You can decide one of two things. To say something to him, or to not say anything. What do you feel inside? If you are losing sleep and not eating then you have something you need to express and until you do you aren't going to feel any better. But on the other hand if you're able to let things rest for awhile and continue to see how the relationship develops, you might feel comfortable with bringing this up down the road.

I guess it really depends on how you feel. How new is the relationship? I really feel for you and wish I could offer more help. Even fully accepting my husband's cross dressing doesn't make it easy all of the time. It's still difficult to this day to truly understand how he feels. I should update this Squidoo. There are so many facets to cover and yet I find myself avoiding thinking about them. Not good. Thank you for (indirectly) prompting me to update my thoughts here, I plan on doing that soon.

Posted October 02, 2008

Sounds to me that you have to come to terms with this yourself as well. If it's difficult for you (not eating, not sleeping), how difficult do you think it might be for him? Try to remember that if he does avoid answering you, or is dishonest, that it's not likely due to him not wanting to share this with you. It's likely due to him not wanting anybody at all to know. He might not even be able to accept it himself. I think the best thing to do is approach the subject sensitively. If he isn't open to discussing it, let it go (completely). Just let him know that you're there for him and when he's ready to talk about it, you'll be there to listen without judgment.

Don't try to force anything out of him, remember he may be embarrassed or depressed about it. The best thing you can do is just make sure he realizes that you care about him, and that you are willing to be open minded and non-judgmental.

Posted October 02, 2008

Also, I am starting to chicken out about confronting him about it. What do yout think the disadvantages would be to not saying anything at all? Thanks again.

Posted October 01, 2008

Thanks busymama. I don't think he's ready to come clean because within the past year I have actually asked him about something related to it (I found some clothes and thought he was cheating on me) and he said that he promised he wasn't but couldn't tell me and didn't have an explanation for what they were. I think I have decided that I am going to confront him and ask him about it this weekend, but I am afraid that he won't be honest with me. If I ask him about it point blank I am sure that he will feel cornered and pressured and not know what to do. If he can't tell me the truth, lack of honesty is a bigger relationship breaker for me then what he is trying to hide from me. I don't want to hurt him but at this point I haven't eaten in three days and I'm not sleeping well so at some point I need to think about myself. Is there an easy or gentle way to bring the subject up?

Posted October 01, 2008

Hi dl201980
Why do you say he isn't ready to come clean? It could be that he's worried about how you would react, or maybe he hasn't even come to terms with it himself yet. If he hasn't accepted who he is to himself yet, he might feel embarrassed or angry about his feelings of crossdressing. I'm no expert at any of this, but my gut instincts tell me this: If you think he's someone you want continue developing a relationship with and he's important to you, then find a way to broach the subject. I believe that it's much better to get things out in the open. This might sound cheesy but you can consider writing him a letter explaining what you found but emphasizing (early on in the letter) that you want to learn more and sit down and talk about it. If you can bring it up in person that might be better, but make sure to do it in a private setting and when the 2 of you have some time alone. If you ever want to chat outside of this Squidoo page let me know.

Posted October 01, 2008