The silence is deafening

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Ranked #7,808 in Health, #92,807 overall

Going Deaf

Whilst doing National Service in the Rhodesian army I got a few cuts and scrapes whilst skirmishing and unfortunately these turned septic. By the time I got into the army hospital my heart was starting to play up and this was wrongly diagnosed as Rheumatic Fever and I was treated accordingly. Eight days later I was dying and the Army transferred me to a civilian hospital and it was here that they found I had Septicaemia. I was put on a heavy course of antibiotics which my body rejected. A new drug was then tried.

When you are 18yrs old lying deathly sick in hospital and listening to the top 20 hits from Lourenco Marques in Mozambique and you wake up the next morning, to find that whatever drugs the doctor's gave you have left you irreversibly deaf. Then life suddenly takes on a new meaning and you instinctively know that from here on it's going to get tough.

In today's world, what happened would be seen as a catalogue of errors. This might be true of the Army, but it almost certainly wasn't true of the civilian hospital.

The Beginning 

Nobody can tell you

My going deaf took everybody by surprise, the doctor's knew about as much about this as I did. It will be about a week before you hear again ok. Then two weeks, then three , then six and about this time it dawns on you, oh oh, this means I'm in big trouble ( apart from the dying of course ) but they haven't the heart to tell me.

Having said that, I had the highest regards for the doctors who fought so hard to save my life and I always will. One has to remember that this happened many years ago and within the context of the times septicaemia was a big killer and very few people who got it then, survived. Guess I'm just lucky hey. Even when I met my wife years later ( a nurse ) she went on and on about it should never have happened.

The difference being that I'm the one who went through it. I saw it with my own eyes and I heard it before I went deaf. You see what really happened is that I became one of those people who medicine warns you about. Don't get involved with your patient. As it turned out it wasn't just the doctor's it was the whole hospital.

An example being after the nurses had just given me a bed bath and changed my sheets. The matron would arrive and tell them off for not making the bed and they would have to do it again. She was Irish by the way. When the nurses went on leave they all sent me postcards. The doctor's couldn't sleep at night worrying about me.

Believe me, it's what saved my life.

The white light 

Fact or Fiction

As it turns out I was watching a re-run of one of the episodes in the television series House, last night and it reminded me of something. Normally I keep quiet about this, but seeing as I'm on Squidoo and talking of my life experiences, I have now decided to add this.

I was in hospital for at least four months and it may have been longer, bedridden throughout that time apart from a couple of weeks towards the end. The correct sequence of events has dimmed in my memory. However I do remember that I was already deaf at the time. One night I woke up to find at least ten doctor's surrounding my bed. The next sequence is what my mother told me. She was staying in the town Bulawayo with friends so that she could be close to me during this time.

On leaving my bed site the doctor in charge of my case rang her up that night and said that she had better come to the hospital as I wouldn't make it to the morning.

Now my own words, sometime that night I had a white light experience. Whether this was a hallucination or not is not for me to say. As best I can remember I never went to the pearly gates, I never spoke to anyone but it was the most intense light I have ever seen. I'm not an overly religious person but my mother is.

I woke that morning to find my mother holding my hand. I was still as deaf as a stone, but believe it or not from that day on I started getting better.

Getting Out 

So glad to be out

Eventually I was released from hospital in a wheelchair and so thin that I could fit my hand around my leg above my knee. Then came the slow process of first, trying to put on some weight, learning to walk and finally finding a specialist who had the guts to tell me that I would never hear again.

Bang went my plans of becoming a lawyer and so I was left with going to Agricultural college.

Rehabilitation. 

Small things to while away some time

There is nothing like a good book to help you on your way back to good health when you are still bedridden.

