Are You Luxury Yacht Worthy?

The Insiders' Guide to Becoming a Yacht Stewardess:
Confessions from My Years Afloat with the Rich and Famous

I'm told that having previous boating experience isn't a requirement to getting a job on a luxury mega yacht. So if you like to travel, and are relatively young... then this might be a great opportunity to see the world through the eyes of the ultra rich. There are 1000s of luxury yachts all over the world. And they can employ crews of 8 up to 40 members.

And usually, being a crew member has some benefits. Not only will you travel around the world, you also get free room and board. And the pay is probably reasonable plus tips.

The upside is that all your expenses are paid for. The downside of course is that you are stuck on a ship 24/7. And because of that, the owners of these luxury yachts are always actively looking for new crew members.

Oh yeah, I almost forgot to mention this but half the crew members are women. So this is an equal opportunity for everyone! So ladies, if you are interested in knowing some more about this, you can check out the highly recommended book to your right from Amazon.com.

Remember this, Yachting jobs are rarely advertised. And why? Well, the owners are usually very wealthy and high profile individuals that prize their privacy. And they probably have some sort of screening process so they don't get the nutty people like me for instance...

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In my opinion, this is one of the better options if you want a yacht. Think about it this way, when you get a yacht... it is sort of like a money pit. Or in nautical terms, sunken costs.(No pun intended...) (No, really!)

You have your marina fees. You have to pay your crew. Fuel cost is going to soak you. And the repairs? Forgetaboutit! For some folks, this can be quite a headache! The solution? Find a model Yacht that you can proudly display on your mantelpiece!

And if you can lie with a straight face, why not say this is a model of the yacht that you keep docked in Monaco? It isn't like anyone is going to check up on you to see if you are a bald-faced liar or not.

But remember, if this is the route you are going to take, make sure your house matches with the lie. If you live in a cottage, there is no way anyone is going to believe a single word coming out of your mouth. So don't embarrass yourself, make sure ALL your props matches with the lie.

Otherwise, I would just follow the golden rule that Mom always says, "Honesty is the best policy."

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OK... here's the thing. Luxury Mega Yachts are really a rich man's toy. And like any rich man's toy... it has to come with the babes.

And I'm sorry if this offends you. But it is just reality. Everybody is attracted to expensive things... houses, cars and... LUXURY YACHTS!

Besides, this is my lens and I'm a red-blooded, heterosexual guy. And I'm a little funny that way.

Next we are going to figure out exactly how many bikini babes we will allow on the Mega Luxury Yacht.

Some say only one. Others say five but to be honest with you, anymore than 10 luscious, hot-to-trot, buxom babes is just asking for trouble. So more than 1 and less than 10 is acceptable.

(Don't worry, keep scrolling down... there will be a one question quiz that you absolutely must pass with a perfect score of 1 before thinking of moving on.)

And yes, this luxury boat plus babes is part of my overactive imagination. As many have suspected, I have no life and I don't care.

YOWZA!

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Another important issue that I will surely have to cover later on is whether to make my yacht clothing-optional...

OK. Break time is over guys. Put tongue back into your mouth. Let's roll up our sleeves and get back to work... Next, we are going to participate in a vote that could possibly change the world as we know it!

Let me tell you a dirty secret about these billion dollar sovereign wealth funds... They don't do any better than the average investor. In fact, they lose billions!

And this is where your opportunities lie...

You see, governments are the world's worst investor... bar none! So if you think you did badly in the stock market... trust me on this, your government did worst.

And Sovereign Wealth Funds are state-owned. This form of funds is prevalent in among the oil rich countries of the Middle East. Yep, they made disasters upon disasters.

Take for example, the Dubai World fund. They bought part of MGM Mirage Gambling Casino and lost almost 80% of their money.

Another Dubai fund went out and bought a port and shipping giant. That investment lost 55% of their money. Too bad USA wouldn't let them buy the Port of Long Beach. We could have bought it back from them on pennies for the dollar!

And then the price of oil dropped like a stone.

So what is my point?

Well, as usual I do have a point... and that is... billionaires are losing lots of money. And it is quite possible someday that you may get a luxury yacht for a steal on eBay because of a desperation sale.

I'm just saying... OK?

So, keep your eyes peeled.

UPDATE: Uh-oh... it looks like the Dubai funds have to sell Barneys New York at half-price. They bought it in 2007 for $942 BILLION dollars! And they are having trouble paying their debt payments. Things are looking good for anyone who is looking for a slightly used luxury yacht from one of the oil princes. Keep watching eBay... who knows? You might get lucky!

In the meantime, take another look at the wonderful posters of the scrumptious girls above...

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Me? I'm not holding my breath...