Long Distance Dads

A little girl, about 18 months old, was separated from her Father when her parents got a divorce. Her Father was attending Oklahoma State University at the time and her Mother returned to live with her Grandparents in Las Vegas. This little girl didn't understand what was happening. She missed her Daddy and wanted to see him. It would be six months before they saw each other again, when her Mother and Father met in court.

She arrived with her Mother in the court room to find her Father sitting at the end of the long walk. She ran to him and screamed "Daddy!"

They held each other, in tears.

The little girls Mother is a good Mommy. She takes care of her well and loves her dearly, but there is nothing that can replace her sweet Daddy.

Life would continue this way. Going months without seeing each other, 14-hour road trips back and forth, many airplane trips and multiple homes.

She has called many places home.

She would always be a good girl. Loving both parents and accepting whatever happens. No matter what, her Daddy does everything he can to see her. He would walk to the ends of the earth just to hold his little girl. And she knows it....

Life gets crazy sometimes and it doesn't seem like there is enough time in the day. There are days when a parent doesn't spend the time they would like with their children because of other responsibilities. James is one who does his very best to make time for his children.Schedule a routine and stick with it!

James will make sure and call Kristin at least once a week on Sunday. Right now, Kristin is 2 hours ahead of our time zone. It's easier to get a hold of her on that particular day and James is able to call during appropriate hours.

One Sunday, about 3 weeks ago, James was unable to call Kristin. It broke her heart! The poor little thing sat by the phone waiting for her daddy to call. He definitely got an ear-full when he called her next. She let him have it! LOL.

Their relationship throughout most of the year is held together by phone wires.

Long distance parenting is possible if you maintain a consistent relationship with your child. Just hearing your voice and knowing that you are thinking about them makes a big difference. When the hardships come and parenting gets more difficult, i.e. teenage years, you are going to need a strong foundation built between you and your child in order to parent effectively.

Children have their own mind and their own interests. While many of them may be the same as their parents, children are unique in their own way. Parents can find and develop those interests by listening and being genuinely engaged in what they have to say.

Kristin has many interests and hobbies that she likes to talk about. She is taking piano lessons, joined a running club, and reads lots of books. Kristin loves to draw and wants to be an art teacher when she grows up. Recently, she has expressed an interest in the violin. So, James and I did what we could and was able send her a violin to begin practicing.Create opportunity for conversation and a connection. Whenever James talks to Kristin on the phone, or when she comes to stay for a visit, he is always asking questions. He asks about what she is learning, what she did that day, what she wants to do, and asks about her future goals. He listens and is engaged in the conversation. James values every minute that he gets with her and doesn't take it for granted.

Love is shown through an eager ear.

A long distance parent doesn't have the opportunity every day to show their love through hugs and kisses. Sometimes all you have to give is a listening ear. Your child knows when you are engaged in the conversation. Take the time to get to know their interests and create conversations and connect with your child through what they are interested in. If they enjoy coloring, send them a picture that you colored and ask them to send you one back. Connections are priceless!

I don't know of any child who doesn't like to get a letter in the mail. It's even better when it's a package!

A good way to let your child know that you are thinking about them is to send a letter or a package, and not just on special occasions. Give your child something tangible to hold onto and see everyday. Remind them that you are there and that you love them. Send them some stationary to let them know that you want to hear from them as well. Encourage correspondance!

Amanda Visell Stationery Set
is on Amazon for $4.99.

Be a part of their life however you can.

James and his family members make sure to send out packages to Kristin as often as possible. There are a number of things that have been sent to her through the mail. We try and send items that reminds her of her time here, like pictures and such. We will also send her things that she is interested in and a few items that she might be needing for school or what-not.

Some of the greatest experiences and memories come from learning. Parents are responsible for teaching their children and helping them to grow into healthy, happy individuals.

One year, during a summer visit, James taught Kristin how to ride a bike. The time they spent together was priceless. Even though there were falls, and one time riding the bike into a ditch (That was pretty funny), the experience will forever be remembered.

Give them memories

You have a lot to offer. Even though you don't get to spend every day with them, doesn't mean that you can't teach them every day. Teach them kindness, love, patience, compassion, and so on. You may have the opportunity to teach them to write their name, ride a bike, do a math problem, or drive a car. Always be there and willing to teach, and they will be willing to learn.

While you are with your child, the time you spend with them is valuable. For them, and for you. Here is a list of some great activities for you to do together that are great memory builders.

1. Take them to a memorable place from your childhood
2. Go fishing
3. Go camping
4. Visit a historical site
5. Take a road trip and stop by a new restaurant that neither of you have been
6. Go horseback riding
7. Read bedtime stories
8. Do a 500 piece puzzle, or more! (If you can handle it!)
9. Take a long piece of butcher paper and draw a story
10. Make a tent in your house and have a picnic inside it
11. Have a party! Make the theme one of their favorite things (Bugs, Butterflies, Transformers, Princesses, etc)
12. Create a new recipe together. Don't worry about the mess it makes!
13. Teach them a sport
14. Teach them how to play chess
15. Have a water fight!
16. Do volunteer service together
17. Work! (Some of my greatest memories are from working in the yard, or in the house, with my family)
18. Go hiking
19. Create a new tradition
20. Play a board game
21. Teach them a skill (fixing a car, drawing, card tricks)
22. Color an entire coloring book together
23. Go swimming
24. Have a movie night with popcorn and goodies
25. Build a fire and roast marshmallows

Whatever you do, take the time to make it memorable. Start conversations, laugh, and have fun!

We surprised Kristin on her 8th birthday by flying to Maryland. She was so excited to see us! We were able to see her home, her school, and her church. It was fun for all of us to be a part of her life on the other side of the country. After visiting a few places we told her that she could pick any place she wanted to eat, she chose Outback Steakhouse. Yes, she eats like her father does!

Pictured to the right is a sign outside her school. We didn't understand what it meant, but we were glad to be able to see a part of her life.

Visiting may not be possible as often as you or your child would like, but it's definitely worth it. Take the time to see what their life is like.

When Kristin turned 9-years-old, James and her mother decided that she was old enough to travel on the airplane alone. She actually enjoyed it and felt like she was grown up. But a 5-hour flight can get pretty boring.

We decided to get her this 20 questions game that helped to pass the time. She has a blast playing with it!

Other things that we send with her on her flight are: a book to read, her mp3 player, and some snacks to eat.

20 Questions Deluxe Handheld Game