Who.....me?

When I was just a young lad I set fire to some plastic ornamental flowers and nearly burnt the living-room to a crust.

At about five years old I dug out the longest Earthworm I could find and brought it to my mum. She hates worms. Can you guess her reaction?

I've practiced Karate and Choi Kwang-Do

I like to jump over stuff on my rollerblades. I'm not a good skater so I pretty much end up getting hurt all the time.

One day, just out the blue, I decided to take a train to Pinewood movie studios and ask for a job. I spent hours sweet talking the guard at the gates to give me the number of the president of the studios. I got the number of his secretary.....but no job.

When I worked as a set builder I had the opportunity of being part of a small team that built the car for the stage show, "Chitty Chitty Bang Bang"

By the time I was 19 I had already crashed 5 cars.....due to speeding and generally being a dumb teenager. I haven't crashed a car since then.

I've had one major accident on a motorbike. Some guy decided to suddenly turn right without indicating. I slammed into the side of the car and ended up on the other side of the street. Lucky for me a police patrol car was just a few cars behind me and saw the whole thing.

I've been on a weekend survival course with Lofty Wiseman, ( the popular ex SAS soldier ).

I lost a fingernail in an accident at work. I kept it in my pocket when I went to night clubs. I would gross girls out with it by putting it on and then making it pop out before their eyes.

When I am stressed or feeling a little low I lay down comfortably and visualize myself out in a beautiful wilderness.

"Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.".

Groucho Marx

Hello Andy. Thank you for allowing us to interview you. I would like to start by asking you how you feel about being voted The Slowest Lensmaster Alive in our prestigious magazine?

Actually I'm honoured to be a part of Esquire history. To be chosen as the slowest lensmaster in the Universe makes me feel proud. It's not been an easy road though. It takes a lot of practice and determination to achieve the slowest rank.

I'm sure it's been a long hard battle to get to the bottom. I bet you've upset a few lensmasters along the way because of your slow productivity.

Yes, I bet I have but these people have to realise that a superior artist such as myself needs time to create his masterpiece.

Ok. Let's get down to business. Can you start by telling our readers a little bit about your family history?

Yes, of course. Both of my parents are Greek Cypriot. My mum is from Famagusta and my dad is from Nicosia. They both grew up in the little island of Cyprus in very large poor families.

Dad started off as a driver in the army and then worked as a policeman in his local village. He later went on to become a car mechanic. Mum was a fabrics machinist.

After getting married they had an opportunity to go to either Australia or UK. Both countries were allowing foreigners through their borders at the time. As it happens mum and dad chose to move to London, England because it was considered a really hip place to be at that time. Australia was just a huge desert. I personally wished they had gone to OZ! I would've been an Ozzy Greek!

Mum and dad came to the UK with nothing. They both worked very hard and soon dad was able to have his own car repair garage. Mum worked as a machinist making dresses and also looking after us kids.

So you have siblings?

Yes, I have an older sister. Her name is Koo and she is married with two children.

What was your childhood like?

It was good. My parents did the best they could with what tools they had. They are lovely, caring people.
I grew up in the East End of London in a place called Leytonstone. It was a tough area to live in; I never liked it there. I remember going out at night as a teenager and there was always some kind of trouble going on in the area. Walking the streets at night meant having eyes at the back of your head.

As soon as I was old enough and could afford it I got out and moved in with my sister. She lived in a lovely area called Morden which was just on the outskirts of London near Wimbledon.

Was your sister married at the time?

Yes, we all lived together. Then Reece was born and at the time I was unemployed so I offered to help look after Reece while Koo and her husband went out to work. Boy, if I had known how difficult taking care of a child would be I doubt I would've took the job! Getting up every three hours to feed him, burp him and then rock him to sleep. Putting up with the horrendously smelly substance found in the kid's soiled diapers. That stuff is not from this world I tell ya!!
I have a tremendous amount of respect for anyone who stays behind to raise their kids. It's one of the hardest things I've ever done!

What was school like for you?

I didn't like school much. Not because of the learning, I was always ready to learn something new. I was a pretty confused young lad; I always felt different from everyone else. I had a load of friends but I was also bullied quite a bit. The bullying made my school life a disappointment.
It wasn't all bad. I had fun too and finished school with a bunch of CSEs and a couple `O´ Levels. I'm not sure how that translates in US terms.

I'm guessing you feel pretty strongly about the subject of bullying now.

