(by 4 people)
This lens provides practical help for addressing Hostile-Aggressive Parenting (HAP) or severe Parental Alienation Syndrome (PAS). Hostile-Aggressive Parenting is most apparent in child-custody disputes and is used most often as a tool to align the child with one of the parents during litigation over custody or control of the child. HAP refers to the behaviors, actions and decisions of a person, whereas, PAS relates to the psychological condition of the child. In the vast majority of cases HAP is the cause of PAS. The links below provide a great place for you to start finding answers.
People who have never personally experienced HAP or PAS have a difficult time comprehending the reality and consequences of them. This is even true among many mental health providers, lawyers, and judges. Therefore, the story needs to be told...people must know and the links below will help! But just like the Nazi death camps in their day, some don't want to know the ugly truth...some refuse to believe what they have not personally witnessed...others will not believe because of their political yoke. But just like Auschwitz, the skeptics nor their denials can any longer erase the inescapable truth...the ghastly mountains of broken lives are real - Men, women, and children.
YOU ARE NOT ALONE NOW! This lens master has no affiliations with the legal or mental health care communities. I simply have enough personal evidence to declare a verdict: HAP, Parental Alienation Syndrome, Parentectomy, Divorce Poison, devastates generations of lives.
In this lens, I attempt to reveal TRUTH: Lives and relationships are knit together by our creator and form the very essense of who we are. The knitting together cannot...cannot...cannot be undone without mutilating the countless souls, minds, and lives eternally connected. Wholeness, or healing, is achieved by those who day-by-day and moment-by-moment live into the spirit of this understanding (-David Russell).
Extremely Useful Links
- Movies That Value the Father-Child Relationship
- Our culture today has an emmense appetite for entertainment. It is important that you provide entertainment that is honoring to you, particularly if your child's other parent treats you with contempt. This is a small practical way to open kids hearts toward you.
- Help Stop PAS
- Help Stop PAS is a non-profit organization dedicated to raising awareness of parental alienation in an effort to reduce the occurrence of this behavior. You must go to this site and read Rick's story!
- Hostile Aggressive Parenting
- Hostile Aggressive Parenting or HAP is a serious form of child maltreatment and abuse, and is encountered in most high conflict child-custody disputes and is often used as a tool to align the child with one parent during litigation.
This site is dedicated to the children who are suffering under the hands of HAP parents. - Glenn Sacks
- Glenn Sacks is a men's and fathers' issues columnist, commentator, and radio talk show host. I first learned about Glenn in 2005 and now he is one of my heros. He discusses difficult issues without becoming anti-mom or anti-woman. As a matter of fact, many educated and influential women support Glenn's work and you can see a list of these women on his website. I highly recommend everyone to sign up for his online newsletter!
- Fathers' Issues Radio Talk Show
- His Side with Glenn Sacks discusses gender and family issues from a perspective unapologetically sympathetic to men and fathers.
Glenn calls himself the "defender of the much maligned American male" and opens his show pledging to defend men against the "unfair attacks and insulting stereotypes that we constantly endure," "a family court system which is stacked against fathers," and what he calls the "modern cultural norm of 'woman is good, man is bad, woman is right, man is wrong'."
His Side with Glenn Sacks examines men's and fathers' issues which have been neglected if not completely ignored by the mainstream media. With passion, humor, warmth, and one of radio's most distinctive voices, Glenn lays out his case in defense of men and fathers. - Divorced Fathers Network - Advocates of Shared Parenting
- The men and women involved in the Divorced Fathers Network, a non profit 501(c)(3), support cooperative relationships between former spouses because research shows that co-parenting provides children with the best chance to be successful adults. Shows
- American Coalition for Fathers and Children (ACFC)
- The ACFC promotes shared parenting and is dedicated to the creation of a family law system, legislative system, and public awareness that promotes equal rights for ALL parties affected by divorce. At ACFC, they value the principal that children need both parents and they oppose legislation that loses sight of this understanding.
The ACFC advocates proper government policies throughout the United States and abroad, which protect children and the constitutional rights of American citizens. - The Rachel Foundation for Family Reintegration
- The Rachel Foundation for Family Reintegration provides reintegration programs and services for parents and children whose bonds of love and affection have been damaged or destroyed by abduction and/or alienation. Join the Online Support Group!
