Coping With A Miscarriage

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About Me

Because of my work on the Misdiagnosed Miscarriage site, I hear from women daily both at the site and via email who are struggling to cope with their miscarriages.

I'd like to share a bit of what I've learned from many women who have been there. This page focuses more on the emotional healing after miscarriage because most often after a miscarriage, women struggle more with their loss than their physical healing.

 

I am not a medical professional. The information I share is meant to supplement the information given you by your doctor. If you feel your doctor is not doing enough for you or not willing to listen to your concerns, I strongly encourage you to take what you've learned here and get a second opinion.

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Where to Begin? 

Your physical recovery may be the easier part of recovery

Generally, physical recovery happens within the first month or so after the miscarriage. If you have had surgical intervention, your uterus may need a bit more time to heal. Some women may go on to have complications. Infections can occur with surgically or medically managed miscarriages as well as in natural miscarriages. If you have a fever, chills or foul discharge, call your physician right away. Sometimes bleeding and cramping can set in after you believe your miscarriage is complete. Often women are just doing too much and not getting the rest they need but sometimes the miscarriage may just not be over. If this happens, call your physician. Most women do not have these complications and their bodies heal within weeks.

Your Emotional Recovery 

Chances are, if you are here reading this, emotionally you are struggling

Many women have told me that their physical healing was the easy part. Emotionally, however, they are struggling. Studies show an increased risk of depression within the first month after a miscarriage. Grief is very common and to be expected. I believe the first step to healing is to acknowledge your loss in one way or another.

I'd like to share with you though some things women have shared over the last few years in order to cope with their miscarriages.

You Need A Shoulder 

Allow yourself to open up and express your grief.

Many women just need to be heard. Unfortunately, men also go through the grieving process when a baby is lost. They just are not always very good at providing the comfort we need at this time.

I really recommend finding somebody who will just listen and be a shoulder to lean on.

If you attend church, ask to meet with your Pastor or even his wife or one of the priests in your parish. Some churches will even have a small service for babies who have been lost too early.

Find a friend or a woman at work or at church who has been through a miscarriage. Often just having somebody who has been there, done that can help in ways you cannot even imagine.

If you just have nobody who can truly listen or empathize, find a good support group online.

The important thing is just to vocalize what you are feeling. Don't keep it locked in. You are not alone. So many women have been where you are right now. Allow them to comfort you and one day, you'll provide that comfort for another grieving mother.

Do Something to Memorialize Your Little One 

I've heard numerous ideas over the years to memorialize the lives that are lost too early. Every woman is different and some of these ideas may not be for you. I do hope you find something in this page that will help ease the pain a bit.

Create or buy a piece of jewelry
Many sites offer jewelry for grieving mothers. Some popular sites include:

My Forever Child offers pendants, rings, keychains, candles and more. Prices range from less than $10 to more than $250.

La Bella Dame offers pendants, rings and more ranging in price from $16 to more than $250.

The Shining Light Fund offers free mother's bracelets. You choose the stones or months for your bracelet.

Plant a Tree
Many women have told me they planted trees to remember their babies. Some like to plant the tree on the baby's due date but many women feel it helps them a bit to plant the tree during the first month or two.

If you don't have the space for a tree, the Arbor Day Foundation will plant a tree in one of America's national forests for only $10. You will also receive a card in remembrance.

Create a Memory Box
Include a favorite poem, an ultrasound photo if you have one, something you bought to remember your little one. If you've kept a journal, you can include your journal or copies of some especially poignant pages. Some women who post online will print out their posts while they were pregnant and miscarrying to remember by.

Writing is Very Therapeutic 

Try keeping a journal during this time. You may find the experience of writing down your innermost thoughts to be therapeutic.

Try your hand at writing a poem.

Write a letter to your little one.

While these may be very emotional endeavors, they may help in your healing process.

Comfort found in the Bible 

Bible Verses

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Mark 10:14
"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

Matthew 18:14
Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.

Psalm 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 46:1-2
God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea

Revelation 21:4
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

Sites with Poetry 

I didn't want to 'steal' any poems but I'll share the links:

My Heart Belongs To You A collection of poetry

Labor of Love Poems about Miscarriage

Songs on YouTube for those who have Miscarried  

You'll need a box of kleenex for these. Not all of the videos specifically deal with the loss of a baby but just listen to the words.