I chose these books because they are thought provoking and they give you an insight into some things that other people have to and continue to have to endure. It makes you realise that their are other people in the world besides yourself who also have problems. It makes you feel better.
Cry, the Beloved Country (Oprah's Book Club)

Cry, the Beloved Country (Oprah's Book Club)

by: Alan Paton

Some splendid views again 

To be out of hospital a joy

Leaning to Lip Read: A Must Have 

Lip reading and Sign language

First of course I had to learn to lipread. Amazingly my teacher had a fiance, who was doing national service the same time as I was. Prior to this I was walking around with a note book for people to write to me on and trying to get off with women like this and being unable to understand;
why not?

Was I someone different?, a new Spook, a totally different person. Obviously not, but the slow process of being deaf was first felt hard this way. Ah yes the lipreading. My teacher said that she would not start to teach me, until I told her that I was DUMB.

I could speak perfectly and wouldn't have it. I held out for a few weeks and then my commonsense told me it was imperative that I learn; so I told her I was DUMB and began learning. Later when I knew her well, I asked her about why she said this to me? and I've never forgotten her reply.

She told me that of all the afflictions, that deafness had the least sympathy with Joe public and the sooner I learnt that the better and 36 yrs.later she's still right.

College and Cricket 

Cricket the gentleman's game

Anyway I went to college, passed as well as any normal person and got my diploma. Had a ball and made so many lifelong friends. I,m not bragging when I say;- I'll put money on it, that I was the best liked person there.

Also I was playing first class cricket and more importantly I was finally managing to make it with the women.

Cricket 

Cricinfo.com - The Home of Cricket
Welcome to the home of cricket on the internet. Cricinfo offers users the most comprehensive live coverage of international and domestic cricket available ...
Award-Winning Magazines, Games, Gifts and Books for Children of ...
Cricket Magazine Group offers 14 Award-Winning Magazines for Children from toddlers to teens. Cricket is also proud to provide only the finest quality games ...
An Explanation of Cricket
Covers both the basics and specialised aspects of this sport.

The Interim Years 

Implants and golf

Since then I have married, had three wonderful children, owned my own farm, made and lost an awful lot of money, lived a full life, had a cochlear ear implant, which enables me to hear sound. Was captain of the golf club for two years and here I am in Ireland back to square one.

There's no respect for any of my achievements or for my stand; to show that the deaf can be as succesful as any hearing person and sometimes even more so; but no matter what you do or what you accomplish, you are just this dummy.

Can We Improve Prejudice 

Fighting deafness

I am so sick and tired of fighting this and somehow wish I could start a movement, where once and for all we the deaf, could finally get the hearing to understand.

Sometimes I am amazed by them. For example coming up so close to your ear, so you cannot lip read them and then shouting in your ear. Hey hang, on we the silly ones, so how come you can't work out I'm deaf even though I've told you?, or in other words if I can't hear? Why shout? so who's being silly?.

 

Understanding Prejudice
Has thousands of links on racism, sexism, and other prejudices, with searchable databases and fascinating interactive exercises. Very well done!
Prejudice
Prejudice and discrimination are negative manifestations of integrative power. ... Ironically, even prejudice and discrimination imply some sort of ...
Beyond Prejudice
This sight deals with educational materials on the psychological research & dynamics of racism, sexism, ageism, and the other disabilities of prejudicial ...
Stereotypes and Prejudices
This chapter traces the steps by which a group becomes the target of prejudice, discrimination, persecution and violence. ...
What to Tell Your Child About Prejudice and Discrimination ...
One of the greatest obstacles to creating such a future is prejudice. ... Incidents of prejudice and discrimination occur every day. ...
Kids' Health - Topics - Prejudice - not giving a 'fair go'
Apr 9, 2008 ... Prejudice (say pre-joo-dis) is a word that means judging someone or having an idea about them before you actually know anything about them. ...

Prejudice 

Understanding

I am going to try and add a bit more to what I have already touched on. As far as I'm concerned I've led an interesting and varied life. At times I've been very successful and at other times not so successful. I mean this last statement purely from a monetary point of view.

