Mediocre Squid Award Satire

Note: I did not work very hard on this bit of mockery. If you find my irreverent humor offensive, I suggest you remind yourself of its mediocrity. This will restore your self-righteous arrogance and you'll feel much better.

Post-note: I would strongly advise against actually giving any of these Squidoo spoof awards to anyone other than yourself unless you want to start a big unnecessary fight, and I hereby declare myself not responsible for any possible consequences of such use of said awards.

Post-post note: The previous notes would be in small print if I felt like bothering to create small print, which I don't.

This award is a great way to acknowledge the meager effort that goes toward creating the kind of page you probably see quite often on Squidoo: the three-star article that isn't terrible. It probably took the author an entire six minutes to create such a masterpiece of mediocrity, and that deserves some recognition. After all, it takes me longer than six minutes to drink a cup of coffee and just a little less than five minutes to smoke a cigarette.

The making of a six-minute Squidoo page, mediocre as it may be, does less harm to my health than either of the aforementioned activities. I'd like to offer this badge to all those lost one-page websites out there that no one cares about.

You've stumbled across a website or Squidoo page that makes no sense. Who knows what the author was thinking, but he or she deserves some credit for, um... originality, or something. Perhaps he or she is worthy of such an award just for apparently gaining access to some excellent weed (not all of us are resourceful enough to make the necessary connections). Or maybe English is not the author's first language, and the subtleties of why this web page exists got lost in translation.

Yet another possibility: this little slice of the internet is truly brilliant, and you aren't smart enough to understand why (certainly the most likely explanation if the article in question happens to have been authored by me).

This award is meant for the Squidoo page that appears to have been constructed with a modicum of sincere effort. I created the badge in honor of my undergraduate Deductive Logic professor, who gave me a C+ for his course even though I'd actually only earned a C.

I assume the plus was an acknowledgement of my true desire to understand what on earth he was talking about... never mind the fact that my real motivation for staying after class to get extra help was that he was attractive, with lovely blue eyes and bright red hair. I also liked his Scottish accent.

In case it isn't already obvious, my skills in Logic haven't improved much since then.

Here's an award for that site that accidentally made you laugh. If the content managed to brighten your day, why punish the author for not actually intending to do so?


The final mediocre award, made especially for Squidoo pages, recognizes the "Work in Progress" lens. Got one of these? Or have you got two... or more? Will they ever get that coveted green check mark? If you don't think so, why not have a little fun with this badge... because we all know what WIP really stands for.