You guessed right! I'm not a victim anymore I can tell you that much! It can affect people for a long time afterwards. You just have to realise and understand why it happened to you and where it comes from. Then move on.

"I went to a restaurant that serves,`breakfast at any time´.
So I ordered French Toast during the Renaisance".

Steven Wright

So what did you do after leaving school?

I worked in my dad's garage for a bit and then studied Carpentry & Joinery for two years. I qualified and went to work for construction firms. I did that for a bunch of years then I wanted a change so I studied Photography. I got my certificates and began work in a popular photo lab in London. Within a year I was manager.

Were there any other jobs?

Yes, many. I was a Painter, Labourer, Scaffolder, Landscape Gardener, Usher, Barman, Kitchen Designer, Midnight Packer, Estate Agent, Set Builder, Cashier and more.

Why the need for trying so many jobs?

Boredom!

Your last chosen career was Fitness Instructor, correct?

That's right. I had been training in gyms as a hobby for years and people would always ask me for advice. It got me thinking, why not get paid for doing something you enjoy.
I took out a loan and did an intensive course. Some of the areas that I qualified in included Nutrition, Sports and Swedish Massage and Personal Training.
This was probably the best of all the careers I studied and worked in. I had a lot of fun working in various Health Clubs around London.

So you must like to play sports.

Yeh, I like to play sports as often as possible. I try a variety of different sports. I used to play Squash and Racket ball a lot but since moving to Spain I now focus on more outdoor stuff. I cycle almost everyday and on weekends I throw an NFL football around on the beach with mates. Of course there is swimming and deep water snorkelling. When the weather isn't so hot I go roller blading along the beach front.

Why did you decide to move to Spain?

There are a whole bunch of reasons really. I had a job offer to work as a masseur in the prestigious Hyatt La Manga Club in the Costa Blanca, (where the rich and shameless go to get pampered). So I took the chance.
I liked the idea of waking up to the sun every morning. There are more daylight hours here so you have more time to do what you want. My life in London was pretty hectic and I needed a change from that. My life path needed some nudging in a different direction.

Didn't you also live in Norway for a while?

Yes. Once again I had a job offer to work in Sats, the biggest Health Club chain in Norway. I also had a girl there that I was seeing and wanted to give us a try as well. Sort of kill two Beetles with one boot type of thing.

How did things work out?

Well, it didn't work out did it?!!!!!
Haha....we've only got one life so you have to follow your wants. Sometimes things workout well, sometimes they don't. Whatever happens at least you have learnt something new and grown as a person. Do you know what happens if you don't try new things?

No I don't. What happens?

Nothing happens!!!!

"Im not afraid to die. I just dont want to be there when it happens".

Woody Allen

How would you describe your sense of humour?

I would say dry with hints of sarcasm thrown in now and again.

They say sarcasm is the lowest form of witt.

Wow! Really? I've not heard that line before.

Was that last comment sarcasm?

Yes it was. Please try to keep up.

"Men want the same thing from their underwear that they want from women: a little bit of support, and a little bit of freedom".

Jerry Seinfeld

How do you live your life? In the past, present or future?

I think most of us are a combination of all three. A persons thoughts could focus on 30% past, 40% present, 30% future. For others it could be 80% past, 10% present, 10% future....not good. I'm a firm believer of the now. I think a good balance would be 5% past, 15% future and 80% present.
The past has already happened and we don't really know what the future will hold so all we do know about is the now...our present situations.

Can you think of a time in your life where good has come from bad?

Absolutely! For many years I had suffered from depression. I would go in and out of some very heavy states of what I can only describe as a very deep sadness. I would call it, `going into the dark place´. It's a terrible feeling. I'm sure anyone who suffers or has suffered depression knows exactly what I mean.
This is something I would definitely wish on my worst enemy!!!

I personally battled with it and hid it from the outside world for as long as I could. I had to be constantly happy, cheery and motivational for my clients. I had to be a good example for them. Little did they know that inside I was dying.
A lot of the time I would win my internal fight and keep the depression at bay. Unfortunately, after a while it would sometimes come back.

I then had a real terrible year where it seemed as though everything was against me. I became mentally and physically ill. Everything around me was falling apart. I had just enough strength to pick myself up and finally decide I had had enough of feeling this way. That was it!! No more!!! I had to beat this for good.
That was all the leverage I needed. I began learning all I could about self-improvement, understanding oneself and how to process thoughts more positively.

Has the change worked?

