Mardie Caldwell COAP

You never know how your life will be changed by what appears at the time to be forgettable, chance encounters. Meg was 7 months pregnant when she stood across the counter from me at a Starbucks. There I was, staring at the menu on the wall when she asked about the denim shirt I was wearing with my company logo on it. "Do you work for Lifetime?" she whispered to me. I looked down and glanced from her face to her tummy and back again. "Yes, I do, I am the founder". She smiled and looked around- do you have a min to talk? Surprised, I of course nodded my head- ordered my Chai tea with soymilk and moved to a table near the window where she soon joined me.

She was short with wispy blonde hair about 23 I guessed. She began telling me she had found an adoption brochure and was planning to call, but misplaced the phone number. She shared with me her pregnancy story and asked what adoption was like and what steps she needed to take to make, that would turn out to be an adoption plan for her unborn baby. She had taken some time to think about this I could tell from her questions and answers throughout our conversation. She was planning to deliver at the local hospital and wanted to be sure that she would not have to take the baby home. I reassured her that she could have the adoptive parents take the baby home from the hospital if that was her choice. We spoke a bit before she had to get back to the register. She thanked me, took my card. And gave me a quick hug

Fast-forward two months- Meg delivered a healthy baby boy, the adoptive parents she had chosen where there at the hospital. They had gone through two other failed adoptions, before coming to Lifetime and were on the verge of giving up when they received a phone call that Meg wanted them and only them to adopt her baby.

I often wonder what would have happened if I had not had a craving for a Chai tea with soymilk and stopped by at that Starbucks at that exact time with my logo denim shirt on? I know God had his hand on this little one and on Meg. What a blessing to be part of His team in building families through adoption.

If you are considering adoption and would like some free confidential assistance, please call Lifetime Adoption Center today and request a packet of information to be sent to you with adoptive family profiles. 1 800 923-6784, an adoption coordinator is on call for you 24 hours a day, every day of the year. We care about you and your baby.

For three years I tried to raise my daughter myself. Her father, my boyfriend, left two weeks after he found out I was pregnant. I was in school pursuing my dream of a better life than I had growing up. My parents lived in another state. My mother is remarried and my stepfather didn't really like me. So we didn't see each other very much. It had been Amber and me from the start. I tried to take care of her the best I could at nineteen. She had been raised by a lot of day care people. Something I didn't want. But welfare wasn't enough and I had to quit school and go back to work when she was six weeks old. I only saw her in the evenings when I picked her up from the sitter after ten hours of being apart.

Sometimes she came to me but sometimes she'd look up and didn't want to leave. That broke my heart to see her reject me and hug the sitter. I worked long shifts, came home smelling like fried chicken and grease. I was dead tired and all I had at home was bills and more bills. I couldn't seem to get ahead. I made just enough to get by. Let alone think of my dreams and school. I was able to buy her a toy now and then, pay the sitter and was forever putting money in the dang thing called a car.

I came home one Friday to an eviction notice. I didn't know where we were going to go. I couldn't afford a decent apartment on my own and there was a waiting list for subsidized housing. The only apartments I could find weren't nice at all and they were all located on the opposite side of town from Amber's sitter and my job. I could have gotten another job but then she would be at the sitter over fourteen hours per day and Saturday's.

I looked into her sad eyes and saw that I wasn't doing parenting very well either. I was so frustrated, and it came out at her. She wasn't happy and she always knew when I was upset and acted out. She needed more than I could offer.

I rethought adoption. It was hard, but I loved her and I still wanted the better life that I had dreamed of. I contacted an organization that could help me. I soon found myself considering an adoptive family that had one child that was seven so she would have a big sister to play with. Something I couldn't give her. She would also have a mom that was at home and a dad. Another thing I couldn't give her.
It is still hard, but I couldn't have kept on living the life we were. Moving and dragging her at all hours of the day in her pj's to babysitters, so I could come home dog tired and just sleep while she waited for me to wake up to play with her. Sometimes I was so tired that all I wanted to do was push her away and she couldn't understand why I was rejecting her. I felt like we would both have a better chance at a new start.
Some of the people at work thought I was being selfish. I think I had been selfish for keeping her in this lifestyle for so long. I thought of adoption when her dad left. My family pressured me to parent, saying that they would help. Yeah, for a whole three weeks and then they were gone and I was alone again.

Amber has been with her new family for six weeks. It was hard for me the first few weeks. I went to see a counselor that helped. That day I could tell by the way the envelope felt that there were photos inside. My heart started pounding and when I got into my apartment, I just placed the envelope up against the lamp on the kitchen table. I looked at it awhile going through the other mail and bills. I couldn't open it. It took me until the middle of the night when I woke and went to the kitchen; there it was still sitting waiting for me to open it. How would I feel when I saw the photos? What if I cry? What if she looks sad?

