LITTLE LOO LIBRARY

THE BATHROOM BOOKSHELF

Welcome to the "Little Loo Library" (better known in North America as the "Bathroom Bookshelf").

Considering the fact that one will spend a good deal of time during one's life in the confines of an ablution hut, bathroom, can, head, honey wagon, ladies room, latrine, lavatory, loo, men's room, outhouse, powder room, privy, public convenience, restroom, throne room, tinkle pantry, washroom or water closet -- it's high time to recognize the importance of selecting appropriate books, periodicals and tomes to place beside one's bidet, chamber pot, commode, john, or toilet.

Hence, the purpose of this lense is to shed light on the often overlooked if not obscure topic of how to stock one's place of ease or private reading room with things that inspire, intrigue or invite its inhabitants to cackle, cogitate or crow about something delightfully different, patently pleasurable, or utterly unbelievable.

2008 - INTERNATIONAL YEAR OF SANITATION

2008 may be the "Year of the Rat" (according to the Chinese Lunar New Year experts and Chinese astrologers), but it is also the "International Year of Sanitation" (according to the United Nations General Assembly).

In honor of this most auspicious occasion, the Worldwide Association of Tinkle Pantries (WATP) in collaboration with the Little Loo Library is pleased to announce it's mission for the year to enhance the reading material available in private powder rooms and public places of ease all over the globe.

So, if you don't have a chance to vote on the cleanest public washrooms in your city, perhaps you might celebrating "World Tinkle Pantry Day" on November 19th, by picking up a potty pocketbook to add to your outhouse, public convenience or wc.

And since we're on the topic of waterclosets, did you know that judges at the "18th Annual Berkeley Springs International Water Tasting Competititon" awarded first prize in the category of "Best Municipal Water in 2008" (based on taste, odor, mouth feel, aftertaste and absence of flotsam floating in the water) to Los Angeles? -- which might be a saving grace because most folks there are dropping like flies from some of the worst air pollution on the planet.

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Note: No doubt the toilets at the Beijing Olympics this summer will be a spectacular sight, if not a "scenic spot" on the "environmental sanitation" tour of the Ming Tombs, but the real question is whether there will be sufficient reading material in 112 languages to service the needs of those responding to the call of nature.

POWDER ROOM PROSE

(For The Ladies Loo Only)

A collection of cockamamie works by Karen Salmansohn.

The 7 Lively Sins: How to Enjoy Your Life, Dammit

by Karen Salmansohn

Sinfully wicked -- for wenches only!

Amazon Price: $10.46 (as of 05/13/2008)

How to Change Your Entire Life By Doing Absolutely Nothing: 10 Do-Nothing Relaxation Exercises to Calm You Down Quickly So You Can Speed Forward Faster

by Karen Salmansohn

Lazybones and lollygaggers will love this one!

Amazon Price: (as of 05/13/2008)

How to Speak Fluent Lovey-Dovey in 11 Languages in 24 Hours

by Karen Salmansohn

A paramour in a pocketbook -- ooh la la!

Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 05/13/2008)

Even God Is Single, So Stop Giving Me A Hard Time

by Karen Salmansohn

For those sylphs who are sleepless in Seattle.

Amazon Price: $8.95 (as of 05/13/2008)

Ballsy: 99 Ways to Grow a Bigger Pair and Score Extreme Business Success

by Karen Salmansohn

The sequel to "How to Succeed in Business Without a Penis".

Amazon Price: $10.19 (as of 05/13/2008)

POTTY POWDER ROOM STUFF

TERRIFIC TOILET SEAT COVERS: When you need something to liven up the lavoratory, take a peek at these powder room accessories.
HANG A TOILET SEAT ON YOUR WALL: Some people will go to great lengths to decorate their throne room; here are some helpful hints for the do-it-yourselfers!
SCINTILLATING SEATS THAT HAVE TO BE SEEN: Now these sumptuous sit-upons will certainly grab the attention of tinkle pantry types.
GOLDEN TOILET LEAVES H.K. JEWELLER FLUSH WITH CASH: If the price of gold hits $1,000 an ounce, there's one Hong Kong jeweller who's willing to melt down the golden toilet and powder room for cash...(and that'll be the end of any little loo library too!)

BIZARRE BOOKS BESIDE THE BIDET

(OR A CURIOUS COLLECTION BESIDE THE COMMODE)

If you haven't a clue what a bidet or a commode is...you probably wouldn't appreciate these wunderkin works by Terry Pratchett.

The Wee Free Men

by Terry Pratchett

Amazon Price: $6.99 (as of 05/13/2008)

Thud!: A Novel of Discworld (Discworld Novels)

by Terry Pratchett

Amazon Price: (as of 05/13/2008)

Where's My Cow?

by Terry Pratchett

Amazon Price: $11.53 (as of 05/13/2008)

Going Postal

by Terry Pratchett

Amazon Price: $7.99 (as of 05/13/2008)

The Unseen University Cut Out Book

by Terry Pratchett

Amazon Price: (as of 05/13/2008)

OTHER TITLES THIS LENS MIGHT HAVE BEEN CALLED

It's nice to know that the charming title for this lens was chosen from a long list of laughable if not ludicrous lines.

