Favorite Quotes

When a friend was asked what he would look for in a boss on an interview, he replied "Well I ain't looking for no slave driver."

When I asked a coworker to do something, she accidentally replied "I'll see if I can't do that for you."

"If you are going to be dumb, you gotta be tough and right now your looking like the toughest person in the world."

Quotes by my grandfather. Original? Probably not. "Why don't you go play in some traffic?" When I hit my head on a table, he asked "Did you hurt my table?"

"I was thinking..." Pause. "Does it hurt?"

My girlfriend told me, "I didn't lie to you. I just made it up."

Co-worker asks another co-worker, "Do you want to rephrase it?" Reply, "No, I just want to say it a different way."

Rodney Dangerfield from the movie "Back to School":
"What's a bath without bubbles? Hey Bubbles, come here."

Another from girlfriend..."I am on time to be 15 minutes late."

When my brother's girlfriend politely excused herself to go to the restroom, my brother shouts down the hallway to her, "What's wrong? You gotta a turtle head poking out?"

A friend asks me if I think she is funny. She quickly cuts me off before I tell her funny looking. I up the ante to do you mean laugh at or laugh with. In her haste, she replies, "Laugh at."