Mother's Day Without Mom
Is your mother deceased? Is this your first Mother's Day without your mom? Mother's Day can be a difficult holiday for those whose mothers have passed away. My mom died 15 years ago. I still miss her terribly, especially on Mother's Day. The first Mother's Day holidays -- without my mom --were painful; the once joyous day left me in overwhelming grief. I didn't want to celebrate Mother's Day without my mom.
When the pain of losing my mom eased, I was able to keep her memory alive and honor her on Mother's Day.
Are you missing your mom on Mother's Day? Celebrating Mother's Day can be painful, whether this will be your first Mother's Day without your mom, or if it has been many years since her death. In time, your grief and depression will turn into healing and peace. Keep reading for ways to stay connected with your mom and honor her memory on Mother's Day.
How Can I Celebrate Mother's Day Without My Mom?
Part 1
I didn't think the pain could be worse than those first months. Then came my first motherless Mother's Day. My heart had stopped skipping its joyful mother-daughter dance. The onslaught of flowery cards, thoughtful gifts, bright flowers and loving commercials bloomed in every store ... the first Mother's Day arrived seven months after my mother's death.
I wanted to skip the Mother's Day holiday. I had spied the perfect gift before reality punched the remembrance that she had died. I never skipped the day entirely since I devoted myself to my grandmother, who at the age of 73, never got used to losing her daughter.
A month after my mom's death, I met a counselor whose mother was gravely ill and died soon after we became friends. We talked about grief, our mothers, and if someone can celebrate a holiday without the honoree.
Continued below ~
The White Carnation : Honoring Your Deceased Mother
Anna Jarvis's mother loved white carnations, which have become the symbol of honoring a deceased mother. Conversely, the red carnation has become the way to honor a mother who is living.
The white carnation stands for sweetness and the purity of a mother's love.
Anna Marie Jarvis (May 1, 1864, Webster, West Virginia ? November 24, 1948, West Chester, Pennsylvania) is the founder of the Mother's Day holiday in the United States of America.
How Can I Celebrate Mother's Day Without My Mom? - Part 2
Continued
In healing, you can embrace the holiday and your mother's memory. What are your memories of your mom? How did she make you laugh, smile or feel good? Start with the activities that remind you of her.
My friend used to go to a local restaurant and order steak dinner (her mom's favorite). She'd always wear a white carnation (a symbol to honor a mother who is far away or deceased) on her dress or suit.
Every year, my family gathered (or called each other when we moved farther in miles)on Mother's Day. We reminisced about past Mother's Days, like the one year we surprised Mom, with family smiles and fondue forks, at a new Melting Pot restaurant.
My sister and I inevitably started discussions of "Do you remember when mom made us pancakes for breakfast? She hated pancakes you know...she only made them for us." Sharing memories wrapped us in a loving blanket that we pulled on whenever we need her warmth.
We also visited her grave on Mother's Day and left flowers or plants with little gifts, cards or trinkets tucked inside the planter. We sat and chatted next to her. One year, my sister and I dragged a huge carboard box of old family photos there. Protected under the large Oak, we swapped pictures, laughed about old stories, and embraced our family memories.
It's wonderful and possible to celebrate your mother's memory on Mother's Day. The first Mother's Day holidays without your mom may not be easy. You may even want to skip your first few Mother's Days without your mom, but try to take a little time to think of her, your lives, and your love.
Find new ways to embrace her spirit and keep her memory alive on Mother's Day. Read your mom's favorite book, volunteer for her favorite charity, visit with family or friends, or simply share stories about your mom.
If your mom was your biggest cheerleader, then do something for yourself on Mother's Day - something she would have encouraged you to do. What better way to honor your mom than to grow and celebrate the life she wished for you!
Mother's Day Remembrances
More Ideas to Remember Mom
- Mom's Garden
Create a "Mom's Garden" with special flowers or plants. Did your mom make the best orange juice? Plant an orange tree. Did your mom love roses? Plant some in her favorite color to plant. Was your mom a gourmet cook?
