Martial Arts Maniacs

You may perhaps begin to think I don't take martial arts seriously - or that it is all "fun and games" for me? Not so my friend, not so at all. There is very few things I hold dearer and find more satisfying and fulfilling than these arts.

Having studied, trained and taught martial arts (ju jitsu) for over thirty years, I do consider the arts as both serious business and wonderful systems for working out, studying culture, learning self-defense skills, improving motor skills, increasing fitness, increasing focus and self-esteem ... as well as much more.

If you take a brief moment to visit my blog: martial arts sources, or my site: your martial arts resources, you will probably soon be convinced that I do take the arts very serious indeed. So, why this focus on martial arts weirdos?

Well... First off I don't really take myself too seriously - and I really am sort of a nerd myself when it comes to martial arts and martial arts training. Secondly, I do believe it is absolutely vital that we are able, in all things in life, to have a sense of balance and perspective. If we have, then we should be able to - or even more than this: we should crave to look at the light as well as the darkness, the serious sides as well as the fun moments.

And hey, if you despise someone poking fun at "your" martial art, then do feel free to leave. In any case, you are always more than welcome to laugh at me :-)

It is no secret that I am in fact contemplating making a book about this issue some time in the future. After all there are so many fantastic and some times even crazy stories out there - things that are simply too good to pass on :-)

If you would like a free, small sample of this book, you may do so by joining the The Vault. It is quick, simple and free to sign up, and you will find lots of other stuff inside as well!

If you would like a free copy of the book (and all future updates), then that is possible too - simply share your story (or stories). Whether I end up using it or not doesn't matter - the book is yours for free any how. Please contact me here if you have anything - big or small, funny, weird or crazy - you don't mind sharing!

Also you can trust that things will be re-written, so that, when needed, any persons identity will be hidden. After all we don't want to harass people, just have a bit of fun with off-beat events...

Thanks to the magic of this internet thingy, you now have immediate access to all this wonderful, crazy stuff. The downside is of course that it stays there for ever - a major bummer if you're the one being given media coverage with your jewels showing in public.

Any who ... below you will find instances of some of the martial arts lunatics who have been mentioned by the media. And yes, it may also be that some of these cases are being mentioned in the upcoming book. If a link to any of these articles is no longer working, then you may strike lucky and find the cases within the book.

=> A British Member of Parliament who claimed having fighting as a hobby when he went berserk in a pub? Apparently, that's the case with this former army major and judo expert who was convicted of assault in February 2012. Quite a political role model...

=> A 51-year-old Brazilian karate expert was arrested along with two women in April 2012. Why? Well, the trio was accused of murdering at least two women. Not only that, the group had allegedly also ate the victim's flesh in oreder to 'purify the soul'. The Dang! Police said the three suspects belonged to a sect which believes in the 'purification of the world' and that they planned ot kill three women each year.

=> Apparently quite some "martial arts expert" who was tackled and helb by a regular citzen- an IT worker to boot - in London, UK in August 2011. The oh-so-awesome, knife-carrying expert had reportedly fractured a police officer's jaw when the Good Samaritan stepped in.

=> In New Zealand, a 42-year-old man was jailed in March 2012 after he was found guilty of sexually violating a woman in July 2010 while he held her down utilizing a martial arts technique. The judge at the man's trail said the defendant had three previous assault convictions.

=> A Norwegian martial arts expert, in his 60s, claimed sex could free an individual of bodily blockages - something he apparently put to test on a woman who visited the man in 2008 in order to be treated with massage, heat and light. The woman had been a student of the of the martial arts instructor since she was a young girl. The man was sentenced to jail in March 2012 and the court noted that the man had abused his position of trust and authority in the martial arts community to get customers for his shady massage "treatment".

=> Here's a free tip, if you want to avoid assaulting the wrong person and being reprimanded by a judge who says your acts are better suited at a Gerry Springer show than on a campus, then you might want to breath deeply a couple of times before considering going out seeking revenge. In March 2012, a father and son black belt went to court after an incident on Virginia Tech. The hot headed son, aged 19, was found guilty of assaulting a man - the wrong person no less - he thought had an extramarital affair with his mother.

=> A Central American judo champ who was arrested in Honduras in January 2010, accused of strangling five victims to death, escaped four months later. The suspected serial killer was then captured again in March 2012.

