Martial Arts and the Girl

I've found that men (and women!) like to think that females should be soft. I don't know whether this is true in just in Singapore, or Asia, or is a global phenomenon. I've met this attitude in schools, in the workplace, in gyms, churches, you name it. There's the prevailing sense that girls, and women, shouldn't spend too much time being too active in the outdoors, shouldn't work out too much (Pass the 5 pound weights, will you?), shouldn't be too (physically) strong. We're expected to WANT to hook a husband as fast as possible, and in order to do that, we should be fair, thin, 'fashionable', and obliging. You're stressed/depressed? A little (short) run should take care of that.

Well.

I come from the school of thought that believes that a strong woman is a beautiful one. I'm not a bra-burning, placard-carrying feminist either. I simply believe that a woman can, and should, be able to take care of herself. Other than financially, emotionally, etc, I also believe that this includes physically.

I'm not under the illusion that by learning Muay Thai or any other martial art I'll suddenly be able to knock armed attackers unconscious with a single blow. But should the situation arise, I (hopefully) will be able to deal with it level-headedly, without panic, and create the opportunity for me to run away as fast and far as I can, or at least the nearest populated area/ police station.

Why? Because the Martial Arts aren't all about the physical. Yes, I use it to keep in shape (and pretty darned good shape at that), but it's also about working under pressure (like when someone is trying to knock your block off), discipline, creativity, and simple good hard work. The fact that it burns a bazillion calories per hour is just icing on the cake.

5: It's one of the best, full-body workouts ever.

Honestly, you could decide to do Muay Thai, or Karate, or Jiu-Jitstu, Silat, Fencing, Wrestling.. the list goes on. What I can guarantee you, though, is that you'll immediately start using muscles that you never knew you even had. And the best part is that, for those of you who count the calories, depending on how hard you decide to push yourself, it'll burn up to 1000 calories an hour! Whee!!!!

4: Kinesthetic Awarenss

Wish you could move like a ballerina? Well, Muay Thai won't give you that, but what it will give you in an increased awareness of how your body moves. Our bodies were designed to be active, not chained to a desk and typing on a keyboard, as so many of us end up doing on a regular basis. Start a Martial Art, and learn the way your body moves! Honestly, too often we take our body for granted, and only when we can't use it anymore do we realise how important it is to us.

3: Releasing the Beast

In my humble opinion, there is very little in this world that is as stress-relieving as actually hitting something, especially for women. Female displays of anger, stress, and emotion, are generally few and far between; rather, we are expected to be a lady, where control is paramount. For me, learning Muay Thai is probably one of the things that has kept my blood pressure in the normal range over the years in the workplace. In the gym, I have implicit permission to shout, yell, grunt, curse and swear, while hitting the bags, pads, and mitts as hard as I can. In the gym, no one expects me to be a lady.

2: Satisfaction

Remember how it felt when you were a kid when you first learned to ride a bicycle? Well, take that feeling, and just change the sport. There's nothing like the feeling of learning a technique for the first time, and then practicing it, perfecting it, till you KNOW you've got it just right. Pure satisfaction.

1: Just because it's FUN!

Yeah! I love to have fun, and so does most everybody! Learning to punch, kick, knee; it's just like an exploration of what your body can do! So much to learn, so little time. Of course nobody expects to get it exactly right the first time round, so bring a friend and give it a shot. Or don't bring a friend, and make new ones at the gym! Don't be afraid to explore, and more importantly, enjoy!

So, anyway, back to training and why I love it so much.

There's all kinds of reasons that I train, and I've already given you a bunch in the other posts I put together. But this reason here, this one is the one that comes from the heart, I think,

I train, and train hard, because it gives me a sense of significance.

I mean, I don't really think it matters whether you're a student, or a working stiff, or a professional whatever. We seldom feel very significant in our jobs or in school, do we? I mean, I can't remember the last time, if ever, when I walked in to the office every morning, looked at my sterile desk and computer, and felt as if me being at the job meant something.

