Points to Ponder
Here's some interesting points to ponder. Sometimes I lie awake at night just thinking about lifes greatest mysteries.
Life's Greatest Mysteries
- Why do they call them vineyards and not grapeyards or grape farms?
- What is so great about sliced bread?
- What really is the greatest thing since sliced bread?
- What is the greatest thing before sliced bread?
- Shouldn't it be the greatest thing since the bread slicer?
- Why do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in the driveway and leave useless things and junk in boxes in the garage.
- Why don't marriage licenses expire?
- Do babies think adults are cute?
- If some people are "overwhelmed", are the rest of us "whelmed"?
- Why are there no "B" size batteries?
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If They're Laughing, They Just Might Be Listening: Ideas for Using Humor Effectively in the Classroom, Even if You're Not Funny Yourself
Amazon Price: $10.36 (as of 12/02/2008) 
Life's Greatest Mysteries
- Bakers bake so why don't butchers butch?
- Who's dumber: a semi-illiterate or a semi-literate?
- After eating, do amphibians have to wait one hour before getting out of the water?
- Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
- Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawn-shop?
- Can you still call it a irregularity if you have it regularly?
- Why doesn't "onomatopoeia" sound like what it is?
- What's the youngest you can be to die of old age?
- If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
- Why can't we tickle ourselves?
Funny Stuff on Amazon
Writing the Comedy Film: Make 'Em Laugh
Amazon Price: $10.17 (as of 12/02/2008)
Life's Greatest Mysteries
- Why can't women put on mascara with their mouth closed?
- Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
- Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
- Can atheists get insurance for acts of God?
- If procrastinators had a club would they ever have a meeting?
- How do you know when it's time to tune your bagpipes?
- Why are they called apartments, when they're all stuck together?
- Why do people without a watch look at their wrist when you ask them what time it is?
- Does the reverse side also have a reverse side?
- Why is a carrot more orange than an orange?
Funny Stuff on Amazon
The Complete Idiot's Guide to Comedy Writing (The Complete Idiot's Guide)
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Life's Greatest Mysteries
- Shouldn't life insurance be called death insurance?
- Shouldn't we boycott buying all pet foods if they're tested on animals?
- Why does it take a lot of noise to get a bit of peace and quiet?
- Why does everyone turn the radio down in the car when they're trying to find an address?
- How come cockroaches always end up on their backs when they die?
- Why is a newspaper more interesting when someone else is reading it?
- Why don't Scotch Finger biscuits take like scotch?
- We have peanut butter, so why not peanut margarine?
- What's the difference between a fat chance and a slim chance?
- How does a fool and his money get together?
Funny Stuff on Amazon
Comedy Writing Secrets, 2nd Edition: The Best-Selling Book on How to Think Funny, Write Funny, Act Funny, And Get Paid For It
Amazon Price: $17.63 (as of 12/02/2008)
Life's Greatest Mysteries
- Why is it that car manufacturers bring out thousands of new vehicles every year but nobody brings out new car parking spots?
- How do you ruin an appetite? You always seem to have more.
- Why is it that a bank won't lend you money unless you can prove that you don't really need it.
- Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
- Which of us is the opposite sex?
- Why do we say 'dirt cheap' when land is anything but?
- Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
- Where are all the baby seagulls and pigeons?
- How come no matter what happens on any given day, it all fits exactly into the newspaper?
- If we aren't supposed to eat animals why are they made of meat?
Funny Stuff on Amazon
How to Be Funny
Amazon Price: $11.05 (as of 12/02/2008)
Life's Greatest Mysteries
- Why do they always start off the evening news with "Good evening" when all they do is tell you why it isn't ?
- Why doesn't your foot stay up all night if it falls asleep during the day?
- Before money was invented, what did women find attractive about men?
- Why isn't phonetic spelled the way it sounds?
- Why, when you transport something by car, it's called a shipment, and when you transport something by ship, it's called a cargo?
- Can you permanently ruin an appetite?
- Has it ever been reported that a person in hospital is in an 'unserious' condition?
- Why do people say "Gee the sun's hot today", when the sun is always a few billion degrees Celsius?
- Do ants like sugar because it's sweet or because it comes in compact easy to carry grains?
Funny Stuff on Amazon
Comedy Writing Step by Step
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Life's Greatest Mysteries
- When you're North of the equator water swirls clockwise down the drain. When you're South of the equator water swirls counter-clockwise down the drain. What does it do right on the equator?
- Why is a boxing ring square?
- Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
- Why is the third hand on the watch called the second hand?
- Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
- How come you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?
- Why do banks charge you a "non-sufficient funds fee" on money they already know you don't have?
- Why is the alphabet in that order?
- Why are there 5 syllables in the word "monosyllabic"?
- If it's zero degrees outside today and it's supposed to be twice as cold tomorrow, how cold is it going to be?
Funny Stuff on Amazon
The Teacher's Book of Wit: Quips, Quotes & Anecdotes to Make Learning More Fun
Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 12/02/2008)
Life's Greatest Mysteries
- Do jellyfish get gas from eating jellybeans?
- Do hummingbirds hum because they don't know the words?
- Do clowns wear really big socks?
- Do computer files get embarrassed when they get unzipped?
- How do "Keep off the grass" signs get where they are?
- Why do scientists call it "re"search when looking for something new?
- Why does a woman work ten years to change a man's habits, and then complain that he's not the man she married?
- If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea...Does that mean the fifth person enjoys it?
- Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
- If practice makes perfect, and nobody's perfect, why practice?
Funny Stuff on Amazon
Comedy Writing (Teach Yourself)
Amazon Price: (as of 12/02/2008)
Life's Greatest Mysteries
- Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
- If man evolved from monkeys and apes, why do we still have monkeys and apes?
- Why is a wise man and a wise guy opposite?
- Why isn't 11 pronounced onety one?
- If space is a vacuum, who changes the bags?
- If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look like the way they do?
- Do fish get thirsty?
- If the product says "Do not use if seal is broken", how are you supposed to open it and use it?
- If time heals all wounds, how come bellybuttons don't fill in?
- If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
Funny Stuff on Amazon
Writing the Romantic Comedy
Amazon Price: $10.95 (as of 12/02/2008)
