Home » Culture & Society » Social Issues » Discrimination

The silence is deafening

Ranked #4,910 in Culture & Society, #101,768 overall | Donates to Squidoo Charity Fund

Going Deaf

Whilst doing National Service in the Rhodesian army I got a few cuts and scrapes whilst skirmishing and unfortunately these turned septic. By the time I got into the army hospital my heart was starting to play up and this was wrongly diagnosed as Rheumatic Fever and I was treated accordingly. Eight days later I was dying and the Army transferred me to a civilian hospital and it was here that they found I had Septicaemia. I was put on a heavy course of antibiotics which my body rejected. A new drug was then tried.

When you are 18yrs old lying deathly sick in hospital and listening to the top 20 hits from Lourenco Marques in Mozambique and you wake up the next morning, to find that whatever drugs the doctor's gave you have left you irreversibly deaf. Then life suddenly takes on a new meaning and you instinctively know that from here on it's going to get tough.

In today's world, what happened would be seen as a catalogue of errors. This might be true of the Army, but it almost certainly wasn't true of the civilian hospital.

The Beginning

Nobody can tell you

My going deaf took everybody by surprise, the doctor's knew about as much about this as I did. It will be about a week before you hear again ok. Then two weeks, then three , then six and about this time it dawns on you, oh oh, this means I'm in big trouble ( apart from the dying of course ) but they haven't the heart to tell me.

Having said that, I had the highest regards for the doctors who fought so hard to save my life and I always will. One has to remember that this happened many years ago and within the context of the times septicaemia was a big killer and very few people who got it then, survived. Guess I'm just lucky hey? Even when I met my wife years later ( a nurse ) she went on and on about it should never have happened.

The difference being that I'm the one who went through it. I saw it with my own eyes and I heard it before I went deaf. You see what really happened is that I became one of those people who medicine warns you about. Don't get involved with your patient. As it turned out it wasn't just the doctor's it was the whole hospital.

An example being after the nurses had just given me a bed bath and changed my sheets. The matron would arrive and tell them off for not making the bed and they would have to do it again. She was Irish by the way. When the nurses went on leave they all sent me postcards. The doctor's couldn't sleep at night worrying about me.

Believe me, it's what saved my life.

The white light

Fact or Fiction

As it turns out I was watching a re-run of one of the episodes in the television series House, last night and it reminded me of something. Normally I keep quiet about this, but seeing as I'm on Squidoo and talking of my life experiences, I have now decided to add this.

I was in hospital for at least four months and it may have been longer, bedridden throughout that time apart from a couple of weeks towards the end. The correct sequence of events has dimmed in my memory. However I do remember that I was already deaf at the time. One night I woke up to find at least ten doctor's surrounding my bed. The next sequence is what my mother told me. She was staying in the town Bulawayo with friends so that she could be close to me during this time.

On leaving my bed site the doctor in charge of my case rang her up that night and said that she had better come to the hospital as I wouldn't make it to the morning.

Now my own words, sometime that night I had a white light experience. Whether this was a hallucination or not is not for me to say. As best I can remember I never went to the pearly gates, I never spoke to anyone but it was the most intense light I have ever seen. I'm not an overly religious person but my mother is.

I woke that morning to find my mother holding my hand. I was still as deaf as a stone, but believe it or not from that day on I started getting better.

Getting Out

So glad to be out

Eventually I was released from hospital in a wheelchair and so thin that I could fit my hand around my leg above my knee. Then came the slow process of first, trying to put on some weight, learning to walk and finally finding a specialist who had the guts to tell me that I would never hear again.

Bang went my plans of becoming a lawyer and so I was left with going to Agricultural college.

Rehabilitation.

Small things to while away some time

There is nothing like a good book to help you on your way back to good health when you are still bedridden.

I chose these books because they are thought provoking and they give you an insight into some things that other people have to and continue to have to endure. It makes you realise that their are other people in the world besides yourself who also have problems. It makes you feel better.
Loading

Some splendid views again

To be out of hospital a joy

Leaning to Lip Read: A Must Have

Lip reading and Sign language

First of course I had to learn to lipread. Amazingly my teacher had a fiance, who was doing national service the same time as I was. Prior to this I was walking around with a note book for people to write to me on and trying to get off with women like this and being unable to understand;
why not?

