Little Loo Library

Or, how to celebrate the wonders of water-closets

By Theolonius McTavish, a regular visitor to throne rooms of renown and off-the-beaten track places of ease

November 19th is a very auspicious occasion. It's none other than "International Tinkle Pantry Day".

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the little known term "tinkle pantry", it is the focal point and modest appliance found in most "water closets", "places of ease" or "comfort stations".

North Americans probably know the tinkle pantry by way of more familiar terms such as "throne room", "powder room" or just plain "restroom".

Few realize that the average person visits the toilet 2,500 times per year, or 6-8 times per day, which all adds up to about 3 years of one's life. Considering the fact that this humble private and sometimes public privy is the most frequently visited room in any home or workplace, precious little has been done to recognize it's vital role in society.

If truth be told, the tinkle pantry is a subject most avoid so as not to be considered a scruffy scatalogical storyteller. Considered a taboo dinner table topic, it is shunned by everyone except toddlers and parents who rejoice at the first step into adulthood by passing "Toilet Training 101" with flying colours.

It is rare indeed to see a politician of any stripe spend much time waxing on about the virtues of toilets. Precious few communities or even corporations consider celebrating with parades, marching bands, or even an official holiday, the invention of the toilet (made possible several thousand years ago by Chinese craftsmen and modernized by a British plumber named T.J. Crapper in the late 19th century). And, it wasn't until 1935 that "New World" tinkle pantry goers would be able to enjoy what most of us take for granted today, "splinter-free" toilet-paper.

Inspite of the fact that poker players do it with "royal flushes", and investors have seen their dollars go down the toilet recently, there is one organization that takes toilets seriously, the World Toilet Organization (WTO), a global non-profit organization committed to improving toilet and sanitation conditions worldwide.

Founded in 2001 with 15 members, the WTO, (which focuses on toilets instead of water), now has 190 member organizations in 56 countries all working towards eliminating the toilet taboo and delivering sustainable sanitation.

So, it's not surprising that this organization decided to recognize and honor the 'great equalizer of humanity' with it's own day of remembrance - November 19th -- "World Toilet Day".
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Image Credit: Commode Cover

It's nice to know that the charming title for this lens was chosen from a long list of laughable if not ludicrous lines.

For those with a need to know everthing, here is a sample of names submitted for consideration that thankfully now lie languishing somewhere in a state of utter oblivion).

1. Witty Works For The Water Closet (W.C.)

2. Puckish Pocketbooks For Places of Ease

3. Ripsnorting Reads For The Restroom

4. Odd Opuscules For Your Outhouse

5. Bodacious Books For The Bidet

6. Curiosities For The Can

7. Tantalizing Tales For The Toilet

8. Wit & Wonk For The Washroom

9. Potty Pocketbooks For The Powder Room

10. Light Literature for the Lavatory

Here is one 'Squidoo Loo' that shouldn't be missed. Full of fascinating facts about "where to stop" and "where to go", this lovely little lens is a ripsnorting resource for committed commoders and albution hut guests.

For those who adore tawdry bits of trivia there are are mere 1,390,000 web pages devoted to "bathroom readers".

When Saint Valentine pops by, forget the usual box of chocolates and flowers and do pick up a copy of "Uncle John's Bathroom Reader Book of Love" instead. If that doesn't turn your crank, then why not introduce yourself to screwball romantic comedy writer, Daisy Dexter Dobbs, (who'll let you in on all you need to know about UTDs).
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Image Credit: bohemiangrassi@flickr.com

What your loo says about you is something most porcelain privy people fail to take into consideration when selecting an environmentally-friendly low-flush loo or a cost-effective commode.

In the world of bathroom accessories, there is nothing quite like the Two-Way Loo Library.

The designers of this handy-dandy dooddad for a private place of ease did not however take into account that restroom readers might like something more than glossy magazines to get their muscles moving.

For those who can't stand reading, there's another alternative, the talking toilet paper dispenser, a real hit with kids and grown-ups. On the other hand, bathtub pirates might appreciate inflatable mermaids or little rubber ducks to keep them company.

And for friends and relatives who think that they have everything, don't forget to place an order for custom-printed toilet paper with their own logo, quotation, or photo! Or hire Sharon Tiessen, who'll turn your toilet seat cover into a funky work of art!!

NOTE: Those wishing to read Tolstoy's "War & Peace" may however find that they have an excruciatingly difficult time trying to finish this tale during their allotted time in the little loo library. Those with short attention spans or scant time in the tinkle pantry may wish to avail themselves of a ripsnorting read, (better known as six sentence specials or alternatively, pith and vinegar paragraph novels).
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Image Credit: Bathtube Pirate - Illustration by Ronald Searle - drawn.ca

Portable toilets are big business according to the Waste Wonks of America (WWA). So, it's not surprising that they've now merged with the Portable Potty Press (PPP) to form a new corporate giant called Worldwide Waste Works (WWW).

The new publically-listed company, in a recent potty press release, informed investors that "not only is the humble toilet 'the great equalizer' of humanity, but that it offers an opportunity to learn and let go at the same time. Inspired by the great 20th century American author, Ernest Hemmingway, who had a bookcase in the bathroom near the toilet, our mission is to conquer the world and make a difference by installing one latrine and little loo library at a time".

The "Organization for Underfunded Toilet, Honey-Bucket, Outhouse, Urinal, Sanisette and Eau-de-toilette Utilities" (OUTHOUSE) and and the "Literary Association of Unified Graffiti Humor" (LAUGH) in a joint statement, "welcomed this initiative as a wonderful opportunity to add to the treasury of world culture and dispense with the crap efficiently" while spokespeople for the Tony-Award Broadway musical "Urinetown" put a damper on the daring defecation project by saying that "such a move would only benefit the patrons of poop and is not a truly equal opportunity artistic endeavor".