Responsible Living -- Living Deliberately

We normally don't think much about how we make decisions. If we thought about it, we'd probably never get a decision made!

But this is a good time in the process to think about how and why we make decisions. Discovering our values isn't going to do us any good if we don't change our actions to reflect the values.

Normally, we make decisions by subconsciously comparing all the possible choices with our values. Choices get eliminated based on conflicts with values. Hopefully we end up with choices that don't conflict with any values, but sometimes we have to make a choice that conflicts the least.

Our values allow us to filter a nearly infinite number of choices down to a reasonable set.

We'll illustrate this idea with a simple example. Let's say that your decision is about buying a car. And your possible choices are these:

1) Buy an expensive new car with good gas mileage from a dealership
2) Buy an inexpensive new car with bad gas mileage from a dealership
3) Buy an expensive used car with good gas mileage from a dealership
4) Buy an inexpensive used car with bad gas mileage from a dealership

You can go down your list of values and eliminate any choices that conflict with them. Start with the most important values first, since those are the ones we want to conflict with the least.

For this example, say our first value was to be happy. Clearly, any of these choices could make us happy, if buying a car was important to us. The next value might be to be fulfilled. Again, none of these choices violate that value. If we keep going down the list of values, we might get down to "...live with a low impact on the environment", and then we can eliminate the choices which deal with buying cars with bad gas mileage.

That leaves two choices, and we move on to the next value. Let's say it's "...spend less money". The choice to buy a new car means spending more money, so we eliminate that and are left with a single choice.

Generally, after going through this process, you'll either be left with a single choice, or multiple choices that are equally acceptable.

You won't always make it through all your values before ending up with a single choice. For example, in our value list money is our lowest priority value. Many times we make decisions without ever considering money, because all the choices except for one are eliminated by higher priority values.

The choice may still conflict with less important values, but if it's the only choice left that's the one we have to make.

This process is used for all decisions, big or small. We may not realize we're using it, but we do.

Here are some other decisions you can use your values to help you make:

o) Where do I want to eat tonight?
o) What kind of a career do I want?
o) Should I buy that whatever-it-is-I-want-to-buy?
o) Should I get married?
o) Should I have children?
o) Should I buy a house?
o) Should I work overtime?
o) Should I eat ice cream?
o) Should I skip class?

Literally any decision, big or small, can be made using your values as a guide.

Remember back to when you've made decisions that you weren't happy with.

Maybe you chose to stay late at work rather than be with your family. I think the reason you weren't happy with that decision is that you did not make it according to your real values. You made it according to learned values that didn't reflect how you really feel.

Always make decisions according to your real values, not according to someone else's values, and you'll never regret a decision.

Or at the very least, you'll regret it less than all the other choices you could have made.

Of course!

So far we've identified values and got a start on consciously making decisions by them. Once you get in the habit, you won't have to think about it anymore and the values you want to use will become more automatic.

In the next installment we'll look at using our values to define Right and Wrong.