Was I someone different, a new Spook, a totally different person? Obviously not, but the slow process of being deaf was first felt hard this way. Ah yes the lipreading. My teacher said that she would not start to teach me, until I told her that I was DUMB.

I could speak perfectly and wouldn't have it. I held out for a few weeks and then my commonsense told me it was imperative that I learn; so I told her I was DUMB and began learning. Later when I knew her well, I asked her about why she said this to me and I've never forgotten her reply?

She told me that of all the afflictions, that deafness had the least sympathy with Joe public and the sooner I learnt that the better and thirty eight years later she's still right.

Philosophy

Seth Godin

Loading

College and Cricket

Cricket the gentleman's game

Anyway I went to college, passed as well as any normal person and got my diploma. Had a ball and made so many lifelong friends. I,m not bragging when I say, I'll put money on it, that I was the best liked person there.

Also I was playing first class cricket and more importantly I was finally managing to make it with the women.

A modern great cricketer

Magical Ricky Ponting

Without a shadow of doubt the best Australian right hand bat that I have ever seen. Wonderful captain as well.

Cricket

The gentlemans game

Cricinfo.com - The Home of Cricket
Welcome to the home of cricket on the internet. Cricinfo offers users the most comprehensive live coverage of international and domestic cricket available ...
Award-Winning Magazines, Games, Gifts and Books for Children of ...
Cricket Magazine Group offers 14 Award-Winning Magazines for Children from toddlers to teens. Cricket is also proud to provide only the finest quality games ...
An Explanation of Cricket
Covers both the basics and specialised aspects of this sport.

The Interim Years

Implants and golf

Since then I have married, had three wonderful children, owned my own farm, made and lost an awful lot of money, lived a full life, had a cochlear ear implant, which enables me to hear sound. Was captain of the golf club for two years and here I am in Ireland back to square one.

There's no respect for any of my achievements or for my stand; to show that the deaf can be as succesful as any hearing person and sometimes even more so; but no matter what you do or what you accomplish, you are just this dummy.

Can We Improve Prejudice

Fighting deafness

I am so sick and tired of fighting this and somehow wish I could start a movement, where once and for all we the deaf, could finally get the hearing to understand.

Sometimes I am amazed by them. For example coming up so close to your ear, so you cannot lip read them and then shouting in your ear. Hey hang, on we the silly ones, so how come you can't work out I'm deaf even though I've told you, or in other words if I can't hear:" Why shout", so who's being silly?.
Understanding Prejudice
Has thousands of links on racism, sexism, and other prejudices, with searchable databases and fascinating interactive exercises. Very well done!
Prejudice
Prejudice and discrimination are negative manifestations of integrative power. ... Ironically, even prejudice and discrimination imply some sort of ...
Beyond Prejudice
This sight deals with educational materials on the psychological research & dynamics of racism, sexism, ageism, and the other disabilities of prejudicial ...
Stereotypes and Prejudices
This chapter traces the steps by which a group becomes the target of prejudice, discrimination, persecution and violence. ...
What to Tell Your Child About Prejudice and Discrimination ...
One of the greatest obstacles to creating such a future is prejudice. ... Incidents of prejudice and discrimination occur every day. ...
Kids' Health - Topics - Prejudice - not giving a 'fair go'
Apr 9, 2008 ... Prejudice (say pre-joo-dis) is a word that means judging someone or having an idea about them before you actually know anything about them. ...

Prejudice

Understanding

I am going to try and add a bit more to what I have already touched on. As far as I'm concerned I've led an interesting and varied life. At times I've been very successful and at other times not so successful. I mean this last statement purely from a monetary point of view.

Having said that I also believe that having been profoundly deaf for 36 years now, that I've been successful from that point of view as well. One must remember that I always competed against the hearing world and you know what, I think I did just as well as any of them and a lot better than lots of them?

