Seek to understand before you seek to be understood' we need to listen!

Everything Covey says about kids struck a chord with me. I am at this place in my life primarily because of my kids. Behaviors that I would never carry out with another adult come out with my children.

'a good parent will understand before evaluating or judging, The key to good judgment is understanding. By judging first a person will never fully understand.'

It is so easy to forget that we are the adult when we are in an emotive situation with our children. It is important to remember that we parent as we were parented and only by being aware of this can we make steps to not repeat negative patterns.

I agree with Covey when he says 'there are times to teach and not to teach. When relationships are strained and the air charged with emotion, an attempt to teach can be perceived as a form of judgment and rejection'

Lack of time, patience and fear of our children being in danger or simply the threat of them being different from us, leads to judgment.
Awareness of how powerfully we are scripted is crucial to change. I find it easy to be a friend , a wife, a colleague ! To be a parent, now that is my challenge!

My daughter asked for a mobile phone for her birthday (she will be 11). We had previously agreed that she would get one when she went to secondary school. She reasoned , she cried, she tried to understand and to be fair she tried to accept it. But I could see it was still eating at her. I discussed it with my husband, with friends until I could see her side and empathize with her reasoning and despite my fears we decided that she should be allowed to have one ! All the time I was thinking of dear Steve and how he would handle it ! I think my emotional bank account is well stocked. For a while at least!

A friend of mine once gave me some sound advice, regarding raising children 'Pick your battles carefully ' she said. I think that this is also what Covey is saying. By showing your child that you are listening and considering their point of view, they learn to trust your judgment . So that when you have advice to offer they will listen because they have learnt that you consider both sides , rather than dismissing their feelings.

The core of Covey's book however is not the 7 Habits. It is the premise of Inside-Out . The Habits are the clothes Inside-Out is the hanger! All change must come from within and you can only start with yourself%u2026

'If you want to have a happy marriage, be the kind of person who generates positive energy and sidesteps negative energy, rather than empowering it. If you want to have a more pleasant, cooperative teenager, be a more understanding, empathic, consistent, loving parent. If you want to be trusted, be trustworthy'

None of this is easy and often involves looking at our inner responses that make us uncomfortable. I am learning that if I am uncomfortable with something then I am being given a signal, that I need to explore it further, rather than dismissing it as someone else's fault or problem.

'It is not what happens to us but our response to what happens to us that hurts us'

At no point does Covey pretend that living the 7 Habits will be a walk in the park ! He says about love

' love is a verb, love is something you do, the sacrifices you make, the giving of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world. Love is a value that is actualized through loving actions.'

I think that people sometimes believe that the path of self-development is a selfish one. The above statement for me shows clearly that it is not. It is about realizing that we all have a choice but that with that choice comes a consequence and a realization that we can be in control of our lives but that we are responsible for the direction in which we go.

I strongly believe that all humans are capable of achieving their greatest desires, if only they can free themselves from all the negative speak. I aspire to Beck's coaching style and her ability to get to the heart of the matter, through her direct and open questions.

Martha Beck clearly illustrates the idea of the two parts of us, the essential self and the social self. The aim is to achieve a balance in our lives, by ensuring that the two parts are acting in harmony. Too often, we are disconnected from our essential selves, which in turn can lead us down the wrong path.

To be self caring and to have a level of selfishness with regard to ones needs, helps us to grow and know ourselves. Too much selflessness can cripple and stifle us under the weight of others demands. There is a great freedom in being able to say No, Beck speaks of trusting 'your own well being'. By looking after ourselves first, we are more able to care fully for others.

The core message of this book is to learn how to listen to our essential selves. To recognize the body signals, which in some people have been obliterated and replaced by other's needs. Inveterate people pleasers take note! What are your deepest longings ? What do you really want? When asked these questions, how many of us genuinely know the answer? This is the quest! To help ourselves and others find their lost essential selves and to bring their lives back into balance.

It is clear that Beck's goal is to help her clients find their passions and achieve fulfillment .The key word for me throughout the book is passion. I firmly believe that we can all feel it and we all deserve to feel it.

