Coping With A Miscarriage

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About Me

Because of my work on the Misdiagnosed Miscarriage site, I hear from women daily both at the site and via email who are struggling to cope with their miscarriages.

I'd like to share a bit of what I've learned from many women who have been there. This page focuses more on the emotional healing after miscarriage because most often after a miscarriage, women struggle more with their loss than their physical healing.

Pablo Picasso Poster

I am not a medical professional. The information I share is meant to supplement the information given you by your doctor. If you feel your doctor is not doing enough for you or not willing to listen to your concerns, I strongly encourage you to take what you've learned here and get a second opinion.

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Where to Begin?

Your physical recovery may be the easier part of recovery

Generally, physical recovery happens within the first month or so after the miscarriage. If you have had surgical intervention, your uterus may need a bit more time to heal. Some women may go on to have complications. Infections can occur with surgically or medically managed miscarriages as well as in natural miscarriages. If you have a fever, chills or foul discharge, call your physician right away. Sometimes bleeding and cramping can set in after you believe your miscarriage is complete. Often women are just doing too much and not getting the rest they need but sometimes the miscarriage may just not be over. If this happens, call your physician. Most women do not have these complications and their bodies heal within weeks.

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Your Emotional Recovery

Chances are, if you are here reading this, emotionally you are struggling

Many women have told me that their physical healing was the easy part. Emotionally, however, they are struggling. Studies show an increased risk of depression within the first month after a miscarriage. Grief is very common and to be expected. I believe the first step to healing is to acknowledge your loss in one way or another.

I'd like to share with you though some things women have shared over the last few years in order to cope with their miscarriages.

You Need A Shoulder

Allow yourself to open up and express your grief.

Many women just need to be heard. Unfortunately, men also go through the grieving process when a baby is lost. They just are not always very good at providing the comfort we need at this time.

I really recommend finding somebody who will just listen and be a shoulder to lean on.

If you attend church, ask to meet with your Pastor or even his wife or one of the priests in your parish. Some churches will even have a small service for babies who have been lost too early.

Find a friend or a woman at work or at church who has been through a miscarriage. Often just having somebody who has been there, done that can help in ways you cannot even imagine.

If you just have nobody who can truly listen or empathize, find a good support group online.

The important thing is just to vocalize what you are feeling. Don't keep it locked in. You are not alone. So many women have been where you are right now. Allow them to comfort you and one day, you'll provide that comfort for another grieving mother.

Do Something to Memorialize Your Little One

I've heard numerous ideas over the years to memorialize the lives that are lost too early. Every woman is different and some of these ideas may not be for you. I do hope you find something in this page that will help ease the pain a bit.

Create or buy a piece of jewelry
Many sites offer jewelry for grieving mothers. Some popular sites include:

My Forever Child offers pendants, rings, keychains, candles and more. Prices range from less than $10 to more than $250.

La Bella Dame offers pendants, rings and more ranging in price from $16 to more than $250.

The Shining Light Fund offers free mother's bracelets. You choose the stones or months for your bracelet.

Plant a Tree
Many women have told me they planted trees to remember their babies. Some like to plant the tree on the baby's due date but many women feel it helps them a bit to plant the tree during the first month or two.

If you don't have the space for a tree, the Arbor Day Foundation will plant a tree in one of America's national forests for only $10. You will also receive a card in remembrance.

Create a Memory Box
Include a favorite poem, an ultrasound photo if you have one, something you bought to remember your little one. If you've kept a journal, you can include your journal or copies of some especially poignant pages. Some women who post online will print out their posts while they were pregnant and miscarrying to remember by.

Writing is Very Therapeutic

Try keeping a journal during this time. You may find the experience of writing down your innermost thoughts to be therapeutic.

Try your hand at writing a poem.

Write a letter to your little one.

While these may be very emotional endeavors, they may help in your healing process.

Willow Tree Angel of Healing Figurine, Susan Lordi 26020

Amazon Price: $11.58 (as of 06/03/2012)Buy Now

Comfort found in the Bible

Bible Verses

Romans 8:28
And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

Mark 10:14
"Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of God belongs to such as these."

Matthew 5:4
Blessed are they that mourn: for they shall be comforted.

Matthew 18:14
Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.

Psalm 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 46:1-2
God is our refuge and strength,
an ever-present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear, though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the heart of the sea

Revelation 21:4
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away.

