How to listen to Morrissey & The Smiths

Over a career spanning more than 25 years, Morrissey has recorded more music than you might think would be necessary. Especially considering he doesn't have a great deal new to say each time - it's fair to say he is never going to take a risk and release a hip-hop crossover album. So the crucial thing is to save your time and listen to the right albums.

Hatful of Hollow

Personally I think it is quite suitable to start at the beginning. Or somewhere near it. Released in 1983, The Smiths eponymous debut album is certainly excellent, but to my mind it lacks a bit energy and excitement. Both of which are in abundance in their album Hatful Of Hollow, which is comprised of tracks recorded for BBC Radio sessions. Basically it's their early years, but without the studio gloss - you can really imagine what it might have been like chancing upon them live... and being blown away.

From there I would suggest 1986's The Queen Is Dead, widely regarded as The Smiths' finest work. I think after that it's up to you, but the crucial point to remember: listen to ALL The Smiths' albums before you even think about buying any solo Morrissey. If you don't like The Smiths, you have no chance of enjoying the man on his own. In fact, even if you love The Smiths, you're likely to find at least some of his later music close to unbearable. The choice cuts would be Your Arsenal and Vauxhall & I, or possibly one of the numerous compilations available.

The well-worn adjective for The Smiths' music is 'depressing'. Now obviously there is some truth in this. A sample Morrissey lyric here for you: "Oh mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head". But if you're anything like me you might find a bit of self-pitying humour in there as well.

To adequately prepare yourself for listening to The Smiths you should either a) be a virginal teen quite convinced that you will never find love or b) have recently broken up. Obviously a) is preferable but I realise that not everyone can be in that position. In terms of environment, a darkened bedroom (preferably your own) will do nicely, or failing that I would suggest somewhere morbid yet artistic, such as a cemetery or a dockyard.

If in a cemetery/dockyard: Feel free to to combine any combination of walking, idling and dawdling whilst listening (through earphones connected to iPod or preferably Sony Walkman - a boombox or ghettoblaster is absolutely not acceptable). If in a cemetery pause occasionally to gaze at some of the dates and epitaphs on the headstones sighing in despair at the cruelty and abruptness of life. If in a dockyard, admire the working-class masculinity of the sailors.

Meat Is Murder
(180 Gram LP
Vinyl Plus+)
[VINYL]

If in your bedroom: If you aren't out and about then there really is no excuse not for listening on vinyl. Stick on Meat Is Murder and lie on your bed face up, listening on oversized headphones. Only move to turn the record over and flop resignedly back to your horizontal position. You may occasionally gasp in awe at a delicate witticism or beautiful passing chord.

The Smiths are a band not just to listen to but to live by. Morrissey still has an incredibly devoted fan base (known as 'Mozzer's Mafia') and understands better than pretty much anyone else what it takes to be a cultural icon. Your only limitation when listening to The Smiths is how far you want to get sucked in. But, if nothing else, then remember these five golden rules:

1) Melancholy is a desirable state.
2) Relationships are for losers...but you want one.
3) No-one understands you but Morrissey.
4) No-one understands Morrissey but you.
5) Meat is murder.