Funny Music Jokes - Melodious Mirth?

A Minor B Flat!!!
A Shirt that a Musician Can Truly Love!

Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A: They're trying to get away from the noise.

Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A. He can throw a set of pipes into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.

Q. Why do bagpipers always walk when they play?
A. Moving targets are harder to hit.

I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made object never equalled the purity of sound achieved by the pig.
-Alfred Hitchcock

I tried learning to play banjo by ear. It didn't sound any better than when I used my fingers.

Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an anchor?
A: You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.

Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw?
A: One is loud, obnoxious and noisy; the other is a bird.

Q: How can you tell the difference between all the banjo songs?
A: By their names.

Q: What did the banjo say to the banjo player?
A: Pick on someone your own size!

A group of terrorists had been trying to get the government to comply with their demands. Having no success, they found and kidnapped a busload of banjo players. Most of the world just snickered, until the terrorists set out their ultimatum:
Do What We Ask, Or We'll Release One Banjo Player Per Hour Until You Meet Our Demands.

Two banjo players were out hunting, and started walking along a set of tracks that they found.
"Are those bear tracks Jed?"
"Nope, I don't think so."
They walked a little further.
"Are those deer tracks Jed?"
"Nah, they ain't the right size."
The two banjo players kept walking.
"Buffalo tracks! They must be buffalo tracks, Jed!"
"Don't think so, Luke."
The two stopped, put down their banjos, got down on their hands and knees, and bent low to look really closely at the tracks.
That's when the train ran them over.

Banjos are frequently associated with Bluegrass Music. One definition of Bluegrass is "Music From the Heart Sung Through The Nose."

If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.

Q: What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?
A: Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!

Q: How do you know it's a drummer at the door?
A: He doesn't know when to come in.

Q: How is a drum solo like a sneeze?
A: You can tell it's coming, but there's nothing you can do about it.

Q: What's the difference between a high school drumline and six pairs of sneakers in the dryer?
A: Nobody else knows either.

Q: What's a tuba for?
A: 1 1/2 X 3 1/2.

Tuba Player: Did you hear my last recital?
Friend: I hope so

Q: How do you fix a broken tuba?
A: With a "tuba glue."

Q: How many tuba players does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Five. One to change the bulb, and four to complain that it's too high.

Q: Why don't you find tubas in Bluegrass bands?
A: Because tubas are Heavy Metal!

Q: What's the difference between the Tuba and a Chainsaw?
A: The Exhaust

Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and an All-Pro offensive lineman?
A: Stage makeup.

Q: What is the missing link between the tenor and the ape?
A: The bass

The young tenor was puzzled because his mother always stood at the window when he practiced. One day he asked her why she did this.
"Son," she replied, "I don't want the neighbors to think I'm spanking you."

Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.

Q: What is the difference between the men's final at Wimbledon and a high school choral performance?
A: The tennis final has more men.

A musician calls the orchestra office, asks for the conductor, and is told that he is dead.
The musician calls back 25 times more and gets the same message from receptionist.
She asks why he keeps calling. He replies, "I just like to hear you say it."

What's the difference between God and a conductor?
God knows He's not a conductor.

What do you do with a horn player that can't play?
Give him two sticks, put him in the back, and call him a percussionist.
What do you do if he can't do that?
Take away one of the sticks, put him up front, and call him a conductor.

A blind rabbit and a blind snake bumped into each other in the forest. The rabbit said, "Watch where you are going. Can't you see that I am blind?" The snake replied. "No. I can't see that you are blind because I am blind myself." Then the rabbit got a brilliant idea. "Why don't we feel each other and guess what the other is?" The snake accepted this proposal and went first. The snake said, "Let's see -- your furry with long ears and a cotton tail -- you must be a rabbit."
"Very good," said the rabbit. "Now it's my turn. You are cold, slimy, spineless, and have no ears. You must be a conductor"

The Conductor of a major symphony orchestra pulled aside the Concertmaster immediately after the the annual Christmas party.
"I notice that the orchestra didn't get me a Christmas gift this year, " said the Conductor.
"Well, maestro, we noticed that you never used the gift we gave you last year."
"I forget," said the Conductor. "What was last year's gift?"
"Maestro, it was a Cemetery Plot."

There were two people walking down the street. One was a musician. The other didn't have any money either.

Vital Accessories for Viola Concerts!!!
Why do we all pick on violists? Are they talented musicians who just picked an unfortunate instrument? Are they musical hacks who have never mastered a wonderful instrument? Or are violists the result of a "perfect storm" combining the worst of instruments with the tone deaf?

I'll bet you didn't know that the viola was so vital in the life of the Vikings!

What's the Difference Between a Violinist and a Dog?
A Dog Knows When to Stop Scratching!

What do a Violin and a Lawsuit Have in Common?
Everyone is Happy When the Case is Closed!

Bonus Points for You If You Can Tell Me What Catgut Strings are REALLY Originally Made Of. The Actual Answer Appears Below!

Sheep Intestines!