My Breast Cancer Story Part 2

In September '09 I met with both my radiation and chemo oncologists separately to discuss treatment.

Still wearing my big girl panties I thought nothing of the long icky haul ahead of me.

Hormone testing showed me to be HER 2 postive. Not a good thing...this meant the cancer was very aggressive.

Pathology staged the cancer at a level 2, grade 3 but with the absolutely wonderful news that my nodes were clear and the margins on the 10cm x 7cm x 5cm mass removed from my chest were also clear! Reason enough to celebrate!

Being HER 2 positive put me into a different category of women being treated for breast cancer...a category being considered for The BETH trial.

With very little time (24hrs) to decide my husband and I found ourselves reading and googling as much information as we could about this 2nd option and the chemo cocktail that went along with it.

photo credit: my Zazzle

My 2nd cousin who is my only link (and doctors don't consider that a genetic link) to breast cancer told me "if they offer you a port TAKE IT!"

A port or port-a-cath is a small device surgically inserted into the chest with a tube inserted into the largest vein leading to the heart.

This makes administering and receiving chemo drugs much easier.

If you are concerned at all about the pain of the needle going through your skin to the port, may I suggest the topical anesthetic "Emla" cream.

My port nurse missed the port 1st day and had to remove & redo and I didn't feel a thing! Plus it's healthier for your veins to avoid chemo in the arm.

As my cousin said "it's the easiest thing you've done so far" ...and she's just about right.

photo credit: http://madysparents.blogspot.com/

My chemo cocktail is: Bevacizumab, Docetaxel, Carboplatin & Trastuzumab.

Bevacizumab otherwise known as Avastin is also used for the treatment of metastatic colorectal cancer. This is one of the 2 drugs I will continue taking for a year (ending Oct 2010) but it's not like the other chemo drugs...apparently I'll hardly notice I'm even on it with the exception of having to show up to receive it. Most people I've read online that choose not to do the BETH trial it's because of this drug and the potential heart problems it can cause. I'm counting on the fact I'm still young and strong to get me through this with minimal side effects.

Docetaxel otherwise known as Taxotere may be used in the treatment of lung, prostate and breast cancers. It causes temporary hair loss (apparently 2-3 weeks after 1st treatment - haven't lost anything yet myself) and also causes a metal taste in the mouth. I find the metal taste one of the most difficult things to deal with...finding foods I can eat is an adventure! Bread and meat is OUT! Anything crunchy is out due to mouth soars...pasta, soups and oatmeal is fine. Pop of any kind tastes the worst! The use of this drug will stop after 6 treatments! (ends Jan 8th)

Carboplatin or Paraplatin is mainly used in the treatment of ovarian cancer but is also used in the treatment of brain, lung and testicular cancer. 6 treatments of this drug too.

Trastuzumab otherwise known as Herceptin is used for the treatment of women with breast cancer who have tested positive for the tumour antigen HER-2. I will take this drug for 1 full year (Oct 2010) through my port and according to my cousin it too is a drug I won't even notice I'm on. However, she did say that she had to stay out of the sun while on it otherwise she'd get a rash.

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On Friday October 2nd/09 my mother and I walked into the local cancer center for Round 1 of Chemo treatment and 6 hours later I walked out with my husband not yet prepared for what was about to happen...taking the drugs was the easy part, dealing with the after effects is another. May I say that nausea drugs have come along way! While you feel like you are getting the flu, I did not physically throw up...which I am very grateful for as I'm a big baby when it comes to that.

My cousin said she felt the effects of chemo about 3 days after treatment...I felt them within 24 hrs. When they say "everyone is different" it really is true!

My tip: DON'T allow yourself to get constipated! For 5 days post chemo I was taking SO many other drugs; blood pressure pills, softeners, bulkers, iron pills, nausea pills, steroids, etc...that I thought I'd cut out the softeners (as they are optional) and give my tummy a break...BIG MISTAKE!!! So much so I think it delayed me getting to the "feel good days"...which do come! So hang in there!

Friday October 23rd, 2009: My husband went with me this round. At this time I was on 2.5mg of Vasotec twice daily for my blood pressure, the night before it was increased to 5mg twice a day because my blood pressure was too high to receive the Avastin. The morning of chemo, it still hadn't gone down...so the doctor in the ward said I couldn't receive the Avastin and my perscription was increased to 10mg twice a day...what a difference that has made! So for round 3, I don't anticipate any problems.

