"If you want to know what God thinks of money, just look at the people he gave it to." (Dorothy Parker)

"A bank book makes good reading - better than some novels." (Harry Lauder)

All I ask is the chance to prove that money can't make me happy". (Spike Milligan)

"Always borrow money from a pessimist, he doesn't expect to be paid back." (Author Unknown).

"Business is the art of extracting money from another man's pocket without resorting to violence." (Max Amsterdam)

"If women didn't exist, all the money in the world would have no meaning." (Aristotle Onassis)

"In the old days a man who saved money was a miser; nowadays he's a wonder." (Author Unknown)

"I've been rich and I've been poor: Rich is better." (Sophie Tucker)

"Money can't buy happiness...but does bring you a more pleasant form of misery." (Spike Milligan)

"Money is like manure. You have to spread it around or it smells." (John Paul Getty)

"Whoever said money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping." (Bo Derek)

"Women prefer men who have something tender about them - especially the legal kind." (Kay Ingram)

"Mad Money" is real. It comes in different denominations and formats, usually coins and bills, (that can be stuffed in piggy bank or sock, and even hidden under the mattress as a 'contingency' or 'rainy day' fund). But more importantly, "mad money" can be spent any time or any way you want, no questions asked, so there!

"Funny Money" is something that you can laugh your way all the way to the bank with especially if you're a Canadian, (they love all manner of wild critters on their currency).

"Funny Money" also refers to non-legal tender (you know play money: Monopoly Moola, Canadian Tire bills, or chocolate coins you get as a kid in your Christmas stocking.

On the other hand "Funny Money" also refers to counterfeit currency. Note: Money laundering will not remove the deep doo doo stain on your shirt if you've been playing with either "ill-gotten gains" or passing along some fake funds for profit. If you're caught, you'll be sent directly to jail, (unable to collect your $200 as you pass "go"). Oh and that "Get Out Of Jail Free Card" that you were counting on to spring you, it's just been eaten by your neighbor's dog!

"Old Money" refers to families who have been wealthy for several generations, as a term distinguishing them from the new kids on the block known as "nouveau riche" (newly acquired wealth) and "parvenus" (wealth wannabes).

So just make sure that if you marry "old money" that that your honey doesn't put the clamps on your "mad money" or worse yet, tell you that the only thing left in the treasury is oodles of "funny money" along with some very funny family titles, "Lord and Lady Ramsbottom, 83rd in line to the Duchy of Dweebs in Pennycomequick, (Devon)".

WISE WORDS OF ADVICE FROM A "MAD MONEY MAVEN":

"Stroke the air waves,
pull up the tulips,
break out the well digger's rod...
we're gonna yodel tonight!

Artist credit: Susan Mrosek

If you're Eeyore, finding a seamstress to sew your lost tail on can be a problem, especially if you live in 100 Acre Wood (which is not known as a huge haven for household helpers.

However, if you're not sure how to "mend" your "mad money" mangled in the washing machine, where do you go for solutions?

Well, there is one place that specializes in such solutions. So, just in case someone inadvertently drops your dollars in the drink, burns your bills in a bonfire (assuming you have some partial bills left) or heaven forbid ...shreds your stash (and leaves it in strands somewhere), there is hope for you.

Frankly, it's time to turn to the U.S. Bureau of Engraving and Printing, U.S. Department of the Treasury (provided of course that you live in the Land of the Stars and Stripes).

So, quit crying the blues! Pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and skidaddle on over to the "U.S. Bureau of Engraving and Printing" for pity's sake! Let them help you mend your money, and, if it's shredded or mutilated, perhaps they'll be able to reimburse you!