Three mice are sitting at a bar in a pretty rough neighborhood late at night trying to impress each other about how tough they are. The first mouse orders a scotch, gulps it down and slams the glass on the bar. He turns to the second mouse and says, "When I see a mousetrap, I lie on my back and set it off with my foot. When the bar comes down, I catch it in my teeth, bench press it 20 times to work up an appetite, and then make off with the cheese."

The second mouse orders two shots of bourbon, slams them down and nearly breaks the glasses on the bar. He turns to the first mouse and replies, "Yeah, well, when I see rat poison, I collect as much as I can, take it home, grind it into a powder, and add it to my coffee each morning so I can get a good buzz going for the rest of the day."

The first mouse and the second mouse then turn to the third mouse. The third mouse lets out a long sigh and says to the first two, "I don't have time for this bullshit. I gotta go home and screw the cat."

A guy goes to see a doctor and when they get into the private room the doctor says to
the patient, "What seems to be the problem?"

The patient answers, "You have to promise not to laugh."

The doctors said fine, and the patient pulls down his pants and the doctor tried not to laugh at his small penis.

The doctor managed to ask, "What's the problem?"

The patient then said, "It's swollen."

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question.
The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on
the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window. For a second
everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't
ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!"

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap
would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your
fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a funeral
van for the last 25 years.


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