When was the last time your boss asked you for your opinion on a policy, and actually LISTENED?
When was the last time your hard work at your job was appreciated?
When was the last time your teacher asked you what you knew about a topic instead of telling you what you didn't know?
When was the last time you were EMPOWERED?

In short, we work and study because we have to, not because we want to.

Going to train Muay Thai, and being pretty decently good at it, actually makes me feel good about myself. It makes me realise that I CAN do it if I put my mind to it. When I hit the bags and pads or work on grappling, it's me against myself, and no one else. There's no competition with my training partner, just co-operation and encouragement. Where else in the world can you find that?

For the same reasons, I run, lift weights, jerk kettlebells, sky dive (only done that once but dying to do it again), white-water raft, you name it and I'll probably try it.

It makes me feel alive.

If you had a son and a daughter, which one would you put in a martial arts programme? Chances are, the son. Why? Anecdotal evidence tells me that parents assume that boys are more 'suited' to a martial arts programme, and it'll help their son learn discipline, to be tough, and encourage mental resiliency from a young age. All great things for a child, really.

So why don't more parents put their daughters into training? Don't they want the same thing for their daughters?

Now, without giving too much away, I work in an agency which deals with teenagers (read: 13-16 yrs) of both sexes who are having problems in school. We run weekly classes for them and an after school club as well. Many of them come from difficult, complicated backgrounds which interfere with their ability to cope with the academic and social pressures of high school.

More often than not, the ones that really suffer are the daughters. Boys externalise their anger, pain, and confusion, often by acting out enough that they get help from the school or from our counsellors. Girls, on the other hand, are far more emotional, and internalise that same pain. Because they are quieter, less prone to violent outbursts, and thus draw far less attention to themselves, they simply sometimes do not get the the help they need. Because they feel powerless both at home and in school, they draw their identity and power from other, perhaps less desirable areas of their life. Eating disorders, promiscuity, self-harm, all these are just indicators of their inner need for significance and power.

Very simply put, martial arts will change the way your daughter views the world. In my opinion, the fact that we are more willing to put our sons in a martial arts class and our daughters in ballet class just smacks of an ingrained patriarchal mindset. Not that ballet classes are bad, mind you. For those of us with the aptitude and talent for it, ballet is just as valuable.

The martial arts, especially the traditional ones (generally put, any one of them that requires a uniform), are highly structured physical activities in which goals are made very clear. Belt systems, grading systems, etc, these all have the effect of making progress both clear and attainable. How , do they know it's attainable? Because it's modelled for them every time they go to a lesson. They see others (girls, hopefully), who have 'made it'; success is no longer a vague concept.

Working their way through the martial arts system, girls learn focus, and resiliency. They learn that they can do things that are difficult. They learn that they things worth doing aren't easy. They learn that when the going gets tough, they just have to get tougher.

Most importantly, they learn how to deal with failure. Not all failure is bad. All too often, people have looked at them and gone, 'Oh you failed your exams! That must mean that it's too hard for you; here, have something nice and easy.' And what do these girls learn about themselves? They learn that they're dumb, and can only do the easy stuff. In martial arts, failure is feedback. You spar with someone, and get your butt kicked. And yes, it happens to the best of us. When that happens, we don't quit the art entirely! We dissect, we think about what we did right, what we did wrong. Then we fix it.

Oh yeah, and in a sparring session, getting all emotional about being hit almost guarantees that you're going to get pounded even worse. Go figure. I, personally, panicked in a demonstration bout with another friend, lost my head completely, and proceeded to get my nose broken. Not pretty, I tell you. Blood all over the place. But, as amusing as that is now, my point is that martial arts will teach your daughter to perform under pressure. Because the results can be painful if you don't.

Every parent wants their daughter to be successful. I say, if you wanna up the chances of it happening, pop her into a martial arts class. Start them young, build the foundations strong.