- Fatherhood Online
- This site says, "Fathers Change the World One Child at a Time"
I discovered this site about a year ago and I've loved it! They are powerful advocates for fathers in a cynical world. I am personally encouraged to be a better father by this site! - Dads&Daughters
- Dads and Daughters is the national advocacy nonprofit for fathers and daughters. The book, "Dads and Daughters" by Joe Kelly is promoted on the site where it is said to offer real life examples and advice to help raise a healthy and happy daughter. I have not personally read it yet.
- Fatherville - About Real Fatherhood
- A very developed website with a clean layout and huge list of topics. If you're the target parent of a vindictive spouse, this site is idealistic and of limited value versus http://www.helpstoppas.org for example. However, go here to find great ideas how to improve the quality of time you spend with your children.
Lawyers and Psychologists - Who can help?
Professionals and Posers and How to Tell the Difference?
Your friend's lawyer or mental health care specialist may have been good for them but this does not necessarily make him/her right for you. Let me give an example.
Imagine that your children have moved past simple loyalty for their other parent and are now treating you with hostility, contempt, and stonewalling. Moreover, they carry out their disrespect toward you absent any correction from that parent to who they've pledged their loyalty. Furthermore, your formely loving and respectful children are boldly declaring that they don't want to see you anymore. When you ask why, you are probably given fabricated answers like, you yell too much...you are angry all of the time...you are mean...I'm afraid of you...you scare me, etc. With this you realize that you are badly in need of help. Where do you go?
Your friend's well-meaning attorney may counsel you to wait for trial where all things will be worked out. With a comforting smile and pat on the back you'll be urged to exercise patience. You may be told to give the children "time" because if you force them to visit you now, it may only make things worse [choke here].
My friend, this might be the worst advise you have ever received. Of course, divorces are as unique as the individuals who are party to them, but there are some fundamental rules that good practioners know. One rule is that "time" is the primary tool of the alienating parent. Your case may not be heard anytime soon if opposing counsel is skilled at lawful delay tactics. Time allows positive memories to be replaced with negative memories (brainwashing). Time may prevent badly needed new positive experiences with your children. Time may establish patterns of behavior by an alienating parent that will be difficult to change later if the behaviors are found effective in diminishing your perceived value to your own children.
Therefore, practioners worth their diplomas know that they must establish basic rules and aggressively enforce these early-on; thus protecting parent-child relationships and preventing vindictive ex-spouses the time needed to concoct a negative campaign against a loving parent.
Great Stuff on Amazon
The Parental Alienation Syndrome: A Guide for Mental Health and Legal Professionals
Amazon Price: (as of 10/13/2008)
List Price: $39.95
Used Price: $19.00
Divorce Poison: Protecting the Parent-Child Bond from a Vindictive Ex
Amazon Price: (as of 10/13/2008)
List Price: $20.00
Used Price: $6.42
The Parental Alienation Syndrome and the Differentiation Between Fabricated and Genuine Child Sex Abuse
Amazon Price: (as of 10/13/2008)
List Price: $20.00
Used Price: $6.68
Divorce Casualties: Protecting Your Children From Parental Alienation
Amazon Price: $10.17 (as of 10/13/2008)
List Price: $14.95
Used Price: $3.80
Children Held Hostage
Amazon Price: $32.97 (as of 10/13/2008)
List Price: $49.95
Used Price: $25.00
Parental Alienation Syndrome in Court Referred Custody Cases
Amazon Price: $17.95 (as of 10/13/2008)
List Price: $19.95
Used Price: $16.99
Dads and Daughters: How to Inspire, Understand, and Support Your Daughter When She's Growing Up So Fast
I found this book to be cheaper on Amazon than it is purchased directly from the Dads and Daughters website. However, the Dads website is a worthy site to support if you can.
Amazon Price: $11.16 (as of 10/13/2008)
List Price: $13.95
Used Price: $4.84
Throwaway Dads: The Myths and Barriers That Keep Men from Being the Fathers They Want to Be
This book debunks the myths of neglectful, uninterested, abusive, deadbeat, and lazy dads with real-life studies and statistics. They explain why the largely negative portrayal of fathers in books, movies, and on television is both inaccurate and harmful, training young boys and girls to see men as having little or no role in the family. The reviews on this book are very positive!
Amazon Price: (as of 10/13/2008)
List Price: $24.00
Used Price: $2.15
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