Having said that I also believe that having been profoundly deaf for 36 years now, that I've been successful from that point of view as well. One must remember that I always competed against the hearing world and you know what?I think I did just as well as any of them and a lot better than lots of them.

To the best of my knowledge I've only ever met two other deaf people, one of whom I was able to encourage to have a Cochlear ear Implant, as he was worried about having it done. I'm not sure whether I'm a nice person or not,(probably not),but I must say I got enormous pleasure from doing this and more importantly seeing the great benefits which he got from this.

Actually I'm veering away from what I really want to say. You know when this 1st.happened to me. I always believed that it was up to me; to make hearing people comfortable and not for them to be comfortable with me.

I tried so hard to fight the prejudice and always stood up for hearing people when reading deaf peoples views about them being non caring and thinking that you are stupid and always believed that you have to fight this and bring them around and onto to side.

Now however after 36 years of fighting it, just lately, in the last few years have come up against this all over again and at last begin to understand the deaf perspective and sadly, agree with it.

It is up to us to change Stigmas 

Can we change?

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Yes Us

Tipi says:

What a story and what a man you are! Yes, it is up to "us" to change the stigmas. Good all over you for telling it like it is! - Warm wishes of hope!!!!

Posted July 20, 2009

JaguarJulie says:

Oh my, there are too many stigmas that exist in our advanced world. I think with the younger generation that it becomes easier to overcome the stigmas of our parents and grandparents. Kevin, you do such a remarkable and beautiful job of helping to break down the stigma barriers. I am touched by your wonderful words.

Posted May 12, 2009

Margaret_Schaut says:

Some of the best and most thoughtful communicators I've ever known have been deaf! The most spiritually advanced people I know are the most profoundly disabled. I'd say FIRST start with US, with ourselves. That is when things really begin to change around us.

Posted May 09, 2009

It Works Bothways

Momtothezoo says:

I think people carry false stigmas in their minds about such things due to their own ignorance of the subject. Speaking out and giving the population insight into the world of the deaf can change those stigmas. But the information must be accepted by the multitudes first.

Posted August 08, 2009

0ctavias0fferings says:

One of the problems with deafness is that others can't see that you are deaf. If you are hard of hearing you probably have an earpiece and the shop assistant or whoever can easily see that. If you were blind, people can see that ... but deafness is hidden, it isn't obvious and because it affects the deaf person's speech (think of Lester Piggot) the average person assumes you are stupid.
There have been many great deaf actors, writers, businessmen, musicians etc, the list is endless. My father was a minister for the deaf so I grew up with deaf people all around me, though not in the immediate family.
It would be a huge advantage if all children learned about deafness in primary school as it's probably one of the least understood afflictions and can happen to anyone at any time.

Posted November 27, 2008

Spook says:

They are trying but we need to do more about creating awareness. Seems like only certain sections of society have any idea about their problems.

Posted October 15, 2008

 

Helping people 

Those who cannot cope

The experiences in my life have taught me many things, amongst these that sometimes things happen to people which are beyond their control.

In many cases these people are from poor economic backgrounds but not necessarily so.

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Postscript 

It's not the end of the world

Just going to add a final little postscript here so everybody can get my take on things. You know when all is said and done. The best thing that ever happened to me was going deaf. I was a far better person after this than I was before. Moreover it taught me many things throughout my life that I never would have seen or learnt without going deaf.

I'll stand by that statement.

April 2009 

Sharing Hearts.

This lens was lens of the month for the group and I was proud of that. Consequently I thought it would be deplorable to make any changes during that period of time. It has now passed and I'm making some changes.