Combine edible plants, like peppers or spice herbs, that she would have loved in her kitchen. Her garden will give you a meditative place to think of her. More pluses: Gardening is good exercise and adds to the health of the environment.
- Photo Albums
Whether your photos are super organized or not, find a pretty album to dedicate to your mom. Ask family members for photos they may have - maybe you'll find pictures that you've never seen. Make sure to label photos with dates/places.
Scrapbooking is extremely popular. If you're not an experienced scrapbooker, find a local class. You'll find friends, learn something new, and make a wonderful creation.
- Write a Book
Journaling your memories is therapeutic, and writing a book about your mom or grandmother can bring immense joy. As with the photo album, ask family memories for stories about your mom. Snippets of stories add up to a fuller picture of her life. Family or friends may recall stories that you never heard.
A journal or book can be enjoyed by everyone in the family plus it will keep her memory alive for generations.
- Create Mom's Cookbook
Was your mom a great cook? Did she make family favorites, like spaghetti and meatballs for your sister and chicken noodle soup to fight colds? Before you discard those meals as typical family recipes, remember your mom's recipes are unique to your family. Whenever you need mom's magic, flip through your new "Mom Cookbook" for the best recipe.
Remember to gather other family members and trade scattered recipes. My older sister once made a mini cookbook of my mom's holiday cookies. The cookbook brings not only delicious cookies but also Mom's touch to our holidays.
Ways To Create Remembrances For Your Mom
Books to Help You Make Remembrance Gifts
Home Made: An Heirloom Recipe Scrapbook
I really missed my mom's cooking after she died. I collected some of her recipes from different family members. My sister and I never found her recipe for Cardamon Bread - one of the family's Easter favorites.
Amazon Price: (as of 11/07/2009) 
Small by Design: Gardens for Any Space
I didn't inherit my mom's garden sense. My mom grew gorgeous roses; she catalog - ordered most of the bushes and tended them with amazing results. This gardening book has projects for any size area - maybe, I can start with my little patio.
Amazon Price: $22.76 (as of 11/07/2009)
Journal Revolution: Rise Up & Create! Art Journals, Personal Manifestos and Other Artistic Insurrections
From authors Karen Dinino and Linda Woods (from the famous Goldberg writing family). Easiest way to journal - grab a glue stick, tape, marker, an ironing board, and you're on your way. Anyone can create a personal scrapbook with their help.
Amazon Price: $15.63 (as of 11/07/2009)
Hallmark Albums SBK5532 In Memory Instant Scrapbook
This album gave me an easy way to preserve all my family photos in an 'instant' scrapbook - no cutting pages to make things fit. My sister and I were able to easily go through boxes of photos and turn them into memory scrapbooks.
Amazon Price: $50.00 (as of 11/07/2009)
Mother's Day Memories
Create Stunning Memory Books from Your Photos and Your Stories
Here's an easy and beautiful way to remember the wonderful times with your mom: Customize a photo book about your mom or create a memory book as a gift. These books are gorgeous!It's easy! Gather photos of holidays, special events, or favorite natural-posed pictures. Use your digital pictures to create a memory photo book with their huge selection of backgrounds, fonts, layouts, book sizes, and other options.
You're in control: see everything online, change photos or layouts, or even add pages. You personalize your book.
While I had many digital photos, I wanted to use some older photos (stacked high in my photo box) and not on my computer. I simply scanned the photos to my computer and added them to the editing software. If you don't have a scanner at home, you can use scanners at office supply stores, or drug stores like Walgreen's or CVS. If you have a lot of photos, you may want to create a CD to download to your computer.
Different layouts allow everything from simple text, like for names and dates, to full-page for sharing memories.
In my book, I arranged a two-page spread for each member of the family. I included photos, and everyone wrote about their favorite time. I gave suggestions, such as:
" _________ was a _______ person. I will always remember her when she _________... "
"My favorite memory was the time ..."
The book surpassed my expectations - it's a beautiful keepsake filled with my family's memories!
