My Back Pain Story

To be fair if you have never have back or sciatic pain why would you think about it? A few years ago I knew nothing of the trials and all encompassing pain of sciatica and back pain. My body was strong fit and I was very active. Life was good :)

Sure I had a riding accident when I was ten years old where I fell off a horse while (trying!) to jump a fence which was not pleasant. Then since the age of eighteen when I fell down an icy flight of stairs, I had minor episodes of backache, spasms and pain, but they always resolved quickly, if not completely. I had to have a few treatments-usually a back massage or a few chiropractic sessions, some rest, and then I was back to normal.

Honestly I didnt take it very seriously - I had my life to get on with !!

In my youth I was athletic, loved horse riding and long distance running, hockey and hiking and nothing was stopping me.

After all isn't a little back pain part of life ?

I was a positive, happy, and healthy person, and I saw no reason that would change. Had I known when I was eighteen what I know now, I would have been finding the root cause of my aches and pains and doing targeted exercises to help me years ago.

Well I was in ignorant bliss but things were about to change....big time!!

I had a burning feeling above my knee. I assumed a pulled muscle. No big deal.

I waited three weeks but the pain got worse. I went to the Doctor. The Dr who examined me suspected a Back problem and specifically disc problems and sciatica. I was surprised and a little shocked- I mean how did that happen? Of course I wanted to know The Cure, and I really wanted a quick fix for this as the pain was terrible and spreading.

The solution was apparently Physiotherapy, but I had to wait twelve weeks! I asked what I could do in the meantime. Dr said my spine was very curved and it was all about posture and to stand up straight. I thought I was standing up straight! He said I wasn't and I tried but my body wouldn't - or couldn't do it.

Time with the doctor was so short. He did a good job with the diagnosis, I did not ask for detailed explanations. I assumed they would just take care of me and it would all be OK soon .

I was about to start a steep learning curve....

I went home and prepared for the twelve week wait and tried to keep straightening my back - but it wouldn't go straight. I was frustrated , in increasing pain and getting worse. I just felt I couldnt wait any longer so with no sign of the physiotherapy, I paid and went privately. She was wonderful ! She explained about discs and showed me the spine and what was likely wrong. It felt good to be resolving the issue - or so I thought.

Twice a week ESTM and manipulation great and did ease the pain - but it lasted only a few days at best. I had exercises to help myself and the back pain. This was fantastic as I really felt I was doing something to help myself, fantastic! I did them diligently.

However, to be honest I did not really understand why I was doing them or how they would help me. I had lots of questions but after the initial consultation she didnt have as much time to spend with me as she was seeing other patients at the same time.

However, I didn't really care as people were talking about me being better in weeks!

Then it got worse....much worse!! Severe hot burning pain and tingling down both legs hip to toes day and night, no respite. I was desperate.

My Physio was very concerned, I was in too much pain to do any exercises and the pain was spreading and parts of my legs were going numb... She thought I may need surgery.

She told me to watch out for losing bladder or bowel control or getting any numbness in those areas. She asked me to see my Doctor to request an MRI on my back and spine and to get it soon. To say I was scared is an understatement!

While waiting for the MRI, I spent many weeks off work, lying on the floor with severe back and nerve pain. I could not sit without intense pain so I ate my meals standing up. I couldn't work. If I walked more than a few minutes my legs went into a total sensation of tinging and burning pain. Driving was the worst thing I had to do as the pain was bad in the car but much, much worse after I stopped driving.

I became miserable and demotivated and wondered where had my life gone?

My social life came to a grinding halt, our love life was non existant. I hadn't slept in months.

Painkillers spaced me out and make me feel sick and I couldn't live like that so I chose the pain.

I was not pleasant to be around; by turns tearful and angry at what had happened. It wasn't pretty !! I am not proud of myself at this time and I knew and kept reminding myself that there are people coping with a lot worse than back and sciatic pain. I cannot describe how it just seemed to affect everything in ways I could not imagine. Even the basics of life like going to the toilet was a major ordeal. Anything involving sitting sent pain spasming throughout my body.

My husband deserved a medal!!

Even though I was not making progress now I dragged myself to physio hoping somehow it would work, I needed someone to support me medically so I carried on ...writing the cheques.......

I focused on the pain and everything I could not do and worse projected in to the future all the things I thought I would never do.

I know how powerful the mind is and I was seriously doing myself no favours. I felt isolated, I knew no one with back pain to share this experience with. I read everything in the house and my brain was turning to mush with daytime TV!

