My Life in Antiques

I spent the next three years talking mostly to auctioneers. I had to check their sale dates for the calendar, try to interest them in buying advertising space and then take advertising copy over the phone on deadline day.

At that time, they would recite what seemed like the whole antique catalogue to go in the ad, in minuscule type. Taking it down longhand over the phone was an absolute nightmare, particularly when I started. How do you spell chinoiserie or cloisonée? As I got used to the job, it wasn't so bad. I knew if I'd written 'mah' I meant 'mahogany', for example.

Picture: Me at the end of the 1970s when I started on the antiques newspaper.

One of the many antiques dealers I met in this job introduced me to the concept of 'Sheep and Lamb Time'.

Many people have heard the phrase "Might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb", a reference to when sheep or lamb stealing was punishable by hanging. It made sense to steal the biggest one possible.

This dealer explained to me that when he was having a drink in the evening with his friends, there would come a certain point when he realised he was going to arrive home late. He wife would be angry and his dinner spoiled. This was sheep and lamb time. He said that he was already going to be in big trouble when he got home and his dinner inedible. If he stayed later, the trouble would be about the same because there was a limit to what his wife could say so he might as well be hung for a sheep as a lamb.

The dealer's philosophy appealed to me in a twisted kind of way. I told friends and family about it and we all say things like, "There's no point hurrying now, it's sheep and lamb time."

When I went to lots of antiques fairs (shows) from the mid 1980s to about 2004, they tended to be very social occasions, particularly those that took place over several days. Dealers had to travel to take part and many had to stay away from home for the duration.

The opening day of a multi-day fair would usually be very busy and everyone concentrated on selling. After that, it would often go quiet and dealers and people like me would stand around gossiping.

There was the famous occasion when an antique dealer sold her entire stand (booth) including the painted backdrop she'd done for it, to one American dealer on the opening day of Olympia which lasts more than a week. Although they'd got spare stock in the fair's store, they had to get more sent up from their shop.

Many of these fairs are 'vetted' which means committees of specialist dealers would go round before the fair opened and examine every item being sold in their speciality. They examined them to make sure they were genuine and not fake and that they were 'fairworthy', ie in good enough condition.

Again at Olympia, one dealer had almost all his stock vetted off the day before the fair opened. He was left with almost nothing to sell. This was a disaster because his stand (booth) cost at least £2000 (approx $3000). Other dealers rallied round and lent him stock which he could sell for them on commission to help him cover his costs. Don't let anyone tell you the antiques trade is a cut throat business - that's certainly not the case in my experience.

Although I said above the antiques trade is not always a cut throat business, that doesn't mean that everyone in it is spotless or innocent of dirty dealings.

The trade was rocked when one very well known dealer, selling expensive antique furniture, was arrested for the murder of his wife. He claimed that he heard a noise during the night, got out of bed, grabbed his shotgun and thought he was shooting a burglar.

The jury didn't believe him when he came to trial and he was found guilty of murder. The trade gossiped endlessly about it in that delighted way that people do. Everyone became highly excited and gossip reached fever pitch when it was discovered that he had 'accidentally' shot and killed his brother years before.

The dealer's business was sold and much of his stock put up for auction. The trade was even more scandalised when the catalogue came out showing that he had a large quantity of old wood in this workshop and store. Of course most people then assumed he was faking antique furniture. Why else would a dealer have large amounts of antique wood?

The magazine where I worked printed a 'letter to the editor' from somebody outraged at this news particularly as the dealer in question was one who previously had been well respected and trusted.

You never can tell...

I stayed with the magazine for three years but I really didn't like the company. Eventually my line manager changed and I didn't get on with him. By this time, I knew almost all the important dealers and all the main fairs organisers.

I decided that I'd leave and go freelance. This was a daring decision, not to say foolhardy, because I hadn't been earning enough to save any money. London is an expensive place to live. I started looking after the advertising and publicity for antiques dealers and fairs organisers. I'd managed to get my first few clients while I worked out my notice.

I also worked for dealers at Portobello Road market. I would look after a dealer's booth when they wanted a Saturday off or were away and couldn't do it. I had to leave home at 5.30am to get there for 7am when the arcades opened. I finished about 1pm. By that time, I'd be very sleepy especially if there weren't many customers for the last hour or two. Just like everywhere else connected with the trade, the antiques arcades were hotbeds of gossip and there would be a lot of laughing and joking.

I had already written articles when I worked for the magazine and eventually I got commissions from that one and others for articles on antiques and collectables. I suppose the best compliment I received was the offer of the editor's job from one of the magazines. I thought about it long and hard but, by this time, I had been working freelance for about 15 years and I just didn't think I could go back to working full time for a company again.

Picture above: Portobello Road Market, London