=> A British man, 40, was handed a suspended prison sentence in March 2012 after being found guilty of assaulting his former brother-in-law in a car park. A witness described seeing the man, described as a black belt in kung fu (really... is there such a thing?), 'shouting' and then 'running across the car park' to kick the victim a couple of times.

=> A 33-year-old British martial arts instructor trainee was jailed in March 2012 for punching a smoker outside a Plymouth pub in what was called an unprovoked attack. The loose canon reportedly 'came out of nowhere' and hit the man in the face for 'no obvious reason'.

=> A 44-year-old Washington martial arts instructor was arrested in March 2012 after he allegedly swung a baton at a 23-year-old roommate and threatening to kill the other man if he didn't give him $2,400. The instructor/lunatic got into an argument with his roommate because he wanted his roommate to withdraw money from a bank and give it to him.

You will find more of these glorious fighting arts shenanigans further down the page. Enjoy!

Oh, and please don't ask me about the strange and somewhat fishy "taekwondowater" image here. Seriously, I have no clue as to where or why...

=> A "short and fair" kung-fu female robber of Chinese descent? OK... It appears a woman of said description robbed a 40-year-old man of $14.000 in Trinidad&Tobago in March 2012. The woman, believed to be versed in the martial arts, accosted the victim who was standing outside a store in Princes Town at 1 a.m. She then suddenly grabbed the man from behind, locking him in a vice-like grip, snatched three gold chains and eight gold rings and then fled on 'kung foot'.

=> In Indonesia in March 2012, a group of people attacked teenage members of a silat school in Ngawi, East Java. The silat members were training when dozens of people wearing ninja attire assaulted them with sticks, bottles and stones. At least 10 members of the school were injured in the attack, four of them severely, during the assaults that took place in two separate locations in the region.

=> After a heated dispute about a beer in a Worcester pub, a 20-year-old British building worker with martial arts training attacked a man and his son. The father reportedly accused the aggressor of having taken a drink from his glass, and was totally unprepared for the violence which followed. The attacker head-butted him, breaking his nose and cutting his lip. When the son tried to intervene, he was thrown to the floor and punched three times to the head.

=> The 54-year-old founder of a boot camp for Chinese juveniles with behavior problems was arrested in February 2102 for torturing and raping students. The maniac was jailed several years previously for a fight in a martial arts school and for threatening his students not to disclose his criminal past to their parents. The man allegedly also asked parents to bring him alcohol and cigarettes and coerced students to ask for money from their homes as monthly expenses, only to seize the money afterwards. Apparently a regular prince charming...

=> A Canadian man have sued his partner at a blackbelt test sparring session. The lawsuit states the man sustained an acute brain injury which again caused strokes and ruptures to other blood vessels in the brain. The man allegedly suffered catastrophic and permanent injuries and was said to be unable ever to return to a normal work. The havy-footed sparring partner was reportedly an experienced TKD instructor and fighter with international experience.

=> A renowned martial arts expert has resurfaced in the club security industry in Cape Town (South Africa) and is apparently training most of the bouncers working in the inner city. He states his bouncer's are taught various aspects of security by him and karate expert. Instead of taking on unruly patrons with violence, the man apparently claimed a hand choke could be used for up to 10 seconds to make the patron lose consciousness. Oh yeah... that's a non-violent, soft approach martial arts technique right there :-)

=> An Oakland, California couple was strangled to death by their 15-year-old adopted son. The teenager, who had advanced to black belt level, reportedly had an infatuation with violent video games.

=> A man who was brutally tortured and humiliated over a 3-month period by his x-wife and her lover in Toronto Canada, said that he "felt physically threatened by the other man who knew martial arts." Oh yes, another lunatic who "knows martial arts". Yes... another one of these nutters who knows stuff!

=> A karate instructor at the ripe age of 18 (yay, that's an experienced professional for you!) was arrested in west Delhi, India for allegedly stabbing a 16-year-old boy to death over what was described as an "old scuffle".

=> As you probably know by now, anyone described as a martial arts enthusiast is probably another severely loose canon on the martial arts deck. This goes without saying for this British "born again preacher" (more like a born again idiot) who was told that he very well may spend the rest of his life in jail after being found guilty of a number of violent crimes - including assault, rape, sexual assault and attempted rape. The court heard how he among other things tried to stab a former girlfriend after she gave her sister more potatoes than him. This fruitcake definitely needs to go on a low carb diet...