Beck acknowledges early on in her book that listening to and acting in accordance with our essential selves can take us on a scary journey. A journey full of challenge and change. We have to be ready and committed to the path. As she says ' this can be truly frightening. I can see this directly reflected in unhappy friends, treading the same circle, yet afraid to step out of it.

I met a good friend , who has been gradually hating her job more and more. I commented on how well she looked "do you really think so ?" she said, then it came out that she had two days left of her months notice. She had quit her job and she looked visibly lighter, as if she had shed a heavy load! It had taken her a year and a half to make this life changing decision, yet within a month of giving in her notice she had two job offers to choose from !

In our culture, as Beck says we 'learn to be abstemious' Never to show anyone how much we want something , or let people see how thrilled we are to get it. A good example is an inability to receive a compliment. Constantly hiding our emotional reactions, leads to suppression and eventual loss of the emotional self.

Psychoanalyst Darian Leader says " At the core of many people's experience of inertia and lack of interest in life lies the loss of a cherished human relationship" He is talking here in relationship to mourning. However this insight applies equally to the loss of love. Many people once hurt, retreat into their cocoon, never to reappear, lest life hurt them again .

Jack Nicholson says about life "Do not lie, do not steal and do not be afraid. Mainly do not be afraid".

This book is short and clear and if the contents are put into action, I believe that they can lead to a truly delicious life.

The Law of Pure Potentiality - this is the idea that we are pure consciousness. It is Chopras description of our spiritual Self or essence. It can be called many things, M.Beck described it as our essential Self. It is your spirit, your soul, your true Self or simply being ness.

Our journey is to discover our ' essential nature and know who (we) really are'. To find our true selves we must first become aware of the way we relate to the world. If we relate to the world through our true self, then we are not concerned with what others think of us. We do not fear new experiences and we are not affected by others behaviors towards us. This is living life from within.

If, however we lead our lives in response to the external, we are at the mercy of circumstances and situations around us. We are constantly reacting to the events unfolding in our lives, desperately trying to control the circumstances and people around us. This is a life led from without. A life led by our ego or our social Self. Chopra says 'your social mask thrives on approval. It wants to control and it is sustained by power, because it lives in fear'

By applying this law, I have been able to let go of many fears in my life. Particularly around what people think of me or how my actions are perceived. This law is the C1 of the backbone of the book, the other laws flow from it like so many vertebrae.

I am directly experiencing the benefits of Self power in my life. The more my awareness of Self grows, the more I experience my life as a positive flow of energy.

I have taken up meditation and my goal is to incorporate meditation into my daily life. I make it my aim everyday, not to judge (this includes myself when I fail!) and I seek to spend time in silence and with nature.

The Law of Giving - I am grateful that somehow I have always known that what you give out to the world is returned a hundredfold. I was raised in the belief that " the more you give, the more you will receive' But not in a materialistic sense. Although at times, I have been adrift from this belief, it is now firmly part of my life, in a very spiritual sense and a sense that comes from love.

I incorporate this law in my everyday life. Expressing my gratitude silently but also through actions and behavior.

The giving of free coaching sessions as part of my training was a direct example of this. I found it truly empowering as I realized that I was doing it truly from the heart, not because I had to!

The Law Of Karma - this law is similar to the above and as such it is one with which I am comfortable. I was raised in the mindset that 'what you sow is what you reap' This could also be called the law of responsibility. Chopra describes choice in the following way.

' whether you like it or not, everything that is happening at this moment is a result of the choices you have made in the past'

I find this truly liberating , it means that fundamentally I am totally in control of my life and my destiny. If I understand and accept that all my choices have consequences, then I can accept responsibility when I choose one action over another, or one response over another. He suggests standing back and witnessing your choices on a regular basis.

The Law of Least Effort - this incorporates the belief that if you are leading a life based on pure potentiality, if your choices and actions are based on your true self. If you are motivated by love, then life will flow easily for you.

There are three important elements to this law :

1) Acceptance - of yourself and others, of circumstances and events. 'This moment is as it should be'

2) Responsibility - not blaming others for any part of your life situation.

3) Defenselessness - when you stand firm in your own Self, then you no longer need to justify yourself or your actions. There is no need to fight your corner.

The Law of Intention and Desire - Intention is the power behind desire. Desire alone does not make things happen. However, the quality of your intention is crucial and this gives it huge power. Chopra is clear that the intention must be for the human good.