Willow Tree Remembrance Angel Figurine, Susan Lordi 26247

Amazon Price: $10.50 (as of 06/03/2012)Buy Now

Sites with Poetry

I didn't want to 'steal' any poems but I'll share the links:

My Heart Belongs To You A collection of poetry

Labor of Love Poems about Miscarriage

Songs on YouTube for those who have Miscarried

You'll need a box of kleenex for these. Not all of the videos specifically deal with the loss of a baby but just listen to the words.
Natalie grant held
by criscastillo | video info

5,138 ratings | 2,332,161 views
curated content from YouTube

Still by Gerrit Hofsink

Perhaps the most beautiful song I've heard about enduring a miscarriage
Still by Gerrit Hofsink with Lyrics
by danyelleausick | video info

16 ratings | 3,856 views
curated content from YouTube

Recommended books

For some reason, many women just seem to relate to children's books the most.
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More Books

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Remembrance Gifts

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This is your page

If you have any helpful sites or information that could help another woman heal, please, share that link.

If I don't reply to you here, please feel free to e-mail me directly at misdiagnosedmiscarriage@gmail.com

  • Shay May 31, 2012 @ 4:03 am | delete
    I lost my baby at only 5 weeks and 1 day a month ago after 5 years of trying. People think you are suppose to "get over it" and move on but when you try to explain and communicate it with your partner they become often dismissive or nonchalant. My spouse comforted me after the loss but he still doesn't understand my grieving, anger, or how I blame myself because it happened. I didn't know I was pregnant and I was working out intensely (3 hrs a day), not eating properly, and not resting. My dr said its nothing I did because it was a blighted ovum but I blame myself everyday. My husband thought I would be over it by now and I'm still not, we began to argue a lot because he told me we need to wait to try again knowing it was miracle we got pregnant to begin with, so he couldn't deal with my ups and downs so we got into an argument because he said he wants to put trying again off a little longer but the day I lost the baby he was comforting me saying we would try again. He lied to me and it hurt. I lashed out in anger towards the world literally so after he told me that we were going to wait a while I just went into this deep depression, I had nothing to look forward to anymore, he and I argued I told him I didn't care what he did so he packed all of his things and left. He said he isn't coming back because he can't take my anger anymore. I tried and tried explaining why and how I was feeling but he just doesn't care. He's gone. So I've loss not only our first child together but my marriage too. I feel worse than ever so I spend my free time reading the Bible and praying. I know my husband loves me but not enough to come back home. I have literally nothing now. I never saw any of this coming and I have no friends who can relate or care. I'm all alone with my pain now.
  • Cari_Kay May 31, 2012 @ 7:06 am | delete
    Oh Shay, you are not alone. Many women who write to me have very similar emotions and circumstances. Don't be afraid to seek counseling. You can find a pastor or a counselor. So many women have told me that it really did help. It's a process though so don't expect to miraculously feel better after one session. Keep at it. Really, having somebody who will just listen can help so much. ((((hugs)))) to you.
  • JillY88 May 27, 2012 @ 2:49 am | delete
    I tried to get pregnant for fifteen years with no success, during that time I had one miscarriage. I cried for days and it took along time to get over it. I have since come to the conclusion that I was only ever meant to have one child and have given up trying to have more, getting a little long in the tooth now.
    I like your lens and am sure it will help someone.
  • glutenallergy Apr 27, 2012 @ 2:07 pm | delete
    I remember feeling both guilt and shame after my miscarriage. Looking back I realize there was no reason for either feeling, since I had done everything right, but I suspect I'm not alone in either (or both) of these feelings.

    I had a D&C, and told the doctor that I wanted to see them, which was a right that I had. He treated me with total disdain for this request, and it was awful! But they were my babies, and I wanted to say goodbye to them. He made it worse by showing them to me immediately after I woke up, knowing that I would have amnesia from the anesthesia. So, I have almost no memory of seeing them (which my doctor friend says might be a blessing, but I disagree).
  • Lifeboost Apr 13, 2012 @ 3:20 pm | delete
    Wonderful resource on coping with miscarriage - I'm sure it's helping a lot of people.
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Cari_Kay

Hello. My name is Kay. I'm not a medical professional but due to life's twists and turns, I've learned a bit about topics like miscarriage (as well as... more »

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