There are even more Martial Arts Maniac approved shenanigans further down the page :-)

Although this little fellow looks cute, quite impressive and all that in his karate (or taekwondo) uniform and proper stance, there might be a few things here to point out...

Firstly, someone has to teach our caninja friend here to hold a proper guard ... unless you're working on you face-blocks, that is. Secondly, having your tongue out like that is inviting all sorts of trouble - while doing a face block in particular :-)

Then I can't really help but wonder how this idea of dressing up your dog in all sorts of weird costumes came about. "I'm into krotty, so I'll have a krotty dog!"

"Okeeeey.... miss, what ever you say. You apparently have the deadly black belt in toekwondo-krotty, so I'm not going to argue with you. Dog-gi-style is fine by me."

In case you wonder (you do wonder, right...?), the technique here is referred to as a 'scrotum nage' ... or simply 'a Johnson'. Highly effective (and painful) when applied correctly.

=> A 29-year-old Australian social worker - described as a "ticking time bomb" - claimed he was punched up to 60 times and stabbed twice in the stomach in a Melbourne gang assault. The martial arts maniac, who worked with troubled youth, later confessed he made the entire story up in a bid to toughen his reputation. The nutcase admitted to investigators he had "punched and stabbed himself". Brilliant!

=> Police received a call about a suspicious man in front of a Lake Forest Park, Washington elementary School. The man was reportedly doing karate moves while wearing a coat that had a doll hanging out of it and rags covering part of his face. He was also seen skipping on the sidewalk.

=> Another ninjackass... Reagan-Washington airport security staff recently discovered two throwing knives inside of a hollowed-out book about Japanese ninja warriors hidden in a traveler's carry-on bag. The name of the book? "Ninja: The Shadow Warrior" ... what else. That's sneaky!

=> In Klamath Falls, Oregon, a man brandished a blade while doing a martial arts routine. The man, who law enforcement officials said "was acting strangely" (I wonder why...) was reportedly subdued by police with pepper spray.

=> A black belt holder in kung fu? Yeah, right... In India perhaps? Be that as i may, this former bodyguard and criminal 'cop-fu' nitwit was reportedly arrested after committing robberies disguised as a police officer.

=> Short fuse and a brain on permanent vacation? At a local restaurant in Guam, a 35-year-old man who wore a mixed martial arts T-shirt allegedly used a knife to threatened another man. Why? It appears the other man was wearing a competing MMA alliance T-shirt, according to guampdn.com.

=> A 23-year-old Brazilian jiu-jitsu fighter who won a world title in 2006, has been said to be 'not proud' of the fact that he hit a 49-year-old man, according to stuff.co.nz. A New Zealand court was told how the drunken defendant punched the victim and chipping his teeth in an unprovoked bar attack in New Plymouth, October 2011.

=> A Springfield, Illinois man allegedly attempted to use some of his karate moves on two thieves who barged into his apartment office. However, the men hit him on the head, causing a small cut. The victim said they left and he didn't remember much else.

=> A few short weeks after paying for six month of karate for her her son, a South Carolina mother found the Boiling Springs martial arts business closed and the owner arrested charged him with 2nd degree burglary, petit larceny and obtaining goods under false pretenses.

=> A 16-year-old high school student - reportedly also a karate student - has been charged with felony battery on a law enforcement officer after having headbutted the officer during a fight with another student at school.

Cagepotato.com had a wonderful article titled: "The 8 Weirdest Things MMA Fighters Believe" - something I urge you to read. Good stuff indeed, and right up the alley for everyone who sees martial arts folks like us as being somewhat strange :-)

Here is some of the MMA Maniac Maestros Mind Meltdowns:

=> Your own urine acts as a "natural medicine, and drinking it is good for you. Even if this is ones own, I think I'll pass, thank you very much.

=> (The natural sweetener/herbal supplement) Stevia is a cure-all and a "a miracle for the human body". Although Stevia is great stuff (heck I use it myself rather than sugar and nasty artificial sweetener), I tend to err on the cautious side of claiming miracles...

=> A number of odd dietary habits, like the "Dolce Diet" system, "blood type diets", "PH balance diets", "Gracie diets" and "desert island diets."