What Makes a Mother

Runtime: 235
41223 views
65 Comments:


Miscarriage Tribute- Slipped Away (by Avril Lavigne)

Runtime: 226
133960 views
389 Comments:


Natalie grant held

Runtime: 260
1034269 views
1812 Comments:


Runtime:
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Comments:


I Would Die For That

Runtime: 271
552169 views
784 Comments:


Our Angels in Heaven

Runtime: 221
38543 views
39 Comments:


Beverley Mitchell - Angel

Runtime: 72
128740 views
156 Comments:


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curated content from YouTube

Recommended books 

For some reason, many women just seem to relate to children's books the most.

We Were Gonna Have a Baby, But We Had an Angel Instead

Amazon Price: $8.95 (as of 12/09/2009) Buy Now

Mommy, Please Don't Cry: There Are No Tears in Heaven

Amazon Price: $10.39 (as of 12/09/2009) Buy Now

Something Happened: A book for children and parents who have experienced pregnancy loss.

Amazon Price: $11.07 (as of 12/09/2009) Buy Now

I'll Hold You in Heaven Remembrance Book

Amazon Price: $14.81 (as of 12/09/2009) Buy Now

Mommy, Please Don't Cry

Amazon Price: (as of 12/09/2009) Buy Now

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If I don't reply to you here, please feel free to e-mail me directly at bonzobean@gmail.com

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  • Reply
    BabyTearz BabyTearz Nov 24, 2009 @ 3:29 pm
    About 8 months ago I had a miscarriage due to an abusive partner. I blame myself all the time always thinking "well if I had been a better girlfriend and not made him mad, my baby would still be here" I feel like my baby paid for my mistakes, and it hurts me everytime I think about it. I always try to surpress it not wanting to break down, for fear that I will lose control of myself and my emotions. This page has been added to my favorites so that everytime I feel like im spinning out of control, I at least have something to hold on to. Thank you!!
  • Reply
    tiffaniemarie tiffaniemarie Nov 13, 2009 @ 12:09 am
    im eighteen and i have been with my fiance for two years. ive had to miscarriages. its very hard to understand. and sometimes i feel like i have no one to talk to about it. i wear a piece of jewelery around my neck to remind me of it. and a lot of the times i still feel like i am grieving and i cry so much.
  • Reply
    Sammie Sammie Oct 29, 2009 @ 11:15 pm | in reply to Maxine Janse van Vuuren
    Maxine - I'm sorry to hear about your loss. I too am in the same boat. I lost my first pregnancy a few days ago and I am in a fog. Searching for answers, remedies, clues. Trying to make sense of things, while also trying to make progress.

    I did see something this morning that gave me pause and relief: "This too shall pass."

    Godspeed.
  • Reply
    Maxine Janse van Vuuren Maxine Janse van Vuuren Oct 19, 2009 @ 5:41 pm
    I was 3 months pregnant and was rushed to hospital on sunday morning (18 Oct 2009) I had a mis-carriage at 3 months... My baby wanst even haf the size of palm... It also hurts me because I don't know what sex my little baby would have been, I didnt even give it a propper burial... I just wish I couls have my bundle of joy in my arms... but now its gone away from me, I doubt I'll ever get over it, that was my baby that got flushed down the toilet.. Please I'm just asking for help from anyone or even some advice please :'(
  • Reply
    bturner751 bturner751 Aug 18, 2009 @ 8:58 pm
    I experienced 3 miscarriages in 2007. Each one was very difficult to overcome but prayer and trusting in God's plan got me through. I wrote an article on 10 tips in dealing with a miscarriage. This is what I did to get me through. This article would have been so helpful for me then!

    Thank you for sharing this information. Emotional support during this time is crucial.
    By the way, I had my son in November 2008, he was my 4th pregnancy.

    Never give up hope!
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by Cari_Kay

Hello. My name is Kay. I'm not a medical professional but due to life's twists and turns, I've learned a bit about topics like miscarriage (as well... (more)
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