Mediocre Web Awards

1 - I can do better 2 - Jury's out 3 - Pretty darn good 4 - Splendiferous 5 - Awesometastic by 13 people | Log in to rate

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A Mediocre Effort at Humor

Here's a piece of satire I wrote as a parody of web content awards and badges. Don't get me wrong: awards can be fun, and they certainly have their place as a way to acknowledge an especially impressive page that stands out from the pack. I've smacked a badge or two on a page here and there myself... but you can't deny that the web publishers who make such things usually benefit more from your link back to them than you do by posting the award. Therefore, having been encouraged by a whopping four votes in favor of the idea (it won the most votes out of all the options in my poll on "what should my next Squidoo page be about?" Total number of votes = 11), I bring you: the Mediocre Web Awards. Enjoy.

A Mediocre Disclaimer 

The small print... now in a size you can read.

Note: I did not work very hard on this web page, and if it ends up qualifying as "featured" I will be mildly entertained. Post-note: I would strongly advise against actually giving any of these mediocre awards to anyone other than yourself unless you want to start a big unnecessary fight, and I hereby declare myself not responsible for any possible consequences of such use of said web page awards. Post-post note: The previous notes would be in small print if I felt like bothering to create small print, which I don't.

Mediocre Award #1: Meh. 

For the page that isn't totally awful.

This award is a great way to acknowledge the meager effort that goes toward creating the kind of page you probably see quite often on Squidoo: the three-star article that isn't terrible. It probably took the author an entire six minutes to create such a masterpiece of mediocrity, and that deserves some recognition. After all, it takes me longer than six minutes to drink a cup of coffee and just a little less than five minutes to smoke a cigarette.

The making of a six-minute Squidoo page, mediocre as it may be, does less harm to my health than either of the aforementioned activities. I'd like to offer this badge to all those lost one-page websites out there that no one cares about.

Mediocre Web Award #2: Dude, what? 

For the page that makes you go: huh?

You've stumbled across a page that makes no sense. Who knows what the author was thinking, but he or she deserves some credit for, um... originality, or something. Perhaps he or she is worthy of such an award just for apparently gaining access to some excellent weed (not all of us are resourceful enough to make the necessary connections). Or maybe English is not the author's first language, and the subtleties of why this web page exists got lost in translation.

Yet another possibility: this little slice of the internet is truly brilliant, and you aren't smart enough to understand why (certainly the most likely explanation if the article in question happens to have been authored by me).

But seriously: what do you think of real web awards? 

Sound off on Lens of the Day, Purple Star, and other Squidoo awards.

I've got mixed feelings about web awards. I'm sure if I got Lens of the Day or a purple star, I wouldn't exactly be angry about it... but it seems to me that a lot of great pages get missed by these awards. As for individual publishers giving out awards, well... it's a nice compliment and I see nothing wrong with it, as long as you realize that they are getting something in return (more links back to their page). I don't think anyone is obligated to post a badge or link just because they've been given an award. Maybe that makes me sound ungrateful, but I certainly don't mean to be. I've never personally received an award or badge that I wasn't proud of or didn't want to feature on my site.

Do you see any problems with Squidoo page awards?

Loading Fetching blurbs now... please stand by

Yes, sometimes I don't think Squid awards are quite fair.

cjsysreform says:

You know what... the thrill of potentially scoring a Squidoo award is over for me at this point. I don't feel any need to go after Lens of the Day or a Purple Star, or other stars, or anything much else.

I'm still way into satirical web awards, though, so keep those coming!

Posted November 27, 2009

cjsysreform says:

5 purple stars for a guy who watches Dog Whisperer? Oh Squidoo, why you wanna break my heart?

Posted August 28, 2009

No, Squid awards are great; complaining about them is just sour grapes.

