THE BATHROOM BOOKSHELF
Welcome to the "Little Loo Library" (better known in North America as the "Big Bathroom Bookshelf").
Considering the fact that one will spend a good deal of time during one's life ensconced in an ablution hut, bathroom, can, head, honey wagon, ladies room, latrine, lavatory, loo, men's room, outhouse, powder room, privy, public convenience, restroom, throne room, tinkle pantry, washroom or water closet -- it's high time to recognize the importance of selecting appropriate books, periodicals and tomes to place beside one's bidet, chamber pot, commode, john, or toilet.
Hence, the purpose of this lens is to shed light on the often overlooked if not obscure topic of how to stock one's place of ease or private reading room with things that will inspire, intrigue or invite its occupants to cackle, cogitate or crow about something delightfully different, patently pleasurable, or utterly unbelievable.
Tinkle Pantry Topics
- CELEBRATE WORLD TINKLE PANTRY DAY
- POWDER ROOM PROSE PLEASE
- PRIVY AND POWDER ROOM PARAPHERNALIA
- BIZARRE BOOKS BESIDE THE BIDET
- OTHER TITLES THIS LENS MIGHT HAVE BEEN CALLED
- TOMES FOR THE TICKLE PANTRY
- CHORTLES FROM THE CHAMBER POT
- BOOKS FOR THE BIFFY
- WHEN YOU GOTTA GO...YOU GOTTA GO!
- LITERATURE FOR THE LAVORATORY
- BEDTIME BOOKS AT THEIR BEST!
- WONDROUS WORKS FOR THE W.C.
- POTTY POCKETBOOK POLL
- THE BIG BUTT BOOKSHELF
- ACCESSORIES FOR THE LITTLE LOO LIBRARY
- JEST IN TIME FOR THE JOHN!
- RESTROOM READING RESOURCES
- NEWS FROM THE TICKLE PANTRY TRENCHES
- MYSTERY & MERRIMENT IN THE UNISEX WASHROOM?
- BATHROOM BOOK READER POLL
- BUMPF FOR BORED BATHROOM READERS
- MISCELLANEOUS MIRTH FOR THE MEN'S ROOM
- TITTILATING TIDBITS FOR YOUR TOME TABERNACLE
- The Little Loo Library appreciates your comments and support.
CELEBRATE WORLD TINKLE PANTRY DAY
Or, how to celebrate the wonders of water-closetsBy Theolonius McTavish, a regular visitor to throne rooms of renown and off-the-beaten track places of ease
November 19th is a very auspicious occasion. It's none other than "International Tinkle Pantry Day".
For those of you who are unfamiliar with the little known term "tinkle pantry", it is the focal point and modest appliance found in most "water closets", "places of ease" or "comfort stations".
North Americans probably know the tinkle pantry by way of more familiar terms such as "throne room", "powder room" or just plain "restroom".
Few realize that the average person visits the toilet 2,500 times per year, or 6-8 times per day, which all adds up to about 3 years of one's life. Considering the fact that this humble private and sometimes public privy is the most frequently visited room in any home or workplace, precious little has been done to recognize it's vital role in society.
If truth be told, the tinkle pantry is a subject most avoid so as not to be considered a scruffy scatalogical storyteller. Considered a taboo dinner table topic, it is shunned by everyone except toddlers and parents who rejoice at the first step into adulthood by passing "Toilet Training 101" with flying colours.
It is rare indeed to see a politician of any stripe spend much time waxing on about the virtues of toilets. Precious few communities or even corporations consider celebrating with parades, marching bands, or even an official holiday, the invention of the toilet (made possible several thousand years ago by Chinese craftsmen and modernized by a British plumber named T.J. Crapper in the late 19th century). And, it wasn't until 1935 that "New World" tinkle pantry goers would be able to enjoy what most of us take for granted today, "splinter-free" toilet-paper.
Inspite of the fact that poker players do it with "royal flushes", and investors have seen their dollars go down the toilet recently, there is one organization that takes toilets seriously, the World Toilet Organization (WTO), a global non-profit organization committed to improving toilet and sanitation conditions worldwide.
Founded in 2001 with 15 members, the WTO, (which focuses on toilets instead of water), now has 190 member organizations in 56 countries all working towards eliminating the toilet taboo and delivering sustainable sanitation.
So, it's not surprising that this organization decided to recognize and honor the 'great equalizer of humanity' with it's own day of remembrance - November 19th -- "World Toilet Day".
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Image Credit: Commode Cover
POWDER ROOM PROSE PLEASE
(For The Ladies Loo Only)
The 7 Lively Sins: How to Enjoy Your Life, Dammit
Sinfully wicked -- for wenches only!