I knew I was heading into depression, I saw the signs. Part of me didn't care. What was the point really. If this was life did I really want it....?

Whoa! Did I really have THAT thought ? Yes I did. I felt I was a great burden and that I had nothing to look forward to. My back and sciatic pain was getting worse. Pain was my constant companion. My life as I knew it had come to a grinding halt. What was the point!! Seriously How could I have plunged this far.... ?

I think i actually shocked myself with this thinking. This wasn't me!! What was I doing !!! Then something inside me rallied and I had to take control. I knew I could not spiral down any further, it wasnt fair on everyone.

I started a journal, noting all the pain free time I had, even 5 minutes. I wrote down all the things I was grateful for, all the wonderful things I had in my life. I started to focus on what I could do.

I listened to motivational CD's and positive thinking tapes. I watched the birds from the window and started to smile, then laugh at their antics. My mental health got a little better. As I relaxed my body seemed to be in less pain.

I determined to go back to work. My employers were considerate, adapting seating, taking advice from the physiotherapist, but it was hard.

I tried to keep focus on what I was doing well, what I could do, what I could contribute.

It was a great day when I got the MRI appointment. The only problem was getting there - driving for one and a half hours -in a thunderstorm!! It should have been 90 minutes drive, but I couldn't sit for more than 15 minutes at this stage, so we kept stopping. I know every lay by and trucker stop on that route!!

So I arrived and changed into those oh so flattering gowns.

A guy who had been in before me said in a cheery booming voice "your turn in the barrel now love!!" A great sense of humour is so important in these situations!

The radiologist was great and explained everything. A tip, take in some music and they will play it for you. I took in my favourite relaxing CD but to deafen the noise I should have taken in heavy rock!! I didnt like being in the tunnel of the MRi and I was in quite a long time but meditation and the music helped and the staff were lovely. I even had a panic button if I needed to use it - but I was OK. While MRI is certainly a weird experience it was fine.

Things started to happen fast and I got excited that I was getting a lot of help and would maybe be cured soon :)

I got a new physiotherapist. From her I got new information; she told me she noticed the distinct curve in my lower spine and upon examination thought there was something wrong with the position of my hips.

That same week MRI results!! . Now there would be action. Now I would know exactly what was wrong and they would resolve it for sure. To me a scary diagnosis of prolapsed, desiccated, degenerative discs with nerve compression and lordosis of lumbar spine. OK What did that really mean???

I was to see a neurosurgeon to interpret the results and plan the next step. A four month wait list. Oh no! My Dr said with my MRI results and little progress he saw no point continuing the physiotherapy.... Now I was alone.....

This, yes this, was my low point. I felt abandoned by the medical profession. I felt like a failure. A hopeless case. I hit rock bottom.

I asked myself poor questions "why is this happening to me?" I know I should have asked empowering questions like "How can I find a solution" but I was tired, stressed and giving up hope.

My husband , who was living through this with me and was being a complete Angel encouraged me to not give up and try other treatments.

So I decided to see an Osteopath. The first visits seemed promising and helpful, but when he saw my scan he seemed to be not so sure and I lost confidence.

I tried a healer who said it may be a problem with one or more of my past lives:0. Not sure about that.

After a couple of treatments I found ineffective, Acupuncturist told me I would need at least 10 sessions plus herbal pills at a cost of hundreds which I simply could not warrant spending by now, and so on.....

I became sick of standing in cold rooms in front of total strangers in my underwear only to be told you have a back problem!

So what next?

I struggled into work tenaciously determined to live a normal life in spite of the back pain - only to crash out when I got home.

I got through each day using heat packs. The only relief I got from pain was in the bath. Many nights were spent wandering around the house trying to lose the pain. Sleeping with sciatica was not going to happen! Lack of sleep and the pain I now lived with constantly took its toll and I got sick- picking up one virus after another. It was painful to drive, to sit, to lie down, to walk.

What a life I thought. Is this really the way its going to be? Should I resign myself at a relatively young age to this...

I had been told what not to do but not what I could do to get rid of the pain. I guessed I was heading for surgery but even in my darkest moments I thought, I cannot be that bad, surely there must be another way.

Come on !! Back to what I CAN DO about this!!!

I somehow got a grip, stopped feeling sorry for myself and started searching.

Then two things made a big difference to me and the pain levels from my back and sciatic pain.