It's so great to share 

Thank you

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  • Reply
    Swerve Upton Swerve Upton Nov 15, 2009 @ 4:51 am
    Good on you Spook,keep up the awareness.Remember if you never get tested in life then how can you be judged.Pambere Bwana.
  • Reply
    ftuley ftuley Oct 18, 2009 @ 7:56 pm
    Very informative lens! Learned something new with your lens. Thanks for sharing. Rated you 5 stars and favorited! Really good lens.
  • Reply
    ClassyGals ClassyGals Sep 10, 2009 @ 2:20 pm
    Nice job! Five stars.
  • Reply
    HorseAndPony HorseAndPony Sep 8, 2009 @ 1:30 pm
    This is an amazing lens. Thanks for sharing your story.
  • Reply
    puzzlemaker puzzlemaker Aug 8, 2009 @ 6:19 pm
    Spook, thank you so much for sharing your story. And for your frankness/honesty. I have no close friends that are deaf, but live near a famous deaf and blind school so I, at times, interact with deaf students. I'm feeling quite introspective about it right now. Wondering if I've ever acted "stupidly" amongst them. I'll make effort to be sure and not shout or walk up to their ears for sure. Thanks Spook.
  • Reply
    Momtothezoo Momtothezoo Aug 8, 2009 @ 8:38 am
    Oh, my, Kevin, now I understand why you are so attuned to the foster children and their problems...what you have overcome!! And how wonderful your attitude about your life! You are a credit to all and everyone should read this...everyone who complains daily about the simpliest things, thinking their plight difficult. 5* and my adoration for your strength of character!
  • Reply
    Joan4 Joan4 Aug 6, 2009 @ 2:27 pm
    Congratulations on receiving one of Kim's Day of 100 Blessings! I agree with Heather426, you are an excellent writer! It is a pure joy to see your lens get the attention it certainly deserves!
  • Reply
    Heather426 Heather426 Aug 5, 2009 @ 3:03 pm
    You are a wonderful writer! 5*
  • Reply
    saritajain86 saritajain86 Aug 4, 2009 @ 6:24 am
    Great work here. Thank you for sharing this with us.
  • Reply
    sittonbull sittonbull Jul 28, 2009 @ 12:49 am
    Congratulations my friend on this great lens being featured at Kim G's "Another Day of 100 Squid Angel Blessings" and big woots for the special recognition of a "Purple Star". Well deserved and well chosen!
  • Reply
    KimGiancaterino KimGiancaterino Jul 27, 2009 @ 5:37 pm
    You've been blessed by a Squid Angel, and this lens was included in Another Day of One Hundred Squid Angel Blessings.
  • Reply
    JaguarJulie JaguarJulie Jul 26, 2009 @ 10:13 am
    Hi Kevin! Just popped in for a friendly visit -- hope that you are doing well my dear!
  • Reply
    Shelly Shelly Jul 23, 2009 @ 9:22 am
    I'm lost for words. You've said it all. A very well deserved purple star!
  • Reply
    GrowWear GrowWear Jul 20, 2009 @ 12:09 pm
    Congratulations on your purple star for this excellent lens!!
  • Reply
    Tipi Tipi Jul 20, 2009 @ 11:57 am
    A well deserved Purple Star on this lens Spook! - This is a great lens. I'm with you in thought of heart and spirit! - Blessings to you for creating this wonderful informative lenses. My hat is off to you!
    Susie
  • Reply
    Joan4 Joan4 Jul 17, 2009 @ 8:48 pm
    Congratulations on a beautiful purple star! adding a SquidAngel blessing too!
  • Reply
    dc64 dc64 Jun 26, 2009 @ 1:22 pm
    Wow, I've read this from beginning to end, every word, because it is that powerfully written. I couldn't imagine not being able to hear music, which I love so much. How much does the cochlear ear implant help? I really hope it helps you to at least listen to music.
  • Reply
    JanTUB JanTUB May 30, 2009 @ 9:48 am
    Inspiring! You have overcome terrible suffering. Have you read Kimberley Clark Sharp's "After the Light: What I Discovered on the Other Side of Life That Can Change Your World"? You might relate to it. 5* and faved
  • Reply
    Sojourn Sojourn May 23, 2009 @ 9:45 am
    Kevin, I got choked up at your intro and read every word of your page. Although you've faced so many adversities, it's made your story so incredibly fascinating and your life so rich with experiences many of us will never have. Rhodesian army, living with deafness, Mozambique, and Ireland? To a woman from the US who has never left other than for a short trip to Victoria, BC, and whose largest challenge in life was simply not having enough time on my hands, well....I suddenly feel incredibly humbled and the better off for having read your story. Sincerely, Erica
  • Reply
    OhMe OhMe May 10, 2009 @ 9:50 pm
    I added this lens to a plexo on Joan's lens for inspiring stories http://www.squidoo.com/walk-on
  • Reply
    Margaret_Schaut Margaret_Schaut May 9, 2009 @ 6:12 pm
    Another charm in the hat of the Irish! You have a beautiful skill with words and stories. Beautiful page, inspiring and touching in every way. SquidAngel blessing!
  • Reply
    spirituality spirituality May 7, 2009 @ 1:59 pm
    Great lens - you've been blessed by a squidoo angel :)
  • Reply
    mulberry mulberry May 1, 2009 @ 1:45 pm
    I have worked with deaf individuals but probably the person that has most astounded me is my husband's grandmother. She's now 101 years old. She became deaf as a toddler I believe. When I met her at age 89 she was probably the sharpest, wittiest person over age 50 I had ever met. She has a wonderful sense of humor.. I have always been totally dismayed that absolutely no one in her family ever learned a single "utterance" in sign language which is her preferred method of communication. Even after all of these years I still see her own children raise their voices when they talk to her. You're right, it's the rest of us that are d-u-m-b. I would like to think it's just lack of experience and exposure to deaf people but in some cases at least, apparently it's not. I can't believe I hadn't seen this lens before...I really appreciate the chance to hear about your experience.
  • Reply
    sittonbull sittonbull Mar 26, 2009 @ 3:58 pm
    Kevin... as always you do a great job of telling the tale. Great lens and thanks for your visit and comments to my new lens. Getting the plexo rolling and this lens is also in it... in fact you are well represented there. All the best stars and fav.
  • Reply
    mysticmama mysticmama Mar 20, 2009 @ 1:25 pm
    Wonderful and insiping lens, 5* and welcome to the sharing hearts group!
  • Reply
    frank king frank king Mar 12, 2009 @ 7:19 am
    All i can say is"wow". I had no idea Spook. Times have been tough for you and even so it seems also blessed. Although i have not met you in person i felt drawn on facebook to talk to you. Only on having a chat by internet did i go into your profile. I agree with all you have written here and hope more people read your webpage. Thank You for sharing.
  • Reply
    Stephen Geach Stephen Geach Mar 4, 2009 @ 1:44 am
    Well done Spook for putting your storey into writting. Over the years I have spent many great times with you and have admired everything you have managed to achieve. Remember the long philiosophical talks we used to have whilst checking the barns at all hours of the day. It's very sad to hear about all the difficulties and prejudice you have faced in Ireland, supposedly a first world country which provides equal opportunities to all. Don't ever give up !!! All the best, Steve
  • Reply
    luvmyludwig luvmyludwig Jan 27, 2009 @ 1:05 am
    I am featuring this on my lens about my son getting his hearing aids.
  • Reply
    JohannTheDog JohannTheDog Nov 10, 2008 @ 8:37 am
    Great story about the power to overcome...keep it up, you are an inspiration. Woofs, Johann
  • Reply
    Stazjia Stazjia Oct 4, 2008 @ 6:57 am
    My grandmother was deaf and still taught me to embroider and knit when I was about 6 years old so I never thought that deaf people were stupid. Jack Ashley (now Lord Ashley), a man I admire, was an MP here in the UK from 1966. He became profoundly deaf the following year making him the UK's first profoundly deaf Member of Parliament. He continued as an MP until 1992 when he retired and was made a lord.
  • Reply
    OhMe OhMe Oct 1, 2008 @ 7:43 am
    Thank you for sharing your story. Hopefully, your openness will help more people understand. 5*fav
  • Reply
    debnet debnet Sep 27, 2008 @ 6:11 pm
    Thanks for sharing your very interesting story. I've worked with profoundly deaf children, teaching them to recognise facial expression, body language and emotions. They miss so much just trying to get themselves understood.
    Well done for getting on with things and not becoming a 'victim'. 5*****
  • Reply
    Teddi14 Teddi14 Aug 31, 2008 @ 1:03 am
    Amazing story. It was a bit hard to read though. I suggest breaking your story into some more paragraphs or maybe breaking it into 2-3 write modules with titles etc. I hope this makes sense. I am still giving it 5 *'s I just wanted to give you my suggestions. My Notre Dame lens has a long intro and I had to break it up for easier reading... Just my opinion.
  • Reply
    deafhub deafhub Jul 17, 2008 @ 8:13 am
    Hey Spook

    Bit of a rough ride, hey? I know a few people who have been in your position, and I am always glad to hear of those who have the backbone to not only survive but also make good.

    At least those who are born deaf usually have some contact with other deaf people as they grow up. It would have to be a huge shock to go to sleep hearing and wake up deaf. A friend of mine did that, and came awfully close to ending his life. Thankfully he didn't.

    Thanks for telling your story.
  • Reply
    Joan4 Joan4 Jul 13, 2008 @ 7:04 am
    Thank you for telling your story. I firmly believe that people are simply uneducated about disabilities - not just hearing loss, but all disabilities. Our job is to educate. Telling your story is a wonderful addition to that education effort.
  • Reply
    susanelainegalloway susanelainegalloway Jun 29, 2008 @ 5:45 am
    Very interesting lens I had a friend at School who was partially deaf and it is just like you relate it in your lens.
    Good luck in all your lenses 5 stars for this one.
  • Reply
    eccles1 eccles1 Jun 27, 2008 @ 1:42 am
    what a amazing story you have!
  • Reply
    Spook Spook Jun 6, 2008 @ 2:20 pm
    Dear Carla,

    thank you for your comments and apologies for taking so long to reply to you.I have been doing a course the last few days.You must understand that lately,I have been going through bad times,but essentially I believe that people are good.What your daughter has to realise is that she has to work harder than the rest.By this I mean let the teacher concentrate on people without problems in class and then help your daughter after hours.You might be suprised by their willingness to do this.

    Sorry to bother you.

    Regards,
    Spook
  • Reply
    CarlaClayton CarlaClayton Jun 2, 2008 @ 8:33 pm
    Sometimes I get tired of fighting for my daughter. Sometimes it just seems hopeless. I know what you mean. I don't know if the hearing world will ever understand. My daughter's hearing impairment is mild to moderate, so she can hear. She just gets a lot of things confused and appears to be "dumb." She plays it off like she's a dumb blonde and compensates in so many incredible ways that most do not know she is hard of hearing. That's where it is difficult to get her the help she needs in school. They don't see the disability and how it affects her.
  • Reply
    Spook Spook May 16, 2008 @ 3:26 am
    Dear Eelkat,
    Many thanks for your input.So sorry to hear about your grandad.I think being blind is the worst of the lot.Having seen some of your lenses which are masterfull,I'm suprised by your comment.I will try and get better.Cheers,
    Spook
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My squidoo stories 

Words

Lensmaster Spook has been a member since April 10 2008, has rated 1,235 lenses, favorited 1,232, and has created 59 lenses from scratch. Kevin Moor donates their royalties to Squidoo Charity Fund. This member's top-ranked page is "Squid Angels may be named Spook". See all my lenses

 

Pictures courtesy of Google images and Flickr.

by Spook



'm Kevin alias Spook. I was born and brought up in Zimbabwe and was one of the farmers who lost his land in the infamous land grab.

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