Finally, I carefully opened the envelope, on the back there was a pretty pink heart sticker that was over the flap. When I looked inside I found a card with a teddy bear on the front, a verse that said "To A Special Person." I guess that's me. Inside the card were four photos. The first one was Amber sitting on the lap of her new sister. Their arms were wrapped around each other; big smiles covered both their faces. I could not remember Amber ever having a smile like that before.

The second one was a photo of Amber with Becky, her adoptive mom. They were outside at a park. Becky looked so relaxed, so natural. Amber had her arms wrapped around Becky's neck; squeezing it so tight it distorted Becky's neck.

The third one was just of Amber alone. Olin Mills Studio was stamped on the lower left side of the photo. Her hair was up in a little pony on the side of her head. I never thought of putting her hair up that way, but it was really cute on her. She had no an old fashioned ivory dress with little buttons on it. It looked real expensive. Her eyes were shining. I realized she looked like me when I was her age. She looked so happy, it made me cry.

The last photo was a special one. It was on of the four of them. She was being held by her new dad, Doug, a dad she never had before. He held her with such love and confidence. I could tell Amber was happy. Seeing her with them as a family made me realize I had done what was right for her, very right. I cried, but my tears were from knowing she was safe, happy, and relieved that I had made the choice that was right, even when others said it wasn't. Other people weren't here. They couldn't see what I could see of feel what I could feel or know what Amber really needed. She needed this family and this family needed Amber.

I finally just went back to bed. Sleep came easier. When I woke up the next morning I felt a weight had been lifted. The final act of a play had been played out and now it was my turn to start over. Time to look at my future and school.
One thing I will always remember is I made the choice from Amber's standpoint. Through her eyes, she told me what she needed and I'm glad I looked into her eyes and realized it before it was too late and I would no longer be able to tell. Her eyes spoke to me again when I saw the photos of her with her new family. They were saying thank you for giving me a chance. I know she loves me and she will always know I loved her enough to want the best for her life.
I wrote her a long letter and put together a small photo album of her life with me and sent it with her the day she went to be with Becky and Doug.
Amber is always in my prayers and will always be in heart. It is hard sometimes, but these days are becoming fewer. What keeps me going is knowing that she is living a wonderful life with everything I ever wanted for her. A second chance for both of us.
I love you, Amber,
Your birth mother

To learn more about adoption - call 1 800 923-6784 or visit www.LifetimeAdoption.com
There is a live chat and someone you can speak to 24hours a day 7 days a week.
There is hope and help just for your special needs. Call Lifetime Adoption today and find out how we can help you too.

When a woman is faced with an unplanned pregnancy, many people think of adoption as it was twenty years ago, when a woman didn't have the choices in adoption that she has today. So much has changed for the better. Now, through open or independent adoption, birth parents, children, and adoptive families can come to know each other and make decisions that are best not only for the baby, but for everyone involved in the decision.

Your child will always know you, the birthmother, wanted the best for them and loved them very much and selected the best family to lovingly parent, nurture, and guide them through a happy and safe life. You have an opportunity to know, meet and develop a relationship with your child's adoptive parents before the baby is born. If your child has already been born, you will see how you and the prospective family respond to one another.
The choices are yours

Did you know that at the hospital you can receive, if you would like, a copy of your baby's birth certificate that includes footprints, the baby's wrist band, a lock of hair, and photos of you and your baby? In addition, you can hold and feed your baby, and some birth parents even choose to name their baby. Some of our birth parents decide it would be easier not to see the baby right away, and others want to. The choice is yours. Please feel free to call us for more information, or if you would like to speak to a birth mother who has chosen adoption for her child.

Adoption has changed in the last 21 years
Open adoption is now allowing birth families to make the choice to have ongoing contact with adoptive families. Not all birth parents are interested in ongoing contact and should not feel badly if their choice is to not continue contact. Many birth parents have told us that they really want the child to know they were loved enough to want the very best for their child, that's why they choose the adoptive parents. When birth parents are able to speak to and meet the adoptive family that will adopt their child, they are able to determine if the family has the qualities that are important to them.

We encourage birth parents to look beyond the physical appearance and read through the profiles for the lifestyle and values that the child will be raised with. In doing these few things, they will have a greater peace about their choice, allowing them to go on with their life and feel they have made the right decision.

Often we receive questions about the screening process of the families. We are seeking quality families that we feel we can help adopt, and are ready for the dedication and commitment to adoption. Families need to be able to pass a home study that consists of an FBI background check, financial verification, medical exam, home inspection and a clear child abuse report. This can give you peace of mind. We are here to help with your decision and future.

We offer a number of additional services to birth parents. We can provide a referral to a non-profit foundation that provides educational scholarships to women that have gone through an adoption plan in the last 20 years. Call Lifetime Foundation, a non profit 501(c) (3) charity for more information, 1 530 432-7383. We can help you find out more about housing, counseling, and free maternity clothing.