Looking For True Love
Ranked #31,219 in Culture & Society, #624,569 overall
True love at first sight. Is it really possible?
Love at first sight is the stuff of a million romance novels and countless Hollywood movies. But is it really possible to fall in love within milli-seconds of seeing someone for the first time, or is it just a true love fantasy that's so magical that we are desperate to believe it is real?
Well if you're looking for a definite answer, we're sorry to say that's going to be a bit tricky, because the reality is that the answer isn't cut and dried. The closest you can come is to say - 'sort of'. And it's a guy thing. In our great new book on making true love appear in your life called 'First Date Magic' love at first sight is discussed in detail. In a nutshell, here's what we say.
The first thing to understand is that the 'love at first sight' phenomenon is more akin to lust than love. It's the instinct that makes you turn and watch a pretty girl walk past in the street, then forget her moments later, when someone else just as pretty goes pat the other way.
You see it's all a throwback to our caveman ancestors who just needed a quick look at the hottie from the next cave to kick-start the mating process. In those days you never knew when you were going to be eaten by something big and fierce, so time was precious.
Even now, men seem to fall in love faster than women. It's not that men's standards are lower it's just that they have much simpler criteria when it comes to rating a potential mate.
Men tend to be attracted to women who display youth and beauty, (which equates to fertility and healthy offspring), and explains why guys usually marry women who are younger than they are. What's more lots of guys also have a 'Knight in Shining Armor Complex' and are drawn to women who look like they might 'need' them. Men want to be helpful and solve problems.
On the other hand women are generally a lot more choosey and take a lot longer to decide if they want to see a man for a second date. Women's more complex dating criteria gives them a much longer list to tick off. For example women often value money, status, and ambition more than good looks. In fact, research in America recently found that women look for financial security twice as much as men do.
So boys look out for gold-diggers, and girls think carefully about what you want, because you just might get it.
We suggest that both men and women need to be a lot more thoughtful about what they want from a relationship, and good long look before they take the plunge.
RESOURCE BOX.
But that's just one thing you need to keep in mind when you're out there looking for love. Luckily we've done all the hard work for you. In 'First Date Magic' we answer all you questions about getting great dates and finding true love. So why wait a second longer for true love to appear in your life? See 'First Date Magic' now at www.firstdatemagic.com.
Well if you're looking for a definite answer, we're sorry to say that's going to be a bit tricky, because the reality is that the answer isn't cut and dried. The closest you can come is to say - 'sort of'. And it's a guy thing. In our great new book on making true love appear in your life called 'First Date Magic' love at first sight is discussed in detail. In a nutshell, here's what we say.
The first thing to understand is that the 'love at first sight' phenomenon is more akin to lust than love. It's the instinct that makes you turn and watch a pretty girl walk past in the street, then forget her moments later, when someone else just as pretty goes pat the other way.
You see it's all a throwback to our caveman ancestors who just needed a quick look at the hottie from the next cave to kick-start the mating process. In those days you never knew when you were going to be eaten by something big and fierce, so time was precious.
Even now, men seem to fall in love faster than women. It's not that men's standards are lower it's just that they have much simpler criteria when it comes to rating a potential mate.
Men tend to be attracted to women who display youth and beauty, (which equates to fertility and healthy offspring), and explains why guys usually marry women who are younger than they are. What's more lots of guys also have a 'Knight in Shining Armor Complex' and are drawn to women who look like they might 'need' them. Men want to be helpful and solve problems.
On the other hand women are generally a lot more choosey and take a lot longer to decide if they want to see a man for a second date. Women's more complex dating criteria gives them a much longer list to tick off. For example women often value money, status, and ambition more than good looks. In fact, research in America recently found that women look for financial security twice as much as men do.
So boys look out for gold-diggers, and girls think carefully about what you want, because you just might get it.
We suggest that both men and women need to be a lot more thoughtful about what they want from a relationship, and good long look before they take the plunge.
RESOURCE BOX.
But that's just one thing you need to keep in mind when you're out there looking for love. Luckily we've done all the hard work for you. In 'First Date Magic' we answer all you questions about getting great dates and finding true love. So why wait a second longer for true love to appear in your life? See 'First Date Magic' now at www.firstdatemagic.com.
To find true love first take a good look at your Dating Criteria.
The idea of there being one special person in the whole wide world created just for you is incredibly romantic. We imagine the wordless communication, the limitless understanding, the unconditional acceptance, and undying support, and know in our very core that somewhere out there, that person is waiting. What's more, for confirmation we only have to switch on the radio. Every third song from 'Unchained Melody' to U2's 'One' is about the true love that's only possible with a single, perfect, unique individual.
And even though it is a wonderful fantasy to have, we know it's actually completely realistic to expect that one day you will be with someone who is absolutely right for you - you can have a 'soul mate' or your 'one and only'.
