Or Affectionately Titled: Self-Flagellation
Do you ever have a need to purge yourself from guilt? Do you ever think that the contemplatives of the past had a good idea with the grass shirts? Well, in the modern age we have a tool to rid yourself of guilt through the painful task of flushing our sinuses!
This sinister tool of torture comes in an inconspicuous box with packets of salt and either a tea pot type thing or a squeeze bottle. Either one is good enough for the purpose of purging your soul of guilt particularly false guilt.
What the helk else could the makers have been thinking of? I mean pour or squeeze warm saltwater up your nose so that it runs out the other side or doesn't as is my case.
This sinister tool of torture comes in an inconspicuous box with packets of salt and either a tea pot type thing or a squeeze bottle. Either one is good enough for the purpose of purging your soul of guilt particularly false guilt.
What the helk else could the makers have been thinking of? I mean pour or squeeze warm saltwater up your nose so that it runs out the other side or doesn't as is my case.
Detailed Instructions
The actual instructions come on a laminated card that will slice off the tip of your finger just to get the pain synapses started! Once you have stopped the bleeding to your finger and washed off all the smeared life blood from the card you read how exactly to prepare the bottle/pot and what to do.
I won't bore you with the details of the how tos because you can buy your own. I am just talking of the logistics of purging guilt or sinus flushing, one in the same thing.
As you are leaning your head over a sink or toilet or whatever and pour or squeeze the salt water into your nostril you may feel like you are drowning but rest assured as long as your mouth is open you can still breathe. Just don't suck the water down your throat, be sure to spit it out or blow it out.
There is some vague warning about not blowing to hard or you might do something ominous to your ear drum but if the goal is truly guilt purging through self-flagellation, then you can disregard the warning because as you know-no pain no gain.
I won't bore you with the details of the how tos because you can buy your own. I am just talking of the logistics of purging guilt or sinus flushing, one in the same thing.
As you are leaning your head over a sink or toilet or whatever and pour or squeeze the salt water into your nostril you may feel like you are drowning but rest assured as long as your mouth is open you can still breathe. Just don't suck the water down your throat, be sure to spit it out or blow it out.
There is some vague warning about not blowing to hard or you might do something ominous to your ear drum but if the goal is truly guilt purging through self-flagellation, then you can disregard the warning because as you know-no pain no gain.
After the Guilt Passes
Or After Your Sinuses Are Flushed
You may have a brief time of feeling cleansed and released from all false guilt or snot, but rest assured, this is short lived. The cleansing must be done twice a day for all eternity or until the packets run out, which ever comes first.
You should get used to the feeling of waterlogged sinus cavities and you may feel like your eyeballs are going to float away, but I didn't see those possibilities on the warnings of the instruction card so don't worry about it. I am sure I wouldn't. Well, I do wear glasses so my eyeballs can't get too far away without being caught.
These self flagellation kits cost around $15 or less at the wallyworld or other drugstore type places so go and pick yours up. Every mother understands guilt but now is your chance to totally rid yourself of it the works way, through pain!
You should get used to the feeling of waterlogged sinus cavities and you may feel like your eyeballs are going to float away, but I didn't see those possibilities on the warnings of the instruction card so don't worry about it. I am sure I wouldn't. Well, I do wear glasses so my eyeballs can't get too far away without being caught.
These self flagellation kits cost around $15 or less at the wallyworld or other drugstore type places so go and pick yours up. Every mother understands guilt but now is your chance to totally rid yourself of it the works way, through pain!
Just for fun
P.S.
This Is All Satire
The only true way to rid any guilt false or otherwise is to understand that we are all sinners and are truly guilty before a HOLY GOD. That God provided a way for us to stand guilt and sin free through the sacrifice of HIS SON, Jesus. Believing on This SON, JESUS, is the only way to rid yourself of the guilt and sin that is inherent in man and woman. John 3:16 has much more to say about this:
"For God so loved the world (us) that He gave His ONLY SON (Jesus) that whosoever (us) believes on Him (Jesus) will not perish but will have eternal life."
So go ahead, don't stop now, talk to HIM, the ONE true ONE Who can save!!
"For God so loved the world (us) that He gave His ONLY SON (Jesus) that whosoever (us) believes on Him (Jesus) will not perish but will have eternal life."
So go ahead, don't stop now, talk to HIM, the ONE true ONE Who can save!!
A few movies I recommend for your family, too
by RamblingMother
Single mom to precious daughter. Momblogger at Motherhood and Other Rambling. Pro-life, conservative, right of center blogger. Christ follower. more »
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