My oncologist and the trial worker both sensed I was stressing out and asked "what can we do to help you with this"...and I responded with "I need to know what round 2, 3, 4, 5 & 6 are going to be like...I've heard it gets worse each time".

My oncologist said that it doesn't really get "worse" but that I'd be more "fatigued" and the trial worker said I needed to let go of my need to plan things out and just ride this out for the next few months...that things beyond my control like blood counts and blood pressure will determine "when" and that I can't live by the calendar.

So with no Avastin my stay at the chemo ward was cut by about an hour. I was happy about that (a bit of a break) and it won't affect my stay on the trial.

At the advice of another cancer patient I ate ate ate my way through chemo...they said while people around them were sick, he was eatting donuts, snacks, anything his tummy would allow...and I did the same!

Something made a difference this round, whether it was the no Avastin or the eatting it was A MUCH EASIER ROUND! woohoo! ...I didn't feel the effects for a couple days and then they hit...the feeling like you are going to be ill, the constipation, the bone aches (thigh bones mostly) started...but after about my usual week of "yuck", I'm now feeling great, updating Squidoo lenses and not worried about round 3 AT ALL! ...my big girl panties are back on! ;o)

I'm now in the mindset of "let's do it and get it over with"...round 3 will be my 1/2 way point. When you are standing at the starting line and just at round 1 you never think you'll get here (midway) and then after a couple of treatments you feel like you've started the race and can in the distance see that finish line and you are running towards it!...it's a great feeling.

As you can see by my pic, I have lost all my hair...it doesn't bother me at all...what is weird or funny or whatever is the number of people who want to see it...??? I told my mother just the other day that I've had more people ask to see my head than I had want touch my belly while I was pregnant!...HA!...weird...

p.s. Have I mentioned there's a bell at the chemo ward...you get to ring it when you are done chemo...I LIVE FOR THAT BELL...you have no idea!...1st day there, someone rang it and my mom and I didn't know why, then we figured it out...round 2, 2 people rang it...seriously, just thinking about the bell can cause me to tear up...so you know what picture is going at the end of this lens! :o) If you have cancer and are going through treatments find that goal...and live for it!

Friday November 13, 2009: Going into this round I was fairly confident...I've done this before, knew what to expect...or so I thought...

Mentally, this was as hard as round 1. So hard, I wanted to quit again. That can be such an inner struggle.

I didn't feel well at all...I cried a lot, didn't like the way I looked (being bald)...and just kept thinking "yes, I'm 1/2 way but now I have to do it all over again!" :o( ...I gagged a lot on my pills...found them very hard to swallow knowing how they'd make me feel...TIP in this case, if liquids don't work, try pudding or yogurt...put a pill in a spoonful of pudding and sometimes it's easier to swallow.

All I can say to anyone experiencing it is KEEP GOING...you CAN do this...everyone told me "it is do-able"...and it IS...the scary feelings, the nausea, the inner demons and feelings of wanting to give up DO PASS...remember, you are walking through hell to life!

Thankfully after about 5 days I started to notice improvement...tastebuds came back, I've discovered chocolate milk and a peach cocktail juice that taste really good (finding good tasting food is difficult at times...keep trying different things as it changes month to month eg: round chicken noodle soup worked for me...now I can't stand it...round 2 it was tea)

Preparing for Christmas filled my spirits! There's nothing like an excuse to shop...and not knowing how the holidays will go I'm getting my shopping done early! :o)

No Avastin this time either...blood pressure again too high. Started beta-blockers to try and help.

Friday December 4th: My sister made the 4-5 hour drive this time to be with me...she started her journey at 3am and arrived with only minutes to spare before my 7:30 am departure to the hospital! What a surprise!

If there's one thing I've learned through this it's that no one should do chemo alone. I see so many people in the ward by themselves and I feel for them. I have been blessed to have someone with me each time. To sit there for anywhere from 4-7 hours alone is so sad...the help that a chemo buddy can offer is so great...you are not allowed to leave the ward so if you want/need anything the extra pair of hands and legs are very helpful...and the companionship, having someone to talk to makes it so much easier.

