Making an impossible decision

I am on my second marriage, and married to a wonderful woman.
So, obviously, I was married before.
I had two beautiful daughters from that first marriage, but the marriage ended, and not on particularly friendly terms.
Due to the divorce and all that followed I found myself looking for somewhere to live and ended up living back at home with Mum and Dad.
Not a good place to be when you are in your 30's, but financially I had no other option.
Along with this, the time I was "allowed" to see my daughters was rapidly reducing. By allowed, I mean the time my Ex-wife would let me see them. Suddenly, they were always busy with clubs and sports, outings and friends.
The time I had with them reduced in less than 2 years, from every weekend and the odd week night, to between 24 and 48 hours A MONTH!!
On many occasions, the time I had with them, was not quality time. We had no time to go and DO something, like a day out somewhere.
More, I was a taxi. Parties had been arranged for one or both of them, or they had a dance recital or something similar, so a lot of time was spent waiting, or driving them to this place or that.
Other times, for whatever reason, they had to be home early.
If I wanted to see them, I had to go get them, and drop them off, which I had no drama with, except there goes another 2 hours in the car.
I tried my hardest to have this altered, but to no avail. The time with my daughters was just getting less and less and less

Then I met my wife.
But, she lived on the other side of the world.
I was in the UK, she was in Australia.
We communicated a lot through the internet and webcams etc. Eventually I went over for a visit.
And, OH MY GOD, I immediately fell more in love with her, and I kind of developed a thing for Australia.
What an awesome country!!
Anyway, here I was in Australia, which before I had only ever dreamed about, with this awesome woman and her own children.
But 2 weeks was nowhere near enough time, but it was enough time to know where I wanted to be.

And THAT is exactly when my considerable anguish started. I wanted to be with her, but what about my own children?
Another visit followed, and another, and each time, the feeling that I was living in the wrong place grew stronger, and as the time went by, my time with my children grew less

So, it comes down to this, I could either:-
Stay living at home with my parents ( financially there was no way I could get my own place) , continue seeing my children (as little as I was) for as long as they wanted to see me which as they were getting older and seeing their friends more, could well go down to nothing at all, and forget about the woman I had fallen in love with. I would have to continue to struggle along with life and hope I could make a go of it. Hope that my children would still want to see me in the future, BUT, could ultimately be left with nothing. Yes, I could have met someone else, but I really did not want to.
Or,
I could leave the UK, move to Australia, be with the woman I loved, and make a clean break, and pretty much start over.
But this meant leaving my daughters behind.I would keep in touch, have them over for holidays, send them cards, letters, Christmas and Birthday presents, all of that. (Actually, if they had come over for a 2 week holiday, it would have worked out to more time with them, and better quality time, than a full year back in the UK)

Either way, I would be causing someone heartbreak.

If you have read my Bio page, you will know what I decided.
After months of anguish, soul searching, and trying to put the positives against the negatives for both decisions, I decided to leave the UK and move to Australia.
As things were with my Ex, I didn't honestly think I had much chance of seeing my daughters for much longer, there was even talk of them moving away to the other end of the country anyway.
I was deeply unhappy where I was, with my life in general, and suffering a depression, that if I did not make changes, would only get worse.

In Australia, with my wife and children, who I took as my own and love to bits, I am happy. The happiest, actually , I have ever been.
It's as if it was where I was meant to be all along, and I think, after visiting the times I had, I would have ended up here, one way or another.

One thing that made my decision easier was actually my Ex-wife. Other than the fact she made life difficult and could be extremely vindictive, her new husband was actually a decent bloke!. ( After I was invited to their house to "explain myself", it turned out that he could see my point of view in reasons for leaving)
All the times I met him, we never had any issues, and his family were a decent, pretty well respected lot. So i knew that my daughters would be OK, and well cared for, and have a life I could not give them at the time. I actually thought many times that they would be better off if I was out of the picture anyway.

I feel I should mention the Medium, because after my meeting with her, it would seem that the decision was actually out of my hands all together.
I'll try to keep this brief and to the point. I should point out that when it comes to Mediums, palm reading and all that, I am a bit of a skeptic, but this time was different
Here goes. I used to work as a Sales Rep in the UK, and made a new, first time, call to a service station.
There was an old lady behind the counter. Before I could speak, she asked if I liked gardening.
To say I thought it was a strange question, is an understatement.
I said I didn't.
But I was artistic, she told me. Yep. And that was all I told her, in this very first meeting.
For approximately the next hour, she talked and I listened, and made notes.
She proceeded to tell me, about me and my life. She said the woman I was with was my soul-mate, she said everything would be sorted out and I would be where I was meant to be within 18 months.
She said to get there though, I had to leave something behind.
There was other stuff too. She said I was going to travel very soon and that she saw a big mansion house, landscaped gardens and a big fountain in the center. (If you have been to Hyde Park in Sydney, you will know there is a big fountain, it's landscaped and off to one side is a building that looks like a mansion. Myself and my wife spent an afternoon there on my first day in Australia. And I had only just booked my flight to Australia)
I tried to get it all down, and I kept the notes.
18 months later, on the same week I had that first encounter with the Medium, is when I got married in Australia to my amazing wife.!!
That's the basis of it anyway, she knew so much, and I had told her nothing. She said about being in contact with the Spirit World, and if it had not happened how it did, I would have thought of Bourbon and Vodka. She never gave readings for gain either, only gave them if she was "told" to give someone guidance.
I wish I could remember her name, I would so love to thank her for that guidance

OK, obviously there are always consequences. I say I am the happiest I have ever been, that still stands, but what would make me even better would some contact with my daughters.
I have NONE.
Due to my Ex-wife's resentment of my parents for coming out to visit, and the usual arguments about money, she has cut off ALL contact with my family. Including my parents.
I send them cards for birthdays and Christmas, although they go to my parents, because my Ex would return them. I hope that they will get them in the future. They have presents too, but again, will not get these until sometimes in the future.
They were invited out to the wedding, but were not allowed to come, even though my parents said they would cover the FULL cost of the trip for them, but my Ex said No. I'm not even sure the kids knew the invite existed.
On a recent trip back to the UK, I contacted my Ex to ask to see the kids, but had no response at all.
They are not even allowed to receive a phone call from me...

I miss them, and I cannot find the words to describe just how much, but I know that one day I will see them again. They will be older, and I hope more understanding of the reasons for my leaving them.
A lot is hidden from them, and a lot is said that is not true, but they will only find out when they are ready, and when that day comes, they will see that I never forgot them and tried to see them and be in touch with them, but was blocked in every attempt.
For now, I have to be patient.
As my Mother says, " The Truth will out.."