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Cooking with code: Maple vegetarian breakfast sausage

elegiac by elegiac

Quick vegetarian breakfast sausage

This is a simple recipe for breakfast sausage patties made with textured vegetable protein and bulgur wheat. Good with tofu scramble, pancakes, or in a paper towel while you run out the door.

Part of this nutritious breakfast for any aspiring pirate, bike messenger, or research scientist. Your mileage may, of course, vary. Please don't bother to read this recipe backwards. Everyone knows security through obscurity doesn't work.

Objects you may want to acquire

(in this case, ingredients)

  • 3/4 cup textured vegetable protein
  • 1/4 cup bulgur wheat
  • 1/4 cup rolled oats
  • 1/4 cup soy flour
  • 1 1/2 cups water
  • 1 tbsp soy sauce
  • 1 tbsp maple syrup
  • 1 tbsp smoke oil
  • 1 tsp garlic powder
  • 2 tsp powdered sage (or to taste)
  • 1/2 tsp fennel seed
  • 1 tsp ground black pepper
  • dash of cayenne pepper
  • dash of ground cloves
  • dash of crushed red pepper
  • cooking oil or non-stick spray

Step One: mixing some dry stuff and adding some wet stuff.

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Boil the water. Put the textured vegetable protein and the bulgur wheat in a heat-resistant bowl. Add the boiling water, smoke oil, soy sauce, and maple syrup.

Let the contents soak it up for five or so minutes.

Step Two: adding more dry stuff to the previous mix.

Add the cloves, garlic, sage, and fennel seed to the textured vegetable protein and bulgur wheat mix. Also add the black, cayenne, and crushed red peppers.

Mix in the rolled oats. Add the soy flour a little at a time, mixing between additions; stop when the mix is firm enough to shape into balls.

Step Three: build a grappling hook gun

You may, at this point, wish to build a grappling hook gun; while it will almost never be necessary to have one, breakfast conversation will certainly be more entertaining with one in tow.

A student at MIT documents building one here.

One might be able to just use the fire extinguisher without significant alteration; one might want to try a flight tube with o-ring seals attached to the grappling hook, rather than wadding.

Grappling hook guns may not be programming code; however, they certainly warrant further investigation, should time constraints be amenable.

Information regarding the consumption of complete and incomplete proteins may be viewed here.

Cooking with code

Why is there information about programming (or some other divergent topic) in the middle of the recipe?



Programming can be much like cooking; one needs to follow certain steps in order to get the results one wants. Likewise, there may be more than one way to program code, to make a vegetable patty, or to paint a picture.

It is our view that any exposure to the underpinnings of such technologies may introduce others, however slightly, to a bit of knowledge that might otherwise remain obscured.

Cooking with code is both an art and a science.

Step Four

Put down the grappling hook gun and fry some breakfast patties.

Place the grappling hook gun where you won't trip on it, with the muzzle pointed in a safe direction; keep foreign objects away from the trigger mechanism.

Heat some oil on medium heat in a skillet, wok, caldero, or frying pan of your choice. Non-stick cooking spray will do. Place the balls in the cooking container; flatten to a patty shape. Flip after two to three minutes; patties should be nicely browned on each side.
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Step Four (Alternate)

Microwave directions. For the patties, not the grappling hook gun.

Spray a microwave-safe container with non-stick cooking spray. Place balls in container and flatten to patty shape. Cook in 1 minute increments until patties are slightly crisp on both sides; this may take more or less time depending upon one's microwave.

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Enjoy the sausage patties!

If you have any comments or suggestions about this recipe, please leave them here. Thank you!

  • Dec 4, 2011 @ 8:20 pm | delete
    I'm bookmarking this recipe. I'm a vegetarian and am always looking for new recipes to try (especially breakfast recipes, as they are less common). I also like your programming analogy to cooking. Unique and very interesting. Thank you!
  • RetiredRebel Dec 2, 2011 @ 4:00 pm | delete
    Good lens! I am going to share this with others.
  • Yawapi Nov 28, 2011 @ 1:50 pm | delete
    Sounds yummy, and I like the "cooking with code" theme - cool!
  • WriterJanis Nov 15, 2011 @ 10:49 am | delete
    A very unique lens.
  • elegiac Nov 16, 2011 @ 5:09 am | delete
    Thank you, WriterJanis!
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