Make Me Laugh!

TEACHER: Maria, go to the map and find North America .
MARIA: Here it is.
TEACHER: Correct. Now class, who discovered America ?
CLASS: Maria.
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TEACHER: John, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?
JOHN: You told me to do it without using tables.
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TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?'
GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
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TEACHER: Donald, what is the chemical formula for water?
DONALD: H I J K L M N O.
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
DONALD: Yesterday you said it's H to O.
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TEACHER: Winnie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.
WINNIE: Me!
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TEACHER: Glen, why do you always get so dirty?
GLEN: Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.
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TEACHER: Millie, give me a sentence starting with 'I.'
MILLIE: I is..
TEACHER: No, Millie..... Always say, 'I am.'
MILLIE: All right... 'I am the ninth letter of the alphabet.'
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TEACHER: George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted it. Now, Louie, do you know why his father didn't punish him?
LOUIS: Because George still had the axe in his hand.
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TEACHER: Now, Simon, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
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TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
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TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
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: ) : ) : ) : ) : )

NOW GO OUT AND MAKE SOMEONE LAUGH!
LAUGHTER IS THE SOUL'S MEDICINE!!

SPECIAL DEAL FOR SQUIDOO COMEDY LOVERS!!

Shakespeare's Twelfth Night.
Normal in-store physical product price: $21.80...Normal Price through Leisure Audio: $11.99...Special Offer Price: $8.54!!!

Twelfth Night, nowadays one of Shakespeare's best-loved and most-admired comedies, was not always so regarded: Samuel Pepys saw the play three times in the 1660s and judged it 'silly'. Modem audiences, critics and directors seem better attuned to its delicate counterpointing of romance and realism, to its ambivalent ending and to the poetic suggestiveness of Feste's songs.

* * * * *

And below are some of the most popular audio books available -- comedian biographies! Not the least of which is the work of Mr. Bob Newhart, renowned for his "telephone conversations" stand-up routine, as well as his TV series' Newhart and the The Bob Newhart Show. Also featured are Micheal Palin (of Monty Python fame), Dave Barry, the pre-eminent satiric columnist and Tony Young, author of "How To Lose Friends & Alienate People."

Dave Barry's Money Secrets

Did you ever wish that you really understood money? Well, Dave Barry wishes that he did, too. But that hasn't stopped this award-winning humor columnist from writing a book about it. In this book, Dave explores (as only he can) such topics as:
How the U.S. economy works, including the often-overlooked role of Adam Sandler.
- Why it is not a good idea to use squirrels for money.
- Why corporate executives, simply by walking into their offices, immediately become much stupider.
- An absolutely foolproof system for making money in the stock market, requiring only a little effort (and access to time travel)...

Michael Palin: The Python Years

MICHAEL PALIN's diaries begin in the late 1960s and tell how Monty Python emerged and triumphed. Enjoying an unlikely cult status early on, the group then proceeded to tour in the United States and Canada, appearing, like pop stars, at sold-out stadiums coast to coast and on national chat shows. They even stayed in hotels newly trashed by Led Zeppelin, later investors in Monty Python and the Holy Grail...

Bob Newhart's, I Shouldn't Even Be Doing This!

This isn't a memoir like most memoirs. It's an audiobook only Bob Newhart could have done, with his unique worldview and irrepressibly wry humor. Oh, and there's a fair bit of plain silliness, too.

How To Lose Friends & Alienate People

This is Toby Young's hilarious account of the five years he spent looking for love in all the wrong places and steadily working his way down the New York food chain, from glossy magazine editor to crash-test dummy for interactive sex toys. But it's more than " the longest self-deprecating joke since the complete works of Woody Allen " (Sunday Times); it's also a seditious attack on the culture of celebrity from inside the belly of the beast. And there's even a happy ending as Toby Young marries - "for proper non-cynical reasons," as he puts it - the woman of his dreams.

Now's your chance to sample the delights of the BBC comedy archives at it won't cost you a penny, a nickle, a cent, or whatever the currency is in your part of the world.

You'll find everything from The Goon Show through to Dead Ringers.

It's an hour of classic comedy ABSOLUTELY FREE.
Download "The Very Best of BBC Comedy"

1. Blackadder: 'The Dictionary' from Blackadder

2. Yes Prime Minister: 'The Smoke Screen' from Yes Prime Minister Volume 1

3. Alan Partridge: 'Have I Got A Second Series?' from I'm Alan Partridge 'Knowing Me, Knowing Yule'

4. The Goon Show: 'Hetto Seagoon, British Embassy Here' from The Goon Show 'Neds Atomic Dustbin'

5. Dad's Army: 'Unarmed Combat' from Dad's Army Volume 2

6. The League of Gentlemen: 'God Rest You Merry Gentlemen' from The League of Gentlemen 'On The Town With'

7. One Foot in the Grave: 'Yukka' from One Foot in the Grave 2

8. Dead Ringers: 'Changing Rooms' and 'Dr Who' from Series 2 Part 2

9. Fawlty Towers: 'The Germans' from Fawlty Towers Volume 2

10.Victoria Wood: 'Sally and Martin' followed by 'Sonara' from Victoria Wood 'Encore'

11. The Fast Show: 'Swiss Tony' from The Fast Show Volume 3

12. Tony Hancock: 'Cricket pitch' from Hancocks Half hour 'The Collectors Edition'

13. Goodness Gracious Me: 'Arranged Marriage' from Goodness Gracious Me

14. The Two Ronnies: 'Lucky Swine' from The Two Ronnies. 'Its Goodnight from Me'

15. Harry Enfield: 'The Slobs Christening' from Harry Enfields Television Programme

16. Monty Python: 'Flying Sheep' from Monty Pythons Flying Circus

17. Only Fools and Horses: 'Phone Call' from Only Fools and Horses, No Greater Love

18. The Royle Family: 'Bacon Butty' from the Royal Family 2

19. Morecambe and Wise: 'Trafalgar' from Morecambe and Wise Volume 2

20. The Vicar of Dibley: 'Honeymoon' from the Vicar of Dibley Volume 2

21. Absolutely Fabulous: 'Fax' from Absolutely Fabulous Volume 1

ENJOY!!

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