Menopause Madness

I started menstruation at the age of 11. Even though 2 of my schools had introduced us to this rite of passage, I still didn't realize what was happening. I thought I had the flu because of my stomach and intestinal upsets.

This was right before Christmas and I was with the entire family at a church Xmas party when my Mom and I figured out what was happening. So here I am in a big Cadillac with my parents, grandparents and brothers as we all drive to Walgreen's to get "sanitary napkins" and the horrible precursor to g-strings, the sanitary belt.

I'll never forget the looks from my grandparents - that "She's becoming a woman beam." Not appreciated when you're 11 years old. No privacy in my family!

After that, I learned to hate my monthly cycles. I had all the PMS symptoms and sometimes it felt like even more. I would get fatigued and have achy joints and muscles, break out, have chocolate cravings, feel nauseous, have terrible moodiness and the worst was the cramps.

I would sometimes be in the fetal position crying and missed school on some of the worst days. I learned about Pamprin and Midol. Sometimes they would only help take the edge off. But we didn't go to doctors for that kind of thing back then. So I suffered for many years.

I remember missing a day or two of camping fun with my best friend and her family and one time I drove from IL to WI for a huge festival only to have to turn around and drive back home with me in the backseat writhing in pain.

Most of the PMS symptoms occurred around two weeks before I started my period but the cramps would last a few days into the no shorter than 7 day cycle of bleeding. As I aged, I got down to an average of 5 days until I got closer to menopause.

I sometimes felt like my entire life revolved around my periods. I always said I only had one good week in every month.

It will soon be 3 years since I had my last period. I always waited for that day. In fact, I felt great when it first happened. Sure, I had the "lost youth" feeling in the back of my mind, but it also gave me a great freedom. Or so I thought...

I am normally freezing all of the time. In winter I'm bundled up with 2 pairs of pants and sweaters and robes and blankets (I work out of my home) with the thermostat up to 77 degrees! I need to get my thyroid checked.

Whenever I would think about menopause the first thing that came to mind was hot flashes. I think that is one of the most popular symptoms. And if that was all I had to deal with, I figured it would be OK. There were times when I was frozen to the bone that I actually was looking forward to hot flashes.

I have heard my friends moan and groan about their horrible hot flashes and night sweats. And truthfully, I think I have had a warm flash or two and there's been a couple nights I did have to kick the covers off. Once the cover was off I got cold & had to put it back on again. Neither episode was terrible.

I remember going on our annual Girl's Weekend Aways with a large group of women of varying ages and sneaking the thermostat up because the menopausal gals kept turning the a/c so low it was like a freezer in our condo.

My one friend was embarrassed about her hot flashes as she actually dripped sweat from the tip of her nose and her whole face was dripping wet. She said at times when she was writing up contracts for her clients the sweat would drip on the paperwork!

So, I'm really not wishing for hot flashes as I can imagine it wouldn't be too fun. When you're cold you can always warm up by putting extra clothes on or using a blanket. But when you're hot you can't walk around naked or in a swim suit all the time, especially if you have to work.

So I guess I'm lucky that is isn't a symptom I've had to deal with.

I was a string bean as a child. I was a thin adult and only had to worry about losing weight after my last two pregnancies.

I'm a petite, pear shaped gal and the weight started creeping up in my mid to late 40's. I'm not sure when perimenopause began but maybe this was the start of it.

I have since tried almost every diet out there & am writing a blog about it. I've reached goal weight several times and was even in my best shape ever (even being a thin adult when I never worked out) in my late 40's, early 50's. But I have a hard time maintaining the loss.

However, I was able to reach goal pretty quickly. Once menopause hit I kept reaching new high weights and it wasn't as easy to take off as it was before. I get tired of different plans and need to switch things up to the point that when I see my friends one of the first things they ask is, "What plan are you following now?"

In fact, I don't know if I've actually hit my goal weight since menopause started. I got close a couple times, only to start gaining again and having to recoup.

I'm about 7 lbs. from goal right now and have once again switched from a plan that was really working but I get tired of it's regime. I took a two week vacation from dieting and am now just doing 5 mini meals a day & counting calories (around 1200-1300 daily for me).

This might be a bit too graphic for some of you - but I have to write about it because maybe it's also happening to others.

I've always had a high sex drive. I was always chasing my men around the table. Fortunately, my wonderful husband going on 6 years is older and doesn't do too much chasing - and now I try not to have eye contact if I think he's in the mood.

My vagina has imploded. My friends look confused when I say this. I can't seem to describe it any better.

It's beyond just being dry. I could use a jar of Vaseline and it won't really help. It has shrunk and tightened up to the point that the pain is unbearable.

So if I think we might be having sex and it's been a long time since we had actual intercourse (vs. a bj), I'll have at least 3 drinks (and I'm not really a drinker) and 4 ibuprofen (how spontaneous).

Lubes

I went to AZ with my friends and the souvenir I brought back for hubby was a box of Replens. I thought it was a regular lubrication but it's one of those things you insert and shoot up. Yuck!