To the best of my knowledge I've only ever met two other deaf people, one of whom I was able to encourage to have a Cochlear ear Implant, as he was worried about having it done. I'm not sure whether I'm a nice person or not,(probably not),but I must say I got enormous pleasure from doing this and more importantly seeing the great benefits which he got from this.

Actually I'm veering away from what I really want to say. You know when this first happened to me. I always believed that it was up to me; to make hearing people comfortable and not for them to be comfortable with me.

I tried so hard to fight the prejudice and always stood up for hearing people when reading deaf peoples views about them being non caring and thinking that you are stupid and always believed that you have to fight this and bring them around and onto to side.

Now however after thirty eight years of fighting it, just lately, in the last few years have come up against this all over again and at last begin to understand the deaf perspective and sadly, agree with it.

It is up to us to change Stigmas

Can we change?

Loading Fetching blurbs now... please stand by

Yes Us

MiddleSister says:

We can always change for the better. we have changed for the better, as we understand others more. Communication from the common person about personal experience is a powerful aid to positive change.

Posted December 28, 2011

sousababy says:

Compassion will always triumph over judgement. We need to remain calm in our approach to change many, many stigmas. True power comes in gentle ways. Wisdom, unfortunately , is borne of pain. But remember, wisdom is more important than education (I believe).

Posted August 13, 2011

Ralpapajan says:

We can only change OUR own thinking. When we change our vibration changes and we attract like thinking people. Eventually we will all be heading downstream, so to speak,

Posted June 07, 2011

ShirlW says:

Yes it is up to us to change. We accomplish that by tolerance, compassion and communication.

Posted March 17, 2011

greenspirit says:

Chances like this to talk freely about things that are usually avoided are the way that things change. Thank you for providing such a thought provoking lens.
From my perspective: I came across a deaf person during my work last year. I found myself uncomfortable...and my discomfort came from needing to keep facing someone all the time so that the other person could see my facial expressions and lips moving. It was just not how I normally communicated. It was my normal way of interacting that was challenged, and nothing to do with predjudice towards deafness. I imagine that I am not alone in this.
In time it felt completely normal to always speak towards the person, and I didn't have to think about doing it at all, so I guess change is about practicing new things till they become automatic.

Posted October 10, 2010

Michelle1959 says:

Unfortunately society has moved on to a desensitised, materialistic and status-conscious era by and large. (I do not mean the caring individuals, organisations and the like). Over-exposure to indoctrinating, selfish media has played a role as much as the overt need for many to maintain their own status at all costs - that means organisations only they are part of or comfortable with. Such criteria prevent the natural holding out of the hand - the personal unselfishness with no heed to the thoughts of others which are often condemning to whichever end of the scale is theirs to choose. A radical example for illustrative purposes is: How many of us today guide an older person to the front of a queue? Do we really care about the wellbeing of the virtually starving or challenged neighbour? Our world and our priorities have changed drastically and it's not a pretty situation. It takes a person of exception tenacity and resiliance to achieve what the author of this article has. We carry the blame - not the challenged person for one attitude cannot sway a million others.

Posted September 14, 2010

d-artist says:

One can only change by choosing...prejudice of anykind is a lack of understanding and that is a choice as well...one must educate themselves...you having shared your life experience can have a changing affect on someone

Posted April 13, 2010

JewelRiver says:

People won't change without a challenge and you have to change stigmas by being vocal.

Posted March 23, 2010

Tipi says:

What a story and what a man you are! Yes, it is up to "us" to change the stigmas. Good all over you for telling it like it is! - Warm wishes of hope!!!!

Posted July 20, 2009

JaguarJulie says:

Oh my, there are too many stigmas that exist in our advanced world. I think with the younger generation that it becomes easier to overcome the stigmas of our parents and grandparents. Kevin, you do such a remarkable and beautiful job of helping to break down the stigma barriers. I am touched by your wonderful words.

Posted May 12, 2009

Margaret_Schaut says:

Some of the best and most thoughtful communicators I've ever known have been deaf! The most spiritually advanced people I know are the most profoundly disabled. I'd say FIRST start with US, with ourselves. That is when things really begin to change around us.