For those with a need to know everthing, here is a sample of names submitted for consideration that thankfully now lie languishing somewhere in a state of utter oblivion).

1. Witty Works For The Water Closet (W.C.)

2. Puckish Pocketbooks For Places of Ease

3. Ripsnorting Reads For The Restroom

4. Odd Opuscules For Your Outhouse

5. Bodacious Books For The Bidet

6. Curiosities For The Can

7. Tantalizing Titles For The Toilet

8. Wit & Wonk For The Washroom

9. Potty Pocketbooks For The Powder Room

10. Light Reading for the Lavatory

TOMES FOR THE TICKLE PANTRY

(FOR WOMEN OF WIT ONLY)

Those who enjoy dabbling in delightful dangling clauses will surely enjoy Karen Elizabeth Gordon.

The Disheveled Dictionary: A Curious Caper Through Our Sumptuous Lexicon

by Karen Elizabeth Gordon

For those who love daffy, delicious definitions.

Amazon Price: $8.50 (as of 05/13/2008)

The Deluxe Transitive Vampire: A Handbook of Grammar for the Innocent, the Eager and the Doomed

by Karen Elizabeth Gordon

Amazon Price: $16.29 (as of 05/13/2008)

Torn Wings and Faux Pas: A Flashbook of Style, a Beastly Guide Through the Writer's Labyrinth

by Karen Elizabeth Gordon

Lascivious lexiconists will laugh out loud with this one.

Amazon Price: (as of 05/13/2008)

The New Well Tempered Sentence: A Punctuation Handbook for the Innocent, the Eager, and the Doomed

by Karen Elizabeth Gordon

For those who adore pregnant pauses.

Amazon Price: $10.88 (as of 05/13/2008)

CHORTLES FROM THE CHAMBER POT

A selection of specious spoofery designed to relieve even the most constipated characters from the Queedom of Quirky.

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BOOKS FOR THE BIFFY

(BOFFO BOOKS FOR THE BOYS)

When Nature calls...be prepared!

Outhouses: Flushing Out America's Hidden Treasures

Amazon Price: $13.22 (as of 05/13/2008)

Great American Outhouse Stories: The Hole Truth and Nothing Butt

by Patricia Lorenz

Amazon Price: $12.95 (as of 05/13/2008)

Nature Calls: The History, Lore, and Charm of Outhouses

by Dottie Booth

Amazon Price: $11.01 (as of 05/13/2008)

How to Shit in the Woods: An Environmentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art

by Kathleen Meyer

Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 05/13/2008)

Up Shit Creek: A Collection of Horrifyingly True Wilderness Toilet Misadventures

by Joe Lindsay

Amazon Price: $7.95 (as of 05/13/2008)

WHEN YOU GOTTA GO...YOU GOTTA GO!

Here is one Squidoo Loo that shouldn't be missed.

Full of fascinating facts about "where to stop" and "where to go", this is a ripsnorting resource for committed commode visitors and bathroom readers.

For those who adore tawdry bits of trivia there are are mere 1,390,000 web pages devoted to "bathroom readers".

When Saint Valentine pops by, forget the usual box of chocolates and flowers and do pick up a copy of Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Book of Love instead. If that doesn't turn your crank, then why not introduce yourself to screwball romantic comedy writer, Daisy Dexter Dobbs, (who'll let you in on all you need to know about UTDs).

LITERATURE FOR THE LAVORATORY

(FOR THOSE WITH A SNOOTY SENSE OF HUMOR)

Must be able to read, write, and spell, not to mention possess a wicked sense of humor.

The Devil's Dictionary

by Ambrose Bierce, Roy Morris Jr.

Amazon Price: $14.36 (as of 05/13/2008)

The Superior Person's Second Book of Weird and Wondrous Words

by Peter Bowler

Amazon Price: $12.28 (as of 05/13/2008)

The Highly Selective Dictionary of Golden Adjectives: For the Extraordinarily Literate

by Eugene Ehrlich

Amazon Price: $14.96 (as of 05/13/2008)

The Ig Nobel Prizes: The Annals of Improbable Research

by Marc Abrahams

Amazon Price: (as of 05/13/2008)

The Darwin Awards Boxed Set (1-3)

by Wendy Northcutt

Amazon Price: $27.01 (as of 05/13/2008)

BEDTIME BOOKS AT THEIR BEST!

Monty Python - A Book At Bedtime

Jeremy Toogood reads Red Gauntlet for A Book At Bedtime. Unfortunately, he can't read. Neither can the rest of the crew. Clips pulled together from episode 38 of Monty Python's Flying Circus.