In desperation I used it. It did not help. I was still too tight and we needed to use something extra. We had some other water based lube but it seemed to get sticky and caused extra friction.

I just scrunched up my face and bore the pain. My husband was patient and gentle but it felt like I was being ripped apart. Afterwards, the Replens drips out and leaves wet undies.

You're supposed to continue using it whether you're having sex or not to keep the area lubricated. But I don't like the dripping and the insertion and I haven't been doing that. I guess I should give it a try and see if it offers long-term benefits.

The last attempt forced us to try something oil based along with the Replens, which I read afterwards is not the best thing to use. It helped a little but it was still just as painful.

Alternatives

I don't want to take hormones no matter how much they might help. Don't want to use topical hormone creams. A friend that reached menopause before I did had the same problem and it has never eased up.

I've read that I should use it or lose it. But it's hard to continue when it's so painful. In fact, the last time I was even bleeding a little bit. Obviously, the thinning skin tore which creeps me out.

For a woman who enjoyed sex so much this is really a cruel punishment of menopause.

And I know the reason is because of my personal physical problem mentioned above. Sure, there are other things you can do besides intercourse and hubby doesn't seem to mind. But it's just not the same as being able to be spontaneous and to end up "going all the way" if you feel like it. Without having to be tipsy and full of Ibuprofen.

I wonder if he truly feels gypped with these new limitations. So it's hard for me to feel all sexy and horny when I have these issues.

The sad part is that my husband and I are kind of newlyweds having celebrated our 5th anniversary last year. I am a long-time divorcee that finally met my true soul mate in my 40's.

I'm in love with my husband and I still find him sexy and attractive but this sex problem sure takes some of the joy out of our relationship. We've talked about it and he knows I'm trying but who knows what he's really thinking?

Thank goodness he doesn't have a high sex drive! It's tough, sometimes we go for more than a month without any kind of sex and I think, "Oh boy, we're one of those couples that have a sexless marriage."

We both look and act younger than our true years and this is really a slap in the face for me, the woman who had such a high sex drive. We're vibrant and fun loving and we rarely fight. We've had strangers come up to us and tell us what a cute couple we are.

I guess all we can do is keep talking about it and trying different things. It just really makes me wonder how some people can continue having sex into their '80's and possibly beyond. I guess it's just that what is happening to me doesn't happen to every woman.

I've always been a light sleeper and I've had a hard time falling asleep, making it difficult to wake up in the actual morning. It came in handy when I had babies, especially since that was way before baby monitors were invented.

But things got even worse as I reached menopause. I swear some nights I was lucky to get an hour or two of sleep. Then my eyelids would start closing in the afternoon and if I take a nap it makes it worse.

I've always hated the idea that we sleep 1/3 of our life away even though my body seemed to need at least 8 hours of sleep pre-menopause. The good thing is that I'm dealing a bit better with less sleep now. I've always heard that the older we get, the less sleep we need. I don't mind that.

Calcium Cure?

I recently read that calcium supplements can help with sleep and I think there was something about taking them with magnesium for best results. And you should take these towards the evening.

I already took calcium and I also read that our bodies metabolize vitamins at night so we should really take our supplements in the evening instead of in the morning. Not sure if that's true but I switched.

You are also supposed to take your calcium in two doses, not in one lump sum. So after dinner I'll take my chewable vitamin C with a selenium pill and with my evening snack I'll take my calcium with my multi-vitamin. Then right before bed I take another calcium (600 mg. each) with a magnesium pill. For the record I also take fish oil capsules.

I swear this has helped me sleep more soundly. I don't care if it's just psychological - I've been doing this for quite some time and it still seems to be working.

Sure, if I'm stressed about something and I go to bed with my mind spinning it might not help as much. But for normal days I can sleep throughout the night without having to get up and use the bathroom or constantly toss and turn.

I don't seem to need my 8-10 hours a night as I get older and I feel more refreshed in the morning. I know Martha Stewart says she gets about 5 hours of sleep a night. I thought that's what cults did to members to keep them compliant. I've also read that too little sleep can cause weight gain.

I think I'm somewhere in the middle now so no complaints anymore.

And this is a big problem that sometimes drives me crazy and makes my brain itch. Sure, I've gone into a room many times in my youth and couldn't remember why. But it's happening so much more now and I have to keep leaving and going back into the room several times before I finally realize the reason. Sometimes I give up and leave and hope I'll remember what it was that I wanted in that room.

I also feel like I'm playing charades half the time. I'll be talking to a friend about something and I can't think of the word I want to say. I'll start getting excited (like in charades) making noises and saying other descriptive words so whoever I'm speaking to can help me figure out what I was trying to say. If my friend is menopausal then we're usually out of luck and talk about something else.

There are times when I get so frustrated with my memory loss that I wonder if I'm in the first stages of Alzheimers. I question, "Is this normal? Is it really just menopause?"

Sometimes I put my head in my hands, trying to dig through my broken hard drive. I try so hard to remember something that my head hurts. At times it feels like there's just a void and I should be thankful I know my own name.