Posted May 09, 2009

It Works Bothways

GrammaLinda says:

Tolerance of physical problems is something everyone should learn. I agree with 0ctavias0fferings. Because deafness isn't something visible, many people don't know how to deal with it, and/or are surprised by it and react poorly. Thank you for writing this lens to help everyone better understand.

Posted June 18, 2011

Evelyn_Saenz says:

Your writing accomplishments show the world that you are an amazing person. I had no idea until I read this lens that you are deaf. By living your life, writing about your interests and communicating your ideas and passions about life you show the world that you are a person. I believe that is the way non-deaf people learn that lumping deaf people in a catagory apart from hearing people says little about who that person really is.

Posted May 28, 2011

Mujjen says:

I think it is important we try to understand eachother, regardless of the differences. sometimes it is deafness, other times it is language barrier or culture. The point is that a different person is not a stupid person. A different person is somebody interesting, that we might like a lot when knowing better!

Posted January 18, 2011

says:

In my work I come across many deaf people and at first I wasn't sure how to talk to them, not because of any predjudice but because I was unsure how to correctly communicate with them. Many years down the track I have no hesitation having a conversation with a deaf person but I have found different degrees of deafness sometimes require different ways of communication. There is one way that's works in every circumstance and with all people...a genuine smile.

Posted December 12, 2010

Momtothezoo says:

I think people carry false stigmas in their minds about such things due to their own ignorance of the subject. Speaking out and giving the population insight into the world of the deaf can change those stigmas. But the information must be accepted by the multitudes first.

Posted August 08, 2009

0ctavias0fferings says:

One of the problems with deafness is that others can't see that you are deaf. If you are hard of hearing you probably have an earpiece and the shop assistant or whoever can easily see that. If you were blind, people can see that ... but deafness is hidden, it isn't obvious and because it affects the deaf person's speech (think of Lester Piggot) the average person assumes you are stupid.
There have been many great deaf actors, writers, businessmen, musicians etc, the list is endless. My father was a minister for the deaf so I grew up with deaf people all around me, though not in the immediate family.
It would be a huge advantage if all children learned about deafness in primary school as it's probably one of the least understood afflictions and can happen to anyone at any time.

Posted November 27, 2008

Spook says:

They are trying but we need to do more about creating awareness. Seems like only certain sections of society have any idea about their problems.

Posted October 15, 2008

 

Helping people

Those who cannot cope

The experiences in my life have taught me many things, amongst these that sometimes things happen to people which are beyond their control.

In many cases these people are from poor economic backgrounds but not necessarily so.

You can do a lot especially for children by making a small donation and what's more it will make you feel good.

An international organization that delivers emergency aid and to people suffering from natural disasters or man-made crises.

Postscript

It's not the end of the world

Just going to add a final little postscript here so everybody can get my take on things. You know when all is said and done. The best thing that ever happened to me was going deaf. I was a far better person after this than I was before. Moreover it taught me many things throughout my life that I never would have seen or learnt without going deaf.

I'll stand by that statement.

April 2009

Sharing Hearts.

This lens was lens of the month for the group and I was proud of that. Consequently I thought it would be deplorable to make any changes during that period of time. It has now passed and I'm making some changes.

Click to find some helpful aids

It's so great to share

Thank you

submit
Show All

My squidoo stories

Words

Loading
Pictures courtesy of Google images and Flickr.

by

Spook

I'm Kevin alias Spook. I was born and brought up in Zimbabwe and was one of the farmers who lost his land in the infamous land grab.
Have also lived... more »

Feeling creative? Create a Lens!

Explore related pages

The Cochlear ear Implant 

Medical Miracles

Loading

The Art of Lip Reading 

Teach yourself to lip read

Read My Lips! Lipreading Video Lessons (Boxed Set 1-6) Learn to Listen with your Eyes!

Read My Lips! Lipreading Video Lessons (Boxed Set 1-6) Learn to Listen with your Eyes!

Amazon Price: $190.00 (as of 02/17/2012)Buy Now

I just cannot go on enough about how important lip-reading is and I speak from personal experiences, simple as that. Very worthwhile way to learn here.

Related Tags