Suzie's Household Tips

Men all gone? Great, because I want to start off with the subject of s...t...a...i...n...s.

Not very pleasant I know, but if you are keeping a male 'in house' you have to face up to the unpleasant fact that there will be stains about the home, and even on one's person.

Sometimes the poor loves just can't help themselves. It's sad but, before you know where you are, there it is - an unpleasant mark.

Take tea, for example.

When they drip it on to their shirts remove the offending garment from their person immediately. Steep the mucky portion (of the shirt not the man) in a strong solution of borax and water and leave to soak until the stain has disappeared. How long this will take depends on the age of the stain, so keep a watchful eye on your man whenever he is slurping from his saucer.

Now coffee is a different cup of tea.

For coffee stains rub in glycerine and rinse in tepid water.

As this often has to be repeated several times I have trained my man to do this for himself.

It took a while but now I just have to say, 'coffee alert', and he strips off all of his clothes and does the necessary in the bathroom sink.

It looks so sweet.

I'm sure that you'll agree that wine can cause a problem for men. Mine likes to sip it from my navel. This keeps him happy for ages but he always ends up staining his boxer shorts, the naughty boy. If he's wearing his white ones I find that the best solution is to cover the wine stain with salt moistened with lemon juice and to expose it to the sun. This may be difficult in winter so I make sure he has a drawer full of undergarments.

If he should have been wearing one of his more colourful items the wine stain should be soaked in hot milk. This may have to be repeated several times so he has to learn that he must be more careful.

I was going to mention that for blood it's best to soak in salted, lukewarm water, changing the water every hour but I don't think we really want to talk about that, do we? So we'll move on to other important matters.

You may notice that from time to time your man will bump into the furniture. This can occasionally cause dents which detract from the general appeal of your room. If this should happen try the following:

Fold a large sheet of brown paper into a thick pad and soak it in water. Hold this over the dented part while you apply a hot iron, pressing it on until it has dried up all of the moisture in the paper.

This should raise the bruised wood level with the undamaged surface. If it hasn't, try again. When successful polish.

If the furniture is scratched, perhaps he is showing off having learnt his initials, try rubbing half of a freshly cut Brazil nut kernel over the white scratches. This should make them less noticeable.

For any plate marks rub the wood with a cloth dipped in linseed oil, using brisk movements, and then polish with methylated spirits. Repeat several times until it looks OK.

Your male may be messy on the carpets when least expected. That awful candle grease/wax never looks good on your carpet. You might have thought romance, but they can get some strange ideas. Tell him to hold fire. Then scrape off as much of the grease as you can with a blunt knife. Lay two thicknesses of blotting paper, over the mark, and rub a hot iron or a hot poker (if you have one handy) over the paper until all the grease has been absorbed. Finally remove any lingering traces with turpentine. You are then ready to return to what you were doing. Make sure he knows he must blow out any flames first.

If your carpet needs a general clean get your man on his hands and knees and tell him to rub over the surface with a cloth wrung out in a mixture of one part vinegar and three parts very hot water. Tell him how good he is afterwards and explain that if he'd worn his gloves, as you told him, he wouldn't have such red, sore hands.

Take equal quantities of olive oil, soap flakes and granulated sugar. Beat this until the soap flakes have dissolved. Now let him rub the mixture well into his hands and rinse in warm water without using any soap. He'll be delighted and will want you to feel how nice they are.

My man has returned, I've just got to check if he's done everything.

The mucky pup! The lino in the bathroom was a disgrace. I've told him to wash it with clean water and then when dry to apply a little linseed oil.

I'd better stop writing now, and switch off my computer, as he's nearly finished the lino.

Can't be too careful. If he should find out that I've had my tips on display he'll only get us into another mess.

Thanks for the chat girls.

P.S. To make his hands nice and soft after his hard work my secret recipe is on the right.

There are more cleaning tips after the Guest Book.

Aluminium
Clean with a soap extract. Never use soda as this can turn the things black.

Bottles
To clean discoloured bottles, decanters etc mix one ounce of kitchen salt with an ounce of vinegar and warm water. Pour into the bottle. Shake and leave to stand for several hours. Rinse with soda and water.

Brass
Dirty brass can be washed in hot, soapy water and when dry polished with metal polish.

China Ornaments
Wash in warm soapy water to which soda has been added. Rinse and dry with soft cloth.

Leather
Leather suitcases and seats should be rubbed over every few weeks with a soft cloth moistened with olive oil and polished with a dry duster.

Mirrors
Use a damp cloth. If this doesn't do the trick try methylated spirits. Finish by rubbing with a piece of old silk.

Scorch Marks
Can only be removed if the fabric has not been destroyed! For linens and cottons rub the affected parts with the cut half of a juicy lemon and allow them to dry in the sun.

Sponges
Slimy sponges whould be soaked in string salt water for several hours. Rinse with cold water and then dry in open air. Discoloured sponges should be soaked in a pint of water to which the juice of a lemon has been added. Rinse and the dry.

Zinc
Wash in soapy water, dry and rub with a cloth moistened with turpentine or paraffin.