JaguarJulie says:

Well my dear -- most of us lensmasters are human beings and other lensmasters might be from outer space, mars, and venus -- oh, I'm not saying aliens, but for the most part being human we do sometimes like those warm fuzzies which are a form of peer recognition or kudos. Heck, some of us lensmasters PUT in HOURS and HOURS of work. Hubby claims, just said so last night at dinner, that I am passionate about Squidoo and making that $1/hour for my time! Well, all kidding aside -- there are LOTS of awards being handed out by lots of people. While it may not be an Oscar or a Tony, it is a nice sense of recognition for time spent on something we love!

Posted August 30, 2009

cjsysreform says:

Yes Rachel, cookies mean love... and you are adorable.

Posted August 30, 2009

MeltedRachel says:

I am jealous Alex has 5 purple stars! I "only" have 4! *glares at him* lol :p
I love awards and would love more (!!!) and I don't mind giving other people backlinks- I mostly feature other peeps' lenses for nothing back anyway so no problem here. Cookies mean love, right? Right? ;)

Posted August 28, 2009

drifter0658 says:

Hey...I'll take any kudos I can get. My ego is as easily shattered as it is stroked (I watch Dog Whisperer). I would proudly accept one of these awards and place it on the lens YOU feel it belongs on (I totally trust your tainted judgment) I. Not bad for a guy who has 5, count 'em, 5 Purple Stars.

Posted August 28, 2009

Stazjia says:

Well, there is one part of me that says awards are trivial and unnecessary and who needs badges on their lenses anyway. The other part answers that question with "Me, me, me" as I jump up and down waving my arms in the air. Obviously, when I don't get them, the judges are either stupid or prejudiced, possible both. When I do get one, the they are supreme examples of good judgement and high quality, not to mention their high level of intelligence. So in the hope of more awards, but not of the mediocre variety, I'm voting that they are great.

Posted July 22, 2009

 
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The Zoolander Award 

Blue Steel!

To be awarded to online publishers who keep writing the same mediocre article over and over, we have: the ridiculously good-looking Zoolander Blue Steel ribbon badge. Thanks to MiaBellezza for the idea.

Mediocre Web Award #3: The plus is for effort! 

For the slightly better-than-average web page.

This award is meant for the mediocre web page that appears to have been constructed with a modicum of sincere effort. I created the badge in honor of my undergraduate Deductive Logic professor, who gave me a C+ for his course even though I'd actually only earned a C. I assume the plus was an acknowledgement of my true desire to understand what on earth he was talking about... never mind the fact that my real motivation for staying after class to get extra help was that he was attractive, with lovely blue eyes and bright red hair. I also liked his Scottish accent.

In case it isn't already obvious, my skills in Logic haven't improved much since then.

Two More Mediocre Web Awards 

Mediocre Award #4 - LOLHere's an award for that site that accidentally made you laugh. If the content managed to brighten your day, why punish the author for not actually intending to do so?


Mediocre Award #5 - WIPThe final mediocre award, made especially for Squidoo pages, recognizes the "Work in Progress" lens. Got one of these? Or have you got two... or more? Will they ever get that coveted green check mark? If you don't think so, why not have a little fun with this badge... because we all know what WIP really stands for.

Suggest a new mediocre web award. 

Got an idea for another stupid award I should make? Let me know, and I'll add it to this page... as long as it's not too good. In reward for your mediocre contribution, you'll be added on Thank You, Squid Friends.

SquiDirectory - Visit the SquiDirectory Squidoo directory, and find something way better than this.

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The Worst Squidoo Pages Ever 

These funny pages deserve awards of their own. I'll work on that... maybe.

Here's a challenge: if you've already mastered the mediocre web page, why not try to make a really terrible one? These pages by several renowned humor writers on Squidoo will provide you with some guidance. They are also wicked funny, not to mention awesome in spite of themselves... which means I can't offer them a mediocre award.
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Oh, yippee yay! This is all about me and my Website and what I want you to buy. I am not going to add any of my personality or give you any information on the lens topic, because that would waste my time! In fact, I don't have a topic! After all, all...

by cjsysreform

I am Amanda Sage, Rebel Squid and mediocre web author. This page has earned the prestigious Fargo Award for explosive satirical commentary.
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