But before you can find true love you need to know the sort of person you're looking for. So it's worth spending a few weeks out of the dating loop to reflect on your past successes and failures, and also to develop a very clear picture of what you want in the future. You often hear of business mentors and success coaches talking about the need for businesses to have a five year plan and so on. Well your romantic life is no different. You need to know where you want to be in five, ten, fifteen years from now, and have a good idea of who you'd like to be there with.
But having said that it's important to be realistic. Here's what I mean.
I might tell you that nothing less than a fellow like this will do for me:
'I want a 35 to 39 year old 6'1" lawyer or doctor in private practice, who has his own yacht, plays an instrument, owns a holiday house, travels to France, has nice hair and is good at tennis'.
It's great to have standards, and so you should. We're definitely not saying you should even consider dating people who lack qualities you value, or don't find attractive. The point is that when you set your Dating Criteria, it should be possible for other people to meet it.
So while it's very clear who I'm after, it's also clear I'm dreaming. How many single men actually fit the bill?
I must also think about myself too. Am I herself honestly going to be a comfortable match for a man like that? If I happened to be a chain-smoking, high-school dropout with no career ambition and hates going outdoors in the sun, then I'm dreaming. Finding true love is about getting the matching right. You need to meet your own criteria too, or you're going to be very frustrated, and eventually very lonely.
You've probably heard the old one about 'opposites attract', but as far as finding true love goes there's nothing further from the truth. If you're going to have a relationship that lasts, you need to find a perfect match. The only way to do that is to be yourself, be sensible and be realistic. If you do that you'll have a much better chance of having great dates with people whose company you'll enjoy.
So back to me and my quest for true love. I would be much better off broadening my dating criteria to something like this:
I'd like to meet a taller than average man, with a university education, who enjoys music, sports, being on the water and travelling.
These dating criteria are still nice and tight, but it gives me a lot more scope. Who's to say that a 41 year old 5'11 software designer who surfs and has a fantastic record collection wouldn't turn out to be the love of my life!
So if you're looking for love, know what you want, but stay open-minded and flexible, and one day very soon it will appear for you. (And that advice works for more than just finding a date).
RESOURCE BOX.
Of course there is much to know about getting great first dates and making true love appear for you. For all the answers you need, do yourself a big favor and have a closer look at First Date Magic at www.firstdatemagic.com.
And even though it is a wonderful fantasy to have, we know it's actually completely realistic to expect that one day you will be with someone who is absolutely right for you - you can have a 'soul mate' or your 'one and only'.
But before you can find true love you need to know the sort of person you're looking for. So it's worth spending a few weeks out of the dating loop to reflect on your past successes and failures, and also to develop a very clear picture of what you want in the future. You often hear of business mentors and success coaches talking about the need for businesses to have a five year plan and so on. Well your romantic life is no different. You need to know where you want to be in five, ten, fifteen years from now, and have a good idea of who you'd like to be there with.
But having said that it's important to be realistic. Here's what I mean.
I might tell you that nothing less than a fellow like this will do for me:
'I want a 35 to 39 year old 6'1" lawyer or doctor in private practice, who has his own yacht, plays an instrument, owns a holiday house, travels to France, has nice hair and is good at tennis'.
It's great to have standards, and so you should. We're definitely not saying you should even consider dating people who lack qualities you value, or don't find attractive. The point is that when you set your Dating Criteria, it should be possible for other people to meet it.
So while it's very clear who I'm after, it's also clear I'm dreaming. How many single men actually fit the bill?
I must also think about myself too. Am I herself honestly going to be a comfortable match for a man like that? If I happened to be a chain-smoking, high-school dropout with no career ambition and hates going outdoors in the sun, then I'm dreaming. Finding true love is about getting the matching right. You need to meet your own criteria too, or you're going to be very frustrated, and eventually very lonely.
You've probably heard the old one about 'opposites attract', but as far as finding true love goes there's nothing further from the truth. If you're going to have a relationship that lasts, you need to find a perfect match. The only way to do that is to be yourself, be sensible and be realistic. If you do that you'll have a much better chance of having great dates with people whose company you'll enjoy.
So back to me and my quest for true love. I would be much better off broadening my dating criteria to something like this:
I'd like to meet a taller than average man, with a university education, who enjoys music, sports, being on the water and travelling.
These dating criteria are still nice and tight, but it gives me a lot more scope. Who's to say that a 41 year old 5'11 software designer who surfs and has a fantastic record collection wouldn't turn out to be the love of my life!
So if you're looking for love, know what you want, but stay open-minded and flexible, and one day very soon it will appear for you. (And that advice works for more than just finding a date).
RESOURCE BOX.
Of course there is much to know about getting great first dates and making true love appear for you. For all the answers you need, do yourself a big favor and have a closer look at First Date Magic at www.firstdatemagic.com.
www.firstdatemagic.com
by Limas231
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