I saw an advert for a Memory foam mattress. I was hesitant to spend more money but it had a money back guarantee and proved a good investment. It didn't change my physical condition but finally I could get comfortable. The foam cradled and supported my suffering body and although I still was in pain I could get some sleep. A Body Pillow completed my Bliss! :)

I searched the internet for help. What was a back pain scam and what wasnt?? There were so many choices!!

I found The Healthy Back's lose the back pain website read page after page, testimonials and information.

Even so I wasn't sure. I had lost trust in anyone who offered a solution. Were these guys really on the level? Did they really care? Was "lose the back pain " a scam? However with a money back guarantee and personal support seriously what did I have to lose?

I watched the DVD. Well I was surprised; it was just two regular guys Steve and Jesse explaining simply and clearly about back pain. No jargon. I did the self assessments and took the photographs of my posture.

I recalled my Dr mentioning my curved spine and the physiotherapist remarking on, "something wrong with your hip position". There certainly was!! In less than an hour I had discovered the root cause of my pain! Why in 7 months of this pain had no one mentioned muscle imbalances?

The handbook was full of great solid advice and exercises I could implement.

However, I was nervous about the exercises. I needed answers to my questions.My body felt so battered, I had put on weight from not moving and comfort eating. The body I was once so happy to have and that I worked hard doing all my activities was now something that I did not trust- nor didnt I trust myself....

Poor Steve was the guy who got all my questions about back care , back pain and sciatica! He replied with sincerity and compassion, but also the push I needed. I remember his first advice to me:-

I had found an oasis in the desert!

Steve educated me how to help myself. I started the specific targeted exercises for my conditions, slow and steady, gaining confidence in my body.

Lose the back pain is the main thing which helped me tackle my physical condition. To the bemusement of my colleagues I even did my stretches during long meetings! Steve and Jesse are wonderful coaches and the ongoing support is fantastic

I very slowly started getting less pain. I gradually trusted my body to do a little more and I steadily and surely improved. It wasnt all linear improvementby any means but Steve was always there at the end of an e mail or phone if I struggled or got scared or had a set back. The pain changed and eased.

I started a Pain Free Diary - and actually had pain free times to put in it:)

To supplement the program I got in the water, gently moving and found it really helped especially with pain. Water therapy is fantastic!

After 3 weeks I started to notice a difference. Less pain, more movement. Another 3 weeks and less pain. This was good. I took the photos again after 3 months and I noticed the curve in my spine was noticeably less. The pain was less. I didnt get burning in my legs so much just a faint tingling now from time to time.

I got a burning desire to beat this thing!! Motivated and empowered I hogged the computer at home researching back pain! The facts about my condition were the facts but now it was up to me. I gained support and advice on back pain discussion forums and learnt so much from other people.

I was not used to this level of care and concern from professionals and people who did not know me. I thrived on it. I decided to give back and help where I could. I moved from a passive patient to a co partner in my care and treatment :.

The appointment to see the neurosugeon finally arrived :) When I saw the neurosurgeon, I was well prepared, had done my research and was armed with questions!

I gave him a summary document of my issues and treatments, what had worked and what had not. Finally I had a good grasp of my issues. He examined me and said thatI should keep on with "lose the back pain system" and water therapy. He did not recommend surgery as I was doing so well!

I am lucky; I know that. I did not need surgery. He told me I would need to manage this condition. That's OK I now feel I have the tools and support to deal with it.

I am not angry anymore. I do not blame anyone. There are good professionals around who really want to help and do help many people. Their time is short and it was good to have a medical opinion. Maybe it should be different, but my experience is I needed to ask the right questions, get to the root cause, get educated and take control.

I figure I have been building up to back pain for years and its my responsibility - I ignored it way too long. I am improving.

My husband is happy to have the woman he married back in his life! I have a good life. I am still wary of doing certain activities and I know I have to respect my spine, there is damage there.

I now know my condition is not so very scary and there are many people with so much worse to deal with on a daily basis who I have incredible respect for, who handle it more graciously. I have come through this with more compassion, more love and more appreciation for the things I am able to do and do not take it all so much for granted.

Through all the struggle stay focused on seeking your solution. I read something that jolted me a little out of my self pity stage

"Quitters never win and winners never quit".

Well I learnt there is no point being a quitter if you have back and sciatic pain.

We all have our unique back pain story. This one is not special. I just got to write it down. What is important here is not what this says about me but if in anyway it relates to you and what you can achieve by whatever works for YOU.

Thank you for listening..and heart felt gratitude to everyone who helped me.:}