2/5 stars

reviewed by Andrew James
Undoubtedly, Pirates 3 will be the biggest money maker of the year. Next, will be Spider-Man 3, followed closely by probably Transformers. This is a terrifying and sad commentary on society as we know it, becasue although I'm very much looking forward to Michael Bay's Transformers, these films all leave a bitter taste in my mouth for their lack of depth, over production and horrible story telling. Not to mention, this horrible story is close to three hours in length.

Picture your drunk uncle sitting around a campfire trying to tell you and your friends the story of the pirates of the seven seas; complete with character voices. Now imagine he's completely making it up as he goes along and also drinking more Jack Daniels as the story progresses. What would happen if this were the case? You'd misunderstand a lot of things he is trying to say, the plot would likely be very unnecessarily convoluted and he would just keep rambling for nearly three hours until he finally passes out. Loyal readers, let me introduce you to your drunk uncle: director Gore Verbinski.

I apologize if I offend any of the hard core fans of the series (12-17 year old girls). I know that this movie was made for them and not for a film snob like myself. Still, I'm a big fan of the first one, the second was laughably bad, so the only reason to catch this one was to see how it all wraps up (though a 4th installment is likely on the way) and see if Jack can be saved after the cliffhanger that part two ended on.

The plot is ridiculously convoluted. In this thrid installment, Elizabeth (Knightly) and Will Turner (Bloom) join forces with some other pirates from around the world to save Jack Sparrow (Depp) from the underworld and bring him back to defeat Davy Jones and the evil British Lords. Sound simple enough right? But the story includes double crosses galore, more than one curse that can't be
explained and far too many characters that are hard to keep track of and even understand. Not to mention the plot points that make the strangest twists and turns that don't add any tension to the story, they just confuse it more. Part of the problem though is the difficult to understand accents and vernaculars by some of the characters. If anyone can actually explain to me the intricacies and details of all the plot points of this film, email me at andrew@moviepatron.com to explain it to me and I'll send you $1 million.

The Illusionist is just that; an illusion. As this story of love and magic unfolds, it became very apparent that Burger's script and directing style is fairly immature. It appears to be really good, but the use of smoke and mirrors (quite literally) can't hide this film's mediocrity for the full 2 hours.

...the performances are brilliant. Brilliant. Giamatti is always amazing and he is no different here. Within 5 minutes, Giamatti's charisma and strength as an actor is brought to bare and a huge smile crossed my lips as I knew this was going to be a treat. His grumpy disposition and those huge, piercing eyes were perfect for this pseudo-villainous, against typecast role. Edward Norton doesn't make bad performances or bad movies for that matter, and his facial features were perfect for this role of a mysterious outsider who conjures spirits and mesmerizews people. Rufus Sewell, who plays the ferocious and villainous Crown Prince Leopold surprised me a great deal. I recognized him from the Zorro series and Tristan & Isolde. He was deliciously mean and corrupt and reminded me very much of an older Jude Law. Throw Jessica Biel into the mix for.... well, the hottie factor (an unfair comment since she does actually show some decent acting chops) and we've got an A-list cast that is nothing short of amazing.

As the story went along, especially after about 45 minutes, I began to think to myself, "This is really good and it may just have a shot at an Oscar nod." But as it began to wind down, it became apparent that the story, although original and interesting, was actually fairly predictable and kind of corny; especially the very end. However, although I had it predicted correctly (as did everyone I'm sure, as it was actually very obvious), there were pangs in my chest of uncertainty. This coupled with the amazing performances and the fun-ness factor of the illsusions kept me very interested.

To make the illusion more convincing, the producers have hired the great Phillip Glass for the film's score. It is truly amazing and some of Glass' best work in my opinion as it really sets the mood well. It is very reminiscent of a Hitchcock film or Basic Instinct. Perfect....

Read the rest of this review HERE.