Yes it has. I've learnt how to be more aware of my thoughts and what they mean. I listen to audios of life coach speakers such as John Kehoe, Harv.T.Eker, Jack Canfield etc... I practice The Law Of Abundance or Law Of Attraction as it's famously known. It's all making sense and I'm still growing as a person.

One last question. What are your plans for Squidoo?

Well, I'm thinking of going even slower over the next few months. Maybe I will knock out just one more lens for the whole rest of this year.

Wont that anger some people?

Yes...probably, but that's what I do best.

Andy, it's been great talking to you and I thank you for taking some time out from your busy schedule for this interview.

Thank you. It's my pleasure.

"Im such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own".

Woody Allen

Known to be extremely artistic, sensitive, and creative, and have an interest in the spiritual side of things.
Of all the zodiac signs, Pisces, are the most spiritual and intuative and have a huge
interest in personal growth and learning. They are known as the "old souls".


This could be a high percentage of me. I have always enjoyed creating new things whether it be with wood, metal, pen and paper it doesn't matter. It's a way for me to find calm.
Put me in a kitchen and hand me an onion, a tin of Corned Beef, a pack of M&Ms, a tomato and three grapes and I bet around an hour later I would have a gourmet meal made up and ready to serve!

Represented by two fish swimming in opposite directions. They symbolize the internal
struggle of the soul within a Pisces. It is considered a feminine or negative sign and
seen as more passive, and receptive than masculine signs.


So now I know what the two fish swimming in opposite directions is all about. Yes, there is a constant internal battle that has raged within me for most of my life. Some days I go this way.....and on other days I decide to go that way. Some days I go up and left.....other days I decide to drop that and instead go down, right, around and then forward!!!
People who know me are driven crazy by this as nothing stays the same with me. Others on the outside find it intriguing.

I can be my own worst enemy sometimes.
" No you can't!"
" Yes, I can!"
"NO I SAID!"
"AND I SAID YES!"........

Their personality is not easy to determine as its up, down, back and forth, this way,
then that way with their vivid imagination, highly tuned intuition, their moments of
daydreaming and their ability to empathize with others with little effort.


Yep, the Chameleon of the Zodiac. I'm pretty good at switching to suit circumstanceses and situations. It's not a planned thing, it just happens. Certain people who just meet me may think I'm quiet. Others will think I'm loud or a bit nutty. I can be moody I can be real happy all in just a short while. It all depends.

Damn! It can be confusing!

I'm a good listener and have been known to take in other peoples troubles but over the years I have learnt to control how I listen.

Many Pisceans are drawn to careers such as writers, painters, musciians, inventors and dancers.
Pisces make great friends and mates. Pisces are extremely loyal and caring. Pisces often possess uncanny intuitive or psychic abilities.

If you look at the Famous Pisceans Photos below you will notice most of these people have chosen careers like the ones above. I have had many different types of jobs and have noticed I'm at my happiest when I'm creating something.

I make friends fairly easily although it takes a while for me to fully trust them. I choose only a few friends to be very close.

Intuitive - I can be.
Psychic abilities - Not really.....just Deja-Vu once in a while...............

Psychic abilities - Not really.....just Deja-Vu once in a while.

Psychic abilities - Not really.....just Deja-Vu once in a while.

Psychic abilities - Not really.....just Deja-Vu once in a while.

With a caring, compassionate, loyal and sensitive nature, Pisceans, make new friends
very easily and out of all the Zodiac signs they are one of the most adaptive to the enviornment.

I'm pretty much all I wrote in the above text.

Did I mention also being a genius?!!

"You know that look women get when they want sex?.......Me neither".

Steve Martin

We all have fears of somekind or another. Just pick a subject and I bet there is someone out there who fears it.

One of my top fears is public speaking. This is top of the list for many people, as pointed out here by Jerry Seinfeld:

"According to most studies, people's number one fear is public speaking. Number two is death. Death is number two. Does that sound right? This means to the average person, if you go to a funeral, you're better off in the casket than doing the eulogy."

Anyway, over the years I broke down that fear by doing various things that put me in the position where I had no choice but to face it. It was something I had to overcome because the career I chose involved teaching and many times it would be in groups!

The story begins over ten years ago when I was studying for my Fitness Training Diplomas.
I loved the whole course but there was one module that I was uncomfortable with.

It was a Social Studies type sub-course that taught us how to communicate with people.

I liked the class and there were a few nerve raking moments when I had to face the fear but nothing like what was to come.