"Accept the present and intend the future' do not however make the mistake of being overly attached to the outcome or specific result . That way lies missed opportunity. The ideal he speaks of is Intention combined with detachment.

The Law of Detachment - The human quest for security in the manifestation of material things is an example of an attachment which is based on fear 'those who seek security, chase it for a lifetime without ever finding it'

The opposite to security is uncertainty and Chopra describes this as where 'you will experience the fun of life - the magic, the celebration, the exuberation and the exaltation of your own spirit', in other words, the lovely stuff!

The Law of Dharma - tells us to 'focus on what (you) have to give'

Remember that 'each of us is here to discover our higher self' to 'express our true talents' and to give 'service to humanity'. Ask yourself 'how can I help'

Coaching is this to me, through it I can continue my journey to discover my true self, I can express my true talents and I can serve humanity. Then I will be living the Law of Dharma!

I have read this book three times. The first time, I threw it down in disgust, judging it incomprehensible and complicated. The second time was just after I had had a fairly major accident and was confined to bed for a few weeks. I read every word and each sentence seemed to enter my very pores. The third time, I read it, each sentence had me nodding my head and agreeing with every fiber of my being.

Tolle pinpoints the deep and wide sweeping malaise that seems to be affecting so many at this time. His is a simple theory of unhappiness and how to conquer it. Unhappiness he says is a result of 'too much past and not enough presence'. Those who are deeply dissatisfied, often live in the past or are fixated on a perfect future. Where, says Tolle is the appreciation and gratitude for the present moment, for the NOW 'ask yourself do you have a problem now?'

Alongside this belief, that we are missing out on our actual life, whilst fixating on things that have or have not yet happened, Tolle shows that through the practice of non-judgment, acceptance of ourselves and others and situations, we can learn to truly believe and appreciate that 'every moment is as it should be' (Deepak Chopra) Tolle says 'It is as it is'

The philosophy that Tolle expounds, seems too simple to be true but in order to absorb it , you must be at the end of your current way of living and ready to work on your awareness and to look deeply within. On my third reading I realized that during and after my accident I had undergone exactly what he speaks of, when he talks about the way the mind responds to emergency.

At the moment of the accident, I deeply experienced a shift in my consciousness. I was intensely present, almost out of body and extremely aware of everything around me, sounds, smell, colours. There was no time to create a problem the event had happened and I accepted it and got on with it.

As he says 'your life situation is not your life' and 'there are no problems only situations'. If you choose to see life like this, then you choose freedom to act, because every situation requires one of two responses :

To be sorted out or
To be accepted

Tolle is all about personal responsibility and recognizes himself, that some people will be angry with what he says, precisely because it involves taking responsibility and giving up the blame game which we play so well. 'Be at least as interested in your reactions in various situations as in the situation or person that causes you to react'

'Make the choice' decide today 'I will create no more pain for myself' and here is the sticking point. Here, is where people raise up their eyes and say ' easy to say' or get angry and throw the book away! We cannot change this reaction. There is nothing to be done, except to accept. I find this personally the hardest thing. When I believe it so strongly but people turn away and choose their pain instead of freedom. This is the challenge of coaching for me, to accept where people are at on their journey.

Tolle is very clear about how tied up peoples identities are with their problems. I love Byron Katie's style and Tolle asks the same question 'Who would you be without this problem' a great coaching question!

Honesty is crucial in moving forward. I can freely admit to wallowing in sorrow or bad temper or hurt but when you can witness it, then you don't linger for long. You recognize what you are doing and then I always ask myself 'how long will I give myself this indulgence and how does it benefit me? I'm soon outa there! It is very sobering when you realize that actually you are enjoying being miserable (just a little bit)

Do not complain, complaining is non-acceptance 'work with the moment not against it'

This book has certainly influenced me. It has deepened my knowing. I have become much more of an observer, primarily of myself, my inner reactions and responses. Also of others, but whereas before I might have judged, now I observe with curiosity and ask myself why?

In terms of Coaching, although goal setting and working towards the future is crucial. True success comes from focusing on the present moment and the step you are taking, not on the path ahead.

'The present moment is all you have'