Runtime: 2:35
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WONDROUS WORKS FOR THE W.C.

(FOR WONKY WATER CLOSET WORDPECKERS)

Those who adore superhero space cadets will surely appreciate the answer to life, the universe and everything (as fashioned by the pen of Douglas Adams).

The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide: Five Complete Novels and One Story (Deluxe Edition)

by Douglas Adams

Amazon Price: $19.99 (as of 05/13/2008)

The Deeper Meaning of Liff: A Dictionary of Things There Aren't Any Words for Yet--But There Ought to Be

by Douglas Adams, John Lloyd

Amazon Price: $9.60 (as of 05/13/2008)

The Meaning of Liff

by Douglas Adams, John Lloyd

Amazon Price: (as of 05/13/2008)

Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency

by Douglas Adams

Amazon Price: $7.99 (as of 05/13/2008)

Long Dark Tea Time of the Soul

by Douglas Adams

Amazon Price: $7.99 (as of 05/13/2008)

ACCESSORIES FOR THE LITTLE LOO LIBRARY

What your loo says about you is something most porcelain privy people fail to take into consideration when selecting an environmentally-friendly low-flush loo or a cost-effective commode.

In the world of bathroom accessories, there is nothing quite like the Two-Way Loo Library.

The designers of this handy-dandy dooddad for a private place of ease did not however take into account that restroom readers might like something more than glossy magazines to get their muscles moving.

For those who can't stand reading, there's another alternative, the talking toilet paper dispenser, a real hit with kids and grown-ups.

And for friends and relatives who think that they have everything, don't forget to place an order for custom-printed toilet paper with their own logo, quotation, or photo! Or hire Sharon Tiessen, who'll turn your toilet seat cover into a funky work of art!!

NOTE: Those wishing to read Tolstoy's "War & Peace" may however find that they have an excruciatingly difficult time trying to finish this tale during their allotted time in the little loo library. Those with short attention spans or scant time in the tinkle pantry may wish to avail themselves of a ripsnorting read, (better known as six sentence specials or alternatively, pith and vinegar paragraph novels).

JEST IN TIME FOR THE JOHN!

(FOR JEST-IN-TIME JOKERS)

Brought to you by the Bathroom Readers' Institute.

Uncle John's Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader (Uncle Johns Bathroom Readers)

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

Amazon Price: $13.46 (as of 05/13/2008)

Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Extraordinary Book of Facts: And Bizarre Information (Bathroom Readers)

by Bathroom Readers' Hysterical Society

Amazon Price: $12.21 (as of 05/13/2008)

Uncle John's Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader (Bathroom Reader Series)

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

Amazon Price: $12.03 (as of 05/13/2008)

Uncle John's Curiously Compelling Bathroom Reader

by Bathroom Readers' Institute

Amazon Price: $12.21 (as of 05/13/2008)

Uncle John's All-Purpose Extra-Strength Bathroom Reader (Uncle John's Bathroom Reader #13)

Amazon Price: $16.95 (as of 05/13/2008)

RESTROOM READING RESOURCES

Potty-practitioners and loo librarians will find these items useful if not entertaining.

Share your knowledge. Make a difference.

LITTLE LOO LIBRARY

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THE BATHROOM BOOKSHELF

Explore related pages

2008 - INTERNATIONAL YEAR OF SANITATION

POWDER ROOM PROSE

(For The Ladies Loo Only)

POTTY POWDER ROOM STUFF

BIZARRE BOOKS BESIDE THE BIDET

(OR A CURIOUS COLLECTION BESIDE THE COMMODE)

OTHER TITLES THIS LENS MIGHT HAVE BEEN CALLED

TOMES FOR THE TICKLE PANTRY

(FOR WOMEN OF WIT ONLY)

CHORTLES FROM THE CHAMBER POT

BOOKS FOR THE BIFFY

(BOFFO BOOKS FOR THE BOYS)

WHEN YOU GOTTA GO...YOU GOTTA GO!

LITERATURE FOR THE LAVORATORY

(FOR THOSE WITH A SNOOTY SENSE OF HUMOR)

BEDTIME BOOKS AT THEIR BEST!

Monty Python - A Book At Bedtime

WONDROUS WORKS FOR THE W.C.

(FOR WONKY WATER CLOSET WORDPECKERS)

ACCESSORIES FOR THE LITTLE LOO LIBRARY

JEST IN TIME FOR THE JOHN!

(FOR JEST-IN-TIME JOKERS)

RESTROOM READING RESOURCES

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NEWS FROM THE TICKLE PANTRY TRENCHES

MYSTERY & MERRIMENT IN THE UNISEX WASHROOM?

(BEWARE OF BOLD BOOK THIEVES)

BATHROOM BOOK READER POLL

BUMPF FOR BORED BATHROOM READERS

MISCELLANEOUS MIRTH FOR THE MEN'S ROOM

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TITTILATING TIDBITS FOR YOUR TOME TABERNACLE

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