Amazon Price: (as of 12/09/2009) 
How to Change Your Entire Life By Doing Absolutely Nothing: 10 Do-Nothing Relaxation Exercises to Calm You Down Quickly So You Can Speed Forward Faster
Lazybones and lollygaggers will love this one!
Amazon Price: (as of 12/09/2009)
How to Speak Fluent Lovey Dovey in 11 Languages in 24 Hours
A paramour in a pocketbook -- ooh la la!
Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 12/09/2009)
Even God Is Single, So Stop Giving Me A Hard Time
For those sylphs who are sleepless in Seattle.
Amazon Price: $8.95 (as of 12/09/2009)
Ballsy: 99 Ways to Grow a Bigger Pair and Score Extreme Business Success
The sequel to "How to Succeed in Business Without a Penis".
Amazon Price: $11.24 (as of 12/09/2009)
PRIVY AND POWDER ROOM PARAPHERNALIA
- TERRIFIC TOILET SEAT COVERS
- When you need something to liven up the lavoratory, take a peek at these powder room accessories.
- HANG A TOILET SEAT ON YOUR WALL
- Some people will go to great lengths to decorate their throne room; here are some helpful hints for the do-it-yourselfers!
- SCINTILLATING SEATS THAT HAVE TO BE SEEN
- Now these sumptuous sit-upons will certainly grab the attention of tinkle pantry types.
- GOLDEN TOILET LEAVES H.K. JEWELLER FLUSH WITH CASH
- If the price of gold hits $1,000 an ounce, there's one Hong Kong jeweller who's willing to melt down the golden toilet and powder room for cash...(and that'll be the end of any little loo library too!)
"Psychiatry's chief contribution to philosophy is the discovery that the toilet is the seat of the soul." -- Alexander Chase, Journalist
BIZARRE BOOKS BESIDE THE BIDET
(OR A CURIOUS COLLECTION BESIDE THE COMMODE)
The Wee Free Men (Discworld)
Amazon Price: $6.99 (as of 12/10/2009)
Thud!: A Novel of Discworld (Discworld Novels)
Amazon Price: (as of 12/10/2009)
Where's My Cow?
Amazon Price: $12.20 (as of 12/10/2009)
Going Postal
Amazon Price: $7.99 (as of 12/10/2009)
The Unseen University Cut Out Book
Amazon Price: (as of 12/10/2009)
OTHER TITLES THIS LENS MIGHT HAVE BEEN CALLED
It's nice to know that the charming title for this lens was chosen from a long list of laughable if not ludicrous lines.For those with a need to know everthing, here is a sample of names submitted for consideration that thankfully now lie languishing somewhere in a state of utter oblivion).
1. Witty Works For The Water Closet (W.C.)
2. Puckish Pocketbooks For Places of Ease
3. Ripsnorting Reads For The Restroom
4. Odd Opuscules For Your Outhouse
5. Bodacious Books For The Bidet
6. Curiosities For The Can
7. Tantalizing Titles For The Toilet
8. Wit & Wonk For The Washroom
9. Potty Pocketbooks For The Powder Room
10. Light Reading for the Lavatory
TOMES FOR THE TICKLE PANTRY
(FOR WOMEN OF WIT ONLY)
The Disheveled Dictionary: A Curious Caper Through Our Sumptuous Lexicon
For those who love daffy, delicious definitions.
Amazon Price: $12.78 (as of 12/10/2009)
The Deluxe Transitive Vampire: A Handbook of Grammar for the Innocent, the Eager and the Doomed
Amazon Price: $16.47 (as of 12/10/2009)
Torn Wings and Faux Pas: A Flashbook of Style, a Beastly Guide Through the Writer's Labyrinth
Lascivious lexiconists will laugh out loud with this one.
Amazon Price: (as of 12/10/2009)
The New Well Tempered Sentence: A Punctuation Handbook for the Innocent, the Eager, and the Doomed
For those who adore pregnant pauses.
Amazon Price: $12.00 (as of 12/10/2009)
CHORTLES FROM THE CHAMBER POT
A selection of specious spoofery designed to relieve even the most constipated characters from the Queedom of Quirky.
Fetching RSS feed... please stand byBOOKS FOR THE BIFFY
(BOFFO BOOKS FOR THE BOYS)
Outhouses: Flushing Out America's Hidden Treasures
Amazon Price: $12.71 (as of 12/10/2009)
Great American Outhouse Stories: The Hole Truth and Nothing Butt
Amazon Price: $12.95 (as of 12/10/2009)
Nature Calls: The History, Lore, and Charm of Outhouses
Amazon Price: $10.36 (as of 12/10/2009)
How to Shit in the Woods: An Environmentally Sound Approach to a Lost Art
Amazon Price: $8.60 (as of 12/10/2009)
Up Shit Creek: A Collection of Horrifyingly True Wilderness Toilet Misadventures
Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 12/10/2009)
WHEN YOU GOTTA GO...YOU GOTTA GO!
