How to Help Other People Resolve Conflict

• M
  ake observations
  
  
  First, you need to collect some information. What's happening here? Who is contributing what to the situation? How many people are involved? What seems to be the core issue?
  


• E
  valuate the situation
  
  
  Once you make some observations, you need to make a decision about the situation. Is this really a problem that needs to be solved? Does it cause a true business problem, or does it just frustrate me? If the conflict doesn't cause a business problem, it may not be worth the time and effort to get involved.
  


• D
  efine the problem
  
  
  What is the business problem? People not getting along isn't really a business problem definition. Failing to offer appropriate customer support and delays in completing tasks are business problems. Carefully define the problem in specific business (or organizational) terms.
  


• I
  nvite the parties to a meeting
  
  
  Invite both parties to meet with you to discuss the business problem. Meet each party separately to offer the invitation and to explain the ground rules for the meeting. The ground rules should be:
  
  
  • No interruptions during the meeting. (no phone calls, no pages, etc.)
  
  
  • Protected, private conversation.
  
  
  • Allow a two hour time slot for the meeting. Both parties agree to stay engaged without walking away from the table for at least two hours. (It may not take this long. You just want to allow enough time if it does.)
  
  
  • No "power-plays" in the meeting. No one can use threats or authority to overrule the other person's position. This is a discussion between people, not positions.


• A
  nticipate problems
  
  
  Plan the meeting to avoid common problems. Pick a private, neutral place for the meeting. Make arrangements for comfort (water, restrooms nearby, etc.)
  


• T
  alk it out
  
  
  Have the meeting. Start by stating the problem definition and reminding the parties of the ground rules. As they discuss, you may need to remind them of the ground rules again. Watch for "conciliatory gestures" that either party might offer (acknowledgement of the other parties perspective, apologies, etc.). If the other party does not recognize the gesture, call attention to it. You might say something like this: "John, thank you for recognizing that Mary has a valid point about X." As the meeting draws to a close, help the parties to write their agreed to actions on paper.
  


• E
  ncourage the Plan
  
  
  After the meeting, encourage the parties when they act on their plan. Make yourself available to support the after meeting process of moving forward.
  

Stay focused on the future and the problem.

Don't allow the parties and don't allow yourself to get drawn in to a discussion about the past. You can make observations about the past. You can use past experiences to help you make decisions about the future. Just don't discuss the past. It's over, and you can't change it.

Stay positive.

The parties involved in the conflict may tend to go negative. Stay upbeat and positive throughout the conversation. They will take clues from you. (I'm not suggesting false optimism. I am warning against allowing yourself to act in a way that reduces the hope for a resolution.)

This process only applies to mid-level conflicts that result in business problems.

It does NOT apply if:

— You have concerns that either party might resort to violence during the conversation.

— The two parties work independently and they just don't like each other.

— Criminal or civil proceedings might apply to the situation.