On the last week the tutor gave us a 5 days to individually come up with a subject that we can present to the rest of the class. Each student would have to stand infront of the class and talk about their chosen topic for no less than 15 minutes.

Now my nightmare began!

I dont have to tell you that from that day the rest of my week, leading up to the test, was pretty stressful.

I was so caught up in the fear of presenting myself infront of a large group of students that I couldnt even choose a topic to speak about!

I remember telling myself many times that maybe the tutor will cancel the test.
Or that on that last day she will be late for work.

Or that she would have to go out of town for a few weeks becuase she just found out she had a step brother in Australia and wanted to go visit him.

Or that her car broke down and all mechanics in the area were on strike.

Or that there was a UFO sighting in her area and she had to be evacuated to safety....bla..bla..bla!

You get the picture.

Of course non of these things occurred; in fact on test day she was in class bright an early with a beaming smile on her face!

I didnt sleep at all the night before. I knew that all the other students had chosen their subject. Some were going to present slideshows others had videos, graphs, chalk boards, etc..

I had a couple ideas and jotted them down on paper but that was it! I really didnt want to go through with it. Im sure others must have had a similar fear also but I guess I dealt with it in the wrong way.

At class there was an excited atmosphere all around. All that was heard in the hall were peoples natterings and laughter. I felt like someone in our history waiting in line to be beheaded!

Then there was silence.

Our tutor walked on stage and began to talk.

After her introduction the test began as she called individuals up one at a time to do present their topic.

The list of names she called was alphabetical. So I was right at the top under C, ( Charalambous ), next to B, above D and wishing I was below Z!

Its too late to escape now.......I was next.

At this point I just went into calm mode. I didnt really have a set plan as to what I was going to do.

I stood up and walked towards the stage like a convict on his final walk to the electric chair.

On stage there was silence as all eyes were on me and now I had no choice but to break the fear if I wasnt to make a fool of myself.

I looked at my notes and at that moment an idea popped into my head. I took a deep breath and began.

When Im put in a situation Im uncomfortable with or if Im trying to avoid a certain subject of conversation I go into a sort of comedy mode. This is never planned, it just happens and away I go into my, "zone".

That's exactly what happened here. I threw out a humorous sentence as quickly as I could to get a laugh.

When I got my first few laughs I began to relax a bit and feed off the laughter.

I threw out more stuff. I got even more laughter, giving me more enthusiasm to keep going.

Suddenly I could see the smiles and interest in the audience faces....almost like they were telling me that I had their attention and that they wanted more.

So, I gave them more......I was in my zone.

I was up there for at least 20 minutes before the tutor had to come over and stop me. I looked around and I saw people rolling around in their chairs, others curled up into a ball, some were wiping tears from their eyes and all were laughing!

The fear had gone, it couldnt touch me now!

I was famous for at least a week after that.

People were congratulating me on my presentation, telling me how funny I was and that I should do stand-up for a living..bla..bla.

It seemed like everyone on campus, even those not in my fitness course, had heard of my presentation!

The word had spread and I was loving it. I even got some phone numbers from girls with very little effort!

It was a good time.....but it didnt last long. I guess that was my 15 minutes of fame.

If your wondering what my presentation was about then I can tell you that it was based on my experiences of babysitting my baby nephew.

Public speaking now to me is much easier. I still have the fear, I can just control it better.

To build a Shelby GT500 Mustang in kit form.

Base Jump off a sky scraper.

To see all the ancient, natural and modern Wonders Of The World.

Fly a Helicopter.

Tour all states of the USA on a motorbike.

Spend a month out in the wilds of Canada living off the land and photographing its beauty.

A bicycle tour around Europe.

Roll a car as the stuntmen do in the movies.

Land a Jumbo Jet.

Follow a group of Storm Chasers

"Why do they call it a `building´? It looks like they're finished. Why isn't it a `built´? ".

Jerry Seinfeld

There are two important things in life, finding out what you do best and finding out what makes you happy. If God is smiling on you, they are both the same thing.

There is no such thing as normal. There is, you,and there is the rest. There is, now,and there is forever. Do as you damnwell please!"

Life is what happens while you're busy making plans.

Whatever the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.

Great works are performed, not by strength, but by perseverance.

Whether you think you can or whether you think you can't, you're right.

You see things; and you say 'Why?' But I dream things that never were; and I say 'Why not?'

You raise what you praise.