Here is one 'Squidoo Loo' that shouldn't be missed. Full of fascinating facts about "where to stop" and "where to go", this lovely little lens is a ripsnorting resource for committed commoders and albution hut guests.For those who adore tawdry bits of trivia there are are mere 1,390,000 web pages devoted to "bathroom readers".
When Saint Valentine pops by, forget the usual box of chocolates and flowers and do pick up a copy of "Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Book of Love" instead. If that doesn't turn your crank, then why not introduce yourself to screwball romantic comedy writer, Daisy Dexter Dobbs, (who'll let you in on all you need to know about UTDs).
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Image Credit: bohemiangrassi@flickr.com
LITERATURE FOR THE LAVORATORY
(FOR THOSE WITH A SNOOTY SENSE OF HUMOR)
The Devil's Dictionary
Amazon Price: $15.34 (as of 12/10/2009)
The Superior Person's Second Book of Weird and Wondrous Words
Amazon Price: $10.85 (as of 12/10/2009)
The Highly Selective Dictionary of Golden Adjectives: For the Extraordinarily Literate
Amazon Price: $15.56 (as of 12/10/2009)
The Ig Nobel Prizes: The Annals of Improbable Research
Amazon Price: (as of 12/10/2009)
The Darwin Awards Boxed Set (1-3)
Amazon Price: $25.08 (as of 12/10/2009)
BEDTIME BOOKS AT THEIR BEST!
WONDROUS WORKS FOR THE W.C.
(FOR WONKY WATER CLOSET WORDPECKERS)
The Ultimate Hitchhiker's Guide: Five Complete Novels and One Story (Deluxe Edition)
Amazon Price: (as of 12/10/2009)
The Deeper Meaning of Liff: A Dictionary of Things There Aren't Any Words for Yet--But There Ought to Be
Amazon Price: $8.64 (as of 12/10/2009)
The Meaning of Liff
Amazon Price: (as of 12/10/2009)
Dirk Gently's Holistic Detective Agency
Amazon Price: $7.99 (as of 12/10/2009)
The Long Dark Tea-Time of the Soul
Amazon Price: $7.99 (as of 12/10/2009)
POTTY POCKETBOOK POLL
THE BIG BUTT BOOKSHELF
Here is Santa's seasonal selection to improve your happy-challenged holidays:
-- Politically Correct Holiday Stories: For an Enlightened Yuletide Season by James Finn Garner. What's not to like about these titillating tales -- 'Twas the Night Before Solstice, Frosty the Persun of Snow, The Nutcracker, Rudolph the Nasally Empowered Reindeer, and A Christmas Carol?
-- A Treasury of Old-Fashioned Christmas Stories by Michele Slung, a rather fine collection of heartwarming drama, seasonal merriment, and unexpected thrills.
-- The Twelve Terrors of Christmas by John Updike (Author), Edward Gorey (Illustrator) is sure to tickle the fancy of the toughest bah-humbug birds in town!
-- The Official Guide to Christmas in the South: Or, If You Can't Fry It, Spraypaint It Gold by David C. Barnette. Celebrate the tackiest time of year with a few titillating tokens of affection.
-- Christmas Letters from Hell: All the News We Hate from the People We Love by Michael Lent. This little gem is the perfect piece of prose for your throne room, the perfect remedy for hilarity-challenged ho-ho-ho types...laughing gas.
ACCESSORIES FOR THE LITTLE LOO LIBRARY
What your loo says about you is something most porcelain privy people fail to take into consideration when selecting an environmentally-friendly low-flush loo or a cost-effective commode.In the world of bathroom accessories, there is nothing quite like the Two-Way Loo Library.
The designers of this handy-dandy dooddad for a private place of ease did not however take into account that restroom readers might like something more than glossy magazines to get their muscles moving.
For those who can't stand reading, there's another alternative, the talking toilet paper dispenser, a real hit with kids and grown-ups.
And for friends and relatives who think that they have everything, don't forget to place an order for custom-printed toilet paper with their own logo, quotation, or photo! Or hire Sharon Tiessen, who'll turn your toilet seat cover into a funky work of art!!
