How to be a mentor (my experience)

Questions and Answers about mentoring 

From the Blue Ribbon Mentor Advocate program website

• What do I actually do with my mentee when I see him/her?
  We suggest that you start out by just doing some fun things that you both like while you get to know each other. Many mentors like to explore museums, libraries, and other kid places with their mentees. Some people choose activities like making puzzles, scrapbooks, or art projects. Sports and recreation activities are often very popular as well. Many mentors have the mentee to their house for a meal and some casual activities each week, and plan special activities once a month or so. Our program also plans group activities for mentors and mentees six times per year.
• What are the mentees like?
  We look for children who have some untapped potential in an academic, social, physical, or other area. We select children who relate well to adults. The students come from a variety of family backgrounds, but most are African-American and live in low-income families. Over half of our students come from single-parent families, but others live with two parents, grandparents, foster families, or other guardians.
• How old are the students in the program?
  Sudents enter our program during the fourth grade, about age 10. We make a commitment to support them until they graduate from high school. Sometimes a mentor will work with a student for that entire time, but other times the child will have more than one mentor.
• Do the kids and their parents want to be in this program?
  Yes. We carefully screen all families to determine their interest and willingness to participate. Parents are very excited about the possibility of having a mentor work with their child. The children feel that it is a privilege to have a mentor.
• How do you decide which child to match me with?
  We try to get as much information from you as possible in order to make a good match. What type of child would you like to be matched with? Primarily, we consider the interests the two of you already share. We always match male mentors with boys and female mentors with girls.
• What will my interaction be with the student's parent(s), teachers and other school personnel?
  As an effective mentor-advocate we encourage you to form a team with the parent and child to work on advocating for resources and services to help the child. We will train you to work with your mentee's school and other resource providers. Many mentors say they feel this is the part of their role where they make the "biggest difference" in the child's life.
• Why does this program require a two-year commitment?
  Based on our experience and the research on mentoring, we believe it takes at least two years to form a really strong relationship with a child and make a significant difference in their life. Our two year commitment is also strategic for new students to our program, because it allows them to work with one mentor through sixth grade, which is when they transition to middle school... a very important time in their life.
• How much time do I really have to commit? What if I can't see my mentee every week?
  Most mentors say they put an average of 2-4 hours a week into their relationship, sometimes more. We know that most people can't do this every week, and vacations and other obligations are part of life. It's important to be consistent in your commitment to spend time with your mentee, but if you can't make the commitment once in a while, just make sure he or she understands why.
• What can I do if I just don't have that much time?
  One option is to think about mentoring as a couple. You and your spouse/partner could share the responsibilities of a mentoring relationship and decrease the time commitment. Or you could consider volunteering as a tutor for one hour a week. If you want to help, we can usually find a way to involve you!
• What support will I get if I have questions or need help?
  Many mentors say one of the strengths of our program is how much support we provide. All mentors recieve comprehensive training before they meet their mentees. After training, your primary contact is the Family Specialist (a social worker) at your mentee's school. The Program
  Coordinator is also available for ongoing consultation. We have monthly mentor support group meetings and a variety of mentor training programs throughout the year.
• What options do I have if the relationship is not working out?
  Sometimes this happens. We try everything we can to work things out, but we are not perfect in our matchmaking. If you and your mentee come to an impasse, we try to find opportunities to meet both of your needs. We will work to find you another match and find him or her another mentor.
• How do I know if I'm doing a good job?
  Exposing a child to a new culture, teaching them a new skill, and helping them study for a test are all examples of successes you might experience. Just being an every day role model can impact a child more than you realize. However, some of your success will only be known in the long run. Will your mentee go on to college because of your influence? Maybe. Most importantly, are you and your mentee enjoying your relationship? If you can answer yes to that question, then you are both successful!