=> Winning is a sure sign of ones superiority, while losing...? Well, that is evidently just "having a bad night." Right, says Fred...

=> Giving credit to the EFX Performance bracelet. This is a silicone band of sorts with a holographic in-lay that supposedly imbibes the person wearing it with added "balance, reflexes and stamina." Sure dude... What ever floats your boat.

I assume that the thought of having your posterior whupped in a really bad way inside a cage might lead some people to want some sort of a "lucky charm" or something else to put their faith in?

Let me make one thing clear right off the bat: I have nothing but the highest respect for the legitimate MMA-fighters - these are some tough and serious athletes for sure! I also have no problem in understanding the fascination many have for this action-packed stuff.

That said, I don't personally fancy the sport too much myself. Furthermore, I do tend to believe the sport needs to do some serious housecleaning before it can even begin to contemplate being considered mainstream.

Although there are some truly great role models out there, like Canadian Georges St-Pierre, they also have a number of ... well, let's just say not so great role models... Here are a few chosen 'MMAsters of crazy':

=> In April 2102, a former MMA fighter with a prior felony conviction and two pending assault cases was found guilty of sexually assaulting and murdering a female high school graduate. The man's DNA was found at the victim's body and clothes at the scene on Hawaii in August 2009.

=> Perhaps about time to begin looking for an new career? An MMA fighter with a previous conviction for aggravated battery with a deadly weapon ended up critically injured after getting himself into a brawl at an apartment swimming pool in New Mexico. The fighter was knocked out cold with a single punch from another man who tried to talk the fighter into leaving the area.

=> Holy Batman! An MMA fighter with an urge for classic, high ticket comic books was arrested in Ann Arbor (Michigan) after he tried to sell stolen items valued at tens of thousands of dollars to undercover deputies. The man was initially arrested in the area of one of many break-ins. He was reportedly together with his underage teenager son, plus a friend of his son - caught in camouflage clothes with guns, ropes and Tasers in their vehicle.

=> Taking your MMA required skillz to the street isn't always the best thing to do - something which was the case for a 25-year-old fighter in Nisswa, Minnesota. Brainerddispatch.com reports that the young man is now facing jail after involving himself in a bar fight and was found guilty of assault.

=> A wanted Indiana MMA fighter, aged 24, with an outstanding warrant withdrew from his first professional fight for "medical reasons", according to chestertontribune.com in March 2012. He was reportedly wanted on a warrant for failure to appear for judicial proceedings for Criminal Recklessness.

=> A 33-year-old Iraq war vet and MMA trainer/fighter who "probably has more steroids in him than half the cattle in Texas," according to one of his victims, is facing life imprisonment after he allegedly flipped and assaulted two men in a road rage incident. The fighter - who's hands and feet should be considered weapons according to prosecutors - attacked the two victims when a driver didn't hit the gas fast enough at a green light. The violent moron cracked the driver across the head with a loaded handgun before fracturing the bones of the other man's eye socket with several jabs to the face.

=> Jason Alexander, former husband of Britney Spears, has been tagged 'clearly delusional' after taking up MMA and jiu-jitsu in order to become better known that his famous ex-wife. "It's going to be funny in five years when I'm more famous than Britney," he says. Good luck dude!

=> An Arizona nutcase with obvious MMA influences was arrested on suspicion of using MMA moves he learned on television to beat his girlfriend black and blue before choking her to unconsciousness in front of her three children. Why? Well, the stupid excuse given by the 19-year-old punk: "She was disrespecting him." Great way to get respect dude (not)!

=> In February 2012, Hawaii police were searching for two MMA fighters accused of being involved in the assault of a witness of an earlier crime. Police say the 20-year-old male victim was in a Hilo parking around 3:30 p.m. when he was assaulted by the suspects. One of the suspects was previously accused of manslaughter after allegedly fighting with a man outside a sports bar.

=> In Anchorage (Alaska), a 28-year-old MMA fighter who was out on bail lit himself on fire with ethyl ether after assaulting a woman at an apartment. The man became angry while talking on the phone, and subsequently began punching and kicking the woman. The incident occurred in January 2012.

=> Oh, and don't forget to check out this article from Bleacher Report: 15 Craziest Haircuts in MMA History - nuff said.