NOTE: Those wishing to read Tolstoy's "War & Peace" may however find that they have an excruciatingly difficult time trying to finish this tale during their allotted time in the little loo library. Those with short attention spans or scant time in the tinkle pantry may wish to avail themselves of a ripsnorting read, (better known as six sentence specials or alternatively, pith and vinegar paragraph novels).
JEST IN TIME FOR THE JOHN!
(FOR JEST-IN-TIME JOKERS)
Uncle John's Slightly Irregular Bathroom Reader (Uncle Johns Bathroom Readers)
Amazon Price: $15.34 (as of 12/10/2009)
Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Extraordinary Book of Facts: And Bizarre Information (Bathroom Readers)
Amazon Price: $12.21 (as of 12/10/2009)
Uncle John's Fast-Acting Long-Lasting Bathroom Reader (Bathroom Reader Series)
Amazon Price: $12.21 (as of 12/10/2009)
Uncle John's Curiously Compelling Bathroom Reader
Amazon Price: $12.21 (as of 12/10/2009)
Uncle John's All-Purpose Extra-Strength Bathroom Reader (Uncle John's Bathroom Reader #13)
Amazon Price: $12.21 (as of 12/10/2009)
RESTROOM READING RESOURCES
Little Loo Libararians and potty pocketbook page-turners may find the following items useful if not entertaining.
Jeep seat covers, an easy way to update your jeep
Jeep seat covers are a great way to keep your rig more...4 points
Ladies Nightdress
David Nieper Classic Ladies Nightwear Designer Fas more...3 points
Mens Jackets
Men's Jackets and Suit Jackets. 110% Price Gu more...1 point
THE WORDORIUM - A Dictionary of Daffy Definitions
You'll never find these words in the dictionary.0 points
CREATIVE LOAFING INSTITUTE
For those who are keen to twiddle their thumbs whi more...0 points
http://www.squidoo.com/bsandbalderdash
A fine spot to learn more about BS and bunkum.0 points
http://www.squidoo.com/giggleguide
Warning: for hot-air enthusiasts only!0 points
http://www.squidoo.com/bestnonbooks
For those who don't like books, bookies, or bookwo more...0 points
What are Bathroom Readers?
Brief and Straightforward Guide: What are Bathroom more...0 points
http://www.squidoo.com/Bathroom_Reader/
A fine bathroom reader resource.0 points
OEDILF - The Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Form
Light-hearted limericks for the Loo.0 points
http://www.squidoo.com/drolldictionaries
Wit for wordlovers, wordpeckers, & more...0 points
Toilet Paper Curiosities: A TagYerit Project
Unusual Toilet Paper items from the &a more...0 points
http://www.ippbooks.com/store/Bathroom-Book-of-Canadian-Quotes-p-20396.html
A curious copy of quotations for Canuck commodes.0 points
CrownPub: BATHROOM BOOK OF CANADIAN HISTORY
Recommended by the BC Bathroom Book Club.0 points
http://www.squidoo.com/curiouscovers
A curious collection of curious covers and delight more...0 points
Amazon.com: "10 Books To Keep By Your Toilet"
We all have to go sometime, so you might as well r more...0 points
http://www.squidoo.com/words-and-phrases-that-should-exist/
Words and phrases that don't exist but probably sh more...0 points
NEWS FROM THE TICKLE PANTRY TRENCHES
Portable toilets are big business according to the Waste Wonks of America (WWA). So, it's not surprising that they've now merged with the Portable Potty Press (PPP) to form a new corporate giant called Worldwide Waste Works (WWW).The new publically-listed company, in a recent potty press release, informed investors that "not only is the humble toilet 'the great equalizer' of humanity, but that it offers an opportunity to learn and let go at the same time. Inspired by the great 20th century American author, Ernest Hemmingway, who had a bookcase in the bathroom near the toilet, our mission is to conquer the world and make a difference by installing one latrine and little loo library at a time".
The "Organization for Underfunded Toilet, Honey-Bucket, Outhouse, Urinal, Sanisette and Eau-de-toilette Utilities" (OUTHOUSE) and and the "Literary Association of Unified Graffiti Humor" (LAUGH) in a joint statement, "welcomed this initiative as a wonderful opportunity to add to the treasury of world culture and dispense with the crap efficiently" while spokespeople for the Tony-Award Broadway musical "Urinetown" put a damper on the daring defecation project by saying that "such a move would only benefit the patrons of poop and is not a truly equal opportunity artistic endeavor".
MYSTERY & MERRIMENT IN THE UNISEX WASHROOM?