Anyway, before my treatment I learned that I have now been bumped to the other 1/2 of the BETH trial...the 1/2 that doesn't receive Avastin. That was hard for me to take, I felt like I had failed my family, myself and my doctor. This "white coat syndrom" is apparently something not to be laughed at...when I take my BP at home I'm fine...walk into a doctor's office or hospital it goes up...unfortunately, there was nothing more we could do except to keep moving and looking forward.

This round was much easier to deal with at home. Sure I had my usual nausea, some bone ache again, my usual feeling of yucky-ness, constipation etc...but it was very much like round 2...easier than the others.

For round 5, I was given the option of Dec 23rd or the 29th as 21 days would have taken me to the 25th but the cancer center is not open Christmas Day...and I can't imagine having chemo on Christmas Day...ugh! Too quickly, I jumped at the 23rd (just wanting to stay on track and get this over with) but then Christmas dinner invites started coming in, guests started planning visits and I just wanted to watch my children open their presents, play and enjoy themselves without me feeling "yucky"...so I called and bumped my treatment to the 30th and I am sooooo looking forward to Christmas now! :o)

Don't worry, my husband and I are not big "New Years Eve people"...so taking it on the 30th won't bother me a bit! And I'll have all my lovely Christmas memories to get me through it...then, only 1 more to go before I ring that bell! :o)

p.s. My hair is struggling to grow through all the chemo and wouldn't you know it...it is a different color! (They say that can happen)...ironically, there is more GREY! LOL

December 30th: Thoughts to ponder...at the end of my 4 hour session, my nurse started asking me questions about "my" cancer...how it was detected, what kind, etc ...and interestingly enough...what part during all of this did I find the hardest...for a moment, I thought...and then almost without hesitation I blurted out "round 1 of chemo".

This was closely followed by the 20+ days from diagnosis (mid-May) to the day my family doctor called to tell me the results of my MRI and bone scan (1st week in June)...the message that the cancer wasn't in my bones and that I would live. Those days, for my husband and myself were the hardest...we kept the news of cancer from our children until we knew exactly what we were dealing with and even waited until the school year had ended. (end of June)

After that, I would say that my 1st MRI was the next hardest...laying there crying, unable to move, not knowing what they'd find, the surreal feeling of "what am I doing here?"...for me, the "unknown" is the hardest...I've gone through operations before...those didn't scare me. But I had never gone through a chemo treatment or an MRI...now, both have no mystery for me and I know I can deal with it.

As for round 5 my husband accompanied me. It was well worth it to wait until the holidays were behind me, so that I could enjoy my family at Christmas time, I have no regrets about postponing treatment. As you can see via my photo I even checked into Squidoo.

Not sure if it's because I'm soooo close to the finish line but today my spirits are good, I feel well and I'm all ready to tackle the final round of chemo...#6 and move on to hormone therapy and radiation treatment...sticking the last few nails in cancer's coffin!

"The only thing we have to fear, is fear itself!" ~Franklin D Roosevelt

January 20th Today I cried, laughed and most importantly...rang the "end of chemo bell"! There were days, many of them, where I NEVER thought I'd get here...but like my cousin said..."it's do-able"!

From early March to late April I traveled every day (Monday-Friday) to the radiation department at the hospital...this is by far the saddest place I have ever been. Daily I saw people who were not as lucky as me with their fight...people who were there, not for the treatment radiation brings but to ease the physical pain cancer causes.

Every night as I reminded myself what I was grateful for that day, I prayed for their suffering to end. Every day I saw loved ones, spouses, sons and daughters leaning over a loved one's bed trying to bring them comfort in their last days.

Those memories will stay with me forever and remind me daily, how very lucky I am.

As for radiation itself, it's "a cake walk compared to chemo"...that's a quote I heard once and it's 100% true. Even with the minor infection I rec'd by the end of it, it's nothing more discomforting than a sunburn.

Tip: Buy and use daily/liberally: Glaxal Base Moisturizing cream found in Costco.

I also started my 5 year Tamoxifen (oral drug)...I was terrified of this drug and it's possible side effects, convinced I would never take it but a) my oncologist insisted and used the "trust" word and b) someone told me that people who don't have side effects from drugs don't feel the need to report it online as much as those that do...so, all you hear is the negative, never the positive. I can honestly say that I feel no nausea, no extra fatigue, or any other symptoms from the Tamoxifen...it's like taking a vitamin every day...as for my fears of possible endometrial cancer occurring...this is where that "trust" word comes in. My oncologist assures me that the risks of not taking it far out weigh the risks of me taking it.