Saving Your Marriage

The intention here is to open channels of communication, in a positive way [rather than "he said" she said, he did she did etc] as a starting point in the proccess of Getting Back Together and getting your ex back permanently 1/ Sit down by yourself and write a list of at least 10 things that you like about your partner. What qualities do they have that you admire? what do you love about them? what qualities do they have that you wish they had? what attracted you to them in the first place? Both do this about the other person. 2/ Sit facing each other and each person in turn read out one thing from the list that they have written down, until both people have read all the things on their list. At this stage just listen to and absorb what the other person is saying. 3/ Talk about each point in turn, and listen to what your partner is saying. A major reason for marriage/ relationship breakdowns is that one or both partners feel unloved or unappreciated, and the focus of the relationship has shifted from what is right about it too what is wrong about it. By talking openly and honestly with your partner about the things that you appreciate/like/love about them you are shifting this focus for what may be the first time in months or even years in some cases, and opening the door to meaningful communication. 4/ Now write a list of the things that you used to do together, or things your partner used to do [ie holding hands when out walking] that they dont do any more, and THAT USED TO MAKE YOU FEEL LOVED BY THEM AND CONNECTED TO THEM. Most marriages/relationships break up because people no longer feel loved by and connected to their partners. Many people have no idea of the huge importance of a even a small act in the mind of their partner. Heres a prime example- one husband felt that his wife had "stopped loving him", because she no longer gave him a kiss goodbye before he went out of the door to work. The wife was flabbergasted when she was told this, she was just got too busy with the children and the little habit got forgotten. A little thing to one person can have huge "meaning" to the other. 5/ Again sit down facing each other and read one thing from your list out each until you are both finished. As previously just listen too and absorb what your partner is saying without commenting. 6/ Again take turn and turn about to talk about each others lists. This excercise helps both parties to gain awareness into their partners needs and feelings and what they need in order to feel loved and connected. These can often be very simple little words and acts, that are so easy to reintegrate into a relationship and can have a huge impact on how loved and connected one or other of the people feels. 7/ What I suggest to couples at this point is to pick two things each from both of the couples lists, and commit to doing them for the next week. It could be that the wife gives the husband the peck on the cheek before he goes to work, or the husband sits and talks to his wife rather than reads the paper at breakfast. The doing list could involve taking a walk on the beach holding hands, or a trip to the movies together without the kids. Even simply affirming to the other person that you love them on a daily basis can be HUGE! What I invariably find when I meet the couples again usually a week later is that they are much more connected and together, and that their communication is much more positive and focused on resolution and getting back together rather than seperation and anger. Whilst these 7 Steps are a powerful starting point there is a lot of other things that you can do to reconnect with and reawaken the love and happiness in your relationship, and really enjoy the proccess of getting back together rather than Breaking Up. I have thought long and hard before recommending a worthwhile resource to you simply because there is a lot of contradictory material out there, much of which is either very simplistic or does not address the real issues in any meaningful way. If you are really serious about saving your marriage/relationship and creating lasting happiness and love in your life, then I suggest you check out my website out Getting Back Together where I introduce you to the best and most detailed guide I have discovered and has some powerful tools to help you in getting back together, and enjoy the wonderful loving and supportive relationship you both deserve.