(BEWARE OF BOLD BOOK THIEVES)
The Finer Points of Sausage Dogs
Amazon Price: $8.60 (as of 12/10/2009)
At the Villa of Reduced Circumstances
Amazon Price: $8.64 (as of 12/10/2009)
The Kalahari Typing School for Men (No.1 Ladies' Detective Agency)
Amazon Price: (as of 12/10/2009)
Tears of the Giraffe (No. 1 Ladies Detective Agency, Book 2)
Amazon Price: $10.04 (as of 12/10/2009)
In the Company of Cheerful Ladies (No. 1 Ladies' Detective Agency, Book 6)
Amazon Price: $13.57 (as of 12/10/2009)
BATHROOM BOOK READER POLL
BUMPF FOR BORED BATHROOM READERS
Fetching RSS feed... please stand byMISCELLANEOUS MIRTH FOR THE MEN'S ROOM
Criminal Quotes: The 1,001 Most Bizarre Things Ever Said by History's Outlaws, Gangsters, Despots and Other Evil-Doers by H. Amanda (Compiler) Robb
Even criminals know how to quip!0 points
Why Do Men Have Nipples? Hundreds of Questions You'd Only Ask a Doctor After Your Third Martini by Mark Leyner
For those who like Nipples and Fuzzy Navels.0 points
Extraordinary Origins of Everyday Things by Charles Panati
For know-it all types.0 points
Category: Fifty Drawings by Edward Gorey by Edward Gorey
A picture book for pithless people.0 points
Jeff Foxworthy's Redneck Dictionary II: More Words You Thought You Knew the Meaning Of by Jeff Foxworthy
For those with a vapid vocabulary.0 points
Don't Get Too Comfortable: The Indignities of Coach Class, The Torments of Low Thread Count, The Never- Ending Quest for Artisanal Olive Oil, and Other First World Problems by David Rakoff
A Canuck who belongs in your curious collection.0 points
Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Book of Love (Uncle John's Bathroom Reader) by Bathroom Readers' Hysterical Society
Perfect for lovelorn ladies/gents on Valentine's.0 points
Who Cut the Cheese: A Cultural History of the Fart by Jim Dawson
All about fine folks with fetid fragrances.0 points
Three Times Carlin: An Orgy of George by George Carlin
Straight from the potty-mouth himself!0 points
Tales of Badmen, Bad Women, and Bad Places: Four Centuries of Texas Outlawry by C. F. Eckhardt
Rogues and rascals will have a field day!0 points
TITTILATING TIDBITS FOR YOUR TOME TABERNACLE
How Long a Minute Is Tote Bag
Price: 17.99
Vintage style bathroom art
Price: 39.99
What Happens... Calendar Print
Price: 6.99
REAL MEN READ POETRY Small Framed Print
Price: 34.99
The Little Loo Library appreciates your comments and support.
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Reply
- tandemonimom tandemonimom Mar 20, 2009 @ 7:22 pm
- Had you been taking votes, I would have cast mine for "Witty Works For The Water Closet" as title of this loo lens. But whatever it's called, 5* and lensrolled to Battle Hymn of the Toilet.
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- kingkurt2001 kingkurt2001 Feb 8, 2009 @ 2:17 pm
- Thank you for the laughs. This tells me that I should turn my bathroom into a reading room.
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- taliamurphy taliamurphy Aug 22, 2008 @ 9:55 pm
- Everyone knows, the best place to ponder is in the loo.
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- Susan52 Susan52 May 7, 2008 @ 11:59 am
- LOL Love it! A totally necessary lens!
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- poddys poddys Feb 13, 2008 @ 3:29 pm
- There was a side table in the toilet when I was growing up and there were always books, magazines and comics on there. To me it was the most natural thing sin the world to sit, contemplate and sometimes read until my bum went numb... Good lens. 5 *****
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- kab kab Feb 3, 2008 @ 12:25 am
- Love it! Thanks for joining the Squidoo Bathroom!
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- AlisonLee AlisonLee Jul 31, 2007 @ 11:40 am
- This is great lens with an unique idea! 5*. I love it.
Love,
Alison
How to Visualize The Life You Always Wanted
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- klapskie klapskie Jul 25, 2007 @ 2:45 am
- cool and hilarious. Nice idea of putting this kind of topic, very unique! :) Also, please visit my high performance cars lens. Thanks
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- Luc Luc Jul 7, 2007 @ 6:24 pm
- This is sooo funny! I got to Squidoo because I read "Small is the new Big" by... Seth Godin, on the toilet and that inspired me to build my own lenses about gardening!
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- bturner bturner Jul 1, 2007 @ 3:20 am
- There's no end to the variety on Squidoo huh? Well done - good lens
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by quippingqueen
Want some titillating tomes for your tinkle pantry?
The Quipping Queen and Empress of Eccentricity
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