Create a Memory Photo Book
Remembrance Flower Projects
With the crystals, the flowers lost a lot of their original color. To re-color and preserve them, I used paint for paper crafts since the flowers are delicate. After the roses and leaves dried, I laid them out on newspaper and carefully spray painted them different colors - I used some yellow, pink, and white for the roses and baby breath and green for the leaves.
I arranged the roses, baby breath, and a few leaves in a heart-shaped, acrylic globe.
I made several and gave them as gift for family members as a remembrance of my mom.
Microwave Flower Press Is Fast And Easy To Use! 5
Amazon Price: $23.50 (as of 11/07/2009)
Dried Flower Techniques Book: Over 50 Techniques for Creating Beautiful Arrangements
Amazon Price: (as of 11/07/2009)
Flowerkeeping: The Lore and Craft of Preserving and Decorating with Dried Flowers
Amazon Price: (as of 11/07/2009)
Dried Red Rose Petals w/Buds - Culinary / Craft - 1 Pound Bulk
Amazon Price: $10.50 (as of 11/07/2009)
Fill Your Heart ...
Or Another Acrylic Shape for a Great Remembrance Gift
I filled a clear, acrylic heart with a selection of flowers from my mom's funeral. On the inside of the heart, I glued a poem that was read at my mom's service. I made sure the poem was facing outwards and glued as flat as possible in the container.
The heart came with a pretty pink ribbon through the top loop. If yours doesn't, I'd recommend tying a ribbon through the top so you can display your heart or other shaped globe.
Fetching new data from eBay now... please stand by
Ways to Honor Mom's Memory
Donate to Mom's Favorite Charity
Animals were special creatures to my mom, and she donated to a few charities. If you need ideas, choose one of my mom's favorites.
Donating in mom's name is a wonderful way to honor her.
- Endangered Species, Wildlife Conservation, Animal Habitats
- Endangered Species at World Wildlife Fund. At WWF, we are the leader in wildlife conservation and preservation of animal habitats around the world. Join World Wildlife Fund and support our conservation efforts.
My mom's favorite organization; she donated money every year for their conservation work.
- ASPCA: The American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals
- ASPCA: American Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Animals.
My mom loved all kinds of animals and donated to the ASPCA.
- Welcome to the Animal Humane Society Home Page
- We are the Animal Humane Society, located in Golden Valley & Coon Rapids, MN. This is our home page. Welcome to our site!
In my mom's will, she requested donations to the Animal Humane Society in lieu of flowers for her funeral.
Angel Collection Keeps Mom's Memory Alive
Angels 101: An Introduction to Connecting, Working, and Healing with the Angels
Doreen Virtue is an author, speaker, who helps others connect with angels. She also has a regular column in Women's World, in which she highlights readers' angel experiences. Her Angels 101 book is a fantastic introduction to connecting and healing with your angel's help.
Amazon Price: $10.17 (as of 11/07/2009)
Angel Design By Edward Burne-Jones Ornament or Keepsake
I love angel ornaments, and this beautiful ornament is perfect on your tree or hung on a window hook to catch the sun's rays. Give to a friend who needs Angel reminders.
Amazon Price: $9.95 (as of 11/07/2009)
Angel Travel Jewelry Case
For overnight trips or a simple place for daily jewelry, this
Angel jewelry case will remind you of your guardian angel watching over you.
Amazon Price: $35.00 (as of 11/07/2009)
An Angel's Touch 2004 Hallmark Keepsake Ornament QXG5634
My sister gave me this angel for Christmas. Its elegance reminds me of my mom and her love for me. My Angel's Touch ornament is one of my favorites and has a special place near the top of the tree.
Amazon Price: $8.76 (as of 11/07/2009)
Unique Remembrance Gift - Buttons of Mom
Create a unique remembrance of your mom with a photo button. This lens shows you how to create your own button with a photo of your mom. Buttons of Mom is also running a charity campaign - visit and vote on the best charities in mom's name. Your favorite charity could win!
Make it Simple
Remember that honoring your mom can be a simple act: perhaps just sitting quietly and thinking about how much you loved her. Light a candle and say a prayer. Look at her photo and say "I Love You, Mom". These solitary moments connect you both on Mother's Day.Do what feels right to you. Do something that keeps your mom's spirit alive in your heart. If you have children, do something to continue the circle of love from your mom to you to your kids. If your mom always picked you up from school with a snack tucked beside her, do the same for your kids and tell them grandma had brought you snacks when you were little.
Keep her memory alive by reminding your kids of grandmas' special gifts, like drawing cardinals, making the best brownies, or running the fastest marathon. Remind them of gifts she handed down to them, like her business mind, her pug nose, or her clumsy waltz.
If making books or planting gardens seem overwhelming, slow down and make it simple. It's best to choose something that is authentic of your relationship with your mom. If both of you could barely boil a pot of water, then don't choose to create a cookbook. It's all about feeling and sharing your love.
As I created this lens, my mind danced with many wonderful, funny and loving thoughts of my mom. I miss her still and wish she was as close as a phone call or a big hug. I wanted to do something to honor her. In writing this lens, I realized all she gave me and continues to give me. I think she'd be proud.
I hope all of you find peace and joy in connecting with your mothers.
Remembrance Gifts for Mother's Day
- Serenity Prayer Bracelet
- Sterling Silver Heart Bracelet Keeps Memories of a Loved One Close! Angel Themed Jewelry a Keepsake Pendant to Cherish! - Celebrate your everlasting bond with a loved one! This beautiful sterling silver heart bracelet is...
- Teardrop Heart Pendant
- Gleaming in a polished Sterling Silver setting, heart is accented with a golden tribute design to symbolize the loss of a loved one.
- Swarovski® Crystal Sterling Silver Cross Pendant
- A thoughtful keepsake or unique sympathy gift idea, this elegant religious cross jewelry is a gentle way to ease your heart or comfort a dear friend.
The exclusive design of this fine bereavement jewelry is rendered in handcrafted solid sterling silver and accented with 48 sparkling pave-set Swarovski crystals.
Missing Mom on Mother's Day
Missing your mother is normal. Feelings of sadness, anger or depression are part of the grieving process. So many of us want to hop over these negative and painful emotions. I learned that skipping those emotions only delays the healing; we can only fully heal if we go through the emotions.
Reading books about grief and healing may help. Talking to friends may help. Sometimes, you need extra help, like if you experience overwhelming and persistent sadness or depression.
You may need to speak to a professional grief counselor who can help you identify the stages of loss and move to recovery.
Please don't let embarassment or fear stop you from reaching out. When my mother passed away, I worked as a case manager for elderly clients. I counseled others in my job, but I needed my own counselor to deal with my grief.
I found healthy ways to cope with feelings of sadness, anger and profound loss. Sometimes the extra help or an empathetic, knowledgeable stranger is the best way to cope with the loss.
Know that it is okay to ask for help.
- National Mental Health Association
- Find resources through the National Mental Health Association. Their website gives information and ways to find local counselors.
Stages of Grief
Is This Typical?
Some feelings may drift into trauma or a deep depression, which requires professional help.You may need to talk to a professional. If you're not sure if your feelings are part of the stages of grief, please find a counselor. You do not have to endure the loss by yourself.
- Coping with Loss: Guide to Grieving and Bereavement
- Learn about coping with loss, grieving, and bereavement. Addresses the stages of grief, the length of the grieving process, and other questions concerning grief and loss.
- Elisabeth Kübler-Ross Biography | Grief.com ~ David Kessler
- "When we have done all the work we were sent to Earth to do, we are allowed to shed our body, which imprisons our soul like a cocoon encloses the future butterfly. And when the time is right, we can let go of it and we will be free of pain, free of fears and worries-free as a very beautiful butterfly, returning home to God."
Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, M.D was a psychiatrist and the author of the groundbreaking On Death and Dying. - Dying, Loss and Grief -Elisabeth Kubler Ross and David Kessler
- David Kessler & Elisabeth Kübler-Ross share information and resources on grief and loss and end of life issues.
A Dedicated Group of Grief and Loss Resources
Squidoo's Grief and Loss Club
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Grief & Loss Club Headquarters
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The Grief & Loss Club is for lenses that have information, resources and support to anyone grieving a loss. The Grief & Loss Club is one that people do not choose to join, rather it is a club that their experience of grief has given t...
Books on Grief & Recovery
When the Pain Remains Sharp - Get Help in Grieving
I found great information and comfort from these books. I submerged myself in Motherless Daughters and Gifts from the Sea. I hope you find comfort in one of these books.
Motherless Daughters: The Legacy of Loss, Second Edition
Amazon Price: $10.85 (as of 11/07/2009)
Dear Mom: Remembering Our Mothers
Amazon Price: (as of 11/07/2009)
Gift from the Sea: 50th Anniversary Edition
Amazon Price: $10.88 (as of 11/07/2009)
The Gift of a Memory: A Keepsake to Commemorate the Loss of a Loved One
Amazon Price: $10.85 (as of 11/07/2009)
Kids' Books on Grief & Recovery
Help Kids Deal with Grandma's Death
I keep my son's connection with the grandma he never knew by telling family stories, showing photographs and remembering her in our daily life. These books can help kids that miss a grandma they knew.
When Your Grandparent Dies: A Child's Guide to Good Grief (Elf-Help Books for Kids)
Amazon Price: $7.95 (as of 11/07/2009)
Remembering My Grandparent: A Kid's Own Grief Workbook in the Christian Tradition
Amazon Price: $12.74 (as of 11/07/2009)
Grandma's Purple Flowers
Amazon Price: (as of 11/07/2009)
Remembering Grandma / Recordando a Abuela
Amazon Price: $1.13 (as of 11/07/2009)
What's Heaven
Amazon Price: $10.20 (as of 11/07/2009)
How Parenting is Shaped by Your Loss
I adored my son and watched him with fierce love and amazement. I wanted to ask my mom if her grandson and I shared similar light up the world smiles, sleeping through the night, walking late, loving books and drawing. I could only recall a few stories my mom told me about myself as an infant - "You were a happy baby - always smiling."
I had so many unanswerable questions. Had she breastfed me or were bottles "in" when she was a new mother? Had she cried about her lack of mothering skills trying to soothe my colic? What would she have told me about preventing her Houdini-like grandson from escaping his high chair? I mourned not having her in my new adventures.
As my parenting skills grew, I told my son nuggets about his grandma --- "She was a wonderful artist. You have her creativity." --- or of traditions that now held special meaning. The circle of love wrapped around the three of us ... before I even realized the memories held us together.
Whenever I think of my mom, I wonder what life would be like if she was alive now. Would she spoil my son with the latest Spiderman video game? Would she teach him about career skills in art or business - or both? Would the woman who doted on me, and hated aging, enjoy being a grandma? The pain of losing her softens when I am able to share her spirit with my son.
Motherless Mothers shows how our parenting is shaped by the loss of our mothers. Author Hope Edelson is an incredible writer. She presents her research in helpful and caring prose. I highly recommend her work.
Motherless Mothers: How Mother Loss Shapes the Parents We Become
Amazon Price: (as of 11/07/2009)
Gifts for Friends whose Mothers have Passed Away
Things to Say When Your Friend's Mom Dies
Even through the painful Mother's Day years, I appreciated friends acknowledging my mother. I welcomed the opportunity to share memories and talk with someone else.
Grieving is a difficult time when others don't know how to express their sympathy. While comfort can be expressed in different ways, I found comfort when people said some combination of the following, when my mom died:
I know how hard this is. I miss her too.
She was a wonderful person. She loved you very much.
The last time I saw your mom, she was ....
I'll always remember what a talented seamstress, artist, .... she was.
She was so proud of you. She's watching you now.
She's not hurting. She's at peace.
If there's anything I can do, please let me know.
Believe or not, even people who said, "I don't know what to say" helped - at least they were thinking of my mother and trying to comfort me, though they didn't have the words.
The worst things I heard:
It's the circle of life. We're all going to die. (It's true, but not comforting as someone's grieving a recent loss.)
Why are you crying? (It should be obvious, but I actually had someone ask me that. She thought "something else had happened.")
My favorite gifts were those that helped me release my feelings in a positive way. Hopefully some of these gift ideas will help you find something perfect for Mother's Day.
The Gift of a Memory: A Keepsake to Commemorate the Loss of a Loved One
Amazon Price: $10.85 (as of 11/07/2009)
Glass Guardian Angel with LED Base - Style 35715
Amazon Price: $16.99 (as of 11/07/2009)
Someone You Love Memorial Stone
Amazon Price: $39.15 (as of 11/07/2009)
EXPRESSIONS COLLECTION Cast Stone MEMORIES OF YOU Angel Moon Plaque OUTDOOR/Indoor SCULPTURE
Amazon Price: $44.99 (as of 11/07/2009)
Luminous Garden Memories Stone Plaque
Amazon Price: $24.99 (as of 11/07/2009)
A Story From My Mom's Service
One thing I really wanted was a copy of a poem my mother had read to me about a month before she passed away. The poem was titled "Success". My mom wondered if she could say she had a successful life. I thought she could. I so loved the poem and even made a copy that I kept in my office.
Of course, under the emotional stress of the event, I couldn't find that copy. Not only couldn't I find the copy, I couldn't remember the title or author. I remembered it was about giving to others, how to judge a successful life, and that my mom and I had talked about it. I really wanted it read at her service.
With a heavy heart, I told the pastor that I couldn't find the poem. The family would be happy with whatever he found fitting to say at my mom's service.
It was hard to stay focused, during the service. I can't even remember everything running through my head as I sat in the front row with my sister, husband, best friends, and other family. The whole event felt surreal. The pastor's speech was comforting, and I tried to hold my emotions as best as I could.
Half way through the service, I heard the pastor say that we can judge if a person has led a successful life if ....
Yes, it was the poem "Success" that I hadn't been able to find for her service.
As the pastor read the passages, I couldn't hold my tears. I wept in amazement. Angels, my mom, God - it all came together in a way more meaningful than if I had found the poem and gave it to the pastor.
I do believe my mom's life was a success.
I keep the poem handy, so here it is for you. Remember your mom is with you, but the connection is in a different way than you've been used to. Find comfort in knowing you can still reach her.
Success
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
To win the respect of intelligent people and the affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and endure the betrayal of false friends;
To appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy child, a garden patch, or a redeemed social condition;
To know even one life has breathed easier because you have lived.
This is to have succeeded.
~ Ralph Waldo Emerson
Share a Memory
Tell us about your mom and how special she was - Was she a gourmet cook? Did she love hiking? Here's a chance to share.
JenniferAkers wrote...
Thank you for your kind words. I'm sorry about your loss as well. It's hard around those special holidays, like Mother's Day or Father's Day. [in reply to Jewelsofawe]
Posted November 06, 2009
Jewelsofawe wrote...
I have a hard time with Father's Day because my dad and stepdad are gone. I just do not celebrate anymore. Sorry for your loss!
Posted November 06, 2009
JenniferAkers wrote...
I'm so touched that you blessed my lens. I poured a lot of myself in creating this lens to help others and also in tribute to my mom. Thank you for the blessing - it means a lot to me! [in reply to Heather426]
Posted October 15, 2009
Heather426 wrote...
This beautiful lens is blessed by a new squid angel today.
Posted October 14, 2009
JenniferAkers wrote...
Yes, it can be difficult, especially when you're blessed to enjoy a close and loving relationship with your mom. Share the love with your mom, and enjoy all the wonderful times. [in reply to stargazer00]
Posted September 21, 2009
by JenniferAkers
I wrote this lens to help support other people who struggle... (more)
