What is Divorce Mediation?

Divorce Mediation is a process whereby a divorcing couple can meet in the privacy of the office of a neutral person, called a mediator, who should be experienced in the art of negotiation and well versed on the law of domestic relations/divorce, to work out an amicable and fair settlement relative to the assets and liabilities of their marriage and the issues relevant to any minor children they may have.

The process is almost always much less expensive than traditional divorce litigation where each spouse hires an attorney and the spouses' respective attorneys argue back and forth about who should get how much of what and when, and where the spouses are generally told not to have any direct communication with one another...that "the lawyers will take care of it."

When parties get divorced, there are a number of "issues" that they must "address" in order to get the relevant court to issue them a divorce decree/judgment of divorce/order of divorce, or whatever the local court calls its edict on the matter. By "address" I mean the couple will have to either make an agreement on an issue, make a decision about an issue, or disclose some piece of information to one another and to the court relative to an issue. Whatever the nature of the issue, each issue to be worked out is addressed one at a time until all have been covered and the couple has made agreements, decisions or disclosures that are acceptable and fair to each other.

Once the overall agreement is reached, the mediator drafts a marital settlement document (which goes by different names in different jurisdictions) and the couple reviews this agreement either by themselves or each with an attorney chosen to review it in light of what is fair to the spouse she/he represents. Such attorneys must be carefully screened so as to insure that the attorney's financial interest in creating a war (and thereby billable hours) between the spouses does not overshadow the interests of each party to the divorce in reaching a fair and amicable and inexpensive-as-possible settlement.

Divorce mediation is conducted in one or more "sessions", generally a one hour time period during which the issues that need to be addressed in order for the relevant court to grant a divorce decree to the couple. The charge is most commonly an hourly session fee that is paid at the time of visit. There is generally a separate charge for the agreement that the mediator drafts once the overall agreement has been reached. There may be, depending upon the individual circumstances, a need for an interim agreement or agreements, in which event, a charge would be imposed for each such written agreement.

Divorce mediation is not for everyone. Spouses must be able to sit civilly in the same room with the mediator and to civilly discuss relevant issues that must ultimately be agreed upon. Spouses do not have to like one another, but they must be capable of conducting themselves civilly.

Divorce mediation is also not appropriate in situations where abuse has existed in the couple's marriage. The mediator must be cognizant of this in situations where one spouse dominates the conversation and sets out "agreements" that the couple comes in with. Abused spouses are better off with attorneys representing them because it is too common for abused spouses to fear speaking up for themselves in front of the abusive spouse. Mediation requires a genuine exchange of information and negotiation and this is never present in an abusive situation.

Mediation is the best possible choice for the vast majority of couples who are divorcing. I am happy to provide guidance or assistance to anyone who wants help deciding whether or not divorce mediation is an appropriate choice for them. I may be contacted directly by e-mail at divorcemediator@cox.net or by telephone at my office: 401-944-1220.