Notable Humor: Jokes for Music Lovers
Q: What's the most common two word phrase used used when a professional guitarist shows up at someone's front door?
A: Pizza's here!
Q: Why are conductors' hearts so much in demand for transplant purposes?
A: Because they've never been used!
Music makes us smile. Music jokes can do that too! But sometimes music jokes make us groan!
A Steinway and a Mineshaft?
A Minor B Flat!!!
A Shirt that a Musician Can Truly Love!
More Interesting / Funny Music Shirts
Drummer Drool - Dark T-Shirt
Price: 20.99 
Tuba-I Just Lug it Around Dark T-Shirt
Price: 21.50
Harp for the Exercise Tote Bag
Price: 14.75
Dancing Skeletons Dark T-Shirt
Price: 21.99
Laugh to the Music!!!
Weird Al Rules...Music Parodies to the Max!
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What's Your Favorite Music Joke?
Submit it and We Just Might Post it Here!
Keep 'em Funny. Keep 'em Clean!
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Bagpipes
Q: Why do bagpipers walk when they play?
A: To get away from the noise.
Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.
Q. Why do bagpipers always walk when they play?
A. Moving targets are harder to hit.
I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made object never equalled the purity of sound achieved by the pig. -Alfred Hitchcock
A: To get away from the noise.
Q. How can you tell a bagpiper with perfect pitch?
A. He can throw a set into the middle of a pond and not hit any of the ducks.
Q. Why do bagpipers always walk when they play?
A. Moving targets are harder to hit.
I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm. Unfortunately, the man-made object never equalled the purity of sound achieved by the pig. -Alfred Hitchcock
Banjo
Q: What is the difference between a banjo and an anchor?
A: You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.
Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw?
A: One is loud, obnoxious and noisy; the other is a bird.
Q: How can you tell the difference between all the banjo songs?
A: By their names.
Q: What did the banjo say to the banjo player?
A: Pick on someone your own size!
A: You tie a rope to an anchor before you throw it overboard.
Q: What is the difference between a banjo and a South American Macaw?
A: One is loud, obnoxious and noisy; the other is a bird.
Q: How can you tell the difference between all the banjo songs?
A: By their names.
Q: What did the banjo say to the banjo player?
A: Pick on someone your own size!
Drums
If thine enemy wrong thee, buy each of his children a drum.
Q: What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?
A: Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!
Q: What is the difference between a guitarist and a Savings Bond?
A: Eventually a Savings Bond will mature and earn money!
Tuba
Q: What's a tuba for?
A: 1 1/2 X 3 1/2.
Tuba Player: Did you hear my last recital?
Friend: I hope so
Q: How do you fix a broken tuba?
A: With a "tuba glue."
A: 1 1/2 X 3 1/2.
Tuba Player: Did you hear my last recital?
Friend: I hope so
Q: How do you fix a broken tuba?
A: With a "tuba glue."
Singers
Q: What is the difference between a Wagnerian soprano and an All-Pro offensive lineman?
A: Stage makeup.
Q: What is the missing link between the tenor and the ape?
A: The bass
The young tenor was puzzled because his mother always stood at the window when he practiced. One day he asked her why she did this.
"Son," she replied, "I don't want the neighbors to think I'm spanking you."
.Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
A: Stage makeup.
Q: What is the missing link between the tenor and the ape?
A: The bass
The young tenor was puzzled because his mother always stood at the window when he practiced. One day he asked her why she did this.
"Son," she replied, "I don't want the neighbors to think I'm spanking you."
.Opera is when a guy gets stabbed in the back and, instead of bleeding, he sings.
Conductors
A musician calls the orchestra office, asks for the conductor, and is told that he is dead.
The musician calls back 25 times more and gets the same message from receptionist.
She asks why he keeps calling. He replies, "I just like to hear you say it."
What's the difference between God and a conductor?
God knows He's not a conductor.
What do do with a horn player that can't play?
Give him two sticks, put him in the back, and call him a percussionist.
What do you do if he can't do that?
Take away one of the sticks, put him up front, and call him a conductor.
The musician calls back 25 times more and gets the same message from receptionist.
She asks why he keeps calling. He replies, "I just like to hear you say it."
What's the difference between God and a conductor?
God knows He's not a conductor.
What do do with a horn player that can't play?
Give him two sticks, put him in the back, and call him a percussionist.
What do you do if he can't do that?
Take away one of the sticks, put him up front, and call him a conductor.
New Text module
There were two people walking down the street. One was a musician. The other didn't have any money either.
Accessories for Viola Concerts?
Vital Accessories for Viola Concerts!!!
Why do we all pick on violists? Are they talented musicians who just picked an unfortunate instrument? Are they musical hacks who have never mastered a wonderful instrument? Or are violists the result of a "perfect storm" combining the worst of instruments with the tone deaf?
Too Much Material to Print ALL of the Viola Jokes Here
But You'll Get an Idea of The Number of Viola Jokes on This Lens!
Violists Have Broad Shoulders and Usually Great Senses of Humor.-
Funny Viola Jokes -- Or is That Redundant?
-
Why should everyone have a viola around the house? You might run out of firewood. How do you get the viola section to play in tune? Have them play a measure in which they have a whole rest. We've all heard Viola Jokes . . . and WE ALL WANT TO HEAR TH...
I Don't Mean to Pick on Violas
There's Just So Much Material Out There!
Another use for the Viola!
I'll bet you didn't know that the viola was so vital in the life of the Vikings!
PDQ Bach -- "History's" First Musical Funny Man
P.D.Q. Bach was the "discovery" of "Professor" Peter Schickele. Although many music scholars assert that P.D.Q. Bach exists only in the mind of Schickele, the vast catalog of music which can be attributed to Bach can only be proof that he not only existed, but was a major player on the music scene around the end of the Eighteenth Century.
P.D.Q. Bach was born in Leipzig on April 1, 1742, the son of Johann Sebastian Bach and Anna Magdalena Bach. Bach's parents did not bother to give their youngest son a real name, and settled on "P.D.Q." instead. The only earthly possession Johann Sebastian Bach willed to his son was a kazoo.
In 1755, P.D.Q. Bach was an apprentice of the inventor of the musical saw, Ludwig Zahnstocher (German for "toothpick"). In 1756, P.D.Q. Bach met Leopold Mozart and advised him to teach his son Wolfgang Amadeus how to play billiards. It is said that P.D.Q. Bach had substantial influence on music history due to his contribution to Ludwig van Beethoven's deafness. It seems that Beethoven developed a habit of stuffing coffee grounds into his ears whenever he saw P.D.Q. Bach coming.
Among many other works, Bach's creations included:
Oedipus Tex
Fanfare for the Common Cold
The Seasonings and
Chorale Prelude On An American Hymn For The Last Sunday Before The Fourth Day Of The Seventh Month After New Year's Eve
P.D.Q. Bach was born in Leipzig on April 1, 1742, the son of Johann Sebastian Bach and Anna Magdalena Bach. Bach's parents did not bother to give their youngest son a real name, and settled on "P.D.Q." instead. The only earthly possession Johann Sebastian Bach willed to his son was a kazoo.
In 1755, P.D.Q. Bach was an apprentice of the inventor of the musical saw, Ludwig Zahnstocher (German for "toothpick"). In 1756, P.D.Q. Bach met Leopold Mozart and advised him to teach his son Wolfgang Amadeus how to play billiards. It is said that P.D.Q. Bach had substantial influence on music history due to his contribution to Ludwig van Beethoven's deafness. It seems that Beethoven developed a habit of stuffing coffee grounds into his ears whenever he saw P.D.Q. Bach coming.
Among many other works, Bach's creations included:
Oedipus Tex
Fanfare for the Common Cold
The Seasonings and
Chorale Prelude On An American Hymn For The Last Sunday Before The Fourth Day Of The Seventh Month After New Year's Eve
1712 Overture & Other Musical Assaults
Includes
Overture 1712: For Really Big Orchestra
Minuet Militaire for Orchestra
Prologue (Bottomless Sorrow; Topless Gaiety)
and other works
Amazon Price: $14.99 (as of 12/07/2009)
Ill-Conceived PDQ Bach Anthology
Includes
Oedipus Tex: dramatic oratorio for soloists, chorus & orchestra
Classical Rap for Rapmaster & Orchestra
Grand Serenade for an Awful Lot of Winds & Percussion
The Short-Tempered Clavier
and other works
Amazon Price: $17.98 (as of 12/07/2009)
A Singer is Not Really a Musician
Proof from Igudesman and Joo
"Similar to the dolphin, who is not a part of the family of fish, a singer is not part of the family of musicians."
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Gilles Apap plays the Cadenza in Mozart Concerto No. 3
Actual Performance...Not Quite What the Orchestra Expected
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by ViolinStudent
Arthur Haule was raised on Long Island, learning to play the violin in school. He formed